Category: Oneness Pentecostal | Page 31

The United Pentecostal Church and Sexual Abuse

This is the first of a series.

It appears that one of the greatest temptations facing the ministry is sex. How does sexual purity relate to God’s requirements? Sexual immorality is clearly excluded by the requirements of ‘blameless, good report, good behaviour, just, holy, and husband of one wife.’ Again, a sexual sin is an obvious disqualification in light of all the Scriptures. ‘But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away’ (Proverbs 6:32-33). Even our sinful society acknowledges the truth in this verse to some degree, as exemplified by the public reaction to the Gary Hart and Jim Bakker scandals. Even people guilty of sexual sins often expect their leaders to uphold moral standards publicly, particularly religious leaders who claim to be morally pure. – David Bernard, January-March 1988 Forward (an exclusive publication for UPCI licensed ministers)

I am saddened once again as I continue to discover instances of wrongful sexual actions, committed against children and adults, by people in the United Pentecostal Church and elsewhere. My heart is grieved upon learning how some pastors failed to report cases to the police. In their attempts to handle these ‘in house’ and muzzle the victims, it has allowed people to continue molesting, causing untold damage and anguish to others. (One case in California, involving two UPC ministers who are still licensed, George Nobbs and Art Hodges, with the latter now serving as a General Executive Presbyter, prompted legislative changes.)

Through the years I have also heard stories of children of preachers never facing the consequences of sexual sins as their parent(s) covered it up and some were even later awarded ministerial license in the United Pentecostal Church. There have been ministers who have had affairs, leaving their spouse and children in their wake, trying to pick up the pieces of their once normal lives. There have been men and women who have suffered agonizing horror and shame as it is discovered that a spouse is a pedophile. Church members have had their faith shaken when light is shone upon a pastor’s sexual crimes, while others refuse to believe what they did. There have been victims of sexual violence who have been shamed, avoided, blamed and even kicked out of their church by fellow UPC members. They are told to forgive and to keep their mouths shut. Should they muster the courage to speak out, they are sometimes disbelieved and their character assassinated. It is all so very heartbreaking.

According to I Corinthians 6:15-18, sexual sins are against one’s own body. God has ordained that husband and wife become one flesh. Marriage is a holy institution and a type of Christ and the church. Sexual infidelity is a violation of the most basic, sacred, and intimate covenant that two people can make. Far from being a temporary lapse or indiscretion, it signals a fundamental breakdown of spirituality, character, and integrity- in relation to God, one’s closest loved ones, and oneself. The offender has broken faith and trust in the most important stewardship he has. This is doubly true when this sin has been committed repeatedly, as it often is. – David Bernard, January-March 1988 Forward

Before someone shouts that the United Pentecostal Church isn’t the only religious group where sexual abuse occurs or is covered up, I would have to have my head in the sand to be unaware of this. I also realize that their offenses are less in number than the Catholic church. I know that there are some ministers and churches that properly handle instances of sexual abuse. These facts, however, should never preclude the matter from being exposed and addressed. These facts can never diminish the devastation and life-long effects that the victims endure.

There is a focus on this particular organization as it is the one in which I used to belong. I personally know four men from the United Pentecostal Church, two of whom were licensed ministers, who were convicted of sexual related charges. In addition, there hasn’t been as much written about this group, or other Oneness Pentecostals, as has been with some other groups when it comes to sexual abuse. When some cases do hit the news, it isn’t always shown or openly known that someone in the UPCI is involved, even though their Manual stipulates any of their churches are to be clearly marked as such. (Article XVIII, Section 4:1 Identification “Each church that is either affiliated with the United Pentecostal Church International or is pastored by a minister who holds license or credentials with the United Pentecostal Church International shall identify by sign or otherwise on the outside of its church building that it is associated with the United Pentecostal Church International.” 2018 UPCI Manual)

