Category: recovery | Page 6 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Book Giveaway- We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis

As with all of our giveaways, this is only open to those with a USA mailing address.

But why does sexual abuse happen within our ecclesiastical walls? Shouldn’t the church that represents Jesus Christ- the One who loved children and cursed those who harmed them- do the very best job at protecting others from harm? Shouldn’t the church be a place a survivor could run in order to be protected, heard, and given restorative justice? Sadly, no. Because so often the church has jumped into bed with power and politics and has given preferential treatment to its reputation instead of the broken cries of survivors. – Mary DeMuth

This is your chance to receive a new copy of We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis by Mary DeMuth. It’s available to order from Amazon for $11.51 for the paperback or $9.99 for the Kindle version. I mentioned this book in a blog about several new books that have been released this year.

Sexual predators are often charming. They get away with serial predation precisely because they’ve honed their interpersonal skills and practiced how to put people at ease. They know how to befriend and be kind to 98 percent of the population- and at the same time seek out the vulnerable. They tell the vulnerable 2 percent that no one would believe even if they did tell. Why? Because, as I mentioned above, they are typically not people you’d expect to be predatory. The 98 percent is part of their overall plan. In 98 percent of their lives, they’re upstanding, helpful, generous, funny, self-deprecating, ‘honest,’ and engaging. So if or when survivors bring something to light, very few believe them. Why? Because who wants to believe that your amazing friend is actually a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Surely not! Surely the #MeToo movement has gone crazy if it can even accuse this wonderful person of such a heinous crime. – Mary DeMuth

This giveaway is a drawing and not a first come, first served giveaway. To enter, just leave a comment to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on Saturday, October 12 at 8pm (eastern time), after which I will draw the winner. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter. Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as they require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Book Giveaway – Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse

As with all of our giveaways, this is only open to those with a USA mailing address.

The analogy of the maze is a powerful picture of the journey you will go on in this book. In order to reach a point of exploring the features of healthy Christian cultures we must first navigate the difficult experience of spiritual abuse. It may seem strange to spend a considerable time discussing spiritual abuse in a book which also seeks to explore creating healthy Christian cultures. However, we feel that we can’t really explore what is healthy without an investigation of what is unhealthy. If we truly want to build healthier cultures we must enter the maze, look at the dead ends, investigate the loops, explore the multiple routes and ultimately find the exit. – Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys

This is your chance to receive a new copy of Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse: Creating Healthy Christian Cultures by Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys. We previously gave away two copies in our private support group on Facebook. It’s available to order from Amazon for $15.79 for the paperback or $8.49 for the Kindle version. I mentioned this book in a blog about several new books that have been released this year.

We thought it might be useful to include a brief summary of the main features of responding well to a story of spiritual abuse.
1. Actively listen to the story, showing that you are taking it seriously.
2. Ensure the individual telling the story knows that he or she is valued.
3. Do not minimize, judge or defend a person or the church.
4. Be clear about the boundaries to confidentiality.
5. Take care if offering prayer or Scripture as a response- ensure that the individual can make a choice as to whether he or she wants this.
6. Avoid using Matthew 18 as a first principle in responding to a disclosure of spiritual abuse.
7. Do not rush people to a place of forgiveness and reconciliation.
8. Discuss the risk of harm with your safeguarding coordinator/lead and consider next steps carefully.
9. Ensure that there is a policy and procedure including spiritual abuse in your church or denomination and that this is followed. – Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys

This giveaway is a drawing and not a first come, first served giveaway. To enter, just leave a comment to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on Saturday, October 5 at 8pm (eastern time), after which I will draw the winner. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter. Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as they require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Book Giveaway – Traumatized by Religious Abuse: Courage, Hope and Freedom for Survivors

As with all of our giveaways, this is only open to those with a USA mailing address.

To say that it’s a little bit tough to distill recovery from spiritual abuse into one book is kind of like saying it’s hard to fit an elephant through a keyhole. There are simply so many variables, stories, and experiences that it would be impossible to capture every single piece in one volume. What I’ve done in this treatment is give you a framework and some of the basic tools to start your journey. If you’ve been through any other kind of abuse or trauma recovery, some of this may seem familiar; however, I’ve tailored my approach in this book specifically toward religious abuse recovery. – Connie A. Baker

This is your chance to receive a new copy of Traumatized by Religious Abuse: Courage, Hope and Freedom for Survivors by Connie A. Baker. One copy will be given away here and soon we will be having another giveaway in our private support group on Facebook. These two copies have been generously donated to us by the author. It’s available to order from Amazon for $17.99 for the paperback or $7.99 for the Kindle version. I mentioned this book in a blog about several new books that have been released this year.

