Category: performance based | Page 5

What keeps them enslaved?

What keeps them enslaved? In one word I would say “fear.” Fear of rejection. Fear of breaking the rules. Fear of damnation. Fear of freedom. Fear of shunning. Fear of the unknown. Fear of hell. Fear of God. Fear of what other people think. Fear of man. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of being truly and fully human. Fear of being seen. Fear of the “world”. Fear of evil. Fear of committing the unforgivable sin. Fear of being the same as other Christians and not special end-times elitists. Fear of their worldview collapsing. Fear of doubts. Fear of intrusive thoughts. Fear of emotions (“good” and “bad” emotions – both).

Fear of reality. Fear of being “found out” (shame). Fear of social interactions beyond their managed and controlled interactions. Fear of other churches. Fear of Christendom. Fear of the end of the world. Fear of the “rapture.” Fear of being the only one with scrupulosity. Fear of “worldlies” infecting them. Fear of being excluded from within. Fear of constant judgement and gossip. Fear of everything they believe not being certain. Fear of mystery. Fear of unanswerable and difficult questions. Fear of the size of the universe (if God really is that big, then maybe our church doesn’t have a total monopoly on him after all).

Fear of the final judgement. Fear of demons. Fear of the supernatural. Fear of meeting Jesus face to face. Fear of people who have visions or dreams from God. Fear of speaking in tongues. Fear of science. Fear of eternity (will I be lonely and isolated for the whole of eternity, like I am here on earth). Fear of the book of Revelation. Fear of saying “no.” Fear of speaking up. Fear of questioning. Fear of one’s own mind. Fear that one’s heart is wicked and evil beyond help. Fear of Jesus saying “I do not know you.”

Fear of not doing enough for the Lord. Fear of being on the lowest rung in heaven because they weren’t good enough or diligent enough here on earth. Fear of other’s Christians’ displays of worship in spirit and truth. Fear of being shamed. Fear of other Christians’ faith. Fear of thinking for oneself. Fear that they’ve wasted years believing a lie. Fear of apostates. Fear of talking about God in any way outside of the church building…

I think they are enslaved by a spirit of fear. It keeps them compliant, obedient, unquestioning, and in a permanent fog and state of cognitive dissonance. Fear is from the dark side. It is from hell. There is no fear in heaven. Where Jesus is there is liberty and freedom and joy and love. So why are they entrenched in fear and anxiety? Because that’s the fuel that powers their religious and God-less system. 🙁

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22 Similarities In Christian Cults

One of our readers, D.M., submitted this article and they wish to remain anonymous.

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With the “me too” campaign being highlighted on social media recently, I decided it’s time to stop the code of silence on this issue.

I just finished reading Daughter of Gloriavale and I was reminded that Christian cults are similar once you examine their conduct and core values:

(I speak from experience)

1. They have been exclusively chosen by God for a very important purpose.

2. They have more insight / revelation than other churches.

3. They have a strong leader who is to be obeyed and honoured and never to be questioned.

4. The leader claims to hear from God on behalf of the group.

5. Adherents are told to be “under the covering” or “submissive” to the leaders.

6. People who are seen to be “rebellious” or “independent” are disciplined, shunned or expelled.

7. There is a “group think” mentality and individual opinions are seen as causing disunity.

8. Any one opposing them is opposing God himself and are doing damage to the church.

9. People are categorised according to the level of commitment and money giving.

10. No such thing as confidentiality. Personal information is shared and interwoven into sermons.

11. People dobb other people to the leadership.

12. Leadership controls the relationships and tell people who that can and cannot associate with.

13. Sermons (or more like brainwashing sessions) and ministry sessions are designed to make people codependent on their leaders.

14. People are constantly told through the preaching that they are flawed. No one is ever good enough (except the leaders of course).

15. There’s little understanding of Gods grace and Christian values of love and compassion etc.

16. They have their own language and use terms and phrases exclusive to their group.

17. They do not utilise services outside their own flock (counsellors, psychologists etc.)

18. The leaders say horrible things about people who have left (eg: they are going to hell, or they have mental health issues etc.)

19. They take single Bible verses and use them out of context and create rules around them.

20. Leaving is traumatic because the people had become like an extended family. Suddenly they become aloof and a smear campaign is launched to tarnish that persons reputation.

21. Discipline and rebuke are widely practiced often during sessions where the leader acts in an intimidating manner.

22. There are codes of conduct and unwritten rules that you need to adhere to in order to become in the “in group.”

And that’s just the beginning.

There’s brainwashing, love-bombing, the judging, manipulation, control, and so many meetings and expectations to be heavily involved in programs, outreach and serving.

