Month: March 2017 | Page 3 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Questions

I have been feeling better about God… so good that I turned on some Christian music and looked through some Christian books this afternoon. Bad decision.

Some friends and I have been talking about idolatry lately. I’m not sure that idolatry encompasses everything that some say it does, but I do know one thing: a whole lot lot of things that are sung, written, and preached about in Christianity have nothing to do with Jesus. It’s this pseudo-Jesus–and pseudo-Christianity–that I have so much difficulty with.

I can deal with a lot of the falsehoods. But when things start turning to this image of our lives being perfect when we believe in Jesus, I shut down. They sound so sure. And it sounds so great. But my first reaction to that isn’t “oooh, yes!” or “baloney.” It’s “Sure. God didn’t do that for me.” Then I shut down.

Some things are so fake, so unrealistic. Please just tell the truth. I want to understand and I want hope. But I’m not looking for hope for a perfect world or a perfect life, because the harsh reality is that’s not going to happen in this life. We’re broken, and living in a broken world. So don’t try to present your false hope to me, and never try to sell that as real Christianity.

I have questions. Who doesn’t? Perhaps the reason some people are so afraid of my questions is that they don’t want to admit that they’ve had them too… or that they might sometime. Or maybe they’re afraid that someday something could go desperately wrong for them, too. Maybe they’re afraid to consider that good people do get hurt in a sinful world, that belief in Jesus doesn’t mean that he’s going to protect them from life. Maybe they’re afraid that the soft little cocoons they’ve drawn around themselves might someday not be enough to prevent any difficulty… and maybe they’re afraid to admit that what they have is not faith in God–faith not that nothing will ever go wrong but faith that God will be with them through it even when it doesn’t seem like he is–but a false sense of security based on unbiblical but very prevalent religious beliefs.

So I have questions. Some are good, some maybe not so good. I think the main questions I have at this point, though, are these: How did American Evangelical Christianity get to this point? And what do those who can’t believe it anymore do now?

Is Your Identity In Your Dress?

You can be known as a “jean skirt girl” – but why would you want your identity wrapped around what you wear? Or your long uncut hair? Or anything similar? As a Christian, shouldn’t we want our identity to be wrapped around Jesus Christ? And to be known by our love, one for another, as was the early church?

Do you not find it interesting that in the New Testament it is never mentioned that believers should be known by these things, nor were any believers ever picked out of the crowd due to their manner of dress or hair? Instead, it was the Pharisees who wanted to stand out among the people.

More Than A Dash….

I attended a funeral and the speaker who was giving the eulogy spoke about life being just a dash between birth and death and what we did in that dash was our life. He continued to speak how this person, with a great servant’s heart, had made the dash of his life matter.

Long after I left the funeral I thought about that dash of life and a servant’s heart. I knew when I was a member of my United Pentecostal church, my heart was not of a servant…and my dash of life, well it was basically empty. I participated in the church and was involved but It seemed everything was so controlled and focused on the pastor and how to serve him and the church, that there wasn’t time left for anything else.

Oh I did my duty by working in children’s ministry, puppet ministry, ladies ministry, choir and drama ministry. Then there was cooking meals for visiting ministers and for fundraising, making and selling peanut brittle, along with the church cleaning, yard work and on and on.

I was a working mother of two but was expected to keep a spotless house because you never knew when the pastor would show up with his white glove, checking the top of your refrigerator for dust. If any was found you became Sunday morning’s sermon. It was always titled “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” Jude 2:2. Yes the scripture doesn’t exist but the burning hell bent sermon did.

Things changed a little when my ex-husband pastored a church. I didn’t have to worry about the white glove test anymore but my duties expanded to include administration, section ladies leadership, and anything else that needed doing. Plus I was still a working mother and trying to be a good mother to my children and attending all of their activities and seeing to their needs. Whew! Just thinking about it all still makes me tired!

I hardly had time for prayer and Bible reading but my heart hungered after his word so I would start my days at 6 am and end it with prayer and Bible study at 1-2 am. And it was during one of those 1 am Bible studies that I really read the words of Jesus and realized I wasn’t doing what he saw as important…..

“Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’ “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You?

