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The day after my third Facebook post that fall, “What Really Happened- Part Two,” Douglas Stauffer sent the following private message to Matthew Olds through Facebook, claiming that he was “saddened” when he had heard that we had left! According to Stauffer, his reasoning for the message was “since it seems that you [Matt] may not be privy to all this” and so that “you [Matt] can know how to better help Chrystal [me].” He proceeded to copy and paste my Facebook posts from October 2018 and November 2018, supposing incorrectly that Matt was not aware, just as he claimed back in June 2018. Even today, Matt and I both feel that Stauffer’s message (below) is telling of the facade that we believe he presented on regular basis.

**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**

Douglas Stauffer (December 7, 2018 4 at 9:05am): 

“12/7/18 THU 10:26 PM 

Matt: I received this last night and simply filed it away but after much prayer I want to forward it to you since it seems that you may not be privy to all this. This is the second post that I have received and plan on doing nothing about either one other than this time passing along a copy of both to you—not even passing a copy to the pastor. I am certainly not going to react to it because reacting was my mistake in the past and I try to learn from lessons taught. When I came back from travels, I heard ya’ll had left the church—I was saddened.

This post is indicative of what started the problem back in June; using Facebook to publicly air one’s grievances that could be perceived as attacking the pastor or the church, rather than going to the individual (highly unlikely at this juncture). I think you are a good man and want to do what is right and best for all (especially Chrystal and your children). Anyway, I do pray for you guys and wish nothing but the best and sure miss the smiles from your children that could brighten anyone’s day.

Do not feel compelled in anyway to respond. This message is simply informational and not meant to fix a problem that may remain broken and irreparable. I wish the latter not to be the case but do realize that Chrystal feels wronged, hurt and betrayed.
Additionally, this message is not sent to you to cause division in your family but so that you can know how to better help Chrystal. It is not even intended so that you can have her take down the post—that is irrelevant. If what she is doing is right than I am fully supportive. If it is not, I will simply leave that in God’s hands since I could have done better in handling her posts back in June.
Because of Calvary,

Doug

12/6/18
Wanna know why people don’t speak up about various forms of harassment? Still wonder why there’s a MeToo Movement? Let me show you…..

This was supposed to be a place of balance and a place of healing. I opened up the scars and the wounds in hopes of moving forward, and despite the many hours of tears, counsel and advice over the course of FIVE YEARS, I heard the words… I don’t know how to talk with you.
I sent an email about the harassment that occurred in June, but what happened? A message on forgiveness that night. He later said he was preaching to himself too. I’ve since learned the Bible says to recieve not an accusation against an elder except by two or three witnesses. Now I know why.
My husband was called downstairs into a meeting where the man told my husband that he thought this mess had fallen into my husband’s lap for him to help me with my past trauma. It was believed to all be transferance but I have the proof that tells otherwise. He then said that an email like this can destroy a man’s ministry and attempted to get my husband to agree to deleting it from his email as well. He said to my husband, “Let’s start ripping it up now” and proceeded to attempt to physically rip up the document. When that did not work-awkwardly, I might add- he sent my husband to the office to shred it. It was presented as the ONLY copy remaining, just a day after giving a copy to the man who harassed my family saying, “Brother Olds doesn’t know you have this.”

Two months later, the man who harassed my family to begin with approached us because he knew about the email (had a physical copy) and couldn’t rectify that I went over to say “Hello” And apologize for avoiding him, and wanted to meet because he was afraid of a #MeToo movement. He threatened (but said it was NOT a threat) that if the meeting didn’t go a certain way, he would step down, leave the church, and my accusations of harassment would go up before the church. When my husband asked the man we sent the email to about the harassment to be in the meeting, he said we were trying to destroy our church because I had asked a friend for advice in June. He also tried to control the number of witnesses and tell my husband who he could and could not ask for as witnesses. Oh yes, and he said that shredding the email wasn’t meant too be deceitful.
Why speak up? Because these types of situations happen all of the time and people are told, “This could destroy his ministry.” Well, what about everyone else that is destroyed IN his scope of ministry? #BreaktheSilence

