Author: Lois

For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book. – Revelation 22:18,19

Some unhealthy churches teach as if the New Testament was initially all written together in book form and Revelation was the final chapter. They will claim that if someone adds to or takes away from anything written in the entire Bible, they will be lost. The above passage in Revelation is normally used to support this thought. In addition, there are a few other Bible passages that speak against adding to the words of God, such as Proverbs 30:5-6, Deuteronomy 4:2, and 12:32. This teaching often places fear in people, causing them to worry that their name might be removed from the book of life or that God will hit them with plagues should they get anything wrong. What is ironic is that many who teach this distortion are often breaking it with their added rules and regulations to which they believe Christians must adhere. Let’s take a closer look.

Keep in mind that Revelation 1:11 states, “Saying, I am Alpha and Omega, the first and the last: and, What thou seest, write in a book, and send it unto the seven churches which are in Asia; unto Ephesus, and unto Smyrna, and unto Pergamos, and unto Thyatira, and unto Sardis, and unto Philadelphia, and unto Laodicea.” This passage gives context to Revelation 22 and it can clearly be seen that John was to send this writing to seven distinct places because the counsel and warning it contained was directed toward them. According to Strong’s Concordance, the word which was translated ‘book’ means ‘a papyrus roll.’ Thayer’s Greek Lexicon states, “a small book, a scroll: …a written document; a sheet on which something has been written”. In Luke 4:17 the same word was used to refer to the scroll of Isaiah. Since the New Testament was not compiled until a great many years later, the comment about adding to or taking from it was never directed to the entire Bible or New Testament.

God didn’t write the Bible and then hand it to us from heaven. The New Testament writings were not all written at the same time, nor by the same individuals. In fact, they were never written by the authors with the thought that one day they would be placed together in a book that we would call the New Testament. Each letter was written to a specific person or group of people for a specific reason. In this, we must keep in mind that while Revelation is the last book in our Bibles, it was never written as such but is a result of people from hundreds of years ago deciding upon which writings would be included and in what order. So when Revelation talks about adding to or taking away from the prophecy found therein, it is only speaking of that letter written by John. It is specific to the things John wrote in that letter and has nothing to do with the rest of the books of our Bible.

Let’s take a quick look at the other passages I mentioned. Proverbs 30: 5-6 (NASB): “Every word of God is tested; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him. Do not add to His words Or He will reprove you, and you will be proved a liar.” These are the words of Agur and note that what was written did not proclaim anyone lost if this happened. He is speaking about what God has spoken and not what people have spoken about God.

Deuteronomy 4:2 (NASB): “You shall not add to the word which I am commanding you, nor take away from it, that you may keep the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you.” Reading in context, this was spoken to the Israelites by Moses. He was teaching them the “statutes and the judgments” that God had given him for the people to follow. This pertains solely to the things that Moses delivered to them as God had directed. If they added to what he taught them, or took away parts, they would no longer be following these statutes.

Deuteronomy 12:32 (NASB): “Whatever I command you, you shall be careful to do; you shall not add to nor take away from it.” This goes right along with the above mentioned fourth chapter.

None of these are warnings about adding to the Bible as a whole. They were specific to what was written that God had spoken. The Bible isn’t something believers should fear and it was never meant to be something where one had to be frightened they might get some wording incorrect or make an error in quoting from it. People may misunderstand some things. There is no threat of being lost because you might wrongly quote something in the Bible or have an incorrect or incomplete understanding of something in its pages.

If we want to see a perfect example of adding to what God had spoken, we have it in the Pharisees. They had added so many rules to what God had instituted that they were following their traditions and not God’s commandments. See what Jesus said about this in Matthew 15 (NASB):

Then some Pharisees and scribes came to Jesus from Jerusalem and said, “Why do Your disciples break the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat bread.” And He answered and said to them, “Why do you yourselves transgress the commandment of God for the sake of your tradition? “For God said, ‘HONORYOUR FATHER AND MOTHER,’ and, ‘HE WHO SPEAKS EVIL OF FATHER OR MOTHER IS TO BE PUT TO DEATH.’ “But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever I have that would help you has been given to God,” he is not to honor his father or his mother.’ And by this you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition. You hypocrites, rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you:

‘THIS PEOPLE HONORS ME WITH THEIR LIPS,
BUT THEIR HEART IS FAR AWAY FROM ME.
BUT IN VAIN DO THEY WORSHIP ME,
TEACHING AS DOCTRINES THE PRECEPTS OF MEN.’”