However, it is important to recovery that survivors of religious abuse eventually call it ‘abuse’ if that is indeed what happened. If we don’t define it, we can’t recognize it or properly address it, which contributes to an ongoing culture that breeds similar abuse. Survivors tend to minimize their experiences- ‘it wasn’t that bad,’ ‘it wasn’t anything like what that other person went through,’ ‘I probably just over-reacted’- in order to survive them. Minimizing may be helpful at first for survival, but full healing requires an accurate assessment of the experiences. We need to name the behaviors as abuse so that we can heal and protect ourselves in the future.- Connie A. Baker

We always provide these at no charge to our readers.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Soothing the Wounded Innocence

Skipping briskly across the lawn to the growing pile of leaves, her blonde, wavy hair whisks along the curves of her cheeks, lining the grin ever-present on her face. Old torn jeans- one of many ripped and destroyed from countless hours of bike riding, tree-climbing, and mud-pie making- hang down along her scrawny preschool legs and butt-less thighs. How she loves raking the autumn into the largest mountains her scraggly little arms can manage, only to trail-back several feet, pause for a moment, and race toward the colorful peaks, pouncing into the mess of twigs and bugs, as ungracefully as possible, of course. As she stands up and brushes herself off, she slightly adjusts the lacy pink bow in her hair before preparing another pile to demolish. But what happened to this child of yesterday? Where did her joy and innocence go? How did a few years of mental, emotional, and spiritual abuse rip it all away, never caring for the pain and scars left behind?

Late last year, I walked into my therapist’s office, planning on giving a general overview of situations growing up, a mere highlight reel of sorts to give a baseline understanding of the overwhelming issues and struggles left from three years with my mentors in high school and early college. Certain questions were bound to come up and I simply wanted to get them out on the table in order to move forward with working through the trauma of the abuse. What I did not realize was that all of those situations left huge wounds that were never fully healed, seemingly leaving me open and vulnerable to the abuse to come. I did not realize that I would have to go back through each one and soothe that hurting inner child, which is, as I understand it, the subconscious halted at various stages of maturity because of the wounds inflicted and endured.

My hurting inner child in high school, probably fifteen or sixteen years old, is the first one I could see and connect with. She is the one in the middle of the abuse with my mentors. Anytime I see her, she is alone on her bed, often siting with arms wrapped around her knees, deep in thought, or hands attempting to cover the tears streaming down her cheeks. She has told me often, “It is never enough” and “the crazy never ends. There’s always more.” In frustration, trying relentlessly and desperately to simply do right, she feels like a failure, constantly the reason for the pain of those around her. She feels betrayed by those closest to her and the hurt runs deep.

My preschooler, approximately four or five years old, made me extremely hesitant. I knew the pain she would suffer and endure, but more than that, I was ashamed of her. She kept telling me she did not know it was wrong. In the mind of an innocent four-year-old, she did not know the turmoil to come from those actions, yet she was continually blamed for them.

My middle-schooler, about seventh or eighth grade, is hurting. She is the one that is ashamed. She feels like a failure who already ruined her life before it even started. I tell her she’s beautiful, and yet she hits my hand away. She does not think she is attractive. She does not believe she is intelligent anymore. And she does not think anyone would love her for who she is. She feels confused, overwhelmed, and alone. She longs for an understanding friend.

I am learning, slowly, that it is my job to be “mom” to those parts of myself growing that still need comfort. It is my job to be their best friend, protector, and guide. They need to be told that they are loved and lovely, that God made them perfect. That I am sorry I did not protect them before, but I am here now and I am not going anywhere, ever. I am teaching them healthy boundaries, and that their privacy is a boundary to be respected. I am teaching them about self-worth. One of the biggest things right now, however, is telling them that no matter what happens, I am right here, and always will be.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Art Therapy Toolbox: Getaway Guidebook

If you could go on vacation anywhere you wanted, where would you go? Would it be the warm, sunny beaches of Hawaii or the Caribbean? The tantalizing, exquisite tastes of Italy or Greece? Maybe more of a rugged adventure in the Outback like the Crocodile Hunter? But then again, how is your work schedule? Do you own your own business or does your boss keep you late? How are your finances? The average person simply does not have the funds and the paid-time off to simply take off work on a whim to take an international excursion or a getaway to some remote area of the country. Some have children and pets to care for, or a house and vehicle to look after. Some cannot get away from their classroom or business for more than a few hours, only to attempt a decent night’s sleep. This exercise is designed to facilitate the opportunity for mental “mini-vacations” through the hum and drum of life when a vacation would not otherwise be possible.

Much like the Sensory Relief exercise, this one involves searching through magazines to find locations, places and settings that one finds peaceful or exhilarating, where one would love to go on a vacation. When using the Sensory Relief book, I found that I loved nature and preferred going to a different environment, rather than simply experimenting with the olfactory or auditory senses. Rather than imagining biting into a soft, double chocolate-chip cookie with a crispy outside and delicious, melting chocolate chunks throughout, I found it more effective, personally, to allow my mind to wander to the front of a cozy fireplace, wrapped up safely in a thick, fuzzy blanket.

I cheated a little by searching online for settings that I knew were comforting, rather than searching through magazines, but at this point, I knew what I needed. I needed nature or the hidden comforts of home. Sitting in a church service about evangelism, yet another trigger to my past, I could open the miniature version of my Getaway Guidebook in my purse and escape to this path in the woods where leaves decorated the trail, painted in vast array of fall colors. I could hear them crunch under my feet with every step, ever-so-gingerly approaching the coarse wooden bridge and peering over in awe. I could feel the autumn breeze against my cheeks, relieving the tightness in my chest with the crisp morning dew. While we cannot always take a vacation when we want to, this Getaway Guidebook establishes the opportunity to take a mental getaway for five, ten, fifteen minutes, or more as possible.

*For more art therapy ideas from Managing Traumatic Stress through Art, check out the full list of exercises from the blog post: “Managing Traumatic Stress Through Art.“

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.