Have you ever stopped to consider how your unhealthy church involvement affected more than just you? Stop and think about that. It doesn’t matter if you were single or married, an adult or child, born into it or you entered on your own later in life – your unhealthy church did more than affect you, but it also reached out to others you knew, be it family, friends or co-workers. We often talk about what it did to us who were members, but it did more than mess with us.
For some, it brought about a marriage that never would have happened if they were not members of the church & for others it brought about a divorce because one party felt unequally yoked. Others cut off family and friends because they would not join or were considered backslid, while some considered the church members more of a family than their natural family and therefore neglected family members. Church events were always more important.
Some members relentlessly witnessed to others, causing them to lose friends and even jobs. Others developed a holier-than-thou attitude, causing other divisions with family and friends, because they felt better and superior to outsiders. Even churches of a same group will play the holier-than-thou game, and dismiss similar churches and ministers simply because they differ in some beliefs.
For those with children, the unhealthy church may influence them to stifle their child’s interests if they happen to conflict with a church belief. The child who does not wish to be part of the church may be told they have to find another place to live. On the other hand, sometimes the parents are not members and kick the child out because they do not want them attending the church.
I could go on and on about the multitude of ways that being involved in an unhealthy church affects more than just you. It hits husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, children, siblings, other family members, friends, co-workers, employers, employees, neighbors, classmates, acquaintances and even strangers.
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Let’s face it, in all of our lives there are things we may do that are not the healthiest for us. It doesn’t mean everything outside of attending church, reading the Bible, praying and listening to Christian music is a sin. Yet in unhealthy churches, the focus is taken off of God and is placed upon ourselves- what we do or do not do. The more unhealthy the church, the more the focus is placed on what we do. It creates what is termed the performance trap.
A person in this situation becomes so focused upon what they do or do not do that they slowly shut off God’s influence in their life. Instead of listening to the Holy Spirit, they become focused on a list of rules and being sure to be able to check off all the do’s and don’ts they believe are required of them. There is a great futility in this over-focus upon themselves as the person finds that, no matter how hard they try, they keep falling short of the goal.
This, in turn, causes them to doubt their walk with God, if God even cares for them and often causes them to loathe themselves. So they determine to try harder. As it is with human nature, they inevitably fall short again and each turn of the cycle pulls the person deeper and deeper into the clutches of the unhealthy church. Their view of God becomes more distorted and many times he is seen as a harsh taskmaster, sometimes anxiously awaiting their failures so he can inflict some form of punishment or leave them behind. The sermons they hear help to enforce all of these things and keep the person in its grips, because we all know that there is no hope outside the church doors (or so we thought).
An over-focus on anything is not good. I am readily reminded of a time in my life in the 90s when I underwent a battery of tests on my heart. I had an EKG, stress test with echo cardiogram, 24 hour holter monitor and then the month long monitoring. Outside of showering, I had to wear a monitor 24/7 and if I were to experience a change in my heartbeat, I had to press a button and also record times and what happened. I had to then regularly call and transmit what the monitor had recorded. It wasn’t difficult and the monitor wasn’t too bulky…..but the constant over-focus on what my heart was doing was stressful enough that it caused me to have my first panic attack. In all the other times my heart did “flip flops,” it never caused that, but an over-focus on my heart brought about an unwelcome and unpleasant panic attack.
The New Testament does not tell us to focus on ourselves and did not give us a checklist of things to do and not do in order to be right with or accepted by God. Yes, there are things in everyone’s life that may not be good or healthy. Yet an over-focus on ourselves is not the answer. Jesus didn’t die for us to have another list of rules or to think that by following rules we can live healthy and good lives.
He wants us to have a relationship with him. And in that relationship, in learning to walk with God’s Spirit, God is more than able to show us anything in our lives that is not healthy for us. As our walk with God develops and our love for him grows, change will be a natural result of this. This change does not just consist of letting go of things that are not good, but also includes instilling into us things such as love, gentleness, and long-suffering. It is a heart change- not an outward change brought upon by reading and checking off a list of things we have been told are needful or sinful.
