I sat in the counselor’s office in an intake interview, trying to get her to understand why I might want to be in a spiritual abusesupport group. It’s been 18 years since I was thrown out of a church, but when I started explaining that time, I was hesitant. By the time I explained what finally prompted me to leave, I realized I was physically shaking.
Even after blogging, even after the newspapers covered stories, even after talking to person after person online, even after talking to others in person, even after eight years, even after eighteen years… even after… I was shaking. A day later, I’m still a bit shaky inside.
Will they understand?
Will it make a difference?
Can I trust them?
Will they believe me?
Do I even believe myself?
The church has been silent. It was silent when I was expelled on a lie. No facts were checked. The organization the church was part of was supporting the church I was in to some degree. I called headquarters. I knew people there… and I was told that every church was autonomous. I was told (though they knew as well as I that not every church in the organization would accept me. I’d been branded, kicked out of a church. “We don’t want trouble.” The person I knew at headquarters told me to just go find another church. And not to talk about it. “Just move on.”
I heard that too much. “Just move on.” “Don’t talk about it.” “There’s no need for anyone to know.” “We’re trying to protect you.” “Don’t tell what happened — we don’t want people thinking badly of you.” “Just hold your peace and let the Lord fight your battles.” “Just pray about it.”
“If you say anything negative, it’s gossip.”
Why? Why would people think badly of me if I told the truth? If I defended myself?
Since when is it gossip to tell the truth?
How can there be healing or change if no one ever talks about what happened, no one acknowledges the wounds, and everyone pretends nothing at all happened?
I admit, I question groups that tout polarized subjects today. So much of religion, politics, and even social outcries are black and white, “I’m right, and if you don’t agree, you’re wrong.” There is no place for consideration of various perspectives or experiences, or even for consideration of facts outside of those that back what the religion has decided to believe. It’s how I was taught to ‘study’ — find facts that back what you believe. Don’t consider any ‘dangerous’ alternative facts, and I’ve since realized that the only ‘dangerous’ facts are those that are ignored and those that are emphasized while others are minimized.
Facts and even opinions and experiences are only dangerous when they’re manipulated to fit someone’s version of the truth rather than allowed to reveal the truth itself. It’s then that they stop being facts and develop into deceptions wrapped in an illusion of truth… dangerous and very difficult to unravel. My former church and other unhealthy churches and groups have become experts at winding truth in lies. Some, like mine, then proclaim that this truth wrapped in lies is THE Truth, the only truth and the most important truth, to be protected at any cost, including by protecting or defending it with more lies and by ignoring victims of it.
Victims of THE Truth? Victims of the lies they wrap it in and the twisted manipulations of it.
My former churches used ‘truth’ – really their version of it — to divide, to breed distrust and jealousy and fear. How can we tell real truth from pseudo-truth after leaving? It’s not easy. It’s easier to distrust everything referred to as fact or truth. But there is one way I’ve found to distinguish what is true from all of the lies and manipulation: Truth does not fear questions, research, or other facts, even if those appear to oppose that truth. And truth cannot and will not be protected by lies.
After leaving my final Pentecostal church, I was a little surprised to learn how distrustful I was of others who’d left. When we left, most of us didn’t interact with others who’d left. We didn’t trust each other. Our pastor had preached that we had ‘left God,’ and though each of us knew that wasn’t true of us, we didn’t know if it was true of any of the others. He also preached that there were people who’d left who spied on us, even window peeping on people in their homes, and reported back to him. When we left, we were exhausted with the gossip and rumors. We didn’t tend to run to someone who might add to it. When we left, we left individually, divided, distrustful.
Even while I was in church, there was division. There were cliques. There were lies and gossip and rumors… and they spread very quickly. Unfortunately often much more quickly than the truth.
Gal 5:14 The entire Law is fulfilled in a single decree: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 15 But if you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out, or you will be consumed by each other.
My pastors had emphasized that we must leave family and friends for God. Now I see other passages.
Gal 5:19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: …discord, jealousy… rivalries, divisions, factions, 21 and envy; drunkenness, carousing, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Even the verse that the pastor finally used against me in service was surrounded with warnings about the divisions I was witnessing, because
Prov 6:16 There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him:
Is followed by a list of those things (which our pastor rarely listed), three of which warn against lying and gossiping:
17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, 18 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, 19 a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.
That surprised me. He used Prov 6:16 to shame me in front of the congregation because I whispered a verse to the woman sitting next to me. He used it to show that he had a right to hate, a right to call things abominable… and he used it while doing things that GOD called abominable in the very next verses.
I ran into a pastor and pastor’s wife I’d once known. The wife asked where I was living, and if I’d attended a certain church. Then she told a sad story. Her daughter had a happy marriage, but suddenly began expressing concerns. Someone (the daughter wouldn’t say who) had told her they felt in their spirit that her husband was cheating on her. There was no evidence of this, and the man denied he’d done such a thing, but she still struggled with what she’d been told.
