Category: speaking in tongues | Page 10

Finding God in Spite of Men

My dad became the co-pastor of the church my grandfather pastored, and it was here that I spent the rest of my childhood. It is my understanding that they had the agreement all along that this would be the way that my dad would take over the church when my grandfather wanted to retire. This was to make sure there was no opening for the district to try to put in a pastor or influence the members.

It was during this time that I received the Holy Ghost, speaking in other tongues. I was eight years old, and had been “seeking” for a couple of years. The weekend before this happened, another little girl in the church had received the Holy Ghost, speaking in other tongues at a youth rally. I figured if she could do that, I could probably get it too. For me, there was nothing negative about this experience. It was wonderful in every way!

A few months before I had asked to be baptized, but my parents talked me out of it because they felt like I was just doing it because my friends were doing it. However, after that experience, I was allowed to be baptized. My grandfather baptized me in the name of Jesus. I know that I felt wonderful after being baptized!

However, even though we were little children, we were expected to pray for people in the altar, pray a full 30 minutes before church each service, and live “good holy lives.” It seems that before this point, I was not aware of the stipulations and rules about performance. After I received the Holy Ghost and was baptized, that burden begin to get heavier and heavier, as I slowly became aware of all the things “God expected” of me.

I remember one night during a very emotional service, my friend and I were falling out in the floor and rolling back-and-forth, because we had heard about the “old days” where people were “holy rollers.” Everyone was always “wanting to go back to the old paths in the old days.” I guess in our little minds we felt this was very spiritual. I remember one night during this time my dad “shouted”, which he rarely did, but when he was dancing, he turned over one of the pews on which a little boy was asleep. The child was not hurt, but did get dumped unceremoniously into the floor.

I remember one lady had difficulty giving up her cigarettes, even after being baptized and speaking in tongues. Several members of the church, including my parents, (which meant I was there too) stayed and prayed with her for hours, trying to help her “get the victory” over those cigarettes.

During those days, it was more common to have someone come to church who was “demon possessed“. When this would happen, and they would be trying to rebuke the devil out of this person, all of us children were sent into another room, presumably so the devil wouldn’t come out on us.

Very loud worship was encouraged, and if it was a really good service with a “real move of God,” people were usually dancing, having a “victory march”, “shouting”, or someone got the Holy Ghost. It happened a lot during that time.

I recall my dad getting frustrated with my grandmother, because during the long preaching, she would draw pictures for us on a tablet of paper and let us copy them. Once, my dad called her name out from the pulpit to rebuke her for drawing for us. It was not uncommon for him to call out certain children or teenagers who were not behaving during his preaching. Embarrassment seemed to be something he felt was effective for dealing with these kinds of problems.

As a shy child, I lived in fear of being called out in this way. It was very mortifying for me to have attention drawn to me negatively. I was very sensitive as a child, and a simple rebuke in private could bring me to tears. These public humiliations were a nightmare for me, and I did my best to avoid them at all costs.

Eventually my grandfather handed the church over to my father. He and my grandmother moved to another city to retire, and attended the church of my uncle, who was not United Pentecostal, but independent Oneness Pentecostal.

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UPC from a Child’s Perspective

My earliest memories were of my mom, dad, and maternal grandparents, who were apparently helping my father build a church in a town that did not have a United Pentecostal church. I can remember my preacher Grandpa working on the building and my grandmother taking me out to see him on the scaffolding. I recall my mother reading me Bible stories, and some visiting preacher teasing me about my imaginary friends. I often played in my dad’s workplace, as he could not provide for the family without working a secular job.

When I look back at the pictures of that time, I see a happy little girl with curly blond hair and the prettiest dresses. The pictures nor the memories of that time reveal anything to me other than being loved and cared for. I wonder if my parents were perhaps different then. I heard them tell stories of “winning a family to God” only to find out that the man was beating his wife, so my dad addressed that with him and he eventually stopped. These are the stories I was told.

Eventually, we left there and went to another town where my dad took the pastorate of a church. I was preschool age, but I do remember him telling my mother about going to the home of one of the parishioners uninvited, at an unexpected moment because he felt the man was being deceptive about his lifestyle. He “caught” the man watching TV, which was strictly prohibited by the UPC at that time, and he confronted the man about it. The man made up lie after lie as an excuse to hide this “sin”.

There was a woman in that church who suffered from bulimia. I remember the judgement and disgust with which she was discussed, with never any hint that this could be a serious illness. As a mental health provider, I now cringe at what she must have suffered in addition to the bulimia and its root causes. Religion without compassion can be very hard on people with mental health issues.

By that time I had an infant sibling. I remember church people getting mad at my parents for taking my sister out to spank her during church for things like fussing during church or other such age appropriate things. I remember being spanked with a “skinny belt” for asking one parent if I could go home with a friend and when that parent said no, asking the other parent.

My friends in the church had me over to their house one day in December and their mother said, in front of me, that there was no difference in a Christmas tree and the Christmas lights my mother had in our home. I was about five and I can still feel how sad I was when I told mom what these people had said, only to watch in horror as she took down all of the Christmas decorations in order not to “confuse and offend” church people who were being taught it was a “sin” to put up their Christmas trees.