When a person does things from their heart, they are real and these things show who a person really is. It isn’t just going through the motions. It isn’t about pleasing a pastor or church group. It isn’t about looking the part while our insides are torn up. It’s about our personal relationship with God and his writing upon our hearts.
All too often in an unhealthy church, people come to see God as having a list of demands due to the harmful teachings thrown at them. In these churches, do people get a real glimpse of God or his grace? Did their lives simply become about all the things they needed to change and were told were displeasing to him? This is certainly not the good news of Jesus Christ. It is not the gospel; it is not what Jesus came to do. It has nothing to do with a relationship with God.
Think about who in the New Testament writings was shown to have a list of rules to follow. So important were these rules that when a person was healed on the Sabbath, instead of rejoicing that someone was made whole, they became angry because a rule was broken. They were so blinded that they could not see the love that caused the healing and instead chose to hate and sought to kill Jesus because he broke their rules. Rule following like this causes people to be like the Pharisees. Blind. Self-important. Hypocrites. They may appear good from the outside, but the inside is not.
If anyone reading is still caught up in the performance trap, it is my hope and desire that you will break free from those chains and develop your one on one relationship with God. There is hope outside of those churches that lay heavy burdens upon people!
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In wanting to cover some ways men are particularly affected by spiritual abuse, let’s look at how the mindset often leads to ministers neglecting or mistreating their own wives and families.
Unfortunately in unhealthy churches, a minister often puts church above his own family. Members and church activities come before them. At the same time, the children feel extra pressure (possibly from both members and their father) to uphold the rules and appear spiritual and the wife may feel even more pressure in those areas.
There is also another side to this. While some ministers may be extra hard on family members, some let family get away with things that they would not let a regular member do. In other words, the rules for family are different from rules for members and you’d better not mention this. Some ministers may suddenly change a rule when their own children are older and want to do something that was previously forbidden.
At my former unhealthy church, the pastor’s wife once shared with me that she didn’t feel her opinion mattered. She felt pushed aside. Another minister who was friends with them, shared that the pastor promised him he would treat his wife better. This was when he was in his 60s and been married a long time. That is sad and I don’t know that he ever did. While some pastor’s wives can be very pushy and expect the red carpet to be thrown out for them, this pastor’s wife was certainly not that way.
It is very hard on a family when the minister husband and father treat church members better than them- when they have time for the needs of others and not family, when they can always work on things that need to be done at the church and not at home, when they are not there physically and/or emotionally for their own family yet are for others. This is certainly not what God intended. While ministers are called to be servants, they are not called to neglect their own familes in the process. But in unhealthy churches, their focus is wrong.
This has helped to cause some preacher’s kids to leave church and/or faith in Jesus. In some of their minds, they feel if God wants them to be neglected or mistreated, if God doesn’t care about their needs, why should they follow Him? Through the years I have operated my website and support group, I have encountered quite a few disillusioned and hurt PKs.
When men are taught, or learn from the example of others, that church is the most important thing in their lives, it harms many people. What is even more sad is that they are often blind to the fact that they are neglecting or abusing their own family.
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This is a continuation of our coverage regarding character letters sent in support of a sex offender. See Part 1.
Joseph Kade Abbott mugshot
On May 17, 2024, Joseph ‘Kade’ Abbott plead guilty to three counts of sexual assault by an authority figure where criminal charges from two counties in Tennessee were combined (Blount & Sevier). He was sentenced on October 30, 2024 to six years in prison without parole for crimes against a 14 year old minor. He will register as a sex offender for life.
In the first installment, I posted four character letters that were sent to the court in support of Kade Abbott. Today four others are being shared, all of which mention the Indiana Bible College (IBC), a UPCI endorsed college. As was previously done, redactions have been made of addresses, phone numbers and emails.
In a comment made on our Facebook post of Part One, Deanna Jo Norton wrote in part, “I wonder how many personal messages of support and encouragement the victim and her family got from UPCI and ALJC ministry/saints?”
This is an important issue to consider if one is attending any church where a member has been charged with such crimes. Are you quick to write character letters or otherwise support the accused, yet fail to reach out to victims and their families? It is so very important to not blindly believe whatever the alleged perpetrator or someone in church leadership may claim about the charges. Even those in church leadership have been known to lie about these cases.
