Category: healing | Page 17 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Looking For A Church Part 2

Continued from Part 1.

The pastor gave me a copy of their basic statement of belief earlier this week. I love what I’ve been reading. I love what I’ve been seeing as I watch these people interact with each other and others, too. They have a good report in the community. They don’t argue, complain, or settle into clicks when they get together–their focus is outward, not selfish, it seems. They show genuine care for each other.

Their beliefs (the written info I got) include statements about the worth of each person and the respect due to all, lots about God’s love and grace… even a few things I didn’t know ANYONE agreed with me on. When I asked about membership, I wasn’t told what to do, I was asked what I wanted to do. They accepted me even though I didn’t join and even when I told them I disagreed. No arguing, no debating, no telling me I’m wrong or trying to prove themselves right, just open study and discussion and seeking common ground. I could stay in a place like this…

Looking For A Church Part 1

I’m running the emotional gamut on this, it seems. I want to be a part of a church again. But what church, and where? If I’m out of town, no church would be referred to as a “trash can.” But I’d certainly be happier attending in town.

I really do like the church I’ve been going to. And I really disagree on a few points. But they aren’t heaven/hell issues. Not to me, at least.

Odd that I would drive up to 60 miles one way to find a church, and end up seriously considering joining the one less than ten blocks from my home.

Hopefully I’ll get a response to my e-mails tomorrow, though we did talk some tonight. Then, too, hopefully the pastor will remember to loan me their version of the manual that he offered. We’ll see. I’ve gone from excited to ready to just go find someplace else to hopeful to excited again today… excited tonight not because I might have found a “home” but because I realized and was able to put a difficult concept into the right words tonight, and for the first time in a long time was able to explain something while also reaching a depth of praise that I love.

I think at least for those few minutes I found my wings, the balance I thought I’d lost in the last few years of struggle. And flew.

The Gift of Grace

Been reading a book that explained grace in less than 306 pages.

So in Christ God did for man what neither he, no one else, nor anything else could do for him. That is the very essence of grace… grace means that God gives us what we need, not what we deserve.
Originally the Greek word rendered “grace” meant to make a gift, then to forgive a debt, then to forgive a wrong, and finally to forgive sin. So basically grace is a gift, as expressed in Romans 3:24. Literally, “Being declared righteous as a gift by his grace through the full redemption, the one in Christ Jesus.”
Note that salvation is not “out of yourselves” or “out of works” as the source. It is “of God the gift”. It is by grace made possible in the individual through his faith. Good works are the fruit, not the root, of salvation.

I’ve never heard it explained that way. Grace is a gift. We can’t earn a gift. A person doesn’t beg for a gift. A person can’t ask for a gift and it still be a true gift. A real gift- at least to me- is undeserved, unexpected, unmerited, and completely free (it doesn’t come with strings attached- such as ‘do this and you’ll get it,’ ‘do that and you can keep it’).

Also a gift, by it’s very nature of being a gift, cannot be something we earned. (If we earned it, it’s a wage. We earned our wage- Rom 6:23. Don’t like the wages. The gift is much better!)

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But wait… we shouldn’t stray too far that way, or we’ll get an “anything goes” attitude! No, not if we’re sincere. If I get a gift from someone, what should I do with it? I’d be ungrateful if I flung any gift away, but if it’s something I need, I know I need it, and I refuse to use it, then how much more so!! Yet the giver doesn’t take that gift back. He doesn’t come, knock on the door, and say “Pardon me, I noticed you haven’t used my wonderful gift. Give it back so I can give it to someone more appreciative!” He might not give me more gifts, but he certainly won’t take away the gift I’ve been given.

Sure, we could toss a gift aside. We could refuse it. But if we love the giver, we’ll value and treasure the gift, and the gift will mean that much more. And in loving the giver, we’ll want to give back what small tokens we can.

And to me that’s freedom. We can follow rules because we have to in order to earn something unobtainable, or we can rest assured knowing we’ll be given what we need, responding freely, in love, to the One who gave so much to us. Each might look the same outwardly, but one is done from fear, while the other is done through faith, from a cheerful, willing heart, the overflow of an abundance of the Giver’s love.

Church Membership

Well, I’ve reached the point where I really want to be a PART of a church again. Not just to attend, but to be actively involved. I’m not sure what I’d like to do or how I’d like to be involved yet. I don’t really want to teach a class or be involved with the young people right now–I don’t want to face down someone with ideas I disagree with, and I know I have some beliefs that are completely at odds with most of the sorts of churches I’ve attended so far. (There are other churches that might be more in agreement with those beliefs, but I disagree with them on other fundamental issues.)

I’ve enjoyed going to Bible study at one church and services at another. I’d be tempted to go to Sunday School at one and church at another if I could find two whose service times matched enough that I could. Still, it would be so nice to feel needed at a church, an active part of the group, doing something with them to make a difference. I guess it’s really been years since I really felt that connection. And it’s been a couple since I wanted it.