A preacher may fall into sin, be forgiven by God, be restored to the church, and even be restored to many areas of service, but this does not automatically entitle him to his former position of leadership. He must once again meet the qualifications of being blameless, having a good report, and so on. This takes much time, and in some cases total restoration may never be possible. As an analogy, God will forgive a church treasurer who embezzles, but it may never be wise for him to fill that office again, for his sake and for others’ sake. The same is true of a Boy Scout leader who falls into homosexuality or a youth teacher who divorces his wife and marries one of his students. Moreover, some sins-such as child molestation, incest, and rape-may indicate deep personality problems that would permanently disqualify someone from many leadership positions. – David Bernard, January-March 1988 Forward

You may be surprised to realize that there is a very good chance that there are people in your church who have been molested at some point in their lives. Your closest friend, a co-worker, even your spouse or child may have never shared and could be suffering in silence. Some have been told by pastors to never speak about it and they feel they must be obedient. One must protect the church’s reputation. Some remain silent as they have seen how mistreated another was when they disclosed what happened. Due to how they were raised and/or what they were taught in church, they may at least partially blame themselves. They may have relationship, marital or sexual issues. And all this time they fight, struggle and suffer alone, right beside others, while most are oblivious to their pain. Sometimes they push through and openly share what happened. To me, that takes strength and courage, especially since there will always be those who dismiss or attempt to discredit the accounts, make excuses for the perpetrators, or make ignorant statements, such as questioning why they took so long to speak up.

Just as the church has authority to examine and approve ministerial candidates, so it has authority to remove someone from a ministerial position if he no longer meets God’s requirements. Actually the person disqualifies himself by his actions, and the church simply recognizes this fact. Solomon permanently removed Abiathar from the high priesthood, a hereditary role explicitly ordained by God, because of his rebellion (I Kings 2:26-27). – David Bernard, January-March 1988 Forward

There are questions in all of this that cry out to be addressed. If what David Bernard wrote is the official position of the United Pentecostal Church (and it should be as he has since become their General Superintendent), then why have certain things happened in some of their churches and ministers have obtained or retained their licenses?

How has anyone convicted of sexual crimes been allowed to participate in certain church activities and leadership has not informed the church members?

Why would any church that operates a school or daycare not tell the parents when one of their workers, past or present, has been arrested on charges of having thousands of images and videos of child pornography?

Why have pastors made the decision to handle any of these ‘in house,’ failed to report them to police, told church members not to go to the police, or covered them up?

Why have some pastors and District Superintendents not taken proper action when informed of such things? Shouldn’t a minister who fails to report sexual abuse lose their license as their actions allow a perpetrator to continue- are they not complicit in future assaults?

When a church has an atmosphere where some of the men had inappropriate interest in much younger female children, such as at Calvary Gospel Church in Madison, Wisconsin, how could this have continued for years and why have these children who were sexually assaulted received no justice?

Some may argue argue that Bernard didn’t say anything about taking church matters to the police or the courts. There is a mindset with many of these churches/ministers that believes these matters should be handled ‘in house’ – we don’t want to make the church look bad and we need to protect ‘the truth.’ The mission of the United Pentecostal Church in part is to carry “the whole gospel to the whole world.” They truly believe they have ‘the truth’ and that the vast majority of Christians do not have it and are not saved.

So I pose this thought: Shouldn’t an organization that believes they have the ‘whole gospel’ and ‘the truth’ conduct themselves better than other church groups? Shouldn’t they hold themselves to a higher standard than others? Shouldn’t they do whatever they can to protect and bring justice to those who have been sexually assaulted?

You will find a complete list of articles in this series by clicking here.

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Traumatic Submission

Growing up, I was indoctrinated early to know that obedience and submission were godly, while rebellion or disobedience would end in eternal damnation. I probably could’ve told you this in simple terms by the time I was three or four years old.

I grew up playing church with my sister, and a huge part of that was beating our baby dolls into submission during our services. Those poor dolls were so naughty they got a “spanking” about every two minutes. Although, like most children, we probably over dramatized things a touch in our play, we were truly mirroring what we were being taught in our lives, through observation and personal experience.

