Category: holiness standards | Page 27

Visions And Revelations

*WARNING: This contains material which may be triggering to some*

In the last post on my timeline, I talked at the end about how during one of the tent revival services I was asked to take the children into the house and babysit them.

The weird staring and glaring from my Mom and her best friend got worse and worse. I started to feel paranoid, like they were watching me all the time. Then, one night, I sat down to the dinner table and Mom and Dad told me that they needed to talk to me.

They told me that I was possessed by a demon. They said that during that tent revival service, the preachers (Mom, her best friend, and her friend’s husband) had cast it out of her best friend’s son, and that the demon left the tent looking for another body to enter, and came in the house and found me. They said that it was a rebellious demon that found me inviting because of the way I’d been expressing anger against wearing dresses, going to church all the time, and being taken out of public school. They said that I needed to be aware of this because it would affect my reactions to anything Godly until they could get it cast out.

Then, my Mom proceeded to tell me about all the visions her and her best friend had about me. They had a vision of me being raped due to my rebellion of wanting to wear pants (keep in mind that I was 9 at this time) and they gave me graphic detail of this vision. They told me they could see demons running around in my bedroom that were attracted there because of the demon in me. They said that my wanting to spend so much time at non-apostolic family member’s houses had contributed to my rebellious spirit inviting in the demon. They also told me the demon’s name, what it looked like, and that it was a fallen soul – a rebellious teenage girl that went to hell and became a demon. There were more “revelations”, but you get the general idea.

As you can imagine, by this point I was terrified. I was afraid to talk to my family, I was afraid to be around my little sister. I stopped going anywhere and stayed home all the time (as much as I had the choice to), and alone most of the time, wondering how many of my thoughts were really my own and how many were coming from the demon.

Occasionally Mom would “address the demon” instead of me. I’d be walking along and she’d suddenly jump in front of me and say “(Demon’s name) you want to hit me don’t you! Go ahead and slap me, I dare you!”. I didn’t know what to do when this would happen. I’d try to turn and walk away, but she’d grab me by the shoulders and hold me in front of her. I’d say “Mom I don’t know what you want me to do!”. Eventually when the ‘demon’ didn’t respond she’d give up.

Plans were being made to “cast it out”.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

God Is Love

My whole life from my first memories of God was a vision of Him as an angry, full of retribution God. I had fear of disappointing Him and paying dire consequences. ‘Be careful little, eyes, ears, mouth, etc. Because there’s a Father up above’. ( We got the looking down but the love part wasn’t emphasized and didn’t register).

As a PK, I heard all about the horrible things that happened to people who left ‘the truth’.

Of course horrible things happened to our church people too, and even to us but ‘wasn’t it lucky we were in the truth and God would see us through’!?!?!?!

Good things that happened to people outside the truth were because they were getting their only reward here on earth, but good things happened to us because God was blessing us for being good.

This 4th of July we celebrated freedom. The freedom of our country from tyranny. We also this year celebrated our freedom from ‘the truth’ which is not the truth but another Gospel of bondage that Christ died to give us grace to overcome. To be free in Christ is free indeed!

For we are saved by grace and that not of ourselves lest any should boast. God’s grace through Jesus Christ cannot be improved upon by feeble human rules and regulations. We do our best to be holy as He is holy but holiness is a matter of the heart and cannot be created by what we wear or don’t wear. Holiness comes from an honest heart filled with the love of God. Love the Lord with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself, on these two commandments rest all the law.

A heart full of fear and judgement has no room for the love of God.

Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so!

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Works of faith

Faith without works is dead according to scripture so what are these works? Are they the clothing you put on (or don’t put on)? Are they the jewelry you do or do not wear? Are they your hair style?

Are they loving as Christ loved?
Are they praying without ceasing?
Are they sharing the Gospel of Christ’s redemption?
Are they having a spirit of forgiveness?
Are they believing in God’s love and plan for your life?

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen and without faith it is impossible to please Him.

The first list can certainly be performed without the need for faith in anything more substantial than our own human desires.