This passage in Matthew shows what was meant by Moses when he instructed the Israelites to neither add to nor take from the commandments God had given. This is a tragic result of the Pharisees doing this very thing.

I hope this helps someone to break from this faulty teaching. Your walk with God is not about your performance of dotting every i and crossing every t and having everything right. If that is how the walk of a believer truly is, no one stands a chance as even the early believers and apostles, who walked side by side with Jesus, got things wrong. Fear permeates the teachings of unhealthy churches. May all who experienced this fear break free of its chains.

Examining Teachings #1: Drunk In The Spirit?
Examining Teachings #2: Jezebel and Shamefaced
Examining Teachings #3: Peculiar And Separate
Examining Teachings #4: What Must I Do To Be Saved?
Examining Teachings #5: Faith Without Works Is Dead

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In April 2018, the blog section of the spiritual abuse website had 9119 visits, with 5309 being unique. Below are the top ten read posts for April from five different authors.

We are always looking for new people to join our group of bloggers, so please consider registering and watch your email for more information. How frequently you post is up to you. Let your voice be heard and help others recover. You may find healing for yourself as well. Read here for more information.

Commenting directly on the blog is an encouragement to our writers as they often cannot see all the places where their words are shared and discussed on social media.

Signs of Religious Abuse, Part 1 – author Through Grace (accessed 686 times)

How to spot Pastor/Leader Worship – author Dividing His Word (accessed 517 times)

What’s Love Got To Do With It? – author Nana5 (accessed 351 times)

Leaving an Unhealthy Church #11: Confusion & Not Knowing Who or What to Believe – author Lois (accessed 327 times)

Ruining Communion Through Fear – author Lois

The United Pentecostal Church and Sexual Abuse – author Lois

Stumbling block: a little about what happened to me – author Mary

United Pentecostal Church Manual Part 1 – author Lois

Signs of Religious Abuse, Part 2 – author Through Grace

A UPC Church Responds To Sexual Abuse – author Lois

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One of the ways unhealthy churches cause members unnecessary angst is the manner in which they teach communion. For many, even though they are now away from their former churches, they still cannot take part in communion. There are some who never overcome the fear instilled in them that they could be bringing damnation upon themselves. For them, the experience of communion has been ruined. Others are able to do so only after much trepidation, prayer and agonizing over their standing with God.

In some of these churches, the pastor has to give approval of anyone wishing to take communion. Some give rules that must be followed. There is the issue of whether grape juice or wine is to be used. Others will forbid people from taking part in communion at other churches where they feel it isn’t properly taught or handled.

There is nothing in the Bible that says a pastor or leader is to approve of anyone taking communion. There is no check-off list for believers to do prior to partaking. If you have placed your faith in Jesus, you are free to take communion. We do it in remembrance of Jesus. It is not to be something feared, dreaded or worrisome.

The believers in Corinth were very messed up. (For a brief synopsis of what it was like, read this.) They suffered from divisions, quarrels, jealousy and sexual immorality. They were carnal, with some being proud and arrogant. At times gatherings were disorderly. The apostle Paul considered them to be worldly and like infants in Christ, instead of mature believers. This was the scenario when Paul addressed those at Corinth concerning communion. You will find no other warning about communion anywhere else in the New Testament. It was specific to the situation among these believers.

Despite this, for years some ministers have twisted 1 Corinthians 11 into something Paul never meant nor taught. This is what Paul had heard about them concerning communion (NLT): “When you meet together, you are not really interested in the Lord’s Supper. For some of you hurry to eat your own meal without sharing with others. As a result, some go hungry while others get drunk. What? Don’t you have your own homes for eating and drinking? Or do you really want to disgrace God’s church and shame the poor? What am I supposed to say? Do you want me to praise you? Well, I certainly will not praise you for this!”

Do you see it? They were not viewing communion properly as it seemed to be treated like any other meal and some became drunk, something certainly not part of communion. Others went without, due to some not considering those that did not have anything to eat. THIS is what Paul addressed. They had turned communion into something foreign to what they had been taught. It had nothing to do with a checklist. It had nothing to do with praying through first or making sure you had repented of any and all possible sin. It wasn’t about those things at all. But unhealthy churches distort what happened in order to create FEAR in people—and they have a much better chance of controlling and manipulating you when it is present. Fear permeates the teachings in unhealthy churches.

