My journey began, as I’m sure most of yours did, searching for Jesus. Finding out his true character has been a 20 plus year journey for me. I was in my twenties with two children. An abusive husband and a longing for love, purpose and escape from the pain. We got invited to a United Pentecostal church. I had not grown up consistently going to church. I knew basics and my mom had taught me about Jesus, but I’d never had the experiences that come with teaching.
My first thought of these people were man, these people are crazy! But, as with most, they started out so loving. Giving lots of attention, time, clothes, etc. Looking back, now I realize there were a lot of inconsistencies and red flags but I was enjoying the love there as opposed to what I was living at home, so I didn’t notice. At first things weren’t as crazy. We sang at different churches. We still visited our family that wasn’t UPCI. Yes, my dress had changed. All the ‘standards‘ I was now abiding by. I had the Bible study with the few scriptures they used to support it. Of course it really shouldn’t be called a study because now after lots of study and prayer I see where those scriptures are taken out of context. But then I would’ve believed anything they said, And I did.
After the new wore off I started to notice that people weren’t treated equally, depending on who you were the ‘rules’ were changed. I figured out questioning wasn’t an option. You NEVER questioned leadership or the humiliation over the pulpit would be extreme. Years passed with many trials and hurts. But, this was the Christian life right? Anyone who didn’t believe as we did were lost, convicted, or persecuting us.
The pastor made the decision to withdraw from the UPCI. Many of his friends were doing the same. Basically that meant he had no one to answer to so he could do as he pleased. Oh, he had a board of elders, all filled with his best friends that supported him in everything. So basically that was all for show. The standards all of a sudden started changing. Only 3/4 length sleeves. No splits, hose at church always, no hair down, no perms, men could only wear white shirts to church. It changed it seemed every month or so. It got so bad people would be asking each other if this or that was ok. Then you would see the pastor’s daughter wearing something that someone else got sent home for. It was all so confusing.
We were no longer allowed to fellowship our ‘unsaved’ family, which meant not believing as we did. The one good thing in all these years was I had divorced my abusive, unfaithful ex-husband. And married my now husband of almost 18 years. (remember this part as it plays a vital role in us leaving, years later) We were married in the pastor’s office by him. My children grew up. I had four by then; three biological, one bonus. My boys both got kicked out of the church school. They had learning problems and their answer for that was to just spank them more. They weren’t getting enough discipline. That was his answer for most things. More spankings, or praying more cause they had a spirit. Excessive baby crying was a spirit. Unless it was his grand-baby. As soon as my bonus son turned 18, he left home. When my other son was 16, he went to live with my mom to escape from the abuse at church. For eight years. We rarely saw him or talked to him, if we did or if someone thought we did, he talked about us over the pulpit.
My oldest daughter married a guy in the church that had three children. She basically felt forced to marry him, was strongly encouraged by leadership and she felt as if she had no choice. She went through five years of emotional, physical, spiritual abuse. No one at church would believe her. She had black eyes, a bruised neck, he would have her going crazy, emotionally distraught, then video her and send it to the pastor. So the next service he would get over the pulpit and humiliate her and say how full of the devil she was. She almost had a mental breakdown from the abuse at home and church. We were both humiliated constantly. I was accused of interfering with her marriage because I encouraged her to go to the police. Her baby girl was said to have a devil because she was a fussy baby and wanted to nurse too much. That was her comfort for the home life she had.
Finally we went to authorities and got a restraining order for a year and after two years, she was finally ‘allowed’ to divorce him. Not long afterwards the pastor made a new rule that anyone ever married before could never marry again. She was 25 yrs old. Now remember that me and several other couples had been married before, but his answer for that was that even if it was a sin for us, that sin was on him. He told us it was ok so it was. As long as he told us.
We were told we could never be saved at any other church. If we left there, our family was cursed. He said he was the only preacher in the whole state of Mississippi that was right. That church was the only one that was right and preaching truth. After many situations, lies and abuses, we finally left. I began studying everything I had been taught for over 20 yrs. It was both scary, exciting, enlightening and freeing!
My family and I are all involved in church. A Bible believing, grace teaching, loving church, that is teaching that Jesus loves us and that salvation isn’t earned. We can’t dress or act ‘holy’ enough to be worthy of salvation. It’s all because of Jesus and his love for us. We live free! No more condemnation, humiliation. Just joy, grace and freedom. We help as many as we can that are escaping the cult, as we call it. It hasn’t all been easy but it has all been worth it. There is hope, our prayer is that others find hope and healing as we have.
Awesome Girl, you don’t know how much you have helped me since you left, I wish it would have been years ago, I’m just now starting to heal after 20 yrs!!!
So much similarities in the organization of the independent church you describe, the increasingly strict regulations, the pastor ruling over people, public humiliation, the actual dress code, people not being allowed to remarry once escaped from abusive marriages… So much exactly the same…yet states apart.
I’m so glad.. I pray we can help many more that are hurting.The group has been a source of healing for all of us.💕
It is amazing and disheartening to see so many churches involved in so much abuse. So many people trapped in these mind altering, abusive places. I just pray we can all find a way of helping those still bound by these places.