Category: United Pentecostal Church | Page 61

Expulsion

I was fascinated a year or more ago to realize that Baritmaeus’ parents were afraid of being thrown out of the temple, which would actually be even worse than being thrown out of the United Pentecostal Church–I lost friends and church “family,” but they lived in an area where nearly everyone but the enemy was Jewish. That gave me a new hope in spite of the things that had happened. If people who said Jesus healed someone were afraid of expulsion, Jesus was also rejected by the leaders the law said were anointed. He’s walked where I walk.

Today in Sunday School I came across another verse in John 12:

42 Yet at the same time many even among the leaders believed in him. But because of the Pharisees they would not confess their faith for fear they would be put out of the synagogue; 43 for they loved praise from men more than praise from God.

I’ve heard verse 43 quoted quite a bit in my former church. But never in this context. It wasn’t about being fair or just to people in the world instead of protecting members. It wasn’t about trying to get a better job or more schooling. It was about people going along with the religious leaders of Jesus’ day rather than professing faith in Jesus because they were afraid of expulsion.

It’s a comforting thought to me.

Expulsion II

Cry Baby

I had no idea what I was getting into. When my Grandma came to stay at our house, my mom would make me go with her to take Grandma to church. I only went on Sunday morning, which unknown to me at the time, was just “dress rehearsal” for the big Sunday night show. I would come to know this more and more as the years went by. You always saved your “finest” for Sunday night. Anyhow, the preacher would preach about – well I can’t really remember – mostly stories of people losing out, waiting too long, and missing their chance before it was too late. Mostly, I remember getting emotional during these services because I was doing all the things he said were bad.

My early teenage years were spent hearing this but going back out and being “cool.” The Lord was definitely drawing me to himself but in my very finite understanding, I reasoned – after high school – not now. I didn’t want to be weird in high school. Just recently, I had a memory of a guy I met in high school that was unlike anyone I had met – he was a Christian. I went to church with him once but I told him “I know where I am going to church when I start going.” I chose an emotional religion over a relationship with Jesus Christ. God was giving me the chance of a lifetime if only I had taken it…

When I could put it off no longer, I called my Grandma one Sunday night and asked if she would go to church with me. She was elderly, didn’t drive, and only went on Sunday morning. Little did I know, this was the “we’re gonna pull out all the stops” service. They had been in revival services for many weeks prior, so they were really fired up! Imagine, it’s 1973, a young girl and her hippie boyfriend walk into a red hot revival at a United Pentecostal Church. Mostly, all I can remember is crying; crying buckets of tears. All the condemnation that was heaped on me was being washed out in tears. When they saw me crying, they lead me up to the altar where I cried some more and then asked me if I wanted to be baptized. I was taken up and the next thing I know I have been declared to have the Holy Ghost. I came home with a baptismal certificate and the next day I went to school to tell all my friends.

Oh yes, I had lots of zeal, but it was not according to knowledge (Romans 10:1-3). There was no conscious decision made to follow the Lord Jesus Christ. Upon leaving, seventeen years later, I was still a baby. I had no more knowledge of the purpose for going to church than when I began. I did learn that there are only parts of the Bible to preach from. Some Bible words like love, grace, and reconciliation; those are for those other churches. I learned that here, we are exclusive, we have “the truth” others need not apply; they are only going through the motions of having church. We are the real deal.

After leaving, I would learn about those words and the purpose of going to church:

He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ’s followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ’s body, the church, until we’re all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God’s Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.

No prolonged infancies among us, please. We’ll not tolerate babes in the woods, small children who are an easy mark for impostors. God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love. Ephesians 4:12-16 The Message

Grace And Works

What can we ever do that will be considered good enough for an almighty, righteous, holy God? We’re human, He’s God. We’re born in sin and shapen in iniquity, He’s the creator of all things. Will skirts or long hair or a lack of jewelry ever be sufficient?