10/1/18 We’ve made it a year again despite the struggles of three young children, lip ties and sickness, and nursing in a time where breastfeeding is still developing as a norm! This is NOT against mothers who use formula (we had to for a while with our first because of ties), but breastfeeding is hard work and I’m thankful that we’ve made it a whole year by God’s grace! Joshua* had horrible a horrible lip tie and tongue tie at the beginning which made for a very exhausting, painful and discouraging first month.
After all of the junk we faced while nursing our second (Annabelle*- that’s a post for another day), I’m thankful that we only had one person actually approach us about nursing this time and it wasn’t until Joshua* was about eight months. The man [NOT my old pastor] said that as kneeling for the anthem is giving America the finger, I’m giving my church the finger every time I nurse. He continued to say that it’s an authority issue in our home, that it will be a hindrance to us being sent out as missionaries, and that my husband needs to “man up” and say “Woman, this is what you are going to do [go down to the mother’s room]. And yes, he knew that I struggled with depression and anxiety that was exacerbated by being secluded/isolated away in the mother’s room.

I’m thankful for my husband being the MAN that he is and standing up for me again as his wife and friend. He truly has been my rock through all of it. I don’t know where I’d be without him, but I don’t think we would have made it a year and still going strong.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Yet Another Message from Douglas Stauffer (December 2018)” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

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In 2006, Tarana Burke started the “Me Too movement” in order to “highlight the occurrence of sexual harassment, particularly as it targeted women of color.” (Me Too: Sexual Harassment Awareness & Prevention, Maryville Online, 23 Jan. 2020.) Unfortunately, her movement remained stagnant for eleven years until several actresses began to share their own experiences and Alyssa Milano encouraged women to respond back to her tweet with “Me Too” if they had ever been sexually harassed or assaulted. Almost immediately, the movement became a force to be reckoned with. This seemingly simple, two-word hashtag took the world by storm, bringing countless prominent and powerful figures to their knees by publicly exposing the darkest corners of their world. But how does it work? What makes “#MeToo” effective?

According to Burke, “the MeToo movement works on empowerment through empathy, by showing the world just how common sexual harassment is and by telling survivors they are not alone and [are] supported” (Me Too: Sexual Harassment Awareness & Prevention,  Maryville Online, 23 Jan. 2020.). No matter what type(s) of abuse one has endured, the courageous act of even one person coming out and saying, “I experienced this, and it is unacceptable,” brings validation to millions of victims who have suffered in silence, and inspires others to finally tell their stories.

During the summer following the mass exodus of 2017, we discovered that many of the precious Christians who left were afraid to speak up, either for fear of “touching God’s anointed,” or because they still feared the residual consequences of speaking up against the leadership even a year after they left. Near the end of my own family’s time there, I too came to understand the pressure and concerns they endured during their last weeks and months at Antioch Baptist Church:

• • • Within his first voicemail back in June 2018, Douglas Stauffer conjectured that my Facebook post about his carnal message could “draw complainers to a complainer.” Why would he be afraid of us talking with those who left? What was there to hide?
    • Pastor Andrew Ray also expressed his concern in a meeting shortly thereafter that those who left desired to use me as their spokesperson for what they went through. Was there a reason they needed a spokesman?
    • Later in the summer, I further learned of Pastor’s Ray’s letter to one of the families threatening to send a letter to their college-age daughter’s educational establishment should they not leave in an adequately peaceable manner!

If there is anything that I have learned over the years about various types of abuse, it is that the darkness reigns through the power of silence. There are countless stories from the mass exodus that we are not privy to the details on, but it leaves me wondering what other underhanded manipulations occurred at the hands of Pastor Andrew Ray or Douglas Stauffer and were stifled down or hidden through fear. Maybe that could be the reason that Douglas Stauffer stated that he did not want a #MeToo movement, despite the subject at hand being his harassment toward me and my family, not harassment of a sexual nature!

Thanks to Douglas Stauffer and Andrew Ray, I can clearly see why Burke started the #MeToo movement, and why it continues strongly today. I merely spoke up against injustice, and we feel that Pastor Ray and Stauffer then attempted to shame and manipulate us into silence because it would hurt their fragile reputations. Unfortunately for Douglas Stauffer and Andrew Ray, I had already experienced spiritual abuse in the past, and despite the continued pain, I refused to ever be a doormat again. They chose the wrong woman to mess with because I refuse to cower silently in timid submission to men who appear calloused to the consequences of their actions on other people.

Below is the third Facebook post I managed to muster up the courage to share about our experiences at Antioch Baptist Church, just a month after the second one:

Crystal Old’s Facebook Post on December 6, 2018

“Wanna know why people don’t speak up about various forms of harassment? Still wonder why there’s a MeToo Movement? Let me show you…..

