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Why I Left: Part 1

I left Calvary Chapel church on Mother’s Day. Before that, over a span of several months I was dealing with a lot of weird stuff with some of the pastors and female counselor. The concerns I had were nagging.

When I first started attending there, I remember not feeling too welcome by the senior pastor, but figured he was either shy, paranoid, or just didn’t like me for whatever reason. The other leaders were quite standoffish as well. The women were friendly and some of the men, but regardless the ambience felt overly ‘us and them’ hierarchical.

My last church wasn’t that way. In my last church the pastors were more cordial and respectful. But in this church it was like I was automatically a second class Christian and would always be even if I served there. I figured the leaders interpreted the Bible a little off balance. That brought me to start emailing the church. That’s when the weirder stuff started happening.

To be continued.

1 Corinthians 5:5

1 Cor 5:5 To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.

I’ve had this verse used against me quite a bit now. No, I haven’t fornicated or committed any other sin that shocked even people who are not in the church, like this passage discusses. I am not one, as verses 10-11 indicate, who is “…covetous, or extortioners, or …idolaters…” or “a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner.”

Above that, this verse is not discussing walking past the person as though they don’t exist, giving them a withering look as you pass them in public, refusing to accept change from them at the store or buying anything of theirs at a yard sale or even applying with their company… it isn’t talking about being RUDE in other words. The verse tells the church to deliver the person who does the things listed above (idolatry, fornication, drunkenness, extortion, covetousness, or railing (abuse)) to Satan (in other words to put them outside the safety and support of the church)… not to act like the devil themselves!

God never approves of rudeness and outright cruelty, self-righteousness or pride. Read what Paul wrote (NLT): “Then you must cast this man out of the church and into Satan’s hands, so that his sinful nature will be destroyed and he himself will be saved when the Lord returns. How terrible that you should boast about your spirituality, and yet you let this sort of thing go on. Don’t you realize that if even one person is allowed to go on sinning, soon all will be affected? Remove this wicked person from among you so that you can stay pure.”

Think about the bolded and the list in v 11 for a minute. If we are not to fellowship people who claim to be Christians and do the things listed above, and if we could be affected by those things if we allow them to continue in our midst, is it wrong to leave a church where these things are allowed to continue, and even encouraged?

I don’t advocate throwing people out of churches if they have these problems. But after having had this verse used on me more than once, I have to believe that if it is ever used, it should only be used as it was in this passage. This was an extreme case, for a widely known sin. The action wasn’t recommended for something people guessed might have happened, but for something that was well known both in and out of that body of believers.

If a church believes in removing someone from fellowship based on this passage, they can remove the person from the support of the church without removing them from the pews, and without being rude. We can help the swindlers without putting them over the offering, the drunkards without putting money for their next bottle in their hands, the sexually immoral without allowing them to teach our Sunday School classes, and the railers and abusers without putting them behind our pulpits.

Paul isn’t talking about banning anyone from all Christian contact or treating a person rudely, he is simply saying not to give that person the full benefits of true Christian fellowship. Separating him or putting him out of the church at that time didn’t mean casting him off a pew or out of a building. There weren’t pews or churches to throw him off of or out of. It simply meant to stop counting him as a complete part of the church until he repented.

Why I’ve been a spiritual hobo

Editorial Note: The following is reprinted with permission from Eleanor Skelton’s blog. It was originally published on December 8, 2014.

Maybe I’ll try church again.

Two years ago, I’d been exiled from my church home four months before.

One Sunday, I went to a service at a local megachurch, hiding myself in the crowd. And I asked God why I hadn’t found a spiritual home yet, if I ever would.

And in the dimmed light and slow guitar chords trickling over me like creek water, I thought maybe he answered.

You won’t find a home. Not yet. You’re a hobo for right now. But I am going to show you all the different kinds of people who are part of me, part of my body.

So out I went. New Life Church became my soup kitchen, but I visited the LGBT affirming church, my friend’s mother’s Catholic church in Boulder, the Apostolic Pentecostal church.

I saw chanting and wailing, people speaking in tongues, people reciting the Apostle’s Creed and the sprinkling of holy water. I saw transgender women bustling around a church kitchen, brewing coffee.

And everywhere, I found someone whose heart seemed alive, people who sought Jesus.

For years, I’d been told that our church was part of a remnant holding to sound doctrine, that other churches were to be analyzed and mistrusted.

According to the Barna group, I’m not alone in being spiritually homeless. Their surveys say my generation tends to fall into three groups: nomad (Christian, but not involved in the church), prodigal (once Christian but no longer identifying as Christian), or exile (Christian, lost between the culture and the church).

I’ve written before that something that keeps me from leaving completely, something hopes I can still find light in Christian belief. Stuck somewhere between nomad and exile.

My friend Cynthia B. and I went to see Handel’s Messiah at Village Seven Presbyterian Church last weekend. Poor college students are always up for a free concert.

Churches feel awkward to me now. I don’t feel like I belong, because I’m not hiding my problems anymore. Cynthia and I sat in one of the back rows.

I was skeptical.

But the choir joined with the lead singer the first time, and I was four or five years old again. I know it sounds cliche.

But I forgot the beauty and the light I once found in music and church performances.

I’ve been escaping emotional hypothermia, realizing Jesus didn’t ask for my pain and didn’t need my defense, finding purity beyond the rings. And I let go my original concept of church to grow. To find church outside four walls.