My former pastor, who’d spent some time with her daughter, had done this sort of thing more than once. Within a year of being thrown out, I’d heard from a couple who’d also attended: they’d left after the pastor had told their son not to let them see their grandchild, even though they attended the same small church. They finally left, humiliated and confused. Their son also left, but still didn’t trust his parents. He moved away with the grandchild, and they were rarely able to see him or speak to him. On top of that, an elderly widower in their tiny church got married, then was told he shouldn’t have married without the young pastor’s permission. He got the marriage annulled.
The control that pastor had over people and the number of people he divided, raising concerns, alluding to ‘sins,’ and saying he’d discerned things that there was no evidence of and that those accused denied was eerie. I’d been thrown out of the church under similar conditions. The pastor was convincing enough that I even believed what he was saying ‘was in my heart,’ even though I couldn’t give one reason or one indication that I’d done or thought anything wrong. Since he was able to convince me I’d sinned in ways I’d never considered, it didn’t surprise me that he might have convinced people that others had done things even if there was no evidence.
I left, others left, but his accusations haunted us. I don’t think any of us believed them after everything that happened, but it was hard not to believe them. We’d been convinced he knew things about us that we didn’t know, that our hearts were deceitful and wicked and only he knew – because God told him – how bad we were. And having believed such things about ourselves, it was no surprise that even close friends and family members, even spouses or kids, believed things he’d said about those closest to them.
‘This was never something I anticipated. This is not a platform that I ever wanted,’ she said. ‘I actively desired not to be a public figure on the issue of sexual abuse because it requires relinquishing so much privacy. I feel that in many ways, particularly leading up to this, I was given a job that I did not want to do.’ – Rachael Denhollander, the first woman to speak publicly and file a police report against pedophile Larry Nassar
(Some statements in this article are what have been alleged by survivors. There have been no convictions as the cases mentioned here were not reported to the police at the time and to my knowledge, the alleged perpetrators have not admitted guilt.)
Steven Dahl 1990s
This article covers information about Steven Dahl and his alleged molestation of at least two children in the 1980s as well as allegations of failure to report instances of child sexual abuse by pastor John Wesley Grant, of Calvary Gospel United Pentecostal Church in Madison, Wisconsin. Please see Part 1 and Part 2 for background details.
11 year old Debbie
Debbie was a member of Calvary Gospel Church (CGC) in Madison, Wisconsin from 1978-1986, when she was eight to sixteen years old. The church is a United Pentecostal Church and John Wesley Grant was the senior pastor when her sexual assaults occurred. He is presently considered the bishop, while his son, Roy Howard Grant, is now the senior pastor.
Steven Dahl 9-16-23 Facebook video
It wasn’t until last year at age 47 when Debbie started writing about her past and shared about her molestation from age eleven to twelve by Steven J. Dahl, the current pastor of the Pentecostal Lighthouse Church in Oconto, Wisconsin. What she could not foresee was that her blogs would be the catalyst that would give other women the strength to come forward with similar stories of sexual assault, as well as the failure of ministers to report such crimes. She has been “overwhelmed by the number of people who have come to me with their own stories or stories about things that have happened in their family.”
Darlene & John Grant 10-3-15 Facebook post
She didn’t desire to become a public figure or a hero to some as she does pay a price. Speaking out has caused her wounds to be reopened as present members of her former church have further victimized survivors by claiming this is a spiritual attack on them, saying they need to ask themselves what part they played in why this happened (as if young children play a role in their sexual molestation by much older adults), and have claimed that they always report these cases to the police and that parents didn’t want to report them when police were contacted. Roy Grant and John Grant’s wife, Darlene, have thanked such members for their support.
Even people who have not come forward as survivors have felt the wrath of current church members simply because they are related to those who were. A former member shared how there are people who haven’t been talking to relatives for the past couple weeks. They are elderly members of CGC. She shared, “They look straight ahead and ignore them as they pass by. These are people who for almost 30 years have been nice to them. One has not been invited to the men’s breakfast the past few weeks, either. This is a result of situation and reviews a group of us did on the church FB page in order to make people aware of sexual abuse situations, cover ups and other church issues. We think it’s beyond pathetic that the church would treat these sweet elderly people like this due to someone else’s (ours) FB reviews on their page. Total spiritual abuse. We have been shunned and now they are going to shun people who had nothing to do with the situation whatsoever. Can they sink any lower?”
Church leaders should have shown an immediate recognition of the severity and the truth of the sexual assault of a child under his care and how he misused his authority, Denhollander said.
‘You saw again the exact same dynamics that sexual assault victims always suffer from: minimizing the severity of the abuse, mitigating the damage that was done, and misusing principles of grace and forgiveness to keep a man in leadership who has done something that is very, very serious and disqualifying from leadership,’- Rachael Denhollander, regarding Andy Savage’s admission of a ‘sexual incident,’ where he received applause from his congregation after requesting forgiveness.
