Month: May 2017 | Page 9 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Marriage Trouble Part 1

A few years ago I started really questioning my beliefs about wifely submission. I had practiced it for over a decade since I first became a Christian. I was in a marriage where I felt unequally yoked even though my husband was a professing Christian.

My brother led me to the Lord in my early twenties just after marrying my husband. He told me I needed to submit to my husband. It wasn’t easy so I would pray.

Two years later I got a book from my sister-in-law called ‘Created to be His Help Meet’ by Debi Pearl from No Greater Joy ministry. At first it was an answer to prayer. Our marriage had been hanging by a thread because of some things I needed to learn. The book did fix those things but it also mixed in some really unhealthy stuff into our marriage.

Along with this book I also had a DVD of Debbie Pearl’s husband, Michael Pearl, called ‘Marriage God’s Way‘ where he does a marriage seminar.

I really ate this stuff up because I thought it was an answer to prayer. I knew my marriage had been in trouble, and I really wanted to save it.

Marriage Trouble Part 1
Marriage Trouble Part 2
Marriage Trouble Part 3
Marriage Trouble Part 4
Marriage Trouble Part 5

Answer these 25 questions to find out if you are in a cult or high control group

Answer these 25 questions to find out if you are in a cult or high control group:

1) Do your studies or training in the group seem to be endless?

2) Did you have to give up things that you liked doing in order to be accepted into the group? (e.g. music, places you used to go, clothes, family life, celebrations, etc.)

3) Have you been encouraged to cut off good friendships or close family ties with people from outside of the group?

4) If you’ve belonged to the group all your life, are there things that you would have liked to have done but you couldn’t, as they were incompatible with the rules of the group?

5) Does belonging to the group involve dressing in a certain way and using a particular terminology?

6) Have you noticed a double moral standard in the group, where individuals pretend to be an ideal person in order to be accepted?

7) Do you have to project or maintain an outward appearance of happiness within the group, although deep down you are sad or dissatisfied?

8) Do you have to make more and more of an effort to continue being an active member of the group or are you requested to give more and more money?

9) Is criticism within the group or listening to critics forbidden and punished harshly?

10) Can you reject any instruction or order from the group, although publicly it is phrased as a “suggestion”?

11) Can you question any teaching or doctrine of the group, although the criticism may be well founded and expressed respectfully?

12) Are those who reject or criticize the group or its leaders said to be rejecting God himself?

13) Are the leaders enormously relevant to the group members, and does their influence affect every aspect of the group members’ lives?

14) Are the leaders seen to be superior the rest of the members?

15) Do they claim to have divine authority or to have been appointed directly by God?

16) Do the leaders affirm that only they can communicate with God directly and receive his instructions for the group?

17) In the meetings of the group, are certain phrases or concepts reinforced periodically and topics repeated frequently?

18) Do expressions of love/brotherly affection within the group often seem fake, superficial or insincere?

19) Is it forbidden to date or marry someone who does not belong to the group?

20) As well as the communal meetings, is it obligatory to attend large conferences or other special events, and are members constantly kept very busy in activities related with the group?

21) Do you have the feeling that you’re never doing enough to reach the prize or recompense that the group promotes?

22) Out of loyalty to the group, are there things that you must not say or secrets that you must not reveal?

23) Are the members of the group the only ones who can please God?

24) In general, do the group members feel superior to those who don’t belong to it?

25) Does the group teach that they are the only ones who will be saved, and that God will destroy or punish all those who don’t belong to it?

If the majority of your answers to these questions are “yes” (except 10 and 11) you are definitely involved in a sect/cult.

Tell us more about your story, please share in the comments below, or if you’re not comfortable writing publicly, consider joining the Spiritual Abuse online support group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/813830865371192/. You are not alone.

Versión Original en Español:

Test para saber si estás en una secta

1) ¿Tus estudios o entrenamiento con el grupo parecen no tener fin?

2) ¿Has debido dejar cosas que te gustan a fin de ser aceptado en el grupo (música, sitios donde ibas, manera de vestir, vida familiar, celebraciones, etc.)?

3) ¿Has tenido que dejar buenas amistades para pertenecer al grupo?

4) En el caso de haber pertenecido toda tu vida al grupo ¿hay cosas que hubieras querido hacer pero que no puedes por ser incompatibles con las reglas del grupo?

5) ¿Pertenecer al grupo supone seguir una manera de vestir particular y usar un vocabulario diferente?

6) ¿Se observa una doble moral en el grupo, donde los individuos fingen ser una persona ideal para ser aceptados?

7) ¿Debes proyectar y fomentar una imagen de felicidad dentro del grupo aunque internamente estés triste o disconforme?

8) ¿Tienes que dar cada vez más dinero o hacer cada vez más esfuerzo para seguir siendo miembro activo del grupo?

9) ¿La crítica dentro del grupo o el hecho de escuchar a personas con opiniones contrarias está prohibida y se castiga desproporcionadamente?

10) ¿Se puede rechazar alguna directriz u ordenanza del grupo aunque públicamente se plantee como “sugerencia”?