But just like other forms of abuse, we need to address it! Gone are the days when we brush this abuse under the carpet. We must talk about it!

Best advice I ever got was “head for the hills and don’t look back.”

There are other options. There are safe Christian groups and people to interact with who hold the Christian faith dear to their hearts without all the soul destroying practices of these cults. And there is also the option of having a break from the whole church scene altogether. Getting to know God for oneself without a mediator is very freeing. Remember it’s your life. Make choices that bring peace, joy and happiness.

I encourage the essence of the true Christian faith, and the values which Jesus Christ demonstrated when he came to earth. He mixed with the lowly, had compassion on the poor, had meals with some interesting people- but most of all He loved.

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On work, giving, and other triggers

I finally crashed at work today. For weeks I’ve been attempting to carry more and more of the weight, feeling responsible for anything that wasn’t done, wanting everything to be perfect. Today I gave out. I should have known it was coming, but I didn’t. It’s happened before. I panic. I say too much. I get very angry. My shoulders ache. I feel trapped. And I finally hit my limits… this morning I overslept. By TWO HOURS. My body told me what my brain didn’t: enough is enough.

Thankfully, everyone seems to have understood. They can begin to realize how much I’ve been doing, and admitted they weren’t aware that I was doing all that I was. They are considering making small changes that will remove some of the weight. My boss was apparently pretty angry when she realized what was happening. There is still a disagreement about what will be done, but it’s better. And since my coworkers did help some this morning, even though I missed two hours of work, I was caught up by the end of the day.

I have a problem with overworking and overgiving, and because I struggle with feeling like I need to do all of the work or all of the giving, because I feel guilt if I don’t give or don’t do more and feel responsible for anything that is not done or not given, I know both are areas I need to watch. In order to keep from giving too much, I don’t usually give at all. If I start, I overdo it. So ask me to help in other ways, but not with money. If I’m not careful I’d be broke. I’ve given thousands away because I felt guilty, felt encouraged to, or felt responsible for making up any differences. I can’t do that any more.

The hurricanes have triggered me: everyone wants help. But I can’t provide the billions in aid that is needed. I can’t give away my tools or supplies, either. No one will give back to me. I’ve learned that much. So all I can do is say no. And I can get angry. Angry that the charities the money is funneled through take portions for themselves beyond what is necessary. Angry that the government is giving to organizations without vetting them first. Angry that some of those organizations, particularly religious organizations, will use the funding to benefit themselves rather than those with the most dire needs.

Forgive me for my anger and my resistance. I’ve been the one asked too many times. Asked by the pastor driving the Cadillac to give several thousand to a “sister in Christ”… from my own $14,000 salary. Asked at a time when I didn’t have health insurance and had eaten so much chicken ($0.29/lb for a ten pound bag of legs and thighs) that once I did have a decent job I got queasy at the thought of eating any more of it. Asked at a time when expenses were so tight that I really do still remember the price of the things that I could afford even though it’s been 20 years since that happened. And forgive me that I’m resistant… resistant to giving when I’ve seen what I gave used to purchase that Cadillac instead of helping those with real needs, seen men given meager portions of their large funds (with loud applause) while telling teens and young adults that were struggling to survive that they should give everything they had.

Everywhere I turn there are requests for more to be given. Everyone either has a need or knows someone with a need. I have one too: I have a need to not feel guilty for not chipping in to every fund that is started. I haven’t gotten there yet, but hopefully someday I will. Hopefully I will be able to give some, because I’d like to and because the needs that the requests are for are often very real. But I can’t right now.

I have the same problem with overworking. I want to do everything. I see a need and I want to throw myself at it until it is complete. I stress about it, dream about it, live and breathe it every moment. I get angry that no one else is helping with it, and I get angry at myself for trying to do too much. It’s been especially difficult lately because I was warned that the new director would “destroy” anyone who said something wasn’t their job. And since then more and more has become my job that is not in my scope of work. I finally was able to tell him today that if he ever heard me say something wasn’t my job, I wasn’t saying in any way that I wouldn’t assist all that I could, but simply reminding myself of something I tend to lose sight of: I cannot carry everyone’s weight and I am not responsible for everything that happens in an office or department. I am not responsible for the action or inaction of others.

