Category: United Pentecostal Church | Page 30

Eating the Forbidden Fruit of Truth Part 4

Continued from Part 3.

Having tasted the forbidden fruit of truth, I couldn’t close my eyes ever again. Action needed to be done. I worked on a reform proposal during the deployment, and I arranged a meeting with the pastor upon my return. I first went home on leave.

During my time home, I suffered an emotional meltdown. I was overwhelmed with the realization those whom I trusted the most lied to me about the most important things. I returned rested and recovered. The pastor left his desk and actually sat in the chair next to me – something he rarely did. The pastor then informed me my reform proposal was rejected in its entirety. I was floored. I thought for sure because I had been involved with the ministry as long as I had, plus was considered an elder, the leadership would listen to me. I was dead wrong.

A few months would pass before I finally found my exit. While I waited, I continued to read and interact with those on the website, realizing I couldn’t continue the charade of being in a ministry built on corruption and lies.

My moment came on March 19, 2003. A church meeting was held where we were all issued 3×5 cards where we were to mark YES or NO concerning our confidence in the leadership. I wrestled with the decision, but I believe at that instant God told me to write NO on the 3×5 card. It was time to leave.

Truth isn’t always pleasant. At the same time, truth is liberating. I have no regrets eating that forbidden fruit.

Rescuing Randy is one mother’s story about the harm caused by L.R. Davis, who started as a United Pentecostal Church minister.

Eating the Forbidden Fruit of Truth Part 1
Eating the Forbidden Fruit of Truth Part 2

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Eating the Forbidden Fruit of Truth Part 1

A recently published article by the Washington Post brought to my remembrance the refusal of my former church to properly address the criminal actions of the founder. Indeed, the last thing any church wants to believe is that those in leadership were actually guilty of the act they were accused of doing.

In my former church, a concerted effort went forward to proclaim the founder’s innocence, and to discredit anyone who tried to refute the narrative. After the founder was convicted, the leadership continued pushing the narrative he was falsely accused and thus wrongly convicted. Those who spoke against this were disfellowshipped and expelled. To my shame, as a minister I supported the church in this effort for almost a decade. I didn’t want to believe the “man of God” was even capable of committing such awful things. I didn’t want to even consider he was guilty of molesting children.

The founder died in prison. Less than a year after his death, a couple who left the church launched a website exposing the ugly truth of the founder’s activities and other practices the ministry did to keep everyone in the dark and under the leadership’s control. The new general pastor was livid. He put out a directive to everyone in the congregations that reading the website could lead to expulsion. It was, in the pastor’s eyes, tantamount to consorting with the enemy.

When this was announced, I was stationed aboard a ship where no other members were assigned. I had almost unfettered access to the computers at work, and I began to sample the forbidden fruit of truth.

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No Longer A Victim!

A close friend of mine was a victim of an armed robbery in a store she managed and was brutally beaten and left for dead. She survived the physical injuries but was kept a victim in her mind and developed many fears, anxieties, and PTSD. It took her many years to recover mentally and emotionally but she recovered because she refused to keep thinking like she was a victim.

She even managed to open a bridal store and ran the business for 5 or 6 years until she had to sell it to take care of her mother who had cancer. She is a survivor and a strong one.

Not only did she survive something so tragic as the robbery, she is also a spiritual abuse survivor. She came out of the United Pentecostal Church and is now a pastor of a Methodist church, director of a Women’s Center and State Rep for Celebrate Recovery. She is one busy woman.

This is her story of recovery from victim to victor!

Acting like you’re always a victim and complaining about the hurts that were done to you fuels your sense of victimization. Believing you’re a victim, makes it seem like you have no power over the direction of your life, and it will keep you stuck in the same grip of fear until you take control of your situation.

I suffered terrible trauma in my life and found the courage to turn it all around. When I remembered I had access to far more power, authority, and influence over my life than I ever believed. I stopped hiding, complaining, and refusing to see myself as a hapless victim, I found that I was more powerful than I realized, but only when I chose to accept this reality and I moved on.

It wasn’t easy but I had to stop blaming God and start believing in Him again. I had to find my faith, trust and strength in Him. He was the lover of my soul, my redeemer, my peace and only He could restore my life. He gave me a new outlook and a purpose.

