Judicial Meetings – Public Humiliation & Shaming

I was shamed in public, in front of the entire congregation – multiple times – but wasn’t allowed to utter a word to defend myself because of my sex. What level of emotional abuse is that? Extreme.

The meetings were special judicial meetings. At each meeting I dissociated and felt like I was floating above my body. The entire meeting was an out of body experience because I was so traumatized that my body detached from my physical and emotional experience to cope. The man (my father-in-law at the time) who stood up to shame me about something very intimate, came up to me after the service and I shook hands with him because conflict, “rudeness,” and assertiveness is ungodly behavior for a woman.

I was the victim of years and years of relentless domestic abuse. And now I was being blamed in public. They victimized the victim. They attacked my character. What he said about me was a huge lie but I was never allowed to say my side of the story, or to put it right. Because women are not allowed to speak during the meetings or services.

I didn’t even defend myself in private because I felt I had no personal power because I had been spiritually, emotionally, verbally, and financially abused for so long. I felt powerless, hopeless, helpless, broken, silenced. I’m sure, based on my character, that most people in the congregation knew that what was said was lies, but he was not told to make it right, or to take back what he said.

Life went on. Some believed him. They ignored me. And gossiped. False accusations. A private investigator hired to watch me. He was promoted to more elevated duties. No apology. I was left horrified and traumatized (what he said was of a very personal and intimate nature). I had been humiliated in front of my entire social circle (we were not allowed to socialize with anyone outside of the congregation). Every time I went to a service (6 times per week) I felt like I was sitting on top of my car as I drove home – that’s how dissociated I was.

The one positive result from this experience is that I woke up to the fact that I was in a controlling and abusive church. If it wasn’t for this extremely painful experience I might never have woken up. I might never have realized that God was absent from their services. I still struggle with PTSD from this experience (6 years later) and don’t have a Christian community due to deep trust issues.

How can a group of so-called Christians be so ignorant that they don’t realize what public humiliation – with no ability to defend yourself or speak – does to a person psychologically? Even Wikipedia knows! 🙂 This is the sickness of a perverted and callous “Christianity” that follows rules and that is very far from the heart the God.

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