My dad was often joking and fun during that time with us, and with his preacher friends. I often heard them sit around the table and argue about scriptures, and then in the next breath tell racial jokes that are appalling to me now.

During that time, I first became aware that I was “lost” because I didn’t have the Holy Ghost. I went down to the altar and cried, not understanding everything yet. I told my family I was now a Christian and had the Holy Ghost because I went to the altar and prayed. They explained to me that I had to “speak in another language” in order to get the Holy Ghost. My sister by this time was getting old enough to play church with me. We were strictly forbidden to ever play like we were “getting the Holy Ghost” by jabbering nonsense. Instead, we would close our mouths tight and jump around to show that we were “getting the Holy Ghost” in order to not play with sacred things. I have a distinct memory of a teen who was “seeking” the Holy Ghost and fell out on the floor with people all around her. I was fascinated by watching her mouth upside down as she was speaking in tongues.

I was constantly watching my baby sister with a stuffed animal in church and feeling so jealous because I wasn’t allowed to play. I would secretly pretend my Bible was a baby and I was it’s mother, but if I moved it around too much I’d get in trouble so I had to be careful.

Eventually there was some kind of church problems of which I’m still not clear on all the details, but my dad resigned that church and bought a trailer to evangelize. They were already homeschooling me, so they would continue to do so as we traveled around the United States. I’ve heard my parents recount often the story of how they “dusted their shoes off” out the window of the vehicle as they left that town. My dad says God showed him there would never be a thriving church in that town because of the rebellion in the hearts of those people.

I was just a little girl. I don’t know the ins and outs, or if the people were truly rebellious. I can only share what I remember and have heard from that time.

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Denying The Power

I was always taught that other churches were dead, dull, boring, and denying the ‘power’ because they didn’t jump, shout, dance, speak in tongues, etc.

So what really is the ‘power’? Is it the emotional hype as it is taught in Pentecostal churches??? So are we denying the ‘power’ if we don’t go for all the slain in the spirit stuff? Do we only have a form of godliness but deny the power in all the mainstream churches?

When studying the Bible, does it really seem that God would put the ‘power’ in a physical, emotional, sign??? I find that very difficult to read into His nature that prizes a still small voice and rejects ‘signs’.

So what could the power that some are denying be??? Perhaps the power that is being denied is the power of the Christ and the power of His redeeming love and grace. Perhaps we are denying the ‘power’ if we are trying to earn salvation by our own works. Perhaps the power we are denying is the power of the cross as the finished work that through faith has the power to redeem us. Perhaps the hype, show, and focus on performance is denying the power . . . . . . .

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Veiled Threats In Sermons

Different ministers in the group I exited would use various stories that were intended to place fear in those attending services. It was always something bad with a person being killed in an unpleasant way. Or perhaps God smote them with an illness or disease, like my former pastor said of a son-in-law, who developed a brain tumor. Some recall stories of car accidents and train wrecks. I won’t even get into all of the rapture drills and end time scare tactics that really do a number on children.

There is one story that still remains partly in my memory, though all the details are no longer there. My former pastor knew Nathaniel Urshan, being from South Bend, Indiana. (Urshan was a long-time General Superintendent of the United Pentecostal Church.) One story was about young guys who were at some service where Urshan was speaking.

I believe they supposedly made fun in some way, may have been spoken to by Urshan and warned. They left the service and were killed in an automobile accident. The hidden message was that you do not come against a minister or God may kill you.

These stories work in a couple ways. The one I shared can be used to place fear in anyone, who would in any way, come against a minister. God will strike you down! I well remember the biblical story with the she bears from the Old Testament being told to also reinforce such a thought.

The scare tactics also help to manipulate people into doing whatever it is that the pastor wants, including following all the rules, attending every service and tithing. It can be made to feel like God is just chomping at the bit for you to mess up so that He can swoop down on you in His wrath and make you pay. Or perhaps instead, He will blow the trumpet and you will be left behind with all the unbelievers.

These stories also create an unhealthy fear of God and help to distort your image of Him. Here again we see the view of God as a harsh taskmaster, just waiting so He can somehow punish or kill someone who has upset Him. Get out of line, don’t follow the rules, leave this church, and God will see that you die in a nasty traffic accident (or some other way just as unpleasant). So much for a loving God, who isn’t willing that any should perish. That’s all over with now that you are a believer.

Fear, fear, fear, fear…….I will never stop saying it until it is no longer true…….fear permeates the teachings in unhealthy churches.

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For those who are not easily triggered, below is a great example of how some ministers use these scare tactics. It is the late L.E. Westberg, who was a well known United Pentecostal Church minister. In this sermon, he proclaims that in two separate incidents, people who had backslid died in fiery car accidents. According to him, God rejected those people, turning against them and he thinks when the preacher’s son was dying and calling out to God, that he heard God laugh at him. Tongues and interpretation are also used in an attempt to make it appear God is behind the fearful message, speaking for the last time to someone at that service. This is sick stuff.

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