**What REALLY Happened- Part 2: June 2018**

This was supposed to be a place of balance and a place of healing. I opened up the scars and the wounds in hopes of moving forward, and despite the many hours of tears, counsel and advice over the course of FIVE YEARS, I heard the words… I don’t know how to talk with you.

I sent an email about the harassment that occurred in June, but what happened? A message on forgiveness that night. He later said he was preaching to himself too. I’ve since learned the Bible says to receive not an accusation against an elder except by two or three witnesses. Now I know why.

My husband was called downstairs into a meeting where the man  [Pastor Andrew Ray] told my husband that he thought this mess had fallen into my husband’s lap for him to help me with my past trauma. It was believed to all be transference but I have the proof that tells otherwise. He then said that an email like this can destroy a man’s ministry and attempted to get my husband to agree to deleting it from his email as well. He said to my husband, “Let’s start ripping it up now” and proceeded to attempt to physically rip up the document. When that did not work-awkwardly, I might add- he sent my husband to the office to shred it. It was presented as the ONLY copy remaining, just a day after giving a copy to the man who harassed my family saying, “Brother Olds doesn’t know you have this.”

Two months later, the man who harassed my family to begin with approached us because he knew about the email (had a physical copy) and couldn’t rectify that I went over to say “Hello” And apologize for avoiding him, and wanted to meet because he was afraid of a #MeToo movement. He threatened (but said it was NOT a threat) that if the meeting didn’t go a certain way, he would step down, leave the church, and my accusations of harassment would go up before the church. When my husband asked the man we sent the email to about the harassment to be in the meeting, he said we were trying to destroy our church because I had asked a friend for advice in June. He also tried to control the number of witnesses and tell my husband who he could and could not ask for as witnesses. Oh yes, and he said that shredding the email wasn’t meant too be deceitful.

Why speak up? Because these types of situations happen all of the time and people are told, “This could destroy his ministry.” Well, what about everyone else that is destroyed IN his scope of ministry?
#BreaktheSilence
#MessedWithTheWrongWoman
#NotASheep”

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Douglas Stauffer’s Private Message to Matthew Olds (December 2018)” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

********
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**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**

For months, I continued to type posts about what happened with Pastor Andrew Ray and Douglas Stauffer, but I always deleted them for the sake of my marriage. When we finally hit our one year milestone for breastfeeding our third child, however, I finally opened up publicly about the struggles that several church members from the inner circle created in our lives:

Crystal Old’s Facebook Post on October 1, 2018:

“We’ve made it a year again despite the struggles of three young children, lip ties and sickness, and nursing in a time where breastfeeding is still developing as a norm! This is NOT against mothers who use formula (we had to for a while with our first because of ties), but breastfeeding is hard work and I’m thankful that we’ve made it a whole year by God’s grace! Joshua* had a horrible lip tie and tongue tie at the beginning which made for a very exhausting, painful and discouraging first month.

After all of the junk we faced while nursing our second (Annabelle*- that’s a post for another day), I’m thankful that we only had one person actually approach us about nursing this time and it wasn’t until Joshua* was about eight months. The man [NOT my old pastor] said that as kneeling for the anthem is giving America the finger, I’m giving my church the finger every time I nurse. He continued to say that it’s an authority issue in our home, that it will be a hindrance to us being sent out as missionaries, and that my husband needs to “man up” and say “Woman, this is what you are going to do [go down to the mother’s room]. And yes, he knew that I struggled with depression and anxiety that was exacerbated by being secluded/isolated away in the mother’s room.

I’m thankful for my husband being the MAN that he is and standing up for me again as his wife and friend. He truly has been my rock through all of it. I don’t know where I’d be without him, but I don’t think we would have made it a year and still going strong.”

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: “What Really Happened- Part One” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

After we left Antioch Baptist Church, a small church just north of Knoxville cared for my family’s wounds for almost half a year. Their tenderness helped to bandage our raw, open sores, while their willingness to listen soothed the burning and pounding that seemed to continue incessantly. They showed us grace and gave us space to breathe, while offering their arms and homes as places of safety from the storms. Even though we ended up never joining at that church, we are ever-grateful for their compassion, acceptance, and love during some of the hardest months of our lives.

Of all the struggles I dealt with personally in the months to follow, however,  I could never accept that the document we sent to the two or three witnesses was sufficient, because on top of my own inner turmoil and the damage to our marriage, I saw the depth of pain in my children’s eyes as they played with less wonder and innocence in their hearts. While I could never go back and change what my children had to endure, I could warn others, in hopes that even one person would eventually hear and listen, thus preventing themselves or their families from suffering the same fate. The emotions in this post were raw, ranging from anger to inconsolable pain, but I needed to speak my truth- my story- not just for my sake, but for those after me.

