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Sacrifice… or love?

I just had an interesting thought. In my first Pentecostal church, there was a whole lot of singing about sacrifice.

I will Give You All
“God spoke to Abraham and said, give your only son, to offer as a sacrifice to the one you love. Lord if you ask of me to give, the very thing that I love the best, give me the courage and the strength to be willing to say yes.”

I want to Live the Way You Want Me to Live
“I want to live, the way, you want me to live. I want to give, until there’s just no more to give. I want to love, love til there’s just no more love. I could never, ever out love the Lord.”

Songs like that. And in most churches I was familiar with there was a lot of talk about ‘sacrificial offerings,’ ‘sacrificial giving,’ ‘giving everything to Jesus,’ ‘giving Jesus your very best,’ ‘dying daily.’ ‘crucifying the flesh,’ ‘putting the flesh under subjection,’ and so forth. They asked often enough in my former church if we were willing to die for Jesus that I even had a nightmare that incorporated that question.

There was a lot of talk about sacrifice, giving, and such, but little talk of love and Jesus’ sacrifice for us (unless it was to say we needed to do the same for Him). Can you imagine thinking of your spouse only in terms of what you should give, how obligated you are to him/her, how much you will have to give up for him/her, and how bad it will be for you if you don’t?! That’s not love at all. Dedication, maybe. Obligation, absolutely. Fear, probably. But it isn’t love.

I got a hold of a CD about a year and a half or so before I left. There was a song on it that said
“Just to draw close to thee, that’s where I long to be, let me hide myself in your heart to find my destiny. Every step I take, is one less step I need, to be in your presence, and close to thee.”
Another said
“There is none like You. No one else can touch my heart like you do. I can search through all eternity, Lord, and find there is none like you.
Your mercies flow like a river wide, and healing comes from your hand. Suffering children are safe in your arms. There is none like you…”

When things got bad at church, I’d close my eyes and start singing one of those to myself. I’d sing my own song to God and remember that what I was seeing and hearing didn’t reflect Who the Bible said God was.

Those are still some of my favorite songs today. God gave me strength and peace through them when I needed it most.

Being Subject One To Another- Including Ministers

Here is a biblical principle every Christian needs to learn- we are to be subject one to another. That includes people in leadership positions. That includes ministers and pastors. It means every Christian. I do believe God calls people to be ministers and also gives them some authority if He calls them to pastor. And at the same time, every believer has authority from God.

God doesn’t love those in the ministry more than He does all other believers. There is no big me and little you in the body of Christ. (Read 1 Corinthians 12.) We are all fitly joined together by God’s Spirit. True ministers simply have been given an ability or gift from God, just as EVERY believer has gifts and callings of God. A pastor is no more important to God than the person who encourages others. There is so much that could be said on this matter.

In this authority (remember we must consider the *whole* of what the Bible teaches on a subject and not just shout out “obey them…!”), God also said no one was to lord over another. That’s not how God wants the Church to work. There is a difference in being a shepherd, a guide, as compared to demanding and lording over people. It is the latter that is evidenced in unhealthy churches.

A true leader, one with the heart of a servant, does not need to shout he has authority, nor flaunt it. He does not lord it over church members. Instead of demanding that everyone be in subjection to him, he allows himself to be in subjection to members- just as all believers are to be in subjection to one another.

Liken it to a marriage. After the fall, God placed the husband over the wife. Yet his authority doesn’t translate to dictatorship and lording over his wife. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. The wife is to respect her husband. If everyone exhibits their mutual subjection one to another, the marriage operates as it should. The husband may have the final say in some matter, for instance, but he also listens to and considers the input of his wife, having her welfare in mind.

Understand that true biblical authority is not what you have encountered and heard about in unhealthy churches. It’s not about blindly doing whatever a pastor or minister says. It’s not about the pastor saying you cannot go to some other church. It’s not about ruling with an iron fist. It’s not about telling you what you may and may not wear or where you may or may not go. It’s so very, very different from all of that. If ministers have the heart of a servant, as they should, they will not be abusive. If they do not, they should not be a leader as Jesus taught leaders are to serve.

Ephesians 5:18-21 (NLT): Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Where do I go from here?

I don’t ever want to go back to where I was, but I’m not sure how to go forward either. It seems that I’m stuck between worlds, sometimes… not fitting in with groups that are talking about the latest movies, fads, and music, yet not having any desire to go back to the group that I’ve left. And not fitting anywhere else either.

I’m not angry, and I refuse to be angry, at a group at large. Individuals, yes, and even churches that allow abuse. But not an organization as a whole. It seems like a lot of people go hunting a battle to fight. Enough battles have found me; I don’t need to go looking for any.

There are some good people in United Pentecostal and Oneness churches. There are some good teachings. There are also some bad people that manipulate others and encourage the kinds of preaching and teaching that hurt others. But the ones who hurt me repeatedly labelled me as “one of those kind” and I will not do the same to them, as a whole. It’s hard not to, sometimes. But I never want to become like the ones I left because I don’t want to repay hurt for hurt or wound for wound. I don’t want to retaliate, I want to heal.

Most people who read that won’t really understand what I’m saying. But I’m glad for those who do. I get tired of hearing negative talk about others. That kind of talk wears me down, it wears me out. But there are so much better things to talk about and to experience.