And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.” – ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭25:34-38, 40‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I sat there, so very tired and tears rolling down my cheeks and realized I was very busy with “church work” but was it Kingdom work? According to Jesus’ words I was not doing His work. My life was just a dash between two dates, nothing spectacular. With all the busyness, my heart remained empty of servant hood.

It wasn’t long after this that my husband abandoned ship….from God, the church and me. My life totally changed in a moments notice. I moved and found a job, went back to college to finish a degree in accounting and worked as a tax accountant for the next 14 years.

But I couldn’t get away from the words of Jesus and the dash of life and how I desired that servant’s heart. I so wanted my life to be more than just a dash. I wanted people to know I’m His child and a servant to others. I wanted to serve that glass of cold water and prepare food for the hungry, visit the sick and those in jail and to give a home to the homeless.

Then I found a very healthy church full of Jesus’ love and the teaching of having a servant’s heart has blessed me more than anything else. I have been blessed with a servant’s heart and now feel like my life is more than just a dash…that in some small way I can make a difference.

From doing all that cooking and sharing it at work I was able to share recipes and teach some of them how to cook. I didn’t realize I had touched so many until I retired last year and received phone calls and emails of how I helped so many. I know it wasn’t me but Jesus touching them through sharing a meal I prepared.

I have an older lady living with me now because she was homeless and living in her car. She goes to my church and none of us knew she was homeless. She had lost her husband and couldn’t afford their apartment anymore so she put her stuff in storage and her name on the list for senior housing. And slept in her car. When I found out what she was doing I brought her home with me. That was almost three years ago and she is still with me. She now has enough money to live on and she contributes to the household needs. It took so little to give a home to a homeless person.

I am not writing this for any praise, I’m just sharing how easy it was to add to my dash of life. When I was United Pentecostal…my heart was not of a servant…and my dash of life was so empty. But through Jesus’ love and the teachings from a healthy church…I have been blessed with a servant’s heart to serve people and to serve them anywhere.

My workplace, a soup kitchen, giving a book to an inmate in jail, an elderly woman grieving the loss of her husband …and home. It takes so little to make a difference and in some small way know that my dash between two dates will be more than just a dash.

Relevant Church

I’m sitting at home this Sunday morning, enjoying the birds’ songs, petting a cat, resting. I’ve visited a number of churches in the last three years but haven’t felt at home in any. The sermons are fluffy. The adult Sunday School teachers and students know very little about the Bible and leave no room for questions or opinions other than their own. Some talk more about their brand of politics than Christ. And I’m tired.

The problem may come down to “relevant church.” Sermons about Katelyn Jenner or the latest commercials may be their way of relating to people “on their level” -being more relevant. The problem is, I’ve rarely heard someone complain that they just couldn’t relate to a sermon, much less an entire series. What I do hear far too often is that sermons are “fluffy,” that the overwhelming sugary-sweet (and almost invariably fake) greetings, smiles, and hugs are… well, like choking down an entire Cadbury egg in one bite, without a drink. Even the thought makes my teeth hurt. Like those eggs, corporate church is extremely sweet, but not rich. There’s a bolt of sugar and then… nothing.

There is shallowness hidden behind the smiles, the parties, the greetings, and yes, even the sermons and lessons and the beliefs behind them. Church doesn’t need more relevance, it needs more real relationship. Relationship with the God they tout but who is too rarely mentioned in their songs and sermons. Relationship with others -as in true caring and compassion, not empty smiles and hugs and new Facebook requests. I’ve been told they’re too busy to do things with each other, and that’s understandable. But they wouldn’t need to spend time together frequently to love those they share their Sunday pews with.

A woman in the church I spent the most time in within the last year or two messaged me this morning. “We miss you!” I stood for months’ of Sundays trying to join conversations, trying to develop relationships, feeling like I was just hanging out on the fringe, in the way. I asked the pastor for more information about the church’s terminology and beliefs in consideration of membership and was told someone else would answer those questions. It took three weeks and several emails on my part to get those answers, and even then no one ever followed up, no one asked my thoughts on the answers I’d received or asked if I had any more questions. Not once. I’d go weeks without more than a passing, rushed “hi” until I stopped attending as frequently and talked of moving closer to work. Then suddenly “But we’ll miss you! Don’t leave!” became the recurring theme. I felt pressured, but considering my experiences in the months prior to that, I did NOT feel loved.