The second list requires faith in God, that He is and that he is a rewarder of them who diligently seek Him.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Becoming

Is it ever too late to become? We chuckle and see TV commercials now of older people talking about what they want to be when they grow up but really once one loses hope of growth, the only thing that remains is death. Is that also true in the spiritual realm? I think Paul voiced that thought many times in many ways.

I feel that many times in my UPC walk, we were encouraged to see the 3 step doctrine as the be all and end all to our salvation. Sure we were told to then keep the ‘standards’ and behave ourselves but the only potential for growth was in service or giving.

In life though, growth or ‘becoming’ only truly stops at death, whether a physical death or a spiritual one. While serving others and giving to the cause is many times noble, it is only a small part of growth. To grow, one needs to stretch, to attain, to reach, and to experience anew. Paul called it reaching for the ‘high calling’ that is in Christ Jesus.

There is so much to reach for in understanding God, Christ, even ourselves and our becoming. God is limited when our only plan has three finite steps and discourages or minimally encourages further growth.

To grow in our relationship to God, one needs the freedom to think, to study, to listen, to realize one’s insignificance but also to realize the potential in living and growing in relationship to an almighty God.

“Study to show thyself approved, a workman that need not be ashamed” – paraphrase from Paul’s writings.

God is not limited to any belief system, any edition of His word, any group of believers, any man-made doctrine, any interpretation proclaimed by fallible humanity.

God is beyond our human understanding. It is a big mistake to ‘make God in our own image’. Like Paul, our goal should be to be ever coming to a knowledge of the the truth.

Jesus loves me THIS I KNOW, the rest is to be discovered as I become and grow until like Paul I can say I have fought the fight and run the race and look for that reward.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

My First Attempt

I have not wrote about my UPC (United Pentecostal Church) upbringing anywhere other than on this site, so these blogs will be my first attempt to organize these memories. Here goes.

I remember the first time I went to a UPC church. I was 4, and my Mom and I went to visit the church we would eventually join and I would spend most of my childhood in. I loved it. It was beautiful, there were lots of people, fast music, and Sunday School was fun. I can’t remember much else about those early years, except we started spending a LOT of time there.

Soon, things were changing in our house. Over the next 3 years or so, Mom started trying to get us kids to stop watching TV, even though Dad still watched it. (Dad did not go to church.) She started insisting on praying out loud before meals, even though that meant that Dad wouldn’t come to the table till she stopped. Mom started spending all her time reading books that looked like encyclopedias and laying on her face ‘praying’ in a process that looked very painful. If me or my little sister interrupted her, she’d become enraged, sometimes hitting us. The hitting wouldn’t really be considered abuse if the harshness of it was compared to a ‘normal’ spanking, but if only the reason for it were examined, the result might be different. It seems abusive to me to hit a child who needs assistance simply because the child interrupted a prayer. This doesn’t seem Christlike.

Another change in our home was that we had to start wearing dresses all the time. When I started school, this became a big issue for me. The kids at school asked a lot of times why I wasn’t able to dress normal, and not being able to wear pants meant that I was excluded from many activities. I could have done the activities in the skirts, but the school wouldn’t allow me to try. My Dad hated all this, and it caused no end of conflict between my parents because my Mom never backed down on any of these rules. Things in my home got more and more tense.

At 5 and 6 years old, there would be occasions where I would cry for hours to be allowed to wear a pair of jeans. I wanted to be normal so bad, but I couldn’t seem to articulate my feelings in any other way than “I just want to wear jeans”. My Mom had no patience with these crying spells, she would get very angry and want my Dad to punish me for being so silly. Dad would reply that he’d just give me a pair of pants so I would shut up. Mom would then say something to the affect of “I’ll just deal with her myself” and I’d be punished. Grounded from seeing friends or going to Grandma’s house – inevitably, something that I enjoyed would be taken away for a time to teach me not to “lust after the world”.

Around this time, I noticed that my Mom started getting up behind the pulpit at our church and preaching. I remember hoping that this would make her happy and things would get better at home. It didn’t happen that way.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.