So… I want to be part of a church that’s also involved in the community. Just cleaning the church because “God gave us this building” or whatever isn’t going to be enough for me. I want to do something that will benefit others in some way. There are churches in this area that are very involved in the community, almost to the exclusion of Jesus. There are others that treat every involvement as an evangelistic opportunity (to preach at them). I don’t agree with either of these thought processes. There are also many that don’t get involved in anything outside their walls. I think that’s very sad. Many are desperate for workers and dump more and more on anyone willing to help. That’s also sad.

I wonder how long I will be at a church, or whether or not I’ll feel comfortable enough to join. There are things I disagree with, like tithing, that have left several people scratching their heads. There are rumors my former church took everyone’s paychecks and gave them some money back to pay bills–so they shouldn’t be that surprised, I’m thinking. Still, if I wind up in a church that expects those types of commitments, there will be problems. On the other hand, the pastor of the church I’m attending would probably be very understanding and accepting of my disagreements and various odd beliefs as long as I didn’t promote them in his church. For now, I know we disagree on many things from Trinity to the age of the earth, but he doesn’t realize it. But I also know his wife may disagree on some of those points or at least on his way of presenting them. Obviously their disagreements haven’t been a salvational thing or a test of fellowship between them.

So I don’t know. I can go, I can help while I’m there, and then eventually I can leave. Or I can put down a few tentative roots and see how things go. The things I like about the church aren’t even really doctrinal. I like the stability–they agree on a few fundamentals and I share those beliefs. I like the friendliness, the proximity to my home, the fact that I’m accepted even if I haven’t joined and even when I blow their minds with some off-the-wall statement, the fact that I already know quite a few people from my previous job… (which is humorous. Apparently for all the rumors that I only hired people from FT, I actually hired more from this church, and had many MANY fewer problems from them!) I really like the fact that people say “thank you,” don’t push (physically or for me to do anything), and have some shared interests with me. I really REALLY like the fact that the pastor doesn’t think of himself above anyone else. No reserved parking place, even!

But are those reasons to join a church? How long would I stay, especially knowing that I disagree on some other things, or that I dislike a few things (the way they do studies based on people’s books, their focus on ‘witnessing’)? Should I trust them, even if so far I don’t see any really unhealthy signs? Am I just latching onto anyone right now, or falling into the same old trap of love bombing?

I don’t know the answers to these questions. A few I think I may know, but I’m still cautious.

Just thinking out loud.

Just Being Neighborly

I was reminded of the Good Samaritan today…

This morning on my way into church, there was a vehicle with a flat tire. I told an usher (I don’t usually go there) and he looked out, shrugged and said he didn’t know whose it was. He didn’t go out of his way to find out, either. I told another, and he didn’t help either. After church I waited around. The vehicle didn’t leave… most people did. I left a note under the wiper blade and went back in one last time to ask if it belonged to a friend of mine who lives out in the country, knowing she wouldn’t be able to change it or air it up where she was headed. The pastor was the first one I saw, and I asked if he knew anything about the vehicle. Immediate concern, and then ‘I hope it’s not…’ He looked out, immediately thanked me and went out to look at the tire. It apparently belonged to someone who was struggling with some things. If we’d let them drive off, they might have had to pay for a tire they couldn’t afford, and more than that, they might have wondered if anyone cared. As it was, they came out to find the pastor and a deacon down on their knees looking for the nail in the tire and (I’m guessing) offering to fix it for them for free. Wish those things happened much more often.

I’m still sorting through that. I’ve been debating going regularly to this church. Frankly, the services don’t impress me, but it’s only about three blocks from my house, services are decent, I have several friends there, and… well, several reasons that don’t make it a good church but don’t make it bad either. I like the pastor. He seems to have his head screwed on straight. He listens and is involved but doesn’t put himself forward. If I hadn’t gone back in that last time to check on my friend, and he hadn’t responded as he did, I probably wouldn’t have gone back more than once more. The others I asked really didn’t seem to care. One had even forgotten about it when I went back to ask if he’d found the owner. But his response and the deacon’s (my friend’s husband)… I could live with a church with that kind of heart.

Then too, I was embarrassed because I left after I knew someone would take care of it. But there’s nothing I could have done if I’d stayed. “Yup, it’s flat alright.” They knew that. My extra input on that matter wouldn’t have been helpful at that particular moment. So I know that was a kick back from my former church. I actually TALKED to a pastor (big no-no for me right now) and then I left him in the dirt on the pavement to fix it himself and drove off (which my former pastor would have frowned on if it had been him).

The parable came to mind… who’s your neighbor? I feel I did what God wanted me to do–and more than that, maybe saw what He wanted me to see, whether I decide to go there or not. Just knowing there are people out there who aren’t offended that you don’t do more, take things in stride, and want to help people was a huge benefit to me.