Author: Nana5 | Page 5 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Lessons From The Sand…

It’s been eight years since I took a vacation and actually got on a plane and went somewhere for a whole week. I went to the beautiful state of Florida to visit my cousins who are living their dream, and encouraged me to start living mine.

Which made me think what is my dream? Do I have one? When I was a Pastors wife I dreamed of great revivals. When I was working I dreamed of promotions and raises. But now? I couldn’t think of a dream. Was I just surviving since I escaped from the cult? Or was I just existing since I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and forced to retire? I used to have plans and dreams at one time. What happened to them? I’ve always loved the ocean and the beach and could find comfort for my mind and soul, therefore, I decided to use my week of vacation and ponder some things in my heart.

The ocean, the beach, the warm sand that I rubbed my feet through and finding shells seemed to have the power to bring calmness and peace, at least it used to. I could spend the day watching the waves or walk along the water’s edge feeling the touch of water and looking for shells could usually help center me back to myself and God. But the years struggling to spiritually survive had taken their toll and I needed to find that center again.

Where to start, I asked myself, while looking out over the blue ocean and spotting a pod of dolphins frolicking in the blue waters brought a smile to my face as I remembered part of a poem…

“My soul is full of longing for the secret of the sea and the heart of the great ocean sends a thrilling pulse through me.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The ocean is beautiful with its blue color and stretching to the horizon as far as I could see. There were birds flying over it and dipping down to catch a fish or two. The ocean changes constantly. It can have huge crashing waves one minute and slow swells the next depending on the weather, wind and temperature. It is impulsive and random in this way. The deep water hides both friend and foe and you never know what’s lurking below.

As a recovering Pentecostal I met people who I thought would be my friends forever, but they have disappeared into the deep of legalism and then I have met people who have become good friends, who have never faltered when the water was deep or shallow. The ocean is full of surprises, as is life, and the greatest lesson that the waves can teach me is no matter how bad my situation may seem, the waves will always keep crashing and life will always continue on.

We sing an old hymn in church and I was told it was penned during a sorrowful time in a man’s life, and it has always spoken to my soul:

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
What ever my lot,
thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, It is well, with my soul.
It is well
With my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul
It is well (it is well)
With my soul (with my soul)
It is well, it is well with my soul.”

There’s nothing better to me than rubbing my bare feet in the sand and covering them up. But I do not like getting sand into my swimsuit or feeling the gritty particles as you rub on sunscreen. As a single grain of sand may not seem to amount to much, but when they are put together, they create something enjoyable. A whole beach.

It’s a place where you can gather with family and friends, burdened down with chairs and coolers and umbrellas until you find that right spot overlooking the ocean. A day spent at the beach brings laughter and artistic design building sand castles and fun as you dip into the surf and hunting for the perfect shell. Sand can teach us that we may be small, but together we can change our situation…..like spiritual abuse….and bring laughter and silliness back into our lives.

“Let my toes teach the shore
how to feel a tranquil life
through the wetness of sands

Let my heart latch the door
of blackness, as all my pain
now blue sky understands”
Munia Khan

There is a constant that comes along with the ocean, the beach, the sand and just as in life, with the storms, the winds and problems, it moves us, shapes us, supports us, and awakens us to new shores.

The words of Mark remind me that no matter how bad the storms get or how hard the winds blow….Jesus still cares and will speak to my raging storms: “Peace, be still!” And the wind will cease and there will be a great calm.” (Mark‬ ‭4:39‬ ‭NKJV‬‬)

Ultimately, Jesus teaches me to be like water myself….strong yet calm, steady yet yielding, subtle yet beautiful, and not to be fearful of the deep. (Source)

And that is my dream….to live again with my soul full of peace and my heart full of the love of God.

NOTE: Some of the thoughts and wording of this article are from 8 Lessons Beach Life Can Teach You by Julia Cohen.

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Five Different Experiences…One Result Pt 4

Part 4 of 4, continued from here.

In Acts 10:44-48 we find the conversion of Gentiles with Cornelius, a centurion of the Italian Regiment. He was a devout man and feared God with all his household and prayed regularly and gave alms. This is another miraculous conversion since Cornelius and Peter were visited by an angel prior to Cornelius sending for Peter and he went as requested and while Peter preached, the Holy Spirit fell upon all who heard the word.