I’m not sure how much of this is related to spiritual abuse, but at least some of it is. The demands on time and money were real and the expectations were huge. The guilt trips still run through my mind regularly when there is a need and I don’t throw everything into it. Perhaps they were worse for me… my dear pastor emphasized that I had a savings account, and hinted that I should drain it for others who had less. He never said that outright, but he crossed a boundary with his requests many times. He knew how little I made because he knew what my tithe was, but he still pressured me. He never stopped, but I finally did–the day he asked me to help a couple who had taken an early retirement buyout and then spent it all on frivolous things, then didn’t have enough for groceries. He wanted me to give them the money to buy their steak when my personal food budget was much less than $1/meal. That was the day I finally said no, and that was the day his requests stopped. I moved soon after that, but the requests, the constant guilt-trip ‘reminders’ that I was ‘blessed’ with the time and energy and money so that I could give it all away, have stuck. The only way to stop them right now is to say no. It’s not selfishness that drives that, though it probably seems like it to some. It’s not selfishness, it’s sense, driven by desperation.

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UPC Unpardonable Part 2

Continued…

Well sure enough, we got a call from the assistant pastor to come into his office before church the following Sunday night. The pastor was out of town but was grooming his son to take over the church and since he came on board, the church took on a stricter tone. One night, he was preaching and began boasting about measuring his wife’s hair and how long it was. I remember being sickened by this talk. I knew God was bigger than the length of my hair! We went in to see him that evening and he told us due to the fact that I had cut my daughter’s hair, my husband would have to step down from his position in the church leadership and I could no longer teach Sunday school. You can call me naïve or stupid, yes, I admit to being both concerning what would happen if I broke the rules or maybe, by this time, I just didn’t care.

Now, during this period of my life, I was just beginning to hear the message of God’s grace. I heard the story of the woman caught in adultery and how Jesus told her “to go and sin no more!” One of the grace filled preachers I was listening to on the radio put it like this “the only one worthy to condemn you, won’t.” I was not stepping down without speaking my mind, so I pulled out some of my new found grace speak. I told the assistant pastor that I felt like the woman caught in adultery except instead of “saying, go and sin no more, you are saying pick up the stones and throw them.” He did not like my protests and insubordination, it was plain to see. To reinforce his position of dismissal, he told me that he knew of my past experience with scissors in cutting my oldest daughter’s hair. Then he proceeded to tell me that cutting my suffering baby’s (not even two years old) hair was just as bad as if I had given her alcohol and cigarettes! (In a works based church, alcohol and cigarettes rank right up there with lying, cheating, and stealing.) Yes, that I had harmed her in the same way as if I had given her abusive substances! It is interesting to note here: the senior pastor called me when he got back in town and told me that he would never have done what his son did!?!

We left church after the meeting, not staying for the service, went home, and went to bed. While lying there in the dark, a certain kind of death like silence fell between my husband and me that would affect us for the next two years that we stayed in this church. We could never tell our family members who did not go to a United Pentecostal Church what happened. To verbalize such a trivial thing as cutting a baby’s hair to cause such a reaction was unthinkable and would have made our church look bad to those unfamiliar with the rules. We did not get support from our relatives or friends in the church either. I remember one family member, who is a pastor’s wife saying, “We would have done the same thing.” Other friends said, “They knew the rules.”

To stay in this church for two more years was one of our biggest mistakes. I bravely wore the scarlet letter on my chest and grew further and further away from this ideology and these people, as they drew away from me. I wasn’t cutting hair and I still looked the part but inwardly I came to see that there was no love in this church. By the end of these two years, my depression over my baby’s illness and the death of all that we had lived for up to that point caused me to want out of my marriage and out of life as I knew it. The pain my husband and I were going through kept the veil of silence over our marriage; we were just going through the motions. If we hadn’t left when we did, I firmly believe our marriage would have ended as did the marriages of many of the couples we knew in this church, including the assistant pastor; who eventually took over the church.

Later, I would learn what church discipline should look like. Jesus didn’t leave us clueless about how to handle discipline for believers who were truly sinning. It was so important that He gives us step by step instructions. Reflecting back on the teachings of the United Pentecostal Church and all the things I have learned since leaving makes me realize that they never really emphasized Jesus that much. Oh, they loved His name for distinction purposes but His death on the cross or any of the words He spoke, not so much.

Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. Matthew 18:15-17 NKJV

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The outward appearance

Legalists often quote a partial verse, “man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart,” to prove they should maintain “standards” of dress and hair. This is a prime example of a partial verse quoted out of context to make a point that is nowhere near the intent within context.

In context, the verse isn’t talking about what to wear or not to, but it’s a warning against choosing leaders based on appearances:

1 Sam 16:6 When they arrived, Samuel took one look at Eliab and thought, “Surely this is the LORD’s anointed!”
7 But the LORD said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

In reality, the verse means nearly the opposite of how it is used in performance based churches, where people too often look at the outward appearance to make judgement calls, choose friends and leaders, and determine who loves and serves God and who does not. Eliab looked like the perfect choice to the prophet. So did every other of David’s brothers. But God wasn’t interested in human achievements or appearances. Why should we think this verse indicates that we should be?

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