This is what Paul taught about the reason for communion (NLT): For I pass on to you what I received from the Lord himself. On the night when he was betrayed, the Lord Jesus took some bread and gave thanks to God for it. Then he broke it in pieces and said, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way, he took the cup of wine after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant between God and his people—an agreement confirmed with my blood. Do this in remembrance of me as often as you drink it.” For every time you eat this bread and drink this cup, you are announcing the Lord’s death until he comes again.

The celebration of Passover became the Christian time of communion and was to be done in remembrance of Jesus. We remember that he gave his life for us and brought a new covenant with God. Through the years it seems to have lost the closeness brought by sharing a meal together compared to how most churches celebrate today.

While Paul does go on to mention taking communion ‘unworthily/unworthy’ and that they should ‘examine themselves’ beforehand, his instructions had nothing to do with what some ministers teach today, that one has to pray through and make sure they have no sin in their life. He isn’t saying believers need to be fearful of taking part in communion. Remember the overall state of the believers at Corinth and how Paul stated that when they met together they weren’t really interested in the Lord’s Supper. The NASB puts it like this, “Therefore when you meet together, it is not to eat the Lord’s Supper, for in your eating each one takes his own supper first; and one is hungry and another is drunk.” While their gathering together was to celebrate the Lord’s Supper, they had a total disregard for others as they scarfed down the meal and became drunk, starting before everyone arrived, and doing so while others had little or nothing to eat and drink. They made the taking of communion to be disgraceful by their selfishness, inconsideration and drunkenness.

Consider how Paul closed his comments to them and hopefully it will help you to see where the emphasis was placed when he wrote to the Corinthians. (NLT) “So, my dear brothers and sisters, when you gather for the Lord’s Supper, wait for each other. If you are really hungry, eat at home so you won’t bring judgment upon yourselves when you meet together.” Can you better see it now?

For those having difficulty in this area, consider having your own personal time of communion away from a church setting, either by yourself or with family. It may help you to ease back into being able to participate in a church setting. There are no rules on how frequently a believer is to take communion and there is nothing condemning those who do not take it.

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The following was taken from an older conversation in one of our private support groups. The initial post, along with the responses, have been shared with permission. The initial post and a follow-up are between the asterisks, followed by responses. Names have been omitted. Responses that were longer have been placed in quotes. I have added my own brief thoughts at the end.

There are those who don’t believe there is such a thing as spiritual abuse and some ridicule the thought, thinking it is about things like people being upset over not being allowed to hold some position or that they didn’t like a decision made by a pastor. Some feel people are simply bitter and just need to ‘get over it’ and move on. These individuals are clueless and ignorant as to the types of damage that being in an unhealthy church can cause. One of the most difficult things some grapple with is their trust and belief in God. Pastors, the very ones who should be encouraging and helping people in their relationship with God, have instead helped to destroy the faith of some and caused others to question it. Listen to ‘J’ as he shares the pain and aftermath of dealing with his unhealthy church experience.

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Possible trigger warning, I have been in a dark place recently but this week it has sort of come to a head.

Today in church, part of the sermon touched on Deuteronomy 31:6, about not being afraid because “he will never leave you or forsake you.”

However, inside a deep pit of empty despair formed because, simply put, that was not true. Having done my absolute best to follow him led me to years of abuse, loneliness, virtual slavery. All I can see there was that I was abandoned. I was in a place where I was abused and demeaned in his name, and was not helped. How can I count on him if I was torn apart in his name and was not helped? How can I trust when three years later things that were stolen in his name are not yet restored? How can I trust him ever again when I was abandoned? How can I trust when I see promises in his word turned on their head, when the exact opposite of what was promised occurs? Trust him to do what, exactly? He claims to be closer than a brother but I don’t ever even hear or feel him. I don’t see him doing anything that would merit trust. How can I claim relationship with someone who never even bothers to show up, especially when the one they claim to love is so utterly screwed over?

I tried to talk to someone I trust about this, how I feel and what I think and observe. Instead, I got met with a combination of fear and disdain. “How could you think like that?!” Even getting angry that I would not unquestioningly obey if God asked me to do it. I would in fact question.

I don’t see a reason to trust. Instead, I see promises that are empty; I see a past where I was left alone in the darkness.