Recently, I asked my therapist about why, in my childhood, I walked around in a fog all the time. I had no mental clarity about the passing of time, the structure of school, the location of anything outside of my home and my street, and many more things. I spent hours every day daydreaming and spinning wonderful stories in my mind, in which I was the recipient of many wonderfully ideal happenings. I read voraciously, and when I wasn’t reading, I was imagining stories in my own mind. My therapist noted that I grew up where I had very little control over my own life, and made virtually no decisions for myself. In addition, my life was boring; no extra-curricular activities of any kind, no television, no outside influences of any kind. In this sheltered environment, my mind created its own entertainment and ended up developing a very active imagination. Although there was nothing psychotic about this, it did make it difficult for me later in life, when reality imposed upon my dream world, causing extreme disappointment.

As a teen and young adult, I was at a place to fully understand that submission to my father, my mother, my pastor, and my future husband would be my lot in life. At that point, I didn’t fully grasp what it could mean to me. I did chafe at some of the rules in my own mind, but then I would quickly repent of my “questioning” and ask God to help me to submit without an attitude or doubt, because I was taught that it was only true submission if you didn’t’ question or doubt, but you submitted your will completely. Although that phrase I just typed now gives me chills at how unhealthy it was, it was all I knew at the time, and being highly contentious, I wanted to please God.

Off to Bible School right out of home school graduation, I was like an innocent child turned loose in a public park — although we were still somewhat sheltered in the Bible school environment. My unquestioning submission took me right to the top of the class from the very first. One professor commented that this was because I knew how to obey and I took him at his word when he told the class what he expected. He used my work as an example to the others. It was embarrassing, but it caused me to try even harder to please, because I felt I had reached the desired mark of submission in that moment and situation.

Another thing that happened at Bible school was that I was no longer under my father’s watchful eye, and boys were showing their interest for the first time in my life. Some of the young men at Bible School were very nice young men and went on to become preachers, pastors and missionaries. Others, however, were not respectful of women. My naivete was very marked, even in such a sheltered environment. I attracted the attention of a boy who I now feel was probably very experienced sexually and definitely had none of the naivete that I possessed. It is odd how one type of abuse conditions a person to attract other types of abuse. It is as if there was an invisible sign on me saying “I am open to abuse.” Even back then, I mostly attracted a dominant type. There was a lot of pressure from this boy to have sex with him, even though we were at Bible school. Finally, on one occasion I was terrified he was about to rape me. After that situation, I refused to go out with him again. I was tired of fighting him off and begging him to stop short of his goal. Strangely, out of all the teaching we were receiving in Bible school, the one thing he picked up that he liked to use on me was “We don’t have rights. We only have responsibilities.” Another thing that strikes me is that I still remember that statement all these years later, though we dated only very briefly.

Back home with my family and at my home church, I threw myself into service within the local church. I played music, sang, led groups, and used my car to carry people to church. I refused to take a job that would make me miss any church, and I worked hard to submit to everything my pastor/dad preached. I wanted to move out and get my own home, since I had a full time job, but it was frowned upon, so I never even voiced the desire. Instead, like a good Pentecostal girl, I dutifully went to every youth convention and worked hard to dress attractive and “holy” at the same time (a difficult feat sometimes). I was attracted to different young men, but I didn’t have very good social skills and was painfully shy, so I did not get noticed.

Finally, I met my soon to be husband. His family was even more strict than my own. They were in the same religion, but had a lot more rules. His social skills were even worse than mine, so we shyly began to communicate, then awkwardly date (always with a chaperone and never touching even so much as to hold hands–that was forbidden). Early in our formal dating, I told him that, as his girlfriend, I didn’t want to “bring shame on” his ministry, so I asked him to let me know if I was not following one of the “standards of holiness” that he preached, so that I could adjust my life to fit his. Part of the reason I did this was because I wanted to know his beliefs in full while we were dating, but I had also been taught that I should submit to the strictest of standards in such situations. A month or so later, after our engagement, his parents visited, and while they were there, he reminded me of my statement and told me my necklines were “too low.”

