I sat in the counselor’s office in an intake interview, trying to get her to understand why I might want to be in a spiritual abuse support group. It’s been 18 years since I was thrown out of a church, but when I started explaining that time, I was hesitant. By the time I explained what finally prompted me to leave, I realized I was physically shaking.
Even after blogging, even after the newspapers covered stories, even after talking to person after person online, even after talking to others in person, even after eight years, even after eighteen years… even after… I was shaking. A day later, I’m still a bit shaky inside.
Will they understand?
Will it make a difference?
Can I trust them?
Will they believe me?
Do I even believe myself?
The church has been silent. It was silent when I was expelled on a lie. No facts were checked. The organization the church was part of was supporting the church I was in to some degree. I called headquarters. I knew people there… and I was told that every church was autonomous. I was told (though they knew as well as I that not every church in the organization would accept me. I’d been branded, kicked out of a church. “We don’t want trouble.” The person I knew at headquarters told me to just go find another church. And not to talk about it. “Just move on.”
I heard that too much.
“Just move on.”
“Don’t talk about it.”
“There’s no need for anyone to know.”
“We’re trying to protect you.”
“Don’t tell what happened — we don’t want people thinking badly of you.”
“Just hold your peace and let the Lord fight your battles.”
“Just pray about it.”
“If you say anything negative, it’s gossip.”
Why? Why would people think badly of me if I told the truth? If I defended myself?
Since when is it gossip to tell the truth?
How can there be healing or change if no one ever talks about what happened, no one acknowledges the wounds, and everyone pretends nothing at all happened?
When churches silence, part 1
When churches silence, part 2
When churches silence, part 3
When churches silence, part 4
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