I have good memories of the last 20 years. They weren’t wasted years; they were learning years. I don’t want them back, but I won’t throw them away, either.

So sometimes I feel like I’m in limbo… and I ask, ‘Where do I go from here?’

Someone from my former church called me tonight. She started asking how I was and where I was going to church and what I would do in the future. The answer is simply, “I don’t know.” Not back. Not back to the UPC or any Pentecostal church. But at the same time, I’m not sure where, yet. At work, I’ve jokingly told employees that the company doesn’t state all the job requirements up front… and then asked if they have a crystal ball and a 28 hour day. Sometimes I need those things, myself. God is the only one who knows the future. I don’t know where I go from here… just that I’m going forward.

Book Giveaway #7

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry and this will be our seventh one via this new blog area. This is your chance to receive one or more free books on various issues.

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of books at no charge to them. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail these books outside of the USA. Canadians with a USA mailing address are welcome to request books.) To respond, just leave a comment for this post. If you are unsure what any book is about, the links will take you to Amazon where you may read their description and reviews.

Up for grabs are several used books and DVDs:

~~One paperback copy of Letters From A Skeptic by Gregory and Edward Boyd~~. TAKEN
One paperback copy of Cruden’s Complete Concordance.
Three paperback copies of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. One copy has numerous pencil markings and another has some highlighting, but both are still very readable.
One paperback copy of Love Is A Choice: Recovery for Codependent Relationships by Hemfelt, Minirth & Meier. Has some underlining.
One hardback copy of How People Grow by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. It has a little highlighting.
One paperback copy of Safe People by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.
Two hardback copies of Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. One has a little highlighting.
One hardback copy of Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman.
Two hardback copies of When God Doesn’t Make Sense by James Dobson.
~~One paperback copy of Wounded Warrior, Wounded Home (PTSD) by Marshele Waddell (signed)~~. TAKEN
One paperback copy of Named By God by Kasey Van Norman.
~~One hardback copy of Nave’s Topical Bible~~. TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of Total Recovery (chronic pain & depression)by Gary Kaplan~~. TAKEN
One hardback copy of Boundaries With Teens by John Townsend.
One hardback copy of Boundaries With Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.
Three paperback copies of Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen.
~~One paperback copy of The Unauthorized Guide to Choosing a Church by Carmen Berry~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Released From Shame by Sandra Wilson~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Captured by Grace by David Jeremiah.~~ TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Grace: More Than We Deserve by Max Lucado~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Understanding and Applying the Bible by J. Robertson McQuilkin~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Simple Faith by Charles Swindoll~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Redeeming Our Treasures: Finding Joy in the Shadows of an Abusive Past by Linda Settles~~. (This is an uncorrected proof & has writing.) TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of When Forgiveness Doesn’t Make Sense by Robert Jeffress~~. TAKEN
One hardback copy of Laugh Again by Charles Swindoll.
One DVD of Holy Bible KJV Complete by Alexander Scourby.
One CD MP3 NIV Audio New Testament Dramatized by Faith Comes By Hearing.
One DVD The Story of Two Kings (plus two on the Bible) by Day of Discovery.
~~One DVD Boundaries With Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend~~. TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of Soul Survivors: A New Beginning for Adults Abused As Children by J. Patrick Gannon~~. TAKEN

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of book(s) at no charge to them. To respond, just leave a comment for this post. Please understand that comments require approval unless you have previously commented. So while it may look like you are first or second, etc. there may be someone ahead of you whose comment is pending. Be sure to use your actual email address when setting up to comment as I will be contacting you through it. Check your spam folder as email sometimes goes there. (For your privacy, do not put the email or address in your actual comment.)

Be sure to mention in your comment which book(s) you would like and you may refer to them by number. There is no limit on how many you may request, though you may only have one copy of any title.

Pastors- Secure Your Continual Leadership

I had to pass this along after coming across it. I shook my head in disbelief upon seeing it. There is a ministry to help pastors “secure your continual leadership role within the local church with Apostolic By-Laws.” You read it right. It takes away all voting rights of members and puts the pastor in complete control. This is biblical, so it is proclaimed. It was ummm…. enlightening skimming the site.

This so-called Apostle’s church affiliation, is some prophetic type of Pentecostalism and he held license with the AOG. The wife, Balinda Deitz, is a so-called prophetess. Steve Deitz will help churches write or re-write their by-laws to make the church a ‘theocracy’ and give the pastor full power- all for a cost of just under $1300 for the full kit. [2023 update: The full kit price has jumped to $1995.] I believe for an additional cost, you can have this self-proclaimed Apostle and his other ministry be the church or pastor’s ‘covering.’ Just what unhealthy churches need- a way to ensure a pastor holds full power and control.

I also found basically the same site, without the apostle and prophetess titles at churchby-laws.com. [2023 note: That website is no longer in operation.] I don’t think by the use of ‘apostolic’ that they mean what Oneness organizations such as the United Pentecostal Church mean.

The link where this by-law kit is found is https://www.apostolicbylaws.com/home. But beware- they do threaten to sue and charge you attorney’s fees should you do a charge-back on your credit card after purchasing. [See here for the archived version where this was noted as it has since been removed from the page.] Oh, and deposits are non-refundable.