Category: judging | Page 6 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Go to Hell, do not pass go and do not collect 200

From my earliest memories, I was always confused about how we (as the only true believers going to heaven) could be so nonchalant about sending so many people to hell. According to the doctrine, most of our friends, neighbors, and even many of our relatives were going to spend eternity in a lake burning with fire and brimstone, but we just laughed and socialized and only showed any concern during heated revivals. The rest of the time, we acted as if we really didn’t care. How could this be?

There were also times when I observed some seeming to almost rejoice that some ‘jerk’ was headed for the lake of fire! And then it was also understood that “they were making their own bed and would have to lay in it – even if it was on fire!”

We would rejoice when someone would come to church and make a start but if they slipped up and didn’t stay, we quickly tch, tched, them back on the road to damnation.

As an adult this always still bothered me, even though I was very hesitant to bring many friends to my out of the mainstream church and carried a heavy load of guilt for my complicity in their not finding salvation.

Finally as a senior citizen, I have escaped the cult and clearly see the ridiculousness of the doctrine that would take God’s plan and create a burden so heavy that none can bear it. Who among us is able to bear the burden of believing that all but those in this one doctrine are headed for eternal damnation, regardless of whether they are loving, believing, kind, caring Christians? The doctrine of the cult condemns them for clothing choices, ordinary daily activities, and hairstyles.

Christ condemned the Pharisees that would put these heavy burdens on those He had set free. God isn’t measuring your sleeve length or checking out your bling, He is looking on your heart AND He tells us by their fruit shall you know them. Is this fruit clothing, hairstyles, or other outward appearance? NO, this fruit is LOVE . . . . .by this shall you know that they are my disciples, that they have LOVE one to another. I remember, from my earliest memories that many of those being condemned to Hell by the United Pentecostal Church were full of love, kindness, gentleness, meekness, . . . . .

Oh, but, (they would say) what about Cornelius? He still had to be baptized and be filled with the Spirit! Yes, but did he then have to be circumcised (ie: follow the Pharisees law)? No, he did not! Who are you to judge another man’s servant? Is it for us to judge who is baptized and correctly filled with God’s Spirit or were we told by God that “by the fruit of God’s love shining forth in their life we would know them”!?

I would venture one step further . . . .how many doing the condemning show any measure of love, especially to those without. . . . .it is easy to love those who love us, do not even the infidels do this but God commands us to love even the jerk that we would prefer to send to Hell . . . . . . . .and that love should be so obvious and overwhelming as to be clearly seen as a signal that we belong to Him. Sadly, I found very little evidence of this kind of love within the UPC.

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Measuring Up

Whatever you did, you did not miss church unless it was very dire. If you were sick, you came to church anyway, unless you were throwing up or had diarrhea. Unless you were contagious you were at church.

When it came to working your job, you had to keep your priorities right. First of all, if you were interviewing for a job and they wanted you to work on a church night or Sunday, you turned that job down and walked away. You needed to put God first. You didn’t participate in anything that would take you away from regular church services.

There were a few exceptions, such as being on your honeymoon. However, many people did not even pay attention to those exceptions. I cannot tell you how many times we had visitors from other United Pentecostal Church or independent churches, people that were on vacation, and even people that were on their honeymoon. You just did not miss church!

Not only did you not miss church, you needed to be there 30 minutes early to pray. If you were not making it a full 30 minutes ahead of time for prayer, you would hear about it, often from the pulpit (in a general rebuke to all).

I remember feeling tremendous guilt, as a mother of four very small children, when I didn’t make it to church the full 30 minutes ahead of time. I felt, whether true or not, like people were judging me for being late. I wasn’t even late, but it felt late because I wasn’t there 30 minutes before church for prayer. However, like most young mothers with small children, it is a huge task to get all those babies ready for church. Then, about the time you think you got them all ready, one of them leaks out of his diaper, or someone gets something on their clothes. Then you have to change that and clean them up. It’s really a chore to get a family to church on time. Also, trying to pray for 30 minutes before church with four kids under the age of 10 can be a real handful. While you’re trying to pray, you get five words out, and a couple of kids are fighting, or they’re talking too loud, or some other childish behavior that’s disturbing others. I found it rather pointless as a mother of four small children to even come early for prayer.

Be that as it may, it was definitely expected. You certainly were not going to have any position of leadership if you were not very faithful with coming early for prayer.

Another thing about that culture was that if you were going to miss service, for whatever reason, you called the pastor and told him ahead of time. If you didn’t, he would be wondering where you were, and you were sure to get a call as he was trying to figure out why you weren’t there. Strangely enough, that is still expected in the church I attend now, although I do not do it.

Many other people find it ridiculous, as we are all adults and can choose to go when we want to and stay home when we want to. It was not that way in the church where I grew up! If you were not in church every service, and early to pray, you had better have a really good reason!

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Don’t You Wear That Jewelry

I noticed a woman who appeared to be a sister in the Lord. Preparing to greet her, I stopped short upon catching sight of earrings dangling from her ears. Pierced ears identified her allegiance and revealed the influence that held sway in her life.