…One of the hard points in all of this is, there is nothing I can truly point to and say “God absolutely did this.”

I came to my senses in the cult when the leaders royally screwed up and got a number of us wondering. It was us, together, who decided they were full of it, and us together who protected one another as we left. So by us supporting each other, and the leaders being way to ham-fisted for their own good is what sparked that.

In that, and in other things, I see other people helping me. I see lessons that I learned and applied to get me to better places. I don’t see supernatural help.

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Below are some of the responses to J.

L: All I can say is I know how you feel. I have had all the same questions and feelings. After many years, I was able to look back and I was actually able to see Him during those times. It was still hard to trust because I was thinking “Well, so You were there. But I didn’t feel You there. And that will probably happen again before my life is over. Fat lot of good it will do.” But then I had to weigh trusting vs not trusting and I felt trusting was better. It was healing. And freeing. I’m still on the journey. Jesus also felt forsaken when He said “My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me.” I think God understands all these things. I think He understands all your feelings and I think He accepts them. I think part of the journey is embracing that it’s okay to feel like you do and you have a legitimate reason for feeling all of it. Here a hug and a pat on the back. You’re okay.

M: You’re describing a place that is very familiar to me, too, and that I don’t know what to do with either. I’ve gotten to a point where people’s reactions, either the one you describe or the prideful, “not Me! *I’ve* never been *there*. God is sooo good!” are both based in fear- either fear that it could happen to them or fear because they don’t want to admit that it has, even to themselves.

J: Yeah, I can see that fear. I don’t want to spark fear in others, but I DO want others to understand that it is not all sunshine and roses.

K: J, I feel the exact same way. I have lost my trust in God to protect or be with me and I am hanging onto a tiny bit of faith by a fraying thread. I prayed so many, many times at my old church for God to intervene or show me if I should leave the church, if what they were teaching was wrong. Instead, all I ever experienced was being told to submit, to trust the pastor’s discernment and not my own, and the threat that I would risk God’s judgment if I left. So much mental and spiritual abuse happened. I feel very betrayed. If my child asked me to intervene while she was being abused or led astray, I would. Why didn’t He?

I also question God’s protection and goodness after watching several wonderful people die horrible deaths, including a little 11-year-old girl. That girl was my daughter’s best friend and it crushed my daughter when she died. Her innocent faith was crushed when God did not answer her prayers to heal her friend. She was convinced He would. If I could heal someone that was dying, I would. Why didn’t he?

People credit God when someone is healed or avoids a tragedy. But according to that logic, wouldn’t that also mean we should credit Him when someone is not healed, when a family drowns in a hurricane, or when someone dies in a crash? If I had the power to prevent these tragedies, I would. Why didn’t He?

I have very rarely shared these doubts because almost everyone would chastise me. But they are not going away and I can’t get by with platitudes like “God’s ways are not our ways”, or “God uses all things for our good” or “Praise God anyway.” Platitudes do not help when the One who could have intervened, protected and healed people chose not to do so.

You are not alone with your doubts and hurts and it is OK to acknowledge them. Please keep talking here without fear of judgment.

J: I hear you. It frustrates me to no end when people say God took away their headache when they prayed (or something like that), yet others go through horrendous fates praying desperately for the help the bible promises yet are left alone.

J (written several weeks later): This hasn’t gone away. In fact, it gets worse as more and more things go badly and as no evidence of help comes forth. I honestly don’t see my prayers having any impact. My fear isn’t that there is no god. My fear is that he is malevolent, or at least indifferent.

K: I hear you and I empathize with you. I feel ripped up inside because I have these same thoughts and feelings. I am sorry you are experiencing the same.

M: I can’t think that if there is a God he would be malevolent. He may view things very differently than we do, he may not be as actively involved in ways that we were taught, but that wouldn’t make him malevolent. I’m not sure it would even make him indifferent, just with a very, very different perspective than we have.

