Sexual Matters And My Former United Pentecostal Church

Part seven of a series of articles.

As previously shared, I personally have known four people from the United Pentecostal Church who have been convicted of sexually related crimes. In Part 2 of this series, I shared about two cases, where one man held license. These are the other two.

Some of us were gathered for a ladies prayer meeting that night at the church when the phone rang. Answering, I recognized the voice as one of the older male members. He was married and had children. George asked to speak to Rebecca (not her real name), one of the young church girls. Her mother happened to be there and she shared he had been calling Rebecca at home.

He didn’t hold any position in the church or organization. I believe it was prior to this when he tried to cause trouble for a good friend of mine who worked where he did at Lenox China. The false accusation didn’t work, but the pastor called her into the office to question her about what was said.

George Pyott

It was revealed that he had been spending time with some young girls. Rebecca’s parents were concerned and put a stop to future contact. I don’t know details of what happened at the time, nor what happened later at his arrest on an unrelated event. In July 1993 he was sentenced to prison on sexual charges and was a registered sex offender until his death in February 2018.

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There was a United Pentecostal minister who married a woman from my church. Tom and his family lived in northern New Jersey. He came to God while serving a prior prison sentence in Louisiana and upon release quickly became active and licensed in the UPC in the 1980s, even being featured in one of their publications, Freedomline (Spirit of Freedom Ministries).

He was licensed by the UPCI since at least 1985. (He is seen in the 1986 UPCI Directory with a local license. I don’t have the previous three years.) He eventually became a pastor in Westwood after assisting at a small storefront church in Riverdale. The church was a rented building.

As of at least 1988, he had returned to criminal activity and that year he also became a volunteer chaplain at the Bergen County jail. In March of 1990 while a pastor, he was arrested on some charges and there was also a prior charge of a sexual nature.

He claimed he did not commit the sexual assault of the 15 year old minor but was found guilty of sexual assault, criminal restraint and making terroristic threats. In October 1992 he was sentenced to 25 years in prison, with having to serve half that time before possibly being eligible for parole.

The woman later recanted her testimony in an affidavit, after receiving a letter from Tom’s wife, which included pictures of their two children, but then she recanted this. She claimed to have been harassed.

In 2006 Tom’s petition for a writ of habeas corpus was dismissed with prejudice.

I don’t know if Tom was ever released from prison prior to his death in February 2013 after a battle with cancer.

At the time, very few in my church knew details of what happened, including myself. Back then, there wasn’t the easy access to news reports from other areas. I’d never heard that he had been accused of sexual assault in this case, nor did I know of his prior sexual related convictions, such as the rape of a 14 year old, or details of all his previous charges. In the article he wrote for Freedomline, no assault was mentioned. Tom had a criminal history going back to the 1970s when he was a military policeman at an Air Force base in Louisiana.

My former church was probably what one would consider a medium size in the United Pentecostal organization. Many people came and went through the years. Both prior to my joining and while I was a member, there were numerous situations of sexual activity outside of marriage with some resulting in pregnancies, along with cases of adultery. A close friend once confided that she had been raped by a male member, who at one point had been living at the church, but I don’t believe charges were filed.

You will find a complete list of articles in this series by clicking here.

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When churches silence, part 3

I sat in service shocked and numb. The former pastor’s son had been convicted of molestation. Some of the families and some of those boys were in the congregation. The new pastor was preaching about forgiving and moving on. God would miraculously heal wounded hearts. Just come forward and pray and God will take care of whatever it is. It sounded too eerily familiar. It sounded too much like what the former pastor had preached, about how God would just take care of anything that he or his family was doing wrong, IF there was anything wrong at all. Don’t talk about it. Don’t do anything. Definitely don’t involve authorities. Just pray, and God will fix it.

God does fix some things. But God also made people with brains and hands and feet. He didn’t create puppets and he didn’t make us so that he could drag us around, doing everything for us. He wants us to think and to act. He never told people to remain silent in the face of injustice or wickedness. He never suggested that people should sit by and let sin continue while they waited for Him to miraculously save them from something they should have long since saved themselves from. And he never asked us to sacrifice our children – or ourselves, or HIM – by our silence.

1 Cor 5:1 I can hardly believe the report about the sexual immorality going on among you—something that even pagans don’t do. … 9 When I wrote to you before, I told you not to associate with people who indulge in sexual sin. 10 But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers…. 11 I  meant that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people…..

I’ve had that passage used against me. I was convinced for about a year that if I ate with anyone from my church, I’d be causing them to sin, tainting them with some unknown sin in my life. But when I take out the parts that we heard emphasized in the preaching and look at the rest of the verses in the passage, and especially when I look at it in another version than King James, the words surprise me. Don’t keep company with abusive people? Did Paul reprimand anyone for talking about what the man in this passage was doing? No, he only told them they should not have boasted.

How many church leaders fit the description in verse 11? And should we remain silent?

Yes, there are good pastors. There are good church leaders. But there are also bad ones, and pretending they aren’t there will not make them go away. Someone needs to speak.