I needed to know that Jesus didn’t label me, that there would be room for my doubts.

And now I cried, let the music and community back in again. I cracked open in the light, soaked my soul in the ethereal sound.

Maybe a hobo can find a home again.

Examining Teachings #2: Jezebel And Shamefaced

You don’t want a Jezebel spirit. She used it. Prostitutes use it. Do you want to associate yourself with them?

You would think the subject matter would be most serious to prompt such statements, but think again. We are speaking of make-up.

The Bible mentions no prohibition against the use of make-up and actually shows its use. Because of this, those who teach things such as the above, have to resort to other means to promote their doctrine. You are likened to Jezebel, an unsavory woman from the Old Testament, who died in a brutal manner. You would think her death was at least in part from wearing make-up the way some spin the story. Or perhaps you are likened to a prostitute, because many of them wear make-up. Surely then if one wears make-up, their motive must be to entice and seduce others. This is hardly the case with most people who use it.

These two examples are easily debunked. Just because people do sinful things, doesn’t instantly mean that anything associated with them is wrong, sinful, or will cause others to be likened to them. As a for instance, Jezebel also fixed her hair, but you don’t hear these same people preach that a woman fixing up her hair is wrong. (In Apostolic circles, some of their hairstyles can be elaborate and/or time consuming.) Yet hair can be used in an effort to seduce, too. How many men find long hair attractive?

If a woman wears modest make-up today, people aren’t whispering and pointing fingers as she walks down the street, saying she must be a prostitute. Men don’t proposition her. Certainly no one is thinking she is like Jezebel, unless they come from a church that teaches this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvqX6GSs5d8

When these two thoughts didn’t work to convince you to not wear make-up, they went on to a twisted meaning of a  New Testament word. Don’t you know you are to be shamefaced? That is found right here in the Bible. See? 1 Timothy 2:9, in black and white. Shamefaced, sister, be shamefaced.

This is one of numerous words that is given a faulty definition in order to give the appearance that it supports their teaching. It is often taught as meaning plain, as in not having anything on your face. Here is where I encourage you to look up the original word that was translated ‘shamefaced.’ It doesn’t come close to meaning what some proclaim it does. It has nothing to do with make-up or being plain.

The word translated ‘shamefacedness’ in the KJV is a noun. In Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance it is #127. Thayer’s Greek Lexicon states it means “a sense of shame, modesty“. It further states it “is prominently objective in its reference, having regard to others”.

A Greek Lexicon Of The New Testament And Other Early Christian Literature concurs, showing the meaning as modesty in 1 Timothy 2:9 and reverence and respect as used by other writers.

In The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament it shares, “Modesty, an innate moral repugnance to a dishonorable act or fashion. Aidós is grief due to the personal sense of evil. Aidós finds its motive in itself. It implies reverence for the good as good, not merely as that to which honor and reputation are attached. Only in I Tim. 2:9; Heb. 12:28, reverence, veneration.”

Vine’s Expository Dictionary of Biblical Words also agrees with the others. “‘A sense of shame, modesty,’ is used regarding the demeanor of women in the church, I Tim. 2:9 (some mss. have it in Heb. 12:28 for deos, “awe”: here only in NT). ‘Shamefastness is that modesty which is ‘fast’ or rooted in character… The change to ‘shamefacedness’ is the more to be regretted because shamefacedness…has come rather to describe an awkward diffidence, such as we sometimes call sheepishness” (Davies; Bible English, p. 12).”

Word Meanings In the New Testament further explains, “This unfortunate translation leaves the implication that Christian women should go around in public with heads bowed and eyes averted, as if they were ashamed of themselves. Not so. Actually this rendering appears to be in error. The Oxford English Dictionary says that the adjective “shamefaced” was “originally an etymological misinterpretation of shamefast” (9:620) which carries the idea of discreetness. Wyclif’s earliest English version of the Bible (1382) has the correct term here, “shamefastness.” This is used in the ASV (1901), but, of course, even this word is obsolete today.” It goes on to add, “Bernard says that it implies “(1) a moral repugnance to what is base and unseemly, and (2) self-respect, as well as restraint imposed on oneself from a sense of what is due to others.” He goes on to say: “Thus aidos here signifies that modesty which shrinks from overstepping the limits of womanly reserve” (p. 45). In our opinion, that states the case with accuracy and relevance.”

It is important to take the time to check for yourself when some minister or pastor (or anyone else) teaches on a subject. Unhealthy churches often give words meanings which are not in line with what the scriptures show. Thus you end up believing something which is not true and think God is demanding it.

Some might be interested in two short articles on the website which also address make-up: Make-up And Fingernail Polish Are a Sin and Make-up.

Examining Teachings #1: Drunk In The Spirit?
Examining Teachings #2: Jezebel and Shamefaced
Examining Teachings #3: Peculiar And Separate
Examining Teachings #4: What Must I Do To Be Saved?
Examining Teachings #5: Faith Without Works Is Dead

The Wave Movies

The Wave was a made for TV film. It was based on a book about the alleged experience of a high school class in Palo Alto, California in 1967, whose teacher wanted to explain the rise of the Nazi party to his students. Those who have been involved in an unhealthy church will be able to relate to aspects of it. The quality isn’t very good, but don’t let that stop you from watching.

Years later, a newer versionset in modern day Germany, was released. It is in German with English subtitles.

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