Author: Through Grace

I was raised in a somewhat unhealthy church group within the Nondenominational Christian Church. After graduating high school, I began attending a United Pentecostal Church (UPC). I've been a member of four UPC churches and visited many others. Of the four of which I was a member, I was "encouraged" not to leave the first and then later sent to the second; attended the second where an usher repeatedly attempted to touch me and the pastor told me I should not care about the standards of the organization and was wrong to do so; ran to a third at that point, which threw me out after a couple years; and walked out of a fourth. For these transfers and because I refused to gossip about my former churches, some called me a "wandering star, a cloud without water" (Jude 1:12). I love the fact that when the blind man was healed, questioned by the Pharisees and temple rulers, and expelled from the temple, Jesus went and sought him out. He very rarely did this once someone was healed, but for this man, he did. I believe God has a special place in his heart for those who are abused, wrongfully accused, or condemned by religious leadership. I believe He loves those who are wronged by churchianity--yes, churchianity, not Christianity, because those who do these wrongs follow a church, not Christ. 1 John 4:7-8 7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.

The value of disbelief

Questions. Doubts. We were taught they were bad. Thomas doubted. Doubt is the opposite of faith. It’s unbelief. We must have faith. Whatