Category: obey the pastor | Page 8 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Being Subject One To Another- Including Ministers

Here is a biblical principle every Christian needs to learn- we are to be subject one to another. That includes people in leadership positions. That includes ministers and pastors. It means every Christian. I do believe God calls people to be ministers and also gives them some authority if He calls them to pastor. And at the same time, every believer has authority from God.

God doesn’t love those in the ministry more than He does all other believers. There is no big me and little you in the body of Christ. (Read 1 Corinthians 12.) We are all fitly joined together by God’s Spirit. True ministers simply have been given an ability or gift from God, just as EVERY believer has gifts and callings of God. A pastor is no more important to God than the person who encourages others. There is so much that could be said on this matter.

In this authority (remember we must consider the *whole* of what the Bible teaches on a subject and not just shout out “obey them…!”), God also said no one was to lord over another. That’s not how God wants the Church to work. There is a difference in being a shepherd, a guide, as compared to demanding and lording over people. It is the latter that is evidenced in unhealthy churches.

A true leader, one with the heart of a servant, does not need to shout he has authority, nor flaunt it. He does not lord it over church members. Instead of demanding that everyone be in subjection to him, he allows himself to be in subjection to members- just as all believers are to be in subjection to one another.

Liken it to a marriage. After the fall, God placed the husband over the wife. Yet his authority doesn’t translate to dictatorship and lording over his wife. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. The wife is to respect her husband. If everyone exhibits their mutual subjection one to another, the marriage operates as it should. The husband may have the final say in some matter, for instance, but he also listens to and considers the input of his wife, having her welfare in mind.

Understand that true biblical authority is not what you have encountered and heard about in unhealthy churches. It’s not about blindly doing whatever a pastor or minister says. It’s not about the pastor saying you cannot go to some other church. It’s not about ruling with an iron fist. It’s not about telling you what you may and may not wear or where you may or may not go. It’s so very, very different from all of that. If ministers have the heart of a servant, as they should, they will not be abusive. If they do not, they should not be a leader as Jesus taught leaders are to serve.

Ephesians 5:18-21 (NLT): Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Inducing Fear in the Congregation

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10 KJV

Yet they continue to try to induce fear in the members by saying things like:

Don’t you love God? when you disagree on a topic or are hesitant to accept a position.

You need a burden for this! when you really don’t have one and don’t want to do what they ask.

If you don’t give a Bible study you will go to Hell!! when you have not given a Bible study yet. Then when you finally do, there is such a feeling of relief.

If you leave this church you will be walking away from God and he will chastise you beyond belief.

And then all the other things that are rules for salvation (but they won’t admit to it) like:

You must be baptized by a certain formula or you are not saved, you must tithe to be blessed or God will get that money out of you one way or another and it won’t be fun either!, Ladies, if you even pull out a tangle from your hair it is considered cutting just as much as if you went and had it all cut off!, and so on through all the dress standards.

After awhile you are scared not to come to church. Scared not to tithe even if it brings financial hardship to you. Scared to wear a dress or skirt too short so you wear them to your ankles just to be safe. Scared to pull out a knot of hair and spend time picking it out lest the wrath of God come upon you. Scared to show your elbows so you wear sleeves down to the wrist even in hot, humid summers – and everyone is saying “Oh you will get used to it.” Scared to say no to a request to teach Sunday school or something else in case that means you are being disobedient to the pastor or his wife.

The list is endless. Yet so many who have been in these churches nearly all their lives are just as adamant about the rules as the leadership is. So why do you want to question what must be right, especially when they keep saying “We are the only church that has All The Truth.”

There is hope. Read Isaiah 41:10 – FEAR THOU NOT!

Modern Day Witch Hunts

Salem was a small village, somewhat isolated from others and fairly autonomous. Churches and other groups today can be just as isolated when they distrust “outsiders.” They may also require attendance and conformity. Religion often plays a large role in every aspect of the lives of church members in such churches–the church may tell members how to dress, what to listen to and watch, what types of jobs to get, where to go to school, when to buy a home or where to rent. These are seen as decisions needing spiritual guidance. Those who do not seek their pastor’s advice may miss the will of God or even “lose out with God” and be condemned to hell.

People in these groups seek explanations for the dangers they perceive–for some, these dangers may include persecution, poverty, or the risk of being lost and sent to hell, while for others the perceived dangers may include popular culture’s influence on their children, the influx of secular thought in public school, or the introduction of thoughts that might be considered too liberal or godless. And just as in Salem, at least some of these are explained by some as acts of the devil.

When anyone in such a group does not conform to the group, there is a risk that one of two things will happen: either the nonconformist will be viewed as an outsider and meet resistance from the group, or the group may begin to seek out those within the group that might be friendly toward the nonconformist or share some of the ideas or questions the nonconformist has mentioned or is thought to have. These people are then brought in to question themselves… and a witch hunt of sorts begins.