Peter’s crew were astonished as they heard them speak in tongues and glorify God. Then Peter commanded them to be baptized in the name of the Lord. (Acts 10:45-48)

Cornelius and his household’s conversion:
1. Faith in Jesus and
2. Reception of Holy Spirit (speaking in tongues)
3. Water baptism in the name of the Lord. (MacDonald, William p.1588)

A final group of believers, that was made up of disciples of John the Baptist conversion, was noted in Acts 19:1-7.

Paul was passing through the upper regions, came to Ephesus and found some of John the Baptists disciples. He asked if they had received the Holy Spirit since they believed. They replied that they hadn’t heard about the Holy Spirit. Paul told them that John baptized unto repentance, saying to believe on Him who would come after him, that is Christ Jesus. When they heard this they were re-baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus (they were re-baptized to show they were now disciples of Jesus) and when Paul laid hands on them, they received the Holy Spirit and they spoke in other tongues and prophesied (Acts 19:1-7).

The conversion of John the Baptist’s disciples:
1. They believed
2. They were re-baptized (in Jesus’ name)
3. The Apostle Paul laid hands on them
4. They received the Holy Spirit (speaking in tongues) (MacDonald, William p.1588)

So does this mean there are five ways of salvation? Of course not, salvation is and always will be on the basis of faith in the Lord Jesus and I think that during the early church transition, God varied the events connected with the recipients of that time. (MacDonald, William p.1587).

Throughout the book of Acts every baptism was in the name of Jesus or in the name of the Lord. Except for the Ethiopian Eunuch, there was nothing spoken when Phillip baptized him. So does this void Matthew 28:19? Not necessarily, this scripture is given when Jesus was telling the disciples that all power in heaven and earth had been given to him. He had all authority. Thereby baptizing in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit is just another way of recognizing that Jesus has all authority. This is one of those mysteries that we accept on faith.

In Matthew 28:19, Christians are identifying with the name (singular) of God as their Father, Jesus as the Son and the Holy Spirit who comes to dwell inside the believer to lead and guide. Many call this the Trinity, meaning 3 persons. But Christians identify themselves with a Triune God with one name but three essences or personalities. (MacDonald, p. 1313)

Today, God is continuing to call out a people for his name from the Gentiles (Acts:15:14). Some denominations try to ‘add’ to the Gospel and how to be saved, requiring heavy burdens to be carried, strict dress codes and putting the law back into play, ignoring the fact that Jesus stated his yoke is easy and his burden is light. While others try to ‘take away’ from the Gospel and not do enough, just so happy-clappy and not preaching or teaching the words of Christ. There is always balance and moderation with God through his grace.

Therefore, what should be the order for today? I think the order for today is the same as it was for Cornelius and that is found in Acts 10:44-48:

1. They heard the word and believed with faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior
2. Reception of Holy Spirit (some may speak in tongues or not)
3. Water baptism (in Jesus name or name of Father, Son, Holy Spirit) as an outward sign of being committed to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. But baptism does not save you! It is just an outward sign to all men that you are committed to Jesus.

“This is the order of events that prevails for Jew and Gentile alike in this dispensation, when God is calling out a people for His name.” (MacDonald, William p. 1614)

To the United Pentecostal Church, who like to put heavy burdens on their people and teach and preach using fear tactics, this way is much too easy. You need to be holy because God is holy, so they have holiness dress standards for their women to follow because she causes men to sin. She won’t be saved if she doesn’t follow them. And the men need to stand up and be a man and take the reigns of the marriage and be the boss of his family and enforcing the rules to his wife and children. Chaining them in bondage until they can’t wait to escape. It sounds unreal but I tell you this goes on in many UPC churches as well as other Oneness groups. If the way of salvation is easy, these churches will make it hard. But it’s not hard and Jesus paid the price on the cross for our salvation! I was under that Pentecostal bondage and abuse until I finally got myself out of it. I finally found true freedom in my faith in Jesus Christ. That is why it’s called Amazing Grace.

Note: The majority of what is included in this part comes from the Believer’s Bible Commentary by William MacDonald.

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Five Different Experiences….One Result Pt 3

Part 3 of 4, continued from here.