I put on the dresses he had criticized (or his family had criticized to him–it all amounted to the same thing) and got in front of a mirror in all kinds of contortions to see why he thought they were too low. Seeing nothing immodest, I went to my parents and did the same in front of them to see if they could see anything. They couldn’t either. I was bothered. I felt shamed and degraded. It didn’t make any logical sense. But, I wanted to be submissive to my husband in my upcoming marriage, so I prayed about it and raised the necklines.

After we were married, submission became even more of an excuse to abuse power. I soon received the message, delivered personally and in my face, that the Bible said that a wife could not deny her husband sex because it was a sin to do so. My parents had never taught me that–but they had laid a foundation of submission that created fertile soil for this teaching. It was my job to work hard to please my husband by running the home, keeping it clean, and providing good meals for him while keeping his sexual appetite filled. At the time, I was working a full time secular job and he was working part time at the church for “peanuts” as a salary. We were mostly living off of my income, and driving my car which was paid for. He was deeply in debt and not working outside of church. I would come home to filth and he’d been home all day. I was expected to clean everything up, do all the laundry, cook us supper, and still feel excited about having sex with him every night….because that was what submission was.

This set the tone for the rest of our marriage. If he said to spank one of our children for something that was developmentally appropriate, I had to do it in order to be submissive. If I didn’t obey in everything, I had a “spirit of rebellion” and I was a “nagging, unsubmissive wife.” If he told me not to yell out in fear while he was driving and I instinctively did it some time later, I was “not being obedient.”

He had told me, and it was my responsibility to obey.

When I had endometriosis that made it very painful to have intimate relations, he became angry that I didn’t want to go through that pain. I had a “spirit of rebellion” and was not willingly giving him his “just due.” So, I learned to grit my teeth through the pain and made a doctor’s appointment to get checked out as soon as possible. Soon I was feeling better, and things went back to the way they were. When he was ready to have a second child, it was really not for me to disagree. I wasn’t ready yet, but he was the “boss” so I felt I had to give in.

This was my life….. and so much more… for many years. I stayed pregnant and had a house full of kids–all of whom I love very much.

Yet things got even worse. Part of his abuse to me was emotional/verbal abuse. He would tell me I was “stupid” and “you don’t know anything.” There were a myriad of other negative messages. Many of them were outright lies. He blamed me for moving things he misplaced, for somehow causing him to overdraw the checking account, for having my fingers in the wrong place when he slammed a door on my hand, and on…and on…and on. Many times, immediately following an episode of extreme disrespect or hatefulness, without any kind of apology, he wanted to have sex. I hated those moments. I wanted it to be about love, mutual respect, kindness, and tenderness. Instead, it felt like prostitution. I felt like his property. He could yell at me, call me names, humiliate and put me down, and then have sex with me all in the same breath, and I had no say in any of it.

When I would complain and tell him how I felt, I would be accused of having a problem with discontentment, being “impossible to please,” or again, “the nagging wife,” the “unsubmissive wife” that was a “blight on her husband’s ministry.”

There were many times I laid in bed with silent tears running down my cheeks while he used my body. Sometimes he would waken me in the middle of the night out of a deep sleep and demand sex. Once I pretended to be deeply asleep so he would leave me alone. He sighed, then began to pray loudly for God to intervene in my soul. I felt like his prostitute; not his wife, to be loved and protected. I remember crying silent tears in the night because I wanted to be loved, I wanted to be cherished as a person and appreciated for who I was.

Going back and looking through my private journals during that time is very triggering for me. Between the heart breaking episodes I recorded, there would be “devotionals” about submission; about how to better respect my husband; about being a better wife and praying for him appropriately. The prayers I wrote down to God, asking him to help me to submit my will and not long for things that I didn’t have are right beside the art I drew to show how my heart had been shredded by the abusive treatment. I so wanted to be saved! Yet, I believed that anything less than total submission to the will of my husband would be displeasing to God, and ultimately cause me to be lost.

As I sat earlier this week in my counseling session and finally shared these events with the counselor I’ve been seeing for years, his response startled me. I had told him there was no sexual trauma in my past. My childhood was highly controlled and strict, but I’d not had any sexual abuse. He pointed out to me that, although it is great that my childhood didn’t contain sexual abuse, there is a history of sexual trauma in my life as an adult.