The nonconformity doesn’t need to be pronounced to be considered dangerous; it just needs to be perceived to exist. In my case, my sin was that I hadn’t married younger and lived alone–I looked and acted as much like them as was possible; I dressed the same, spoke the same, but I wasn’t the same since I wasn’t married. Within the same church some of the others who were “tried” had other faults: one questioned the pastor’s directives on what to wear, another was less educated, another too educated. Two questioned what had happened to me, apparently, and one went to visit another church without permission. Another fell in love with someone the pastor had not approved. These are not things most people would consider dangerous, but in the minds of that pastor and that group, they were.

Perhaps because there is perceived danger everywhere, people start distrusting each other within the group, watching for anything that might be considered dangerous in those around them. In Salem, this distrust was actually encouraged by some of the leaders, and it is in some groups today, as well. As we often heard in my former church, “Be careful who you fellowship!”

Read Part One and Two.

True Worship

When I would go to a pastor for advice or support rather than praying or studying the Bible for myself, or when I would feel that God wanted one thing, but would second guess myself due to something that was preached or something the pastor said, something was definitely out of balance. I put my health and others’ at risk by going to church sick and pushing myself beyond reasonable limits. I bent over backward to make a good appearance, and was afraid to say “no” to any suggestion that was made.

In service, if everyone ran, I ran. If they danced, I danced. If the pastor indicated we should shout, I shouted. But none of that was worship.

Worship is a way of honoring God. If a person is focused on what other people are doing or are expecting you to do, they are honoring other people, not God. Worship is a form of love. It is not a mechanical, directed display, but a focused, heartfelt expression of adoration.

God, I want to be a true worshiper. Let my focus, love, adoration and worship be on You. Not on what others are saying or doing and not on what anyone else expects or demands, and not on what actions I’m performing. Worship is not a science of specific words, moves and actions, but an intimate place where the words, moves, and actions cease to have importance, because all are outweighed by love. Teach me to worship.

It Is The Pastors Who Must Give Account…Of Themselves!

I can imagine Jesus saying something today like He did in Matthew 23, “Woe unto you ministers who cause all kinds of harm to those trying to follow Me! Woe unto you who abuse my people, making merchandise of them for your own gain! Woe unto you ministers who rob people of their hard earned money and live the high life!….”

So often in unhealthy churches we heard to ‘obey them that have the rule over you‘ because they will be giving an account of you to God. My desire is not to delve into that at the moment, except to say it isn’t true. Ministers have super big egos if they think they get to be a go-between with you and God. The point I wish to make is the price these ministers may have to pay in the end if they do not change their ways.

It is one thing to teach erroneous doctrines in sincerity and with love, believing them to be true. I am fairly certain that we all believe some things that we will find are not true. However, it is a different story when a minister refuses to objectively look at what they are teaching when valid points are made in love. It isn’t the same when things are taught with shaming, threats and manipulative tactics or when God is painted in such a manner as to be viewed as a harsh taskmaster, almost anxiously waiting for you to mess up on the smallest details so He can pummel and/or leave you.

Through the years, I have witnessed a multitude of individuals with varying degrees of harm, left by those who were supposed to help them grow in their walk with God. Some of these people leave and live a destructive lifestyle because they believe they are lost and without hope. Others cannot bring themselves to become involved with a group of believers as they are too fearful and/or non-trusting. Some struggle for years with the after effects of their experience. There are so many issues people face when they have been involved in unhealthy and abusive churches.

Their experience may cause them to no longer believe in God or they continue to believe in the warped sense of God that was presented in their former church. Some, though they see the errors of the teachings, cannot see that the false image of God doesn’t accurately portray Him. They don’t want to follow a God that is so harsh and ready to pulverize them at any small indiscretion. Who wants to follow a God like that?

These ministers won’t be reporting to God about you, but they will be answering to God for what THEY have done. Though written in regard to the spiritual leaders of Israel, I believe the same applies toward certain ministers today.

“Woe to the shepherds who are destroying and scattering the sheep of My pasture!” declares the LORD. Therefore thus says the LORD God of Israel concerning the shepherds who are tending My people: “You have scattered My flock and driven them away, and have not attended to them; behold, I am about to attend to you for the evil of your deeds,” declares the LORD. Jeremiah 23:1-2 (NASB)

Then the word of the LORD came to me saying, “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel. Prophesy and say to those shepherds, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD, “Woe, shepherds of Israel who have been feeding themselves! Should not the shepherds feed the flock? You eat the fat and clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the fat sheep without feeding the flock. Those who are sickly you have not strengthened, the diseased you have not healed, the broken you have not bound up, the scattered you have not brought back, nor have you sought for the lost; but with force and with severity you have dominated them.” …Thus says the Lord GOD, “Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will demand My sheep from them and make them cease from feeding sheep. So the shepherds will not feed themselves anymore, but I will deliver My flock from their mouth, so that they will not be food for them.”‘ Ezekiel 34:1-10 (NASB)