I know the standard answer in churches I’ve been to has been that we do those things because we love Him, not to be saved. Yet if a person doesn’t do those things, are they considered saved? The answer to that is generally “by their fruits you shall know them.” What fruits? The Bible nowhere mentions clothes or hair as fruits. The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, goodness, kindness, gentleness, meekness. And thorns are definitely not cut hair, pants and makeup. Attitudes can get prickly, but the way we dress doesn’t hurt others any time we get near them. If your imagination immediately jumped to a hooker or stripper and the way she dresses, and you thought, yes, the way they dress can hurt us, I’ll remind you that the way that person dresses doesn’t hurt you unless you have a fault that keeps you from fleeing that situation or leads you to lust. But lying, backbiting and slander can hurt a person even if they haven’t done anything wrong.

Thinking about all of this last night I realized that when we do certain things to try to be saved or look down on others as unsaved if they don’t do them, we place ourselves in a very dangerous situation: we lift ourselves up on an equal with God. God is holy and righteous. Our righteousness, the very best we can do, is as filthy rags to Him. No matter how “good” we try to be, we still fall short, because He knows our hearts. He knows the greed or pride that motivates, even if it’s just a tiny bit of our motivation.

That doesn’t mean that we should stop doing the right things or stop being good. But being good is not a list of rules and dress codes, it’s a mindset. It’s a matter of a right heart and a clean conscience. And it doesn’t involve judging others for the ways we think they might not measure up to us.

What is good? Jesus himself asked a man why he called him good, since there’s none good but God. And what should we do, if Christianity isn’t about being good? Well, when we live in Jesus, and He lives in us, won’t His goodness shine through us? But what is His goodness? It’s not dress standards, it’s love. Compassion, mercy, gentleness… grace. Those are the things we should focus on, not externals. Anyone can dress a certain way, but true fruit- love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, meekness- who can imitate those for any length of time? Who can even live like that most of the time?

If those Christian attitudes are more difficult to display than long sleeves, shouldn’t they be the focus? And if we know we can’t produce those fruits in our lives consistently on our own, then can we take pride in living that way? Absolutely not. Because living with love, joy, peace, patience… having those in our lives takes something more than a credit card and the right clothes in the closet. It takes Christ.

Pausing for a moment

I want to pause a moment from my other series and discuss on something major. Please feel free to offer insight as this subject is something I ponder and study quite often. The subject of tongues.

As I mentioned in my previous writings of “I Just Couldn’t Stay” this is kind of vulnerable for me to write about. My main questions are do tongues have to be an actual language for it to be real, or validated? How about where did the doctrine of the tongues in Acts are different from the tongues in Corinthians? I need some scriptures that say just that to see to difference.

Why is ok to add to the scripture the phrase “with the evidence of speaking in tongues” when it is not there at all? Yes, they spoke in tongues, but it doesn’t say “You shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues.” How come no other apostle in the New Testament spoke about tongues other than Paul? Why didn’t the others speak on it, especially the ones that where there on Pentecost day? If you have reference where they did please let me know.

I can remember some of the teachings and experiences on tongues in my former churches. The church I attend now believes in the “evidence of speaking in tongues” but not as a requirement for salvation. Salvation happens at repentance and placing ones’ faith in Jesus.

I ask these questions because I struggled in my early walk with Jesus. Most of the time what I heard come out of my mouth was not an actual language. When I asked about it was sometimes said “It’s okay mines sound different as well.” Then how is tongues languages? Does it have to be languages or what?

In Acts tongues were clear cut languages that were understood on the day of Pentecost. I go back to Pentecost because if you hold to the soteriology of Acts 2:38 then those tongues are what is important to get you saved. The tongues in Corinthians are just for a few folks who have the Holy Ghost. You can see where someone would be very concerned if they aren’t speaking something just right. If our whole salvation is based on water and Spirit doctrine, and tongues is what lets us know if we have the Spirit and you can’t get the Holy Ghost without speaking in tongues, then we better make sure it is done right, right?