Crystal Old’s Facebook Post on November 8, 2018

“**What Really Happened- Part One: Aug 2015 and Onward**

Who knew that feeding my child essential nourishment while getting spiritually fed meant we didn’t hold up the standards of leading vs submission, that my husband needed to “man up” and send me to an isolated room that only exasperated my postpartum depression and anxiety. Who knew my own pastor’s family would approach our friends asking them to attempt to shame me into that isolation knowing full-well the impact it had on my mental state. Who knew that it would be deemed a hindrance to our church sending us out as missionaries.

Who knew you could write an 800 page book on rightly dividing Scripture when I’m considered a “Bible corrector” because I believe God PROMISED to PRESERVE his word “from this generation forever.” Guess what: that includes the Greek and the Hebrew.

Did you know that pants make the shape of the letter “A,” “just like authority”? I know of a few other words that start with A too, but that doesn’t change what the Bible really says. The word “modesty” in 1 Tim is the same root word as the requirement for a bishop to be “of good behaviour.”

Did you know that being an introvert was the only acceptable thing as a woman? Too bad God made me an extrovert so it was taken as being unsubmissive. Or is there another reason my own pastor’s wife decided to spread lies that I run my home and whatever I say goes….. Is that needing to feel superior or simply envy?

Did you know it’s okay for someone in the inner circle to tear down 40 godly men and women (look into the REAL stories, not the lies we were fed) behind the pulpit MULTIPLE TIMES and even in a meeting with over 30 visiting churches, but we were the ones accused of trying to destroy our church by saying it was wrong. Went about it the wrong way? Sure. But so was the harassment to follow. And no. Once again, the ends do NOT justify the means. Aggression is still harassment.

We had an issue with ONE MAN and the way he PUBLICALLY destroyed people without remorse, but our pastor said the writing was on the wall with our criticism and negativity. No. That was called thinking for ourselves. Individual soul liberty. We loved our church and had no intention of leaving anytime soon. We didn’t realize how much deeper the problem went before June….and it wasn’t until then that we found out what truly happened a year ago.

Our children miss their teachers and friends, but we will not allow our children’s spiritual lives be destroyed and hindered like many others were that you will answer for someday. Risk my child being completely humiliated in a men’s meeting because they confided interest in marrying someone? Nah.
Risk my child being the dedicated whipping post of an entire church service without the pastor ever talking with the parents first, but rather based off of the gossip of the TEENAGERS? Then turning around almost a year later justifying that it “helped to get ahead of the situation,” but the pastor still has to question if it was right or wrong? Not a chance.
Risk my child being told they can go against their parents and COURT someone else? Smh. And it didn’t even happen just the one time.

Call me bitter. I don’t care anymore. Call it transference. If it’s transferance of past abuse, maybe look into why it was triggered: the harassment and attempts at controlling me and my family into silence. We are to conform to the Bible, not to man. You picked the wrong person. I believe in exposing the truth and have no problem doing so when I have no doubt that others will continue to be hurt as you continue to bite and devour.

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: ‘What Really Happened- Part Two” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

**Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed for the privacy of individuals and their families**

As we prepared to leave Antioch Baptist Church in early September 2018, I began to assemble a document describing the events that transpired from June 2018 to September 2018 that eventually led up to our departure. This document included, but was not limited to, transcripts of Douglas Stauffer’s voicemail, private Facebook messages between Pastor Andrew Ray, Douglas Stauffer, Matthew Olds, and myself, as well as copies of the email sent to our pastor about the harassment, and summaries of the meetings that took place.

My husband, simply desiring peace, was not supportive of the idea, but Pastor Andrew Ray’s words continued to repeat in my head about how we were not supposed to know that about the letter to the Crawfords*. The church’s letter not only dismissed the Crawfords* from church membership and the Antioch Baptist Bible Institute, but even callously threatened to contact their oldest daughter’s religious educational establishment should their family not leave in a way acceptable to the ones behind the letter! I find it ironic that Pastor Andrew Ray and Douglas Stauffer repeatedly attempted to invalidate my concerns by claiming them as merely transference from my past, and yet, Pastor Andrew Ray stooped as low as  my mentor’s husband (Randy) to threaten a teenager’s college education as a means of silencing and control!