I responded that I’ve always told counselors “no” when they’ve asked if I was ever raped by my ex-husband. told him “I wasn’t really raped, because I’d been taught I had to consent no matter what. It was said that rape in a marriage was not possible. Maybe I am minimizing what happened to me, but I’m not sure it was rape. I didn’t say ‘no.’ I submitted because I thought I had to do so to be saved.”

The therapist really emphasized to me that, no matter if you call it “rape” or “coercion,” or “dominance,” it all has the same effect in the end…it is sexual trauma. “Dominance was enacted upon you against your will, and that is traumatic.”

It was deeply thought provoking for me. The submission teaching was extremely dangerous and damaging. No human being should EVER have to submit their will entirely to another human being–but that is what submission was to me at the time.

A few days ago I read a chapter in Dr. Bruce Perry’s book, The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog. He shares how his team was called to work with the children who were released from the Branch Davidian group in Waco. These children had been raised in a terribly damaging cult. Although that cult was much more controlling than my early life, there were some key elements that I could identify with. The author commented that these children had been “marinated in fear,” and he goes on to explain how continued fear tactics cause our brains to create too much cortisol (Perry, 2017). He describes how these children had great talent at artwork and other skills, such as reading. Many of them were extremely familiar with Bible passages, but had no idea how to make basic decisions, like what they wanted for dinner. They had not been allowed to figure out what they liked or didn’t like or even who they were individually (Perry, 2017).

In this way, I could identify with these children. In many aspects of life, we never had the option to decide things for ourselves. It was unheard of to even entertain the thought or possibility of being different from who we had been told we were. Our purpose was laid out before us by others, and we were told what to think, who to befriend, what to love, what to hate, how to dress, how to comb our hair, who to talk to, and who to avoid. Like the children Perry described, we viewed all outsiders as “unbelievers,” and therefore, anything they said was automatically suspect (Perry, 2017). Like those children were able to draw detailed drawings to represent their indoctrination and their collectivist society, yet unable to draw a self portrait; my life was also consumed with submission to norms of the group. I could recite chapters from the Bible and explain complex doctrines, yet had no idea who I was as an individual.

This is the trauma of submission.

It is not biblical. In fact, a careful study of submission in the Bible will show that a mutual submission was taught. It never meant literally checking your brain at the door, like I was taught to do. Instead, it was submission in the sense of accepting others as they are and not trying to conform them to your will. It begs the question, how can so many concepts become so twisted in such environments, so that they end up teaching the exact opposite of their originally intended message?

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God is Like An Elephant

How would you describe an elephant? To me, elephants are gray, and generally calm. They are plodding, steadfast, and they nurture their young. They generally live in herds, and they can work together to accomplish important tasks for the livelihood of their ecosystem. I really like the symbol of the elephant. Studying them is also fascinating. However, none of this is why I say that God is like an elephant.

When I say that God is like an elephant, I am making an analogy to his greatness. Elephants are immense creatures. Of course, God is even greater, but the analogy I wish to make is nonetheless better made with the example of an elephant.

Imagine that you are an artist at a zoo, having never before seen an elephant. You are faced with a wall when you come to where the elephant should be. A sign indicates that, in order to see the elephant, you must look through a peephole in the wall. You notice that there are small peepholes located high and low along the wall, scattered out at different distances. Many other artists are at peepholes, looking through to see the elephant. You choose a vacant peephole and look through, longing to see what an elephant looks like, so that you may paint your masterpiece.

Looking through the peephole, you see a large gray cylinder with a crackled surface. As you continue to gaze, you see it sway slightly. Excited, you rush back to your studio and begin to recreate what you have seen. Soon, you have a beautiful painting of a gray cylinder, with a uniquely designed crackle pattern. You just know that you have perfectly captured the image of an elephant and you can already see the trophy you will win for your life-like painting.

Wrapping the painting carefully, you proudly take it to the contest venue. You place it carefully on the easel for the judges to see, then you turn and stroll through the facility, looking at the other paintings of an elephant.

