Year: 2017

I’ve been reading a book on grieving, No One Cries the Wrong Way. The author lists several ways to grieve, and it occurred to me that none of the ones listed works for those who grieve a loss like ours, because we are grieving a loss of a way of life and friends who are still alive but in many cases no longer speak to us, or at least don’t consider us friends.

We miss these people. We miss the church and aspects of the culture we left behind. We may miss parts of the routine, certain activities, and interactions with others who understand the group’s internal language and perspectives. At the same time, we may be angry at them and resistant to them because they’ve shunned us and failed us.

One of the things the book mentions that we can do is remember the good as well as the bad. We may not be able to share the good memories with our new friends, but we have the opportunity in support groups like this to share those memories with each other.

There’s nothing wrong with missing things about the unhealthy groups we left. There were good and bad aspects, and while we don’t want to go back, we can still miss the good things or the things that made us happy while we were there.

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I have been absent for some time in my writing trying to sort out the real motivations and purposes behind this blog. There is an internal conversation that asks, should I continue focusing on legalism, cult-style control within religious organizations? Or should I turn the focus towards grace, and love, and freedom in Christ?

Then events take place that remind me, grace, love, and freedom in Christ, comes from the awakening the understanding that the yoke of legalism is ugly, destructive, and anti-Christ, and my resolve is rekindled.

Thus, I want to ask you the dual questions; Are you taught (or are you teaching) to keep the law of Moses?

Legalism. It is the way of a theocracy or dictatorship. Undoubtedly, if we believe Scripture, we believe His method in the latter Old Testament was just this, a theocracy, a system of strict rule that consisted of a Law Giver (Moses), a Judge (priesthood) and Executioner (zealots). In modern day religious structures that use the Law to demand obedience to ordinances, these three, the Law Giver, The Judge and the Executioner is known as Pastor.

And yet the author of all of this, God, blotted out the written ordinances of the Law, it’s demands, requirements and judgements, with the fulfilling of Scripture, in Christ on the Cross.

Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross;  – Colossians 2:14, KJV

I thank God that some time ago, through study, prayer, seeking and sometimes, just silence, I was able to come to the realization that modern day men who yoke congregants with the demands of the Law of Moses are NOT fulfilling the Law of Christ, and thus, I wanted no part with them.

Consider this illustration and the following Scriptural backing;

Act 15:5  But there rose up certain of the sect of the Pharisees which believed, saying, That it was needful to circumcise them, and to command them to keep the law of Moses.

Act 15:10  Now therefore why tempt ye God, to put a yoke upon the neck of the disciples, which neither our fathers nor we were able to bear? Act 15:11  But we believe that through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ we shall be saved, even as they.

Act 15:24  Forasmuch as we have heard, that certain which went out from us have troubled you with words, subverting your souls, saying, Ye must be circumcised, and keep the law: to whom we gave no such commandment:

Act 15:28  For it seemed good to the Holy Ghost, and to us, to lay upon you no greater burden than these necessary things; Act 15:29  That ye abstain from meats offered to idols, and from blood, and from things strangled, and from fornication: from which if ye keep yourselves, ye shall do well. Fare ye well.

The law was a very heavy burden, it was a yoke, and as described in Acts 15, it was something that not even the current Church elders (who were Jewish) and their fathers (all of Judaism under the law) could really and truly bear. Furthermore, it was fulfilled in the Law of Christ, His sacrifice was the final atonement of the Law.

Then the question was asked, ‘Why do you tempt (displease) God, to place requirements upon His believers?’

Jesus, much earlier, in Matthew 23, made a bold proclamation to his Apostles about how they would go forth in creating disciples, or more importantly, how not to, and it bears much weight in this conversation.

Mat 23:2  Saying, The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat:

Mat 23:4  For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.

Mat 23:6  And love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and the chief seats in the synagogues, Mat 23:7  And greetings in the markets, and to be called of men, Rabbi, Rabbi. Mat 23:8  But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren. Mat 23:9  And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven. Mat 23:10  Neither be ye called masters: for one is your Master, even Christ.

It seems strange to me, then, that modern day pastors would crave the Seat of Moses (Law Giver, Judge of the Law and Executioner), which is Authority, absolute authority. It is no surprise, that when you crave such authority, the Law is your backdrop and story.

Granted, the experiences of which I speak are related to Oneness Pentecostal churches, or the United Pentecostal Church International. But as I share my story, and hear from many others, it is not privy just to that denomination. This takes place on a grand scale.

For instance, some of the laws of which I speak are quite contrary to Christ’s teaching, and yet they exist in many religious circles, such as;

• The pastor dictates what clothes men and women can wear
• The pastor dictates if men can have facial hair, or either sex can wear jewelry
• The pastor controls who/if you can date or marry
• The pastor controls if/when you can come to church

This is a very, very brief list, and it encompasses so many aspects of congregants lives, such as what music you are allowed to hear, whether or not you can attend plays, dances, watch television, or movies, etc.