I wonder if there is a God, why God would allow things he does, how to protect myself from this upside down, crazy life if there isn’t a God who will protect me. I’ve struggled with this for 17 years. I prayed and begged God in 2000 not to let me be thrown out of a church because the pastor falsely accused me of lusting after the pastor. Fasted for days. Did everything I could to repent of things I’d never done. And I found another church and ran to it. And at that church the pastor’s wife was in an accident. The pastor started inviting young women to his house to visit his wife, who was bedridden. The men would lay hands on me. I was so freaked out, so terrified that I would be falsely accused again. And I was trying to hide what had happened from my parents and others, trying to keep a ‘good witness’. So I moved to the next state and went back to college. I spent thousands before discovering that I couldn’t get the certificate I wanted without quitting work and going to school full time. So I dropped out. I hoped that at the church I was in at the time that I would finally get married, that I’d finally have the respect of the pastor, that I’d have a church. The pastor died. People in the church picked at me. A man stalked me. The new pastor was cruel. And I stayed, still hoping.

So I get it. Way too well. If those things hadn’t happened I would still be attending a UPC, blissfully ignorant of how far from faith in God I actually was, holding on to terribly false ideas about God and about what faith in him looked like. I was begging God to let me stay but was to the point that I was taking risks with the thought that maybe I’d just die and get out of the situation.

God didn’t answer my prayers. But in a weird way he did. Not that I can trust him yet. It’s frightening to trust an all powerful being who not only doesn’t do what you ask, but is so unpredictable that he doesn’t even do what you think he wants done, doesn’t even help you to do what you think he’s commanded. And it’s terrifying to think that we’re in his hands. It’s easier to think maybe he’s indifferent or even nonexistent than all that. It sure seems like it would be a safer, more sensible world at times. And yet I know that through all of it, better things happened by far than what I begged for — I got out. I left and I’m glad of it, and without dying to be rid of them.

It’s a slow, slow process. Friends like the one you mentioned don’t help. They just make me mad.

I picked up a book at Goodwill tonight. Not my typical read. It’s titled No One Cries the Wrong Way. It’s about grief, and the title itself is comforting somehow.

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It is impossible to know how much damage has been caused at spiritually abusive churches led by unhealthy pastors and other leaders. Thousands upon thousands of people have been harmed and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. Some have great difficulty separating the distorted view of God instilled in them by these churches and what the Bible shows. As they try to recover and heal from their experiences, they may still view things through their former church teachings. There are things each of us have been taught that are not found within the Bible. Expecting that God will keep all believers from harm is one of those.

As to the question of ‘why does God allow this or that to happen,’ I liked how they touched on this in the movie, Love Comes Softly.

One of the central characters is a man who lost his wife and he is raising his young daughter. He made an arrangement with a woman whose husband died and they had a marriage of convenience. He needed someone to help him raise his daughter and she needed a place to stay for the winter until she could catch a wagon to take her home to the East. The scene I am quoting from happens after the man’s barn burns down.

The woman he has married asks him if he prayed for these bad things to happen and says, “I just don’t understand why the God that you pray to would let such unthinkable things happen to decent people.”

He replied, “Missy (his daughter) could fall down and hurt herself even if I’m walking right there beside her. That doesn’t mean that I allowed it to happen. She knows her father’s unconditional love. I’ll pick her up and I’ll carry her. I’ll try to heal her. I’ll cry when she cries. And I’ll rejoice when she is well. You know all the moments of my life, God has been right there beside me. The truth of God’s love is not that he allows bad things to happen, but it’s His promise that He’ll be there with us when they do.”

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Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

In March 2018, the blog section of the spiritual abuse website had 10,491 visits, with 6135 being unique. Below are the top ten read posts for March from two different authors.

We are always looking for new people to join our group of bloggers, so please consider registering and watch your email for more information. How frequently you post is up to you. Let your voice be heard and help others recover. You may find healing for yourself as well. Read here for more information.

Commenting directly on the blog is an encouragement to our writers as they often cannot see all the places where their words are shared and discussed on social media.

The United Pentecostal Church and Sexual Abuse – author Lois (accessed 1562 times)

UPCI Ministers Embrace Alleged Pedophile Part 1 – author Lois (accessed 900 times)

Enabling Environments in UPC Youth Groups – author anonymous posted by Lois (accessed 474 times)

UPCI Rocky Mountain District Trouble – author Lois (accessed 440 times)

A UPC Church Responds To Sexual Abuse – author Lois

A Pastor Who Should Not Have Been Part 1– author Lois

To Survivors of Sexual Abuse in the UPCI – author Lois

Examining Teachings #4: What Must I Do To Be Saved? – author Lois

A UPC Minister’s Sexual Fantasy – author Lois

Sexual Matters And My Former United Pentecostal Church – author Lois

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