In the previous post, a letter from ALJC minister Mark Stumbo was shared, where he mentioned his son attending Indiana Bible College (IBC) with Kade Abbott. Luke Stumbo also submitted a letter.
September 19, 2021 archive of the Academy website
Luke Stumbo used to room with Kade Abbott and he and Kade had both been employed by the Apostolic Christian Academy in Maryville, Tennessee as Middle School teachers. Besides Kade and Luke both being teachers, they were also helpers for the school’s daycare after school program. They took care of the school age group. Luke Stumbo is currently the Administrative Assistant Instructor of the Worship Studies Department at IBC, having become employed there in mid 2022.
IBC post about Luke Stumbo coming on staffLuke Stumbo, Indiana Bible College Employee
Luke writes in part, “I feel like this is an instance of a young man who tried to fix issues by himself without opening to to others for help. I don’t know the extent of this certain situation and wouldn’t begin to recommend what his consequences should be. Yet I ask for you to take into consideration a young man who has been dedicated to his work and family his whole life. Who being in a lonely season should have taken steps to reach out to others around him. If anything I think that should be taken into consideration.”
Caleb and Caitlyn Phillips addressed their letter to Abundant Life Church in Hamilton, Mississippi, which leads one to conclude that the church may have been actively collecting letters of support for Kade Abbott. The couple attends The Pentecostals of Gainesville, a legally affiliated UPCI church where Caitlyn’s father, Jimmy Toney, is pastor.
IBC post showing that Kade Abbott and Caitlyn Toney sung together
Due to their time at IBC and their three years of traveling together representing the school’s music program, they believe they “have a very reliable grasp on his character.”
They state that, “Kade’s character is nothing we ever questioned. He never gave us any reason to. He served as a spiritual and academic leader in our school the whole time we were there. As well as a mentor in our own personal lives.”
They ended with, “Kade’s character is nothing we question.”
I will insert here what was mentioned in the last article. I have heard accusations against Kade Abbott going back to these college days, allegations including that of him requesting inappropriate photos of multiple females.
According to LinkedIn, Candy Saylor is the music minister at The Pentecostal Church, a legally affiliated United Pentecostal church in Harvey, Illinois. She is also a Christian counselor at the church according to her Facebook profile.
Candy mentions that her daughter attended IBC with Kade and that he came to Candy’s church for a summer internship in 2019 and stayed with her and her husband. While there he “exemplified the utmost respect for authority.”
She went on to share that he has an “impeccable work ethic” and that “his character and integrity was an example to all.”
It was her “recommendation that Kade Abbott be granted grace and favor regarding any details surrounding any negative allegations of his personal character.”
The last is a lengthier letter from UPCI minister Horatio Lindsay, who holds a general license in South Carolina. He states it “is with great pleasure and prayerful thoughts that I offer some remarks on what I know about Kade.” They met at IBC and it appears they have continued to keep in touch since then.
What appeals to Horatio the most about Kade Abbott “is his desire to grow more and more in the likeness of Christ” and he states that Kade “is a good person, with a good heart.”
“The bumps in the road to success that Kade has encountered more recently are not sufficient to define his true character and value to society. I respectfully ask that the court reflect on these remarks made on his behalf, and consider that Kade is a good man, with good intentions and a good fit for society, he just needs mercy, forgiveness and the opportunity to try again.”
The show of support for perpetrators, and those who mishandle sexual abuse cases, by UPCI pastors and others is so disheartening.
Jimmy Toney & Kenneth Carpenter
As side notes, you may recall that Jimmy Toney represented the disgraceful UPCI pastor Randy Ensey in the judicial procedure filed against him. Kenneth Carpenter preached two messages at Toney’s church on January 26, 2025. In the evening service, Jimmy Toney told the church that he and the Carpenters are very close and that “Brother Carpenter can speak anything to me and I’d do it, no questions asked.” That’s a scary statement, especially considering the news reports of how Kenneth Carpenter mishandled numerous situations in his church.
Knoxville News Sentinel June 4, 2023Kenneth Carpenter at Jimmy Toney’s church
Joshua Carson is the president of Indiana Bible College and he testified in support of UPCI pastor Randy Ensey in his judicial procedure.