None of these tend to be supported in Scripture, unless you purchase the idea that the Pastor is God’s delegated authority (Moses) on the earth, and in him/her [pastor] is vested the authority to bind their own commandments as doctrines of the Church.

The only problem is, Jesus condemned this openly;

Mar 7:7  Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.

Often times, those religious dictators that would exercise authority and control over others, start with the backdrop of utilizing the Law of Moses as the vehicle of their control, but so often inject their own ideals, commandments and laws into the mix.

So what is the Law of Moses?

This is far too long a topic to address properly, but there is a very simple Scripture (it always does the best job!) that gives you the in a nutshell version;

Col 2:20  Wherefore if ye be dead with Christ from the rudiments of the world, why, as though living in the world, are ye subject to ordinances,
Col 2:21  (Touch not; taste not; handle not;
Col 2:22  Which all are to perish with the using;) after the commandments and doctrines of men?

Suffice it to say, that if you are being taught, or God forbid, you are teaching, that one must keep the rudiments, precepts, and ordinances of Old Testament Law, in order to obtain Grace, and to be Saved, it is anti-Christ.

Dress codes and standards, were Old Testament law. (Dresses only for women to be saved)

Tithing is old testament law. (Must give man 10%+ of all income to be saved)

Absolute authority in one human is old testament law. (Blind obedience to be saved)

Obedience to Christ is New Testament Law!

Gal 6:2  Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

Mar 12:29  Jesus answered, “The most important is, ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God is one Lord,
Mar 12:30  and you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’
Mar 12:31  The second is this: ‘You must love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”

Thus, if ANYONE comes preaching any other Gospel (Law), let him be accursed! The only Gospel is Christ, and Him Crucified! The only Gospel is the Law (Love) of Christ and the redemption we have in Him, through the Cross.

Anyone that teaches ordinances and obedience (always obedience to the teacher of the law) in order to obtain Christ’s grace and mercy is a false teacher, and is harmful to your faith, your future, and yes, your family! I pray you go forth in the Law of Christ, and let no one steer you aside from His Commandments of Love.

1Jn 2:25  The message that the Son himself declared to us is eternal life.
1Jn 2:26  I have written to you about those who are trying to deceive you.
1Jn 2:27  The anointing you received from God abides in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you this. Instead, because God’s anointing teaches you about everything and is true and not a lie, abide in him, as he taught you to do.

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We live in a troubled world filled with violence, evil, poverty and disease. You never know what a day or night will bring. Anything can happen to rock our world; a phone call, kicked out of the church you’d been attending, a job lost, a medical diagnosis, a car accident, a death. When I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease in December 2013, I thought my life was over, that I had no future…no hope…no choice…

I love Christmas but not in 2013, I didn’t want to decorate or participate in anything. I’m one of those OCD people that likes everything decorated and pretty and perfect. Even down to the wrapping paper and ribbons on my packages.

I love making cookies and fudge and baking bread to give to friends and neighbors and to our local police and fire stations. It’s a lot of work but I give them my very best, even if it is home made. But not this year…..I was too angry, depressed and yes, afraid.

Then this magical and miraculous time of the year comes around every December and because I was ignoring the holidays, I almost missed the magic and miraculous of the season.

As we miss out seeing the magic of Christmas and the gift where love comes down to find you no matter where you are. A hospital room, sitting on a stump in a forest, walking along the beach, the unemployment line, the doctors office, a jail cell, a concert, a soup kitchen, or baking in your own kitchen…wherever you are. And it doesn’t matter whether or not you have a perfect record or a bad record.

Love comes down year after year and God is waiting for us to make our choice to accept Him and make him a daily part of our lives. Choice is a powerful instrument with far-reaching implications. What you decide today, will impact tomorrow and other lives. He wants our hearts more than gifts and pageants and trees, decorations, cookies and stories. I’ve often wondered because we call it The Christmas Story that we have trouble believing that God’s gift to mankind is real? Or just another story?

But thanks be to God this story is real! And it’s been told many times through the ages. He’s waiting for you and he’s waiting for me to respond to his love and his gift of grace that he gave out of his love that he has for us. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, so that we can be saved.

Christmas is a gift from God our Heavenly Father; it’s his very best gift to mankind and he wants us to accept it. His is the gift that keeps on giving and we are reminded of it every year and then God waits….He waits for us to choose ….He waits for us to make the right choice.

My Pastor was preaching a few months ago and made a comment that has stuck with me. “Grace is God stooping in love. Grace always stoops.” He stoops down to our level with Grace and Love.