I have a prayer request! Please pray for me personally! Thank you, I appreciate your prayers very much! Lord bless each of you! [then later added]…
Just to let you all know,,, I appreciate your prayers very much,,, I am not sick,,, it’s just a huge spiritual battle,,, “Avenge me of my adversaries”,, that is my prayer!! In Jesus name!! Thank you, with great love to you all!! – Steven J. Dahl on his Facebook profile, February 20, 2018 Edited to add: Then on February 21 he posted about spiritual attacks and the enemy. [screen shot as the post was later made private or removed]
Yes, Debbie (and probably others such as myself who have been covering the story) are adversaries. Debbie is not a victim, not a survivor of repeated child sexual abuse, she is relegated to an adversary and Steve Dahl is the one who needs to be avenged and vindicated. He needs a hedge of protection around him. People are commenting that they are with him in this and praying for him. There is absolutely no concern expressed or prayer requested for Debbie or others who have been sexually assaulted. There has been no apology from Steve and he has failed to reach out to her, even though she had posted on the church’s Facebook page (he removed it) and it would have been so very easy for him to do so. Instead, he banned her from commenting there and banned her from his profile. [There is an unofficial Facebook Page for Steve’s church. On February 21, 2018 Steve removed the church Facebook Page.]
Steve has been leaving messages on Facebook, made after some people started commenting about his past (he has since changed settings to disallow comments by non-friends), saying things like, “If damage has been done in the past, those of us who have been hurt, MUST forgive, and move on! Forgiveness is a natural healer! Love is a healing. And letting go of the things of the past, moving forward is conquering our deepest hurts! That is the beauty of our Lord Jesus Christ! We can be made free from our wounds and pains!” [January 29, 2018 – screenshot] Speaking on the topic of adultery, he wrote on January 30, “The accusers, all walked away, because they admitted, they also had sin in their lives! We all need God’s mercy! If there was no forgiveness, no one would have any hope!” [screenshot]
In other words, Debbie needs to simply walk away and must forgive Steven Dahl. She will be made free from her wounds and pains if she would just move on and admit she has sinned, too. Give it a rest, this is old news and should be left in the past. It would make Steve’s life so much easier.
Steve Dahl went on to write on January 31, “Some people have a soft and tender conscience. And some people have a hardened conscience! Again, here is more on the story of the woman taken in the act of adultery! The SELF RIGHTEOUS RELIGIOUS PEOPLE BROUGHT HER TO JESUS TO SHAME HER, AND HAVE HER KILLED! Notice what Jesus says to them,, and her; [he quotes John 8:7-11]…Did you notice verse 9, when it said, ‘being convicted by their own conscience’. This is how I view this. The person being attacked has their point of view, or opinion! The people making the accusations have theirs! But the Lord knows mercy, and truth! So, it is said this way,, There are 3 sides to every story, My side, your side, and the truth! Who in this world is really, fully, truthful! ONE DAY, WE ALL WILL STAND BEFORE GOD, AS HE TELLS THE TRUTH, AND MAKES THE FINAL JUDGMENT UPON EACH OF US!” [screenshot]
What a way in which to spin the story. Once again the person who brings up a problem, becomes the problem. Debbie is self-righteous, attempting to shame poor Steven Dahl, who is being attacked. She cannot be believed as no one is fully truthful in what they share, and besides, Steve has his own point of view regarding what happened between them.
Let’s hear from Debbie about how Steve Dahl allegedly acted toward her when she was a young child. “After he started molesting me I became very anxious. Always worried about people finding out, my own salvation, and then some level being worried about him. I was worried that he was unhappy and I was worried that he was always so upset. He would do things and then repent and then come back and a little while later repent. He would sometimes pick me up and tell me right off the bat that he wasn’t going to lay a finger on me while we were together and then by the end he would be trying to engage in sexual activities with me. Being a kid this was all very confusing and I did not really understand what was going on. He was just as sincere in his repentance as he was determined in his deviant behavior.”
Steven Dahl, you are not the victim here, this is not a spiritual attack or battle, and there is no avenging of your so-called adversaries on the horizon. Your alleged actions can be seen as nothing other than that of a pedophile.
Experts explain the distorted thinking of abusers always involve beliefs about their entitlement. They are entitled to feel what they feel, say what they say, and act how they act no matter what. With known offenders this can include expecting victims or betrayed loved ones to get over the injuries as quickly and quietly as possible. Offenders believe they are owed an infinite degree of loyalty and forgiveness….
If you are working with known abusers and you are attempting to discern if an abuser is authentically repentant, look for signs that they feel entitled to sympathy instead of accountability and restrictions, or to forgiveness and reconciliation from their victims and/or loved ones, or to being restored to a position of power. A truly repentant abuser will have relinquished their ‘right’ to control another. – Maureen Farrell Garcia
Known as ‘The Rev,’ Steve Dahl runs The Rev Oconto Car Club Facebook Group (started September 28, 2021). He organizes Car N Tunes events in Wisconsin and at the annual Oconto Fly-In Car & Tractor Show (he also runs or helps run that Facebook Page, which started February 16, 2018), where he has served as emcee and DJ at the event for thirteen years. The next Fly-In date is September 21, 2024.
March 13, 2024 Note: Pictures have been added to this post, links have been checked, and some minor revisions were made.
You will find a complete list of articles in this series by clicking here.
******** Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.
Known as ‘The Rev,’ Steve Dahl runs 