I left the legalistic church and found freedom and healing through Celebrate Recovery and getting involved in another group of believers where there was no judgement and I could seek the solace that I needed. It took me a few years but I’m totally changed from the “victim” I thought I was, to the victor I am today.

Yes I still have triggers but I work through them and I have boundaries set up but I know if God can do this for me, he can do it for anybody if you are willing to try.

That’s her testimony and I wanted to share it because she has greatly helped me too. My friend is a wonderful and positive person to hang out with. I pray this will help you as much as it did me.

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Can a Pastor Offer Destructive Advice?

In my years of being in abusive churches, I was led to trust the input and advice of the “Man of God.” Any major life decision – be it college, getting married, or professional – we were to go to the pastor for counsel.

I spent most of my military career in Norfolk, Virginia. Norfolk was and still is a major Navy town, brimming with active duty and veterans. On several occasions when I was up for transfer orders, I did what any faithful member would do. I went to the pastor for counsel and direction. At this particular time, I had 11 years in the Navy and a chief at my command suggested I apply for a commissioning program. The pastor had a different recommendation: NO.

Why? He felt at that time if I pursued a commission that I would be more involved with command duties and less time with “the ministry.” Eventually he eased up his position on members joining the officer ranks, but I wonder if it was because officers could stay in the military longer plus make more money. This came too late for me, though.

I took the pastor’s advice over that of the chief. End result: I retired from the Navy after 20 years, but my advancement in rank stalled at E-6. While I am proud of my service, I can’t help but wonder if my career would have gone further had I listened to the chief.

The lesson I learned from this was that pastors may mean well, but they aren’t the subject matter experts in every aspect of a person’s life. This left me wondering what might have been professionally.

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Unbelieving Believers

“Only Jesus can satisfy your soul
And only He can change your heart
And make you whole;
He’ll give you peace you never knew
Sweet love and joy and Heaven too,
For only Jesus can satisfy your soul.”
(Lanny Wolfe)

I woke up to this song in my heart this morning….don’t ask me why…. I haven’t heard or sung it in years…..but I sat up in bed belting out the chorus like I was an accomplished singer. Which I am not!

But it’s been stuck in my head and I can’t keep from singing it. I’m sure (hopefully) this has happened to many of you too. So I stopped questioning the reason and started enjoying the message of the song.

Many of us have gone through awful and wicked abuse in our lives and going to church to find Jesus seemed the most natural thing to do. Problem is there are so many legalistic churches that we found ourselves trapped in a works-based religion that gave us very little joy and no satisfaction for our soul. So we left, bandaging our wounds and limping out of a building never to return.

Our hearts have been broken into so many pieces and our souls crushed and our emotions and feelings have been hardened and now we are numb. We feel anger against God and the church we left and let’s face it, we are just so angry.

Even with all the baggage we are carrying, our hearts and souls still long for Jesus. We still want that joy of the Lord and His freedom and His grace and mercy. Because we never found it in the legalistic churches, we are having trouble believing that it is even true.

Then God wakes you up with a song in your heart…..

I know when I left the United Pentecostal Church I was leaving a lifetime of teaching and spiritual works but I had become an Unbelieving Believer. I was lost in the wilderness with a hardened heart and an unbelieving spirit. And just like the Israelites, I wandered about in rebellion with a hardened soul so I couldn’t be hurt again. I guarded myself against God, His Word, church and people. I literally let the enemy of my soul encase my heart in ice so I couldn’t feel the pain….but I also couldn’t feel anything else but anger.

In a devotion I read a few days ago, Joyce Meyers mentioned, “The problem with being an Unbelieving Believer is you shut the door on God and what He has planned for your future” and dwell on things that has happened to you….the shame, hateful words, false accusations, and of course the shunning.

I’m seven years into my recovery now and the first thing God was able to get through to me was that to receive anything from Him, I needed to believe. As God melted the ice around my heart and let me know it was okay to believe in Him again. I chose to start believing little by little and not mix in doubt and unbelief.

Realizing that Jesus wanted to restore my heart, soul, and emotions I was going to have to let Him into those areas of my life again. I was going to have to change my ways and become like David and pursue God and ask him to change me and to give me the same kind of heart that He has.

I have come to realize that Jesus truly satisfies that longing in my heart and it comes from knowing God more intimately today than I did yesterday. I have become a Believing Believer again.

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