“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” II Corinthians‬ ‭12:9‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

May we take the time to slow down this Christmas season and on a clear night look into the heavens and listen to the angels sing….“Glory to God in the Highest,” or look to the North Star and rejoice with exceeding great joy as the wise men did all those years ago. Fill the night with your voice singing Silent Night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright…. or join me and sing
“O holy night the stars are brightly shining
It is the night of our dear Savior’s birth
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new glorious morn
Fall on your knees
O hear the angels’ voices
O night divine
O night when Christ was born
O night divine o night
O night divine”

Enjoy God’s gift this year! May you have a very Merry Christmas! And a wonderfully blessed New Year!

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I think many of us probably feel as though being a “peacekeeper” is nothing to feel blessed about. It seems like the holiday season, in particular, brings out the very worst in people. How can you cope when you’re dealing with the stress that often comes with this time of year, combined with people who might be carrying about a lot of baggage that they aren’t coping with very well?

I’m not a mental health professional, but I’ve found there are a few ways to cope that make a lot of this easier. Hopefully, these tips will be helpful no matter where you are on a spiritual journey or where your loved one is:

Pick your battles wisely – Sometimes it’s hard to avoid walking into a verbal hornet’s nest, but sometimes there is plenty of warning that one is there. If you’re dealing with a loved one who seems easily set off, watch for the warning signs that they’re itching for a verbal sparring match so you can avoid discussion.

Avoid the temptation to have to have the last word – I’m very much a work in progress myself on this matter, but I’ve found it helpful in dealing with verbal “boxers” who thrive on conflict. Sometimes it’s not worth the wasted time or resulting migraine.

Draw a line and ENFORCE it – Some people just need to be told that you won’t discuss certain issues with them – period, end of discussion. One of the major things here is spotting ways they might try to use “wiggle room” to try to force discussion of the forbidden topic – you’ll need to treat these the same as you would any other boundary violation.

Don’t try to sway them – It’s frustrating to see people holding certain views that are making them and everyone around them angry and dysfunctional. However, remembering that you aren’t any more likely to convert them to your way of thinking any more than they will convert you to theirs will save you a lot of frustration.

Do damage control as needed, for your own sake – Some people continually engage in rude, thoughtless behavior despite your efforts to be nice and avoid any conflicts. Depending on the severity of the behavior, you might need to consider cutting contact, restricting their access to you on social media, etc.

Don’t feel guilty – Some insecure people will try to make you feel guilty for setting boundaries and act like you’re the bad one. Remember: No matter what their story is, you are not responsible for everything that’s happened to them, and they must be the one to choose to deal with their issues – you can’t do it for them.

Amen?

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Gossip and slander was rampant in the sect. It kept things interesting. Sadly, especially amongst the women. If they can tear another down to build themselves up, then why not? Nobody appeared to question the amount of toxic gossip. I’m a very sensitive person so my spirit has always cringed when gossip starts up. I remember driving home from services as a child and my parents gossiping in the front of the car about “did you see what she was wearing?”, “oh, she doesn’t have much of a brain does she?”, etc. On and on. Rarely building anyone up. Tearing down was the norm.

The intermarriages in the sect made things worse. Everybody knew everybody’s business because most were interrelated. My first cousin was married to my brother-in-law, for example. My sister’s brother-in-law is also her first cousin. This is very common as there is not enough people to marry. It is not unusual for an uncle and a nephew to be bother-in-laws. Therefore the gossip chain is even more rampant in this type of community.

I think another root cause of the toxic gossip is how empty their lives are. Void of real meaning and purpose – functioning out of must-dos and what-will-they-thinks. They don’t have many, if any, hobbies or interests and they usually have low self esteem and are emotionally unavailable. So gossiping is almost a sport – an activity to distract them from the drudgery of mundane sect activities, and to add some spice to the day.

The Holy Spirit doesn’t seem to be free enough in that community for them to be convicted that their gossip is toxic and not of God. It is not love. It is tearing down. And it causes trust issues. You cannot trust anyone or confide in anyone – because there is an instant gossip chain that takes off – phone calls are made, hush hush voices of condemnation and judgement – this was in the days before texts and social media – I’m sure it is even worse now with instant communication.

Most of the time the gossip wasn’t even true. Embellishment and exaggeration were the name of the game. They didn’t seem to think about how damaging it was to the individual. It’s as if their God-given conscience was numb because they’d been exposed to this life-sucking activity since they were infants (99% of members are born into the sect).

When I married into my ex-husband’s family the scene was the same as when I was a child. The same nonsense gossip going on in the front of the car when we carpooled to and from the services. The spirit of Jesus is not in this behavior. It’s sad that their most favourite ‘sport’ was at the expense of others. It was a lonely and isolating community because you never knew what was being said about you behind your back. Shame was deep and all-consuming.

It’s such a relief now, post-cult, to never have to be around people who gossip or like to talk negative about others. I have zero tolerance now because I had to put up with this for so long. And I was at the receiving end of the gossip so many times that I know JUST how toxic and damaging this pastime can be.

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