With growing confusion, you realize that the other artists really have no talent at all. You grow arrogant, thinking to yourself, I am definitely winning this contest! The other paintings look nothing like the elephant you saw through that peephole.

One painting has the same texture, the gray and the crackled surface, but the shape is just off. The artist drew it long and slender, almost snakelike, suspended in midair, with a split end, and it appears to be spewing a cloud of dust. You chuckle, shaking your head. “That is definitely NOT an elephant!” you mumble.

A few steps away, you see another painting, this one just the gray, crackled texture, with a few stems of grass in front of it and some artistic shading. You think to yourself that maybe the artist was attempting an up close version of the elephant.

As the judges assemble to announce the winner, there is silence. Slowly, each judge carries one of the paintings and begins to hang them together, side by side on the wall, some above and some below. As more and more paintings are hung in this fashion, a new view unfolds, and the crowd gasps collectively.

Someone goes to the microphone and gestures to all of the paintings, hung together. “This, my friends, is an elephant.”

Suddenly you feel foolish, realizing that you only painted the back leg of an elephant. You were not the sole winner after all! The judges hand out trophies to each of the artists and you realize that it took all of you together to capture the immense portrait of the elephant because he was simply too big to be seen through one small hole.

In the same manner, many Christian groups have claimed to have the only saving knowledge of who God is. They look down on other groups and make derisive comments about how they have just simply “missed the boat”. They refer to others outside of their group collectively as “the world” or “sinners,” claiming to have some superior connection with God and His character.

I will never forget, upon leaving the cult I grew up in, being told by a preacher, “What are you in search of? You already have all the truth there is to know.” I responded that if I ever think I know everything there is to know about God, I will have just proved my ignorance.

God cannot be put in a box. Only by walking through that wall and getting to the other side of eternity will we ever be able to see Him fully in all His Glory and truly know everything that He is. It is arrogant and foolish to think that any one group of human beings has all the truth they need to know about God, especially while they are still on this side of the wall, looking through a peephole.

I Corinthians 13:12 was speaking about this idea when it stated “Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” (New Living Translation)

It is by sharing what we have seen, and getting together with others who see God a bit differently, that we get a glimpse of His attributes.

You can read a book about elephants. Without a picture to see him, you still cannot draw an accurate image. In the same way, the Bible tells us much about God, but it is through knowing Him, and fellowship with other believers who have a slightly different view of Him, that we truly are enriched to know more about Him.

Never again will I be drawn into the cult-like thinking that only the people in this little box have a handle on God. God is too big and too grand to ever fit inside human delineation. We show that we are growing by acknowledging what we do not know. I will never know everything about God until I pass to the other side of life and see Him face to face. Neither will you.

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Things I was taught not to do

I was told not to be angry about things that happened at church. If I was angry about wrongdoing in church, I was told I was bitter. I was told to forgive and forget, to release it to God, to pray through… And if none of these worked I was told I could just leave, that maybe I couldn’t be saved, that I was in sin through disobedience to the pastor for being angry and not stopping my anger or for questioning ‘the man of God’ by being upset…

There are serious issues with all of these. Most importantly, it is not wrong to be angry about wrongdoing. Not ever. No matter where it happens. It is not sin. Its OK to be angry about some things. Anger can be positive or negative. (After all, even God gets angry.) And that doesn’t mean some anger is good and some anger is bad, but that anger can be used either for good or bad.

Bitterness is NOT being upset about negative things that happened. Again, there are things that we SHOULD be angry and upset about. Anger spurs people to action, and God never called anyone to inaction when it comes to sin.

‘Release it to God’ is what my former church told me to do when they told me to forget about things and pretend they never happened… that isn’t biblical or even human. Neither is ‘getting over it.’ Can we grow and heal? Yes. We can stop thinking about certain things repeatedly, we can stop dwelling on hurts, we can begin discussing or thinking of them without anger… it takes time. It’s not a magic ‘just pray through And God will immediately change everything’ thing most of the time, though. And it may start with being less afraid, of just breathing, relaxing a bit, and not condemning ourselves for being angry or hurt or frustrated, or for not understanding everything, or trying to force ourselves to forget things that are part of who we are.