I have heard ministers say some people fake tongues in their churches. I have so many things I could say about that but I’m not. During my early years, I can assure you I was not faking. I tried my best to speak in what I thought at the time was tongues. I would panic if I didn’t speak in tongues on a daily or weekly basis. When I told the pastor, who talked to me after my conversion that I got the Holy Ghost I was not faking. I truly believed I had gotten the Holy Ghost and no one was going to tell me different. I wasn’t going to spend the next few months and years fighting at the altar.

However, as time grew on I doubted that. I didn’t hear languages. I heard something I can’t explain. I prayed and prayed that God would give me a new tongue. After a while I believed he did. I was fine for awhile. Then I become enamored with tongues. It was a big deal to me. I reasoned that my whole salvation was tongues. If I didn’t speak in tongues I was not saved. When I went down to pray I would get horrible headaches from praying so hard to “stir up the gift that was inside me” ie. tongues. I hated to pray sometimes at home, for prayer meant tongues. Tongues, tongues, tongues, I had to have them. Forget faith, that was for only financial needs, healing needs, marriage needs, my husband to get saved needs, tongues were for salvation. I didn’t even know how to have faith for my salvation. Who needed that when you had tongues?

I would see people be in church for months and years to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. The teachings I would hear on it was some didn’t get it because they had hidden sin. They were hiding hidden anger, porn, or whatever that kept them from getting it. One story was about a cop and God expected so much out of him because he carried a gun to work so he had to really get with it to get the Holy Ghost. I am not saying these stories are not true, I wasn’t there when the stories where taking place, only there to hear tell about them.

My questions are why does God make it so hard for one to get saved? Why do we have to get perfect for him to give us his Gift of the Spirit? I have some new beliefs on tongues and the Holy Spirit. Still sorting out some things on it though. What say you?….

Just Couldn’t Stay Part 4

Continued from Part Three.

I stopped everything. Pants, cutting my hair, make up, movies, music, friends, sometimes sex with the DH, being best friends with my DH, happiness, peace of mind and you can insert just about anything else and I stopped it. I got baptized to satisfy my mother and stop listening to her go on and on about it. I was okay with it, I had no problems. I was so caught up with this organization I didn’t even notice. I want to say I was so caught up in Jesus that I didn’t notice. Honestly I don’t know.

When I reflect on it now it seems like such a whirlwind. I know I loved God and was wanting to do it all for him, however I can’t lie and say I didn’t want to be a part of what I thought was going to save me. Being Apostolic Pentecostal was everything. We were not Christians, we were Apostolic for the mere word Christian was not good enough for us. That would put us in the category as everybody else. And we alone where the bride of Christ no one else was. They were not our brothers and sisters, atheists were more tolerated than non-oneness Pentecostals.

I remember after my second child was born praying for a new set of tongues because I wanted to hear an actual language. I prayed and fasted a very long time for this. I couldn’t stand the thought of going to Hell. Tongues was the Holy Ghost and without it you were not saved. Did I ever get it? I don’t really want to answer that question. I am still sorting out tongues. I believe whatever I do in prayer is real because it comes from my heart. I also believe in tongues because the bible talks about it, however the beliefs I once had about them is what I am sorting out. That was vulnerable to write to say the least. It was a lot keeping up the separated from everybody in the whole wide world doctrine and make sure I pray in tongues every day or loss of salvation.

I had a powerful moment with God during this time. Once in prayer I remember Him telling me I came to HIM thinking he was mad at me all the time, because that is what I always knew. That had to be God for no one else knew what I went through in prayer. I constantly started out my prayers with repenting and not always getting anywhere because I thought he only tolerated me, not loved me. I got in on a package deal, this whole salvation thing. He died for everybody else and I was given the crumbs. I wasn’t important in church. I didn’t hold a position in church in my early years, so that meant God felt the same way about me as everybody else did, a second-class Christian.

Then something happened, that got me to start thinking about a lot of things. I went through a couple of pastoral changes. The thing is every one of them believed different things. They all held to the three step plan, but the last pastor added on a lot you had to do to be saved. He was WPF and oh brother that is when it all hit the fan for me.

To be continued… [Note: Unfortunately it never was finished.]