When churches silence, part 1
When churches silence, part 2
When churches silence, part 3
When churches silence, part 4

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When churches silence, part 2

I sat in the counselor’s office physically shaking. I’d left the church eight years before, but remembering it… I still physically shook as I described what had happened. And I barely mentioned most of it. I’d been stalked in the church. I didn’t mention that the stalking had been accepted, even laughed about. Or that no, it actually wasn’t the first time I’d been stalked in church… it was just the first time that I was concerned for my physical safety.

I’m beginning to realize that the church is still silencing me.

“Don’t talk bad about the man of God.”
“You wouldn’t want to be a bad witness.”
“We have to protect the truth.”
“I wouldn’t want to hurt them.”

It’s difficult to shake those thoughts even after leaving, and I still think about them even while knowing that I must speak out, in private or in public. I’m still careful. I don’t want to shake anyone’s faith. I don’t want people comparing our stories and thinking theirs wasn’t ‘bad enough.’ Every story is valid, and every story should be heard.

Silence doesn’t stop molestation, stalking, backbiting and gossip, authoritarianism, or narcissism. It doesn’t stop favoritism, judgmentalism, threats, blackmail, negative peer pressure, or manipulation. It doesn’t help people who are hurting, who think they are alone – the only ones, surely, who’ve been hurt by an entity acting in the name of God. And it doesn’t prevent more people from facing similar situations… again, and again, and again.

How many people have been affected by spiritual abuse? We can’t know for sure. The church is silent.

When churches silence, part 1
When churches silence, part 2
When churches silence, part 3
When churches silence, part 4

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When churches silence, part 1

I sat in the counselor’s office in an intake interview, trying to get her to understand why I might want to be in a spiritual abuse support group. It’s been 18 years since I was thrown out of a church, but when I started explaining that time, I was hesitant. By the time I explained what finally prompted me to leave, I realized I was physically shaking.

Even after blogging, even after the newspapers covered stories, even after talking to person after person online, even after talking to others in person, even after eight years, even after eighteen years… even after… I was shaking. A day later, I’m still a bit shaky inside.

Will they understand?
Will it make a difference?
Can I trust them?
Will they believe me?
Do I even believe myself?

The church has been silent. It was silent when I was expelled on a lie. No facts were checked. The organization the church was part of was supporting the church I was in to some degree. I called headquarters. I knew people there… and I was told that every church was autonomous. I was told (though they knew as well as I that not every church in the organization would accept me. I’d been branded, kicked out of a church. “We don’t want trouble.”  The person I knew at headquarters told me to just go find another church. And not to talk about it. “Just move on.”

I heard that too much.
“Just move on.”
“Don’t talk about it.”
“There’s no need for anyone to know.”
“We’re trying to protect you.”
“Don’t tell what happened — we don’t want people thinking badly of you.”
“Just hold your peace and let the Lord fight your battles.”
“Just pray about it.”
“If you say anything negative, it’s gossip.”

Why? Why would people think badly of me if I told the truth? If I defended myself?
Since when is it gossip to tell the truth?
How can there be healing or change if no one ever talks about what happened, no one acknowledges the wounds, and everyone pretends nothing at all happened?

When churches silence, part 1
When churches silence, part 2
When churches silence, part 3
When churches silence, part 4

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When the church divides, part 4

I admit, I question groups that tout polarized subjects today. So much of religion, politics, and even social outcries are black and white, “I’m right, and if you don’t agree, you’re wrong.” There is no place for consideration of various perspectives or experiences, or even for consideration of facts outside of those that back what the religion has decided to believe. It’s how I was taught to ‘study’ — find facts that back what you believe. Don’t consider any ‘dangerous’ alternative facts, and I’ve since realized that the only ‘dangerous’ facts are those that are ignored and those that are emphasized while others are minimized.

Facts and even opinions and experiences are only dangerous when they’re manipulated to fit someone’s version of the truth rather than allowed to reveal the truth itself.  It’s then that they stop being facts and develop into deceptions wrapped in an illusion of truth… dangerous and very difficult to unravel. My former church and other unhealthy churches and groups have become experts at winding truth in lies. Some, like mine, then proclaim that this truth wrapped in lies is THE Truth, the only truth and the most important truth, to be protected at any cost, including by protecting or defending it with more lies and by ignoring victims of it.

Victims of THE Truth? Victims of the lies they wrap it in and the twisted manipulations of it.

My former churches used ‘truth’ – really their version of it — to divide, to breed distrust and jealousy and fear. How can we tell real truth from pseudo-truth after leaving? It’s not easy. It’s easier to distrust everything referred to as fact or truth. But there is one way I’ve found to distinguish what is true from all of the lies and manipulation: Truth does not fear questions, research, or other facts, even if those appear to oppose that truth. And truth cannot and will not be protected by lies.

When the church divides, part 1
When the church divides, part 2
When the church divides, part 3
When the church divides, part 4

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