“Of Like Precious”…(Abuse?)

If I had a dime for all the times I heard it said “of like precious faith,” I’d likely be very rich today (but only if I didn’t give all those dimes away in the offering).

“Of like precious faith” was a code phrase, much like other code phrases that were common in the group I grew up in. Now, when I read anything from that group, I read things that others without that background do not get. I’ve often shown a friend or co-worker something to explain the subtle mental and spiritual abuse, only to have them look at me blankly and ask, “what does this and that mean?” We had our own language that only the special “chosen few” could understand.

The phrase “of like precious faith” did not refer to all other believers, as one might think. It referred only to those who had your own special brand of salvation, doctrine, and dress code. It meant you were in the “in” crowd, the one where people were somehow perceived to be closer to God.

“Of like precious faith” did not mean you were truly a person who had a lot of faith in God–you might perhaps have no faith in God whatsoever, but only believe in your own works to save you. It didn’t mean that you were a person who was precious to be around either. It was quite possible you would be a nasty spirited person who criticized and judged everyone. In fact, often “of like precious faith” meant you were one of the group who looked down on others as being lesser than you and your in crowd.

In reality, the term “of like precious faith” was more like a code name for quite the opposite than what it implied. Often, one could’ve just as easily said “of like minded abuse” and been more accurate. This “precious faith” simply meant that you were one of the elite few who had it made, as far as going to heaven went. You had figured out the formula for the “Kool-aid” that would mark you as one of the group. You had the right clothing on, the right hairstyle, and the judgmental attitude to boot.

All kinds of abusers flew under that flag! Sociopaths were welcome, especially in leadership. Bring your Narcissistic self right on up in your fancy clothing, big Bible in hand. You were already labeled as one of the superior race of Christian, God’s own apostle, regardless of how you treated your family or those in your congregation.

It was a phrase that marked you apart and let people know you were “safe”–they could believe every word that came out of your mouth and they’d better accept you with open arms, lest they prove to not be “of like precious faith” themselves.

Friday I shared with a female co-worker just a hint of something I’d been going through. She asked if I was a person who prayed. I said, “yes.” She asked if she could pray with me. I readily agreed. She began praying “Father, Daddy, …” and what followed was the most anointed prayer that really touched Heaven and instantly calmed my anxiety. Oh, wait! She wasn’t “of that precious faith”! She was Anglican…yet never a more fervent prayer has been prayed over me.

Where did the phrase “of like precious faith” originate? What “big wig” preacher started this? It ran like wild-fire through the ranks. It could never be said of a Baptist, Methodist, Assembly of God, or Presbyterian. In fact, behind the backs of such individuals, even the term “Christian” had to be said with air commas to show you truly believed the individual to be eternally lost and not Christian at all.

Recently a co-worker called me, confused. He is a therapist in a school district and was setting up an intake for a new client, when the clients mom began crying hysterically. He patiently began the job of calming her down. Her problem? She was Pentecostal and she couldn’t go to a counselor that wasn’t a “Christian counselor.” I reminded him that he is a Christian and he is a counselor, but I assured him that might not even be enough for her. I felt much pity and compassion, wondering if her pastor would be upset if she went to a counselor with real credentials, instead of just his own Bible with his man-made interpretation of it. My co-worker wasn’t “of like precious faith.”

Here we are, a lot of wounded souls, all affected by those “like minded abusers.” We once thought they were precious, once believed they were men and women of faith. But then the caressing words and the outpouring of “love” turned to criticism and shaming. Yet, again, here we are. We may be down, we may have been shoved out, shunned, belittled, and downtrodden, but we are alive.

We are learning a new word–FREEDOM. Step by slow step we are learning to find our way through the pain. We are doing it together…people of “like minded pain,” those of “like minded precious grace.” We are learning that there really are true Christians, and we find them in the halls of Anglican churches, on Episcopalian pews, and in many other places…people who do not express to us their religious beliefs per se–but they hold our hands, they hug us, they help us, and they show us true love.

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