– Ruth Harvey in Reflecting The Glory

Many unhealthy churches teach that jewelry is wrong to wear. Some teach that its use brings about vanity and pride, calling attention to the wearer. Ruth Harvey gives it a twist. For those unaware, Ruth is a United Pentecostal Church minister, though she wasn’t licensed when she wrote this book. Perhaps she never looked into her organization’s history to see that some women, such as Ethel Goss, Nell Morgan and Olive Haney, did wear jewelry. Her teaching on the subject has branded them and many others as under the influence of the devil.

Ruth claims that “precious stones were initially created for the express purpose of reflecting God’s glory. When Lucifer was cast as profane from the mountain of God, jewels ceased to be a medium whereby God reflected His glory. After his expulsion from Heaven, satan used jewelry to effect his influence in the earth.” She shares no scripture to lend support to these claims.

Interestingly, Ruth neglects to disclose how God’s people are seen wearing or being given jewelry in the Bible. (This is a good example of why I stress the need to look into what the ‘whole’ or all of the Bible teaches on a matter.) For instance, when Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac, he gave Rebekah and her family jewelry made of gold and silver (Genesis 24). In the book of Exodus, the Israelites are given all manner of silver and gold jewelry and later at least some gave these as a free offering to God, to be used in the construction of the tabernacle and things related to it. There are other references to jewelry that show it was freely used.

Instead she shares about seeing a woman who was talking to herself, dressed in what she considered to be a “bizarre” manner. All her jewelry is mentioned. It is claimed the woman was demon possessed and the impression given is that the jewelry was tied to it. She proclaimed “her captivity was disclosed in the magnitude of jewelry that she wore.” The message is clear. One risks being possessed should they wear jewelry and the more you wear, the more “control of our lives” the devil will have.

What can we conclude? Though Ruth speaks against the use of any jewelry, she was unable to share even one passage stating God is against its use. Instead of not greeting the woman who was wearing earrings, she judged her as being influenced by the devil, and never tried talking to her to discover who she really was.

Ruth’s teaching is one of the more far-fetched I have seen in the attempts by some to persuade people to not wear jewelry. No matter how hard one searches, they will find no prohibition of jewelry in the Bible. No, not even 1 Peter 3:3 or 1 Timothy 2:9. And if it is wrong to use jewelry because it brings attention to the person, then wouldn’t wearing feathers, scarves and bows do the same (things Ruth herself has worn)?

Those who have had this prohibition ingrained in them can break free from the fear and erroneous teaching. I suggest using a concordance to look up everywhere that jewelry is mentioned in scripture. You will discover passages which show it being used and nothing stating God forbids it.

Some who discover the truth about the teaching may never wear any jewelry and that is perfectly fine. Others have had fun trying different pieces and learning their likes and dislikes.

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Fear of Being Judged

Will I ever lose the fear of being judged by that group?

This is a question that is often asked when a person leaves an unhealthy church. Often it is in relation to the various standards that are taught.

If you have recently left, you shouldn’t be tough on yourself in this area. This will subside and should stop over time if you sort through the various issues and become confident in what the Bible truly teaches about them.

I shouldn’t look for the approval of man but even though I know in my heart what I am doing is not wrong, why do I yet feel this way? I don’t understand it!

Unhealthy churches are often performance based. The intensity varies from church to church and is dependent upon the leadership and to an extent the members. Your acceptance is based upon your performance. How you view yourself is also based upon how well you follow the list of rules. Many of us learned to judge others while in our group, or at least looked to see if they were lining up with all the rules. Many of us soon learned that others would look at us and judge us by the outward appearance.

It is not abnormal to have struggles in this area after leaving. You know people are going to look at you and judge you because of what you witnessed while you were there. Most people do care what others think of them, especially those close.

Here is what is important, as far as I am concerned: that you believe what you are doing does not violate what is shown in scripture. As a believer, you answer to God for these things. If your heart does not condemn you in what you allow, because you see the truth of the matter in the Bible, then the opinions of people don’t mean a thing. They are not your judge.

How does God see you? This is what matters. Fortunately, God will not judge you by what others think or teach.

As you get these things deeper into your heart, and as your relationship with Jesus grows stronger and more distance is placed between you and your former church, they should no longer continue to disturb you. You may still feel hurt for awhile if someone judges you or looks you up and down disapprovingly, but you won’t go around worried that others will see you.

I am still in a UPC church and people there clearly judge me, even shun me because I don’t see anything wrong with certain standards. This is hard!

It’s more difficult to break from this while one is continually exposed to it, especially in a situation where people in the church shun you. You are continually reminded of their disdain and disapproval and are regularly subjecting yourself to the performance based atmosphere. While not impossible, it will be much harder for you to break from this mindset while you are yet attending such a church.

Something that may help you as you come to terms with it all is to think about this: What is the worst thing that could happen if someone from the church sees you wearing (whatever) or doing (whatever)?

What can their words actually do? When you think about it, for most situations, not very much can happen other than hurt feelings.

Remember the mindset that causes their reactions and that should help you to process any negativism, though it doesn’t make the rejection feel better.

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