Both agreeing that such actions were not only appalling but manipulative, my husband I finally compromised by deciding to limit the recipients of the document we had created to just the few witnesses present at the final meeting with Douglas Stauffer. My husband desired to not cause division or strife, but I had felt strongly that our church needed to know the truth.

A copy of the abstract and list of documents sent to the witnesses is  provided below:

 

To Our Friends and Family at Antioch Baptist Church

Abstract:

This message/email is sent to inform our fellow members and church family at Antioch Baptist Church of events on-going from June 3, 2018 to the beginning of September 2018 despite attempts to reconcile. Despite apologizing for the initial Facebook post, Doug Stauffer continued to harass my family in June. Two months later in August, after my wife attempted the beginning of possibly making amends, he endeavored to bully our family once again under the guise of attempting to move forward. On August 22, 2018, he approached us to say that he wants to clarify things and attempt to rectify the situation, but if not possible, he said that he will step down, leave, and the prior accusations of harassment will be brought before the church. Because accusations of harassment were brought up to Pastor Ray following the incident in June, Stauffer falsely believed himself to be a victim of the #MeToo movement. By further threatening to step down and leave without resolution, he further believed himself to be the victim, rather than the perpetrator. Pastor and Stauffer have continually stated that the accusations are a mere transference of my wife’s history with spiritual abuse to negate the validity of said accusations.

When asking pastor to attend the meeting so he would be aware of threats of stepping down and leaving by a Sunday School teacher, Pastor accused my wife and I of attempting to hurt our church based on actions in June. He further attempted to control the number of witnesses and who the list consisted of, as well as threatened to have men present in the meeting to address these past actions. We have compiled a list of correspondence between Stauffer, Pastor, and my family so that our those present in the meetings can be informed of the facts in case that a men’s meeting is called after we have left the church. This way, at least we may have some representation from those men. We have further decided to leave Antioch Baptist Church for the sake of peace in this situation that keeps blowing up in our faces time and time again. I am aware that sending this may not appear to be peaceable, but we are not wanting everyone in the church to know necessarily. Again, this is simply in case there is a meeting called in which there is a meeting pertaining to my family.

The following is a list of Documents included, [followed] by Key Information about the Documents Included on the following Page:

A. Original Facebook Message by Crystal Olds on June 3, 2018

B. Transcript of Stauffer’s Voicemail to Matthew Olds on June 3, 2018 after Evening Service

C. Transcripts of Stauffer’s Messages at Antioch Baptist Church

D. Facebook Correspondence between Doug Stauffer, and Matt and Crystal Olds

E. Facebook Correspondence between Pastor Ray and Matt Olds

F. New Facebook Apology Post by Crystal Olds

G. Facebook Correspondence between Pastor Ray, Doug Staffer, and Matt and Crystal Olds

H. Private Message Sent from Doug Stauffer to Crystal Olds (Matt Olds not included)

I. Continued Messages between Pastor Ray, Doug Stauffer, Matt and Crystal Olds

J. Replacement Apology Facebook Post by Crystal Olds

K. Summary of Tuesday Meeting with Doug Stauffer, Matt and Crystal Olds, and Grayson Campbell* (witness)

L. Summary of Tuesday Meeting with Pastor Ray and Matt Olds

M. Twitter Post from Doug Stauffer on Thursday

N. Meeting with Pastor Ray on the following Sunday

O. Apology from Doug Stauffer on Monday Evening

P. Apology to Crawfords* on Tuesday

Q. Text Messages Between Pastor Ray and Crystal Olds (Matthew Olds Included) about Apology to Mary*

R. Email to Pastor Ray with Accusations of Harassment from Doug Stauffer and Analysis of Doug Stauffer’s character

S. Meeting with Pastor Ray and Matthew Olds about Email about Harassment

T. Text Message Between Pastor Ray and Crystal Olds (Matthew Olds Included) after Meeting Between Pastor Ray, Matthew Olds and Crystal Olds

U. Doug Stauffer’s August attempts at bullying, creating a hostile environment

V. Phone Conversation with Pastor the Day Before Meeting with Doug Stauffer

W. Meeting with Doug Stauffer with Three Witnesses

X. Letter of Resignation Given to Pastor Ray on Sunday, September 9, 2018 Following the Morning Service

In this series I share my thoughts and opinions concerning these ministers and the events which led to my departure. Click here to continue reading: “Blindsided: Finally Speaking Out” or click on the link below.

For a list of the complete series, click here.

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Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.