Recently at work a wave of sadness hit me. It started with reflections of a recent trip to West Virginia to visit my mom and dad; my dad mentioned something about taking a “real” vacation as in going to the Bahamas. I reminded him that with only 15 days vacation per year, I wanted to spend that time with family. That’s considerably less than 30 days leave when I served in the Navy. I split that time with my parents in West Virginia and my kids in Kansas as I presently live in Maryland.
In a way, one could say I am trying to atone for neglecting time with loved ones when I was in an abusive church. The founding pastor was very adamant about devoting time to “the ministry” – he even went so far as to say that if we spent more leave time at home than helping out at the church, something was wrong in our walk with God. He even claimed people backslide when they spent two or more weeks of leave visiting family.
As a faithful member, minister, and elder, I did my best to divide my time between church and family to “stay faithful.” My parents, however, didn’t like the fact I would be at the church over the Christmas and other major holidays, and wished I could have come home instead. This strained my relationship with my mom and dad, and it’s taken the entire time since I left to repair the damage.
For those who may not know, Steven Hassan wrote about this and other forms of controlling behavior by abusive churches. His BITE model (Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotional Control) illustrated how this was designed to isolate people and make them easier to manipulate.
After learning about how I was led to believe the founder was a mighty man of God only to realize he was a criminal and scoundrel, I was devastated. I devoted so many years of my life and sacrificed even my relationship with my family, and for what? To be lied to? It’s a miracle of God I still believe in Him.
This is why I make more of an effort now to spend time with loved ones. We’re all getting older, and there’s no guarantee another opportunity will arise.
********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.
I am also a victim. Swindled by this imposter. I have been experiencing so many spiritual attacks and I wish people can believe that this is real and it destroys innocent lives as well as our faith or belief system. I am torn.