11) ¿Se puede cuestionar alguna enseñanza o doctrina del grupo, aunque la crítica esté fundada y se plantee en términos respetuosos?

12) ¿Se pinta a los que rechazan/critican al grupo o a su(s) líder(es) como personas que en realidad rechazan a Dios?

13) ¿El líder(es) es (son) enormemente relevante(s) para los miembros del grupo, su influencia abarca cada aspecto de la vida de los miembros?

14) ¿El líder(es) forma(n) parte de una clase especial, o superior al común de los miembros?

15) ¿El líder(es) ostenta(n) una autoridad o nombramiento otorgado por Dios directamente?

16) ¿El líder(es) afirma(n) que sólo él(ellos) puede(n) comunicarse con Dios directamente y recibir Sus directrices para el grupo?

17) ¿En las reuniones del grupo se repiten frases o se refuerzan conceptos periódicamente, percibes que los temas se van repitiendo?

18) ¿Las expresiones de afecto/amor fraternal al interior del grupo son a menudo fingidas?

19) ¿Están prohibidas las relaciones de pareja con personas que no pertenezcan al grupo?

20) ¿Además de las reuniones comunes, debes asistir a eventos especiales y largas conferencias, se procura mantener a los miembros muy ocupados en las actividades del grupo?

21) ¿Hay una sensación de que nunca estás haciendo lo suficiente para alcanzar el premio o recompensa que el grupo promueve?

22) Por lealtad al grupo, ¿hay cosas que no debes decir o secretos que no puedes revelar?

23) ¿Sólo los miembros del grupo pueden agradar a Dios?

24) En general, ¿los miembros del grupo se sienten superiores al resto de las personas?

25) ¿Sólo los miembros del grupo se salvarán, Dios destruirá o castigará eternamente a todo aquél que no pertenezca al grupo?

Si la mayoría de tus respuestas son “Sí” (excepto 10 y 11), sin duda estás envuelto en una secta. Cuéntanos tu historia; no estás solo.

Dressing Modestly or To Impress?

According to the dictionary the word modesty can mean several different things and I chose the following:
1. free from ostentation or showy extravagance
2. having or showing regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, dress, etc.

Many women in the United Pentecostal Church will tell you they wear skirts and dresses for their own conviction on modesty not because of the teaching in their churches. That may be so but how can convictions be born without the teaching?

Many scriptures have been used to support their convictions from Deuteronomy 22:5 through 1 Timothy 2:9 and they have certainly been twisted to make their case for what they deem is proper attire for women.

I want to look at 1 Timothy 2:9 since this is a commonly quoted scripture to support their cause. This is a letter to Timothy from the Apostle Paul;

“I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,” 1 Timothy 2:9, NIV

This verse begins the second main section of chapter 2, which extends to the end of the chapter at verse 15. The theme is that of the role of women in Christian worship. When believers gather together, how should women function? The first statement made by Paul here uses the term hōsautōs, meaning “likewise.” Paul has just made mention of prayer and its importance. Women, therefore, are to share in similar godly actions as the men of the church. What Paul says here, then, is not a unique principle for women as much as a specific application for women.

Specifically, this refers to how women dressed and cared for their hair. Then, as now, church gatherings were not an appropriate time to dress seductively or for attention. Clothing styles vary, and tastes change based on time and culture. All the same, how women (and men) dress should be appropriate for worship of God.

Second, women were not to focus on “braided hair.” This is another comment requiring careful cultural understanding. Paul’s point is not that certain hairstyles are necessarily sinful; rather, the message and the motives are. In the culture of Ephesus, braided hair was a luxurious status symbol. In that era, it required much time and financial costs. This was the equivalent of modern hairstyles requiring significant time and cost. Those who put so much energy into hairstyles suggest that their emphasis is on themselves, rather than on worshiping God.

Further, Paul addresses fancy clothes and flashy jewelry. These items are mentioned because of the focus on using money on self rather than to help others (1 Timothy 6:10). Once again, no particular piece of jewelry, or clothing, is being called out as explicitly sinful. The message and effect have to be considered. Then, as now, worship services are not intended to be treated as a prom, social event, or a party where women—or men—”dress to impress.” These are times to worship God and focus on Him. Self-promoting clothes not only distract others from the point of a church gathering, they distract the one who is overly concerned with their appearance.

How many times have you been to any kind of UPC conference, whether it is ladies conference, district conference or general conference, and the women are dressed to impress in their designer clothes and shoes and their elaborate hairstyles as are the men in their $1,000 suits and gold watches and their Lincolns and Cadillacs?

Paul never mentions that women and men are dressed to distinguish between men and women. That is all made up rules of the UPC and twisting scripture to support it. But Paul does admonish those who spend a lot of money on their clothes and dress to impress others of their spirituality.

Taking into consideration of our culture and fashion changes, it doesn’t matter whether we wear a skirt or a pair of jeans as long as we are not dressing seductively or for attention. God wants our attention. He wants both men and women to be in prayer and worship focused on Him.

