Author: Lois | Page 44 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Leaving An Unhealthy Church #12: Can I Go To A Church Where I Don’t Agree With Everything?

In searching for a new church after leaving an unhealthy one, people often have questions such as these: Do you think it is OK to attend a church where you don’t agree with everything they believe in? Do you think God will fault us if we go to a church where we disagree with some interpretations of the Bible?

Even in the New Testament, we find that everyone didn’t always see things the very same way. The Bible speaks to the matter in Ephesians 3:

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. ….It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. (verses 2, 3, & 12, 13- NIV)

One thing you will find, if you haven’t already, is that as you go forward in your walk with God, some beliefs are going to change or become more defined. This is because we are ever learning and growing. In addition, when one leaves an unhealthy church, there are often numerous faulty teachings that will be shed as you start looking into what was taught. So even if you found a new church soon after leaving, you may find that a few months down the road you are no longer in agreement in some areas.

Is it possible to find a church where you are in agreement on every single issue? My guess is probably not. Even while I was in the United Pentecostal Church, I didn’t always agree with the pastor on some issues. The ministers within this group do not see eye to eye on everything, thus there are numerous variations of some teachings.

As believers, we are to grow together in the Lord. To me, as long as a church teaches the essentials and isn’t into some blatant false teaching, then there isn’t anything wrong or potentially harmful with attending, even though you may not be in complete agreement.

Look at it this way. Are you married? Do you and your spouse see eye to eye on every matter? My guess would be no couple does. Should this mean the two of you should not remain together? Certainly not! The same applies to friendships.

There are areas where I personally feel a need to draw a line and this is probably true with most believers. Let me share an example from my own experience. When I moved to another state, I started attending a church that seemed OK. They were tolerant of the beliefs of others. But then there came a time when they began promoting an author who was scheduled to speak at their church. The main pastor proclaimed that he felt this author was a prophet for our time. I believe this author to be in error with things he teaches and believe he is far from a prophet. Making a proclamation that someone is a prophet was no small matter in my eyes after exiting my former church group. In this instance, I felt I had to leave. For someone else, it might not be a problem and they may be able to overlook it.

If you are looking for the perfect church, there is none and never will be. Even the very early Christians had difficulties, disagreements and problems.

For me, what matters are the basics. I wouldn’t have to be in agreement with everything in order to attend a church unless it was in a major area. Look for a church which fulfills the passage I quoted above- that prepares God’s people for works of service and is helping people to grow and mature and come to unity. A church like that will probably be a healthy one and differences in opinions and beliefs will be allowed.

Intentional & Unintentional Spiritual Abuse

I wanted to share a few thoughts on intentional and unintentional spiritual abuse. One thing I try to remind people about is that a great many who are involved in unhealthy churches are sincere in their beliefs. They often believe that what they are doing is for the Lord. They feel they are standing for ‘truth.’ Many of us can look back at our own time in our respective groups and see this in ourselves.

So in this, some hurt others. It’s not because they wanted to do so and they may have no clue as to the extent of the damage they cause. They feel they are sincerely following and serving God. Of course, this doesn’t alleviate the harm inflicted upon people.

To show a biblical example, let’s remember Saul. He persecuted the church as a Pharisee. He truly believed he was doing what God would have him to do, in upholding what he felt was truth and taking a stand against what he felt was heresy from those following Jesus. He harmed many people in his days of persecuting Christians. He was sincere, but very, very mistaken.

So everyone that is spiritually abusive is not doing it with the wrong intent in their heart.

There are also those where being in an unhealthy church is all they know. They have watched a leader or someone they admire in the church and find themselves emulating them. In doing so, they harm others, all the while thinking their actions are what they are supposed to do.

I honestly believe that a good deal of spiritual abuse comes from sincere but mistaken and misguided people. I know for myself, that I became judgmental in things and felt I was in the right. I know I did things that probably hurt people at times, but felt I was doing it for their own good. I was so misguided. Do you recall any time you hurt someone, thinking all the while you were taking a stand for ‘truth’ and doing what God wanted?

I have stated in the past that if the Lord would have opened my former pastor’s eyes, and let him see all the numerous people he hurt through the years, that he would have been devastated. He hurt many people over many years.

But then there are those who cause deliberate harm. I find much less compassion for those types. I don’t like people using and manipulating people. When I watch those shows where they are about some man who causes women to fall in love with him and then takes all they have or the ones where people scheme in other ways to defraud someone…. I get angry. It is one thing to unintentionally hurt or harm someone and a totally different ball game when people knowingly do so. There are some ministers so afraid to lose their ‘kingdom’ or livelihood that they do whatever it takes to keep it and they care not who is harmed in the process.

I heard a story awhile back where such deliberate hurt was inflicted. I saw a glimpse of the pain they had inside. And when such happens under the guise of Christianity, it hurts much more deeply, I believe. Some people have much to answer to when they face the Lord one day.

Abuse, whether intentional or unintentional, feels the same- and this is mostly true unless one sees the deliberateness. But it can also be a little easier to process and sort through when one can see that some are simply caught up in a system and do not truly realize what they are doing.