It was a relevant church. But church doesn’t need to be more relevant, it needs to be relational. Because when it becomes relational, it will be truly relevant, since it’s through relationship that we can meet people where they are.*

*1 Cor 13 states that where there is no love, there is a hollowness, a purposelessness. Without love our words are like “a resounding gong or a tinkling cymbal.” Our words and our actions are nothing without care and compassion, without love. When we opt for video clips from popular media, harp on political soapboxes, and disallow questions or concepts different from our own, our words are empty. We are not meeting people where they are. We are not loving them.

Churchianity

As some of you know, I moved a year ago and again this year. Last time I never did really find a church, and this time I haven’t found anything yet either. After yet another really irritating situation (actually two) on Sunday, I’ve been thinking….

I’m bored with denominational churches. Not because there’s a lack of “anointing,” not because I miss the outward worship… truth be told, I was bored in FT, too -although whether or not there was much anointing in that is debatable -and even at conferences and camps (think day services, I’m not the only one who didn’t go because something else was more interesting, I think). The difference between FT and denominational churches, then, wasn’t anointing or outward worship or truth. What was the difference? Part of it was the fear of admitting that those supposedly “awesome,” “Holy Ghost filled” services were boring, and the lack of honesty or words to know they were boring… and the larger part may have been that I had the ability there to do something else if things got boring. So a Pentecostal service got boring? Try to figure out who the preacher is talking about. Get up and run the aisles, say amen, clap, dance, whatever. Think about what everyone will do after church. See what people are wearing. Watch the visitors. Start praying and moaning. Work yourself up.

It doesn’t work as well visiting denominational churches. And so I have time to think about how boring they are. Especially if they don’t have WiFi. (In WiFi churches I jump online and tune out for awhile.)

Christianity isn’t a compartmentalized institution. Following Jesus isn’t nice and neat and tidy. It’s actually a bit chaotic and a lot messy at times from our perspectives. There aren’t easy answers for everything. Some things don’t even have hard answers. But ‘churchianity’ doesn’t seem very willing to acknowledge that.

Does that mean we should give up on church? No, maybe not. But I do think it’s the reason church is frustrating to me.

I picked up a book last night that was in my ‘to read’ pile. I couldn’t put it down. The book described me, describes most of us. We’ve asked some hard questions and realized that what we’ve been told about the Bible and God doesn’t answer the questions and doesn’t even fit what we’ve seen in the Bible, and that church isn’t what we were told or expected.

So if you’re looking for a church and finding it frustrating to find one, please realize you’ve been through and done something most people in ‘churchianity’ have never dreamed of -you asked the questions, faced a decision on whether or not you would believe and what you would believe, sorted through a lot of bad teaching, and come out on the other side. And as a result, at least for me, I can’t just “do church” or “have church” anymore. Not without a few yawns and a little time on the internet, at least.

What really made me realize how bored I was:
Recently the church I went to had a nice, tidy three point sermon. I can’t remember what all the points were. The message was taken from James 2, but it only covered a couple verses and was very fluffy. Do this, do that, love Jesus, the end. *Yawn* I went from that to looking for a Sunday School class. I went to the first and asked what they were studying. The man I asked looked at me and said, “We’re all older here.” I went next door to the next class (both were for “mixed adults”) and asked the same thing. Two women told me they were all –I stopped them and said I didn’t ask WHO they were, but WHAT they were studying. They responded that they were all married. Huh???

So I did finally attend a class, though. And in that class, there was a lengthy discussion on whether we should give money to bums. I tuned out. I’ve had that discussion several times. I’ve looked into it myself, considered several perspectives, and arrived at conclusions. The discussion later turned toward whether God was biased for choosing Israel as His people. It wasn’t a “Let’s open the Bible and look into that” sort of thing. It was more of a “was not-was too!” type thing. Again, I tuned out. For awhile. Until they really started getting on my nerves and I looked up from the internet long enough to interject that we should keep in mind that the Bible was written by, for and about Israelites, but that didn’t mean that God didn’t have others serving him as well. Followed by deathly silence. I went back to the internet and they changed the subject.

So… I’m bored because I go sit inside a box with people who think inside even smaller boxes, but I’m still thinking outside the box, and even wondering why we’ve made the boxes at all.