Josh Carson, Indiana Bible College President
In a sermon he delivered on August 30, 2023 at the Live the Movement Conference held at the First Apostolic Church of Maryville, Josh Carson expressed support for pastor Kenneth Carpenter. He said, “Brother Carpenter, I’m with you. We’re in this together. Come on, we ought to bow up and just recognize if you’re gonna fight one of us, you’re gonna fight all of us.” (Watch this part of the sermon on Reggie Love’s Facebook post.) That night there were people standing in front of the church in solidarity for the victims and Carson mentioned this in his sermon.
Kenneth Carpenter is the pastor of First Apostolic Church of Maryville in Tennessee where Kade Abbott worked in their Apostolic Christian Academy and this is when his crimes occurred. Besides the criminal convictions against Joseph Kade Abbott, there is a pending civil lawsuit against him, the church and the academy.
On May 17, 2024, Joseph ‘Kade’ Abbott plead guilty to three counts of sexual assault by an authority figure where criminal charges from two counties in Tennessee were combined (Blount & Sevier). He was sentenced on October 30, 2024 to six years in prison without parole for crimes against a 14 year old minor. He will register as a sex offender for life.
September 19, 2021 archive of Kade Abbott as a teacher.
Often in criminal cases, there will be an appeal for people to write character letters for the accused. These are public record and over a series of posts I am sharing screenshots of ones sent in support of Kade Abbott. This post includes four of these letters. I have made redactions of private information, such as addresses, phone numbers and emails, with the exception of one from the Director of Apostolic Russian Ministries, a division of the ALJC, as it is on official letterhead.
ALJC minister Mark Stumbo mentions Kade Abbott attending Bible College. He was a 2019 graduate of Indiana Bible College, which is UPCI endorsed, and was the website manager for IBC Perspectives. I have heard accusations against Kade Abbott going back to these college days, allegations including that of him requesting inappropriate photos of multiple females.
Note that Stumbo mentions that Kade is “an honest person and strives for excellence” and that “he is such an individual that can learn from his mistakes.” Sexual assault is hardly a “mistake.”
Then we have three letters from people in Mississippi with the last name of Trimm.
James claims he has “never heard a disrespectful word from him toward anyone, nor have I ever held him in any but the highest regard. To my knowledge everyone at our church felt the same way about him.”
Tammy wanted to help the court “see what kind of person Kade Abbott is, despite the accusations that have led us to this point.” She continued, “The accusations being brought against Kade should not be the only factor you look at in this matter. I hope you will also consider Kade’s efforts in his job, as well as his strong commitment to his church and family.”
Lauren knows Kade from the Aberdeen First Pentecostal Church in Mississippi and says, “I proudly refer to him as my brother.” She goes on to declare, “When I think of him, I think of integrity. I have never had to question anything he said. If he said it, I always knew I could rely on his word.” She also stated, “I would describe him as a ‘safe place’ because he encouraged me to become more confident in my ministry at the church.”
Mugshot of Joseph Kade Abbott
Kade Abbott has long-term ties to the United Pentecostal Church, being a graduate of Indiana Bible College and attending several of their churches, including Abundant Life UPC in Hamilton, MS and Aberdeen First Pentecostal Church in MS.
After leaving Kenneth Carpenter’s church, Abbott became involved at the Abundant Life Church in Matthews, North Carolina.
According to 
The last is a lengthier letter from UPCI minister Horatio Lindsay, who holds a general license in South Carolina. He states it “is with great pleasure and prayerful thoughts that I offer some remarks on what I know about Kade.” They met at IBC and it appears they have continued to keep in touch since then.
James claims he has “never heard a disrespectful word from him toward anyone, nor have I ever held him in any but the highest regard. To my knowledge everyone at our church felt the same way about him.”
Tammy wanted to help the court “see what kind of person Kade Abbott is, despite the accusations that have led us to this point.” She continued, “The accusations being brought against Kade should not be the only factor you look at in this matter. I hope you will also consider Kade’s efforts in his job, as well as his strong commitment to his church and family.”
Lauren knows Kade from the 