A False Sense Of Security

That’s really something to think about. You might liken it to some investment schemes. People have lost their life savings, or a good portion of it, by having a false sense of security in the investment plan offered by the scam artist. They truly believe their money is being wisely invested, with a guarantee of a profitable return. In the end, their security is shattered because what they placed their faith in ended up being false.

Some time ago, I read a book by the late Don C. Marler, former United Pentecostal Church member, entitled Imprisoned in the Brotherhood. While I disagree with aspects of the book, he brought up some points worthy of consideration. In the introduction he shares about the pursuit of truth and how it can feel like the person is on shaky ground when they start this journey. Many people who are involved in unhealthy churches get caught up in religion rather than a relationship with God. When one starts to question if what their church teaches is true or not, it shakes this religious foundation and it can be quite scary. Let me quote from Don’s introduction.

When one moves full tilt into pursuit of truth, he may find that the ground becomes shaky and his resolve to pursue truth wherever she might lead becomes tenuous. One learns that security based upon ignorance, prejudice, illusions, misinformation and blind tradition is a false security indeed. Old guideposts can no longer be relied upon. The prospect of seeking truth and following it fully then is often frightening. Not everyone can face it; some decide to keep their heads in the sand. The illusion of security is more tempting than the fearful journey into the unknown.

Some individuals believe that pursuing truth wherever she leads is dangerous because it destroys or weakens belief and faith. Beliefs should be open to change and one would hope that truth should prevail over mere beliefs. Faith, of course, is different from beliefs and should be strengthened by truth. Does it not require faith to seek truth?

A prerequisite for pursuing truth is the ability to be open and honest with self and the ability to recognize and accept that one doesn’t possess all truth. Another is the ability and courage to assume individual responsibility for one’s search and for the conclusion one reaches. The alternative to individual interpretation and definition of truth is an institutional definition and interpretation.

Why does the ground feel shaky when we start to question some teachings in unhealthy churches, whatever they may be? Have you seen ones who have started to question pull back because it is too upsetting to them? Is there a false security? What about individual responsibility? Or is it easier to “go with the flow” and remain entrenched in religion?

It’s easy to have it all laid out for you. You do this, this and this and then avoid that and the other and you’ll be pleasing to God. There’s a sense of security that can come by following such a list in an unhealthy church, but it is a false sense of security.

Think of the Pharisees. They had their list to follow and some of it was fully scriptural. But then somewhere down the road, the list became the focus, and the list grew and became more complex and detailed, so you could better keep what was in the list. They felt very secure in this. And yet it wasn’t a real security.

Jesus showed their hearts were far from God. Yet they felt they were quite saved and even above others. Children of Abraham. Keepers of the law. There was a false sense of security in their beliefs. Think about it….

Howard Goss- The Winds of God

Howard A. Goss was part of the Pentecostal movement since the very early 1900s. He helped to organize the Assemblies of God. He became the General Superintendent of the Pentecostal Church Incorporated, which later merged with another organization to form the United Pentecostal Church. Goss became the first General Superintendent of the UPC in 1945.

In the late 1950s, his wife, Ethel E. Goss, wrote a book with his input on the early years of the Pentecostal movement from 1901 to 1914. It is called The Winds of God.

There are many people involved in Oneness Pentecostal churches who are yet unaware of how things were different in the earlier days of their movement. There wasn’t the same emphasis on outward standards and there were differences in beliefs concerning when a person was saved. Goss himself believed that both Trinitarians and Oneness believers were saved and believed that water baptism was performed after a person was saved.

In regard to outward standards, below is what Mrs. Goss wrote on page 69 (of the revised version) and page 38 (of the original version):

We did not wear uniforms. The lady workers dressed in the current fashions of the day…silks…satins…jewels or whatever they happened to possess. They were very smartly turned out, so that they made an impressive appearance on the streets where a large part of our work was conducted in the early years.

It was not until long after, when former Holiness preachers had become part of us, that strict plainness of dress began to be taught.

Although Entire Sanctification was preached at the beginning of the Movement, it was from a Wesleyan viewpoint, and had in it very little of the later Holiness Movement characteristics. Nothing was ever said about apparel, for everyone was so taken up with the Lord that mode of dress seemingly never occurred to any of us.

Galatians 2:4 came to mind as I posted this quote. While it may not fully fit, to me it does at least in part: “But it was because of the false brethren secretly brought in, who had sneaked in to spy out our liberty which we have in Christ Jesus, in order to bring us into bondage.” (NASB) Could it be that a reason why so many today are now overly concerned with the outward is because they may not be “so taken up with the Lord”?

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Locks Of Love Hair Donation

There may be some reading here who have left a church that teaches women are never to cut their hair, and who are thinking of getting their hair cut as they no longer believe the doctrine. You may want to consider donating your cut hair to Locks of Love, an organization that makes hairpieces for children. The link below takes you to their hair donation page. They do have some rules as to what they can accept.

https://locksoflove.org/forms/hair-donation-form/