Although it seems at first glance Acts 2:38 is the only way to be saved. But such an interpretation is impossible because of the following:
1. Dozens of New Testament scriptures where salvation is said to be by faith in Jesus (John 1:12, 3:16, 36, 6:47, Acts 16:31, Romans 10:9)
2. The thief on the cross (Luke 23:43)
3. Jesus never baptized anyone
4. The Apostle Paul stated he only baptized a few.

It is important to note that the Jews were the only ones told to be baptized for the REMISSION of sins. On the day of Pentecost, Peter preached his message to the house of Israel only. The Feast of Pentecost was a Jewish holiday, there was not a gentile among them (MacDonald, William p.1586-1587)

Second, it was the house of Israel that called for the crucifixion of Jesus and for his blood to be upon them and their children (p. 1586). They cursed themselves with the blood of Jesus and not only cursed themselves but their children also.

“Then the governor said, “Why, what evil has He done?” But they cried out all the more, saying, “Let Him be crucified!” When Pilate saw that he could not prevail at all, but rather that a tumult was rising, he took water and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, “I am innocent of the blood of this just Person. You see to it.” And all the people answered and said, ‘His blood be on us and on our children.’” (‭‭Matthew‬ ‭27:23-25‬ ‭NKJV)

Could it be that Acts 2:38 was for the house of Israel? We are talking about the very people who called out for his death and his blood to be upon them were now being pricked in their hearts. “The House of Israel? Were they crooked and a perverse generation that rejected and murdered the Lord Jesus” (MacDonald, William p.1588)?

They were the ones that needed to repent for killing Jesus, and to be baptized in Jesus name for the remission of those sins (to break the curse they had put on themselves and their children) and to show that they accepted Jesus, then they could receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The house of Israel was offered grace by receiving Jesus as their Messiah and Savior and by disclaiming any further connection with the guilty nation of Israel through Christian baptism (p. 1588).

As the story goes they gladly received Peter’s word and about three thousand souls were added to the church that day. In Acts 2:42-47 it is interesting to know that the new converts continued steadfastly in :
1. The Apostles’ doctrine
2. Fellowship
3. The breaking of bread
4. Prayers
5. Assembled together
6. Had all things in common

Now on to the next conversion. The Samaritans, they were looked down upon by the Jewish people because they were a mixed race. Actually there was hate on both sides of the fence. But evidently God wanted all men saved and that’s why Jesus visited the woman at the well and told the parable of the Good Samaritan. And could it be why the next conversions recorded in Acts 8:5-17 were Samaritans?

The story goes on that Philip went to Samaria and preached Christ to them, and the people with one accord believed the things preached by Philip, both men and women were baptized (in the name of the Lord Jesus) and there was great joy in the city. (Acts 8:5-8).

When the apostles heard about Samaria receiving the word of God, they sent Peter and John to them and they prayed and laid hands on them and they received the Holy Spirit. (Acts 8:14-17).

Do you see the differences of their conversion?
1. They believed (faith)
2. Water baptism in Jesus name
3. The Apostles prayed and laid hands on them.
4. They received the Holy Spirit but it was not noted that they spoke in tongues. (MacDonald, William p.1588)

The Samaritans had only to believe in faith to be saved. Baptism does not save you but it is an important sign to others that you’ve made a public commitment to follow Jesus.

Note: The majority of what is included in this part comes from the Believer’s Bible Commentary by William MacDonald.

Part 4

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Five Different Experiences….One Result Pt 2

Part 2 of 4, continued from here.

So I have a question….whose report do you believe?

Let’s begin with what we do know from the Gospels. First of all we know that Jesus forgave the sins of many. Mary Magdalene, “”Then He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”” (Luke‬ ‭7:48‬ ‭NKJV). The paralytic man, “When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven you.””(Mark‬ ‭2:5‬ ‭NKJV‬) The crippled man at the pool of Bethesda, “Afterward Jesus found him in the temple, and said to him, ‘See, you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you.'”(John‬ ‭5:14‬ ‭NKJV‬‬).

We also know the thief on the cross next to Jesus was saved without repentance or baptism, just faith, “Then he said to Jesus, “Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom.” And Jesus said to him, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.’” (Luke‬ ‭23:42-43‬ ‭NKJV‬‬). Even disciples had their sins forgiven by Jesus and received the Holy Spirit when he breathed on them (John 20:22-23 NKJV)‭.