Getting Out the Old Books: David F. Gray

I recently wrote this for the Facebook group Breaking Out. I had written on skirts a couple times before this was written, which is why there are references to circular logic and other writings.

I’ve recently gotten out all my old WAP books out of an old trunk. Even though, back in the day we were dirt poor, I always allowed myself one splurge and that was Word Aflame Press books (those were always sold at camp, etc.) and so I have a whole trunk full of them. I’ve dusted them off and so I intend to write whatever comes to mind. Pardon the focus on skirts for the time being, but, once again, I am concentrating on circular logic. In these comments you will see not only circular logic but subtle spiritual abuse while the circular logic is being used. I am using these books because they are in print and, as often is needed when refuting these subjects, proven to have been said. I find even when quoting books that people claim things were taken out of context or what have you and yet over and over, author after author, the same patterns are seen. So, again skirts, but this time, a different author.

David F. Gray was an old time Pentecostal preacher. I heard him preach a couple of times at Oklahoma camp meeting, probably in the 1980’s. He wrote a few books. From the book Questions Pentecostals Ask Volume 2 pages 120-125, he is refuting a book that had been circulating that spoke against standards. I will quote pieces and parts of this and weed out the parts that are circular and abusive. Keep in mind that these things sound softer and seem not as bad couched in certain terminology which is why spiritual abuse and circular logic is subtle. However, the words are there and often, shocking when weeded out:

David Gray: “I have read the book in it’s entirety.” (Some are) “looking for an excuse to compromise these issues…and the downright untrue statements…concerning women wearing men’s clothing….the book is false and spurious….the author tries to destroy the credibility of Deut 22:5.”

David Gray makes the accusations that if you disagree with his opinions on what is women’s apparel that you are a compromiser. He doesn’t say this to YOU, as the reader, but lets you know his opinion about people who disagree with him by talking about those who compromise as if you are his audience and he is speaking to you about those “other” people….so you don’t have to feel bad about what he says personally, but he steers you away from any other opinion. He also accuses the author of the book at the same time (and we have not read the book so we don’t know) of trying to destroy the very credibility of a biblical verse.

He goes on refuting a lot of other arguments from the book. Then he says “The statement that slacks are women’s clothes is simply not true.” He then goes on to talk about an advertisement that also suggested women should wear men’s shirts and ties along with pants. He then says “The world is more honest than some Christians who want to compromise. They know, even though some carnal Christians argue otherwise, that women’s slacks were actually taken over from men’s pants.” He makes a declaration that slacks are not women’s apparel. He declares this to you, having no authority over you. He says that Christians who disagree with him are just people who want to compromise. He calls them carnal. He makes a statement that we all know is true, which is that women in America used to wear dresses and implies that carnal Christians deny this, when I don’t know of anyone who ever has.

This argument, which is not an argument that is even being used, is used to throw you off the trail of the real argument (called a “straw man argument”). It’s important to be able to see past the bunny trail arguments and see the crux of the matter….that there are accusations and browbeating happening here to bolster a weak argument. This is an example of legalism. A true conservative believer in wearing skirts does not need to bolster their argument because they have nothing to prove. They just believe what they believe for themselves and are happy to live the way they live. When I see accusations and browbeating, I am certain I am dealing with legalism and not true conservatism.

He goes on to talk about the abominable being thrown into the lake of fire. Then he says “Evidently God considers wearing the clothing of the opposite sex to be terribly significant, because he calls it an abomination unto Himself.” Understand what he is saying here. If you disagree with his opinions and are unable to sift through the straw man argument and defend yourself against the accusations, you will fear being cast into hell if you are not like-minded. This is how so many are “convicted” to wear skirts. Again, there is nothing wrong with wearing skirts in honor of this verse. The wrong is putting people into a mind-prison of fear of being cast into hell for disagreeing with the thought process. Different people think different things and have different opinions and that’s okay!

He goes on to say that people who say they’re going to heaven and yet “wear the clothing of the opposite sex” (read the implication) “there shall in no wise enter into” (the kingdom of heaven). He won’t come right out and say it. He makes you think the Bible is saying it but it’s not! The Bible is not saying it, he is twisting the Bible to agree with his opinion. But he is saying if you don’t agree with his opinion that women’s clothing is skirts and men’s clothing is pants and if you don’t apply that to your life, you are going to hell. He declares this. The Bible does not.

He ends with some good words “Any book that leads people astray should be rejected, lest some gullible, unstable soul be influenced by it.” Good words, indeed.

David F. Gray has since passed away and is no longer with us.

I am including photos of the excerpts if you want to take the time to read all of it for yourself: Page 119, page 120, page 121, page 122, page 123, page 124, page 125.

Getting Out the Old Books: The Literal Word by M.D. Treece
Getting Out the Old Books: Guardians of His Glory by Gary & Linda Reed
Getting Out the Old Books: David F. Gray
Getting Out the Old Books: Joy Haney
Getting Out The Old Books: Larry L. Booker
Getting Out the Old Books: Power Before the Throne
Getting Out the Newer Books: Wholly Holy: The Vital Role of Visible Devotion
Search For Truth On Holiness

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