But one thing I noticed was Jesus didn’t baptize anyone during his 3 1/2 years of his earthy ministry. It could have been because John the Baptist was busy baptizing unto repentance and getting them ready for Jesus. Again, just a thought as I searched the Gospels.

Now we come to the book of Acts, also referred to as the Acts of the Apostles, and this book was written by Luke the physician. Luke writes in great detail about the men and women who took the great commission seriously and began to spread the news of a risen savior to the most remote corners of the known world.

In the first chapter of Acts, we find the apostles, along with other believers both men and women including the mother of Jesus, in an upper room in Jerusalem waiting and praying for the power from on high as commanded by Jesus before he ascended into heaven.

When the day of Pentecost had fully come, they were all with one accord in one place, suddenly a mighty wind filled the place and they all began to speak in other tongues as the fire set upon each of them. The power of the Holy Spirit was so strong that they spilled out into the streets and everyone could hear them magnifying God in their own languages (Acts 2:1). I counted about 12 different languages being recognized by the Jews that were there for the holiday.

When other people saw this, they were amazed but skeptical and mocked it saying these were drunk, although it was only about 9:00 in the morning, a little early in the day to be drunk. Then Peter stood up and boldly preached to the Jews who were gathered there, Jesus Christ whom they crucified. He quoted the prophet Joel and the psalmist David, whom the Jews would know about.

“Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly that God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ.” (Acts‬ ‭2:36‬ ‭NKJV)‬‬. In other words he was letting the “whole house of Israel” know what they did and how that God had made Jesus both Lord and Christ and how he had ascended to heaven and was sitting at the right hand of God.

“Now when they heard this, they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, “Men and brethren, what shall we do?” Then Peter said to them, ‘Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. For the promise is to you and to your children, and to all who are afar off, as many as the Lord our God will call.'” (Acts‬ ‭2:37-39 NKJV)

Please note this was being said to the house of Israel. First they were to repent, acknowledging their guilt and taking sides with God against themselves. Then they were to be baptized in the name of Jesus for the remission of their sins. “At first glance, this verse seems to teach salvation by baptism, and many people insist that it does…” (MacDonald, William p. 1586).

If you came out of the United Pentecostal Church or another Oneness organization, this is how we were told to be saved. That it was the only way to be saved. This was “The Truth” that they’ve been preaching for many years as the only way to be saved. They’ve proclaimed it as truth and condemned others for not obeying it. They caused disunity with other believers and centered a whole doctrine around it.

Part 3

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Five Different Experiences….One Result Pt 1

Part 1 of 4.

So many times I heard the only way to be saved was by following Acts 2:38 (“Then Peter said to them, ‘Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.'”) Jesus gave Peter the keys of the kingdom and said upon this rock I will build my church (Matthew 16:13-19).

The United Pentecostal Church taught we were to follow what Peter preached on the Day of Pentecost and not what Jesus said in Matthew 28:19: “And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, ‘All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.’ Amen.”

My grandfather and his family were saved during a Pentecostal tent revival in 1917 and he married a sweet Baptist girl, my grandmother, in 1928 and the big debate of Acts 2:38 and Matthew 28:19 began in our family.

Now my grandmother converted to Pentecostalism and became indoctrinated quickly and prayed for her family to follow in the Pentecostal ways. Problems began with my mother who rebelled against the church and its teaching at age 17 and married my father when she was 18. The marriage didn’t last long and they divorced when I was four and my brother was 14 weeks old. We moved in with my grandparents and were once again under the influence of Pentecostalism.

Thus began my many years of questioning the faith and much confusion because I really did want to live for God but I just couldn’t understand all the rules and of course the teachings of “We have the truth and everybody else was doomed to hell”. That always made me sad to think of my friends and family going to hell because they didn’t want to obey “The Truth”.

Although God desires for us to live in unity. “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” (Psalms‬ ‭133:1‬ ‭NKJV‬‬). There is no unity with other denominations and UPC, nor is their unity within families.

‭‭So I began asking questions…a lot of questions and instead of answers I received rebuke. Instead of being satisfied with the UPC view of “The Truth” I studied the scriptures and commentaries. This article came from a research paper that I gave to my husband before he abandoned me and the church….I always felt it was my fault because I must have pushed too hard when all I really wanted to know was the truth for myself and not just accept the preaching and teaching of an organization. Some of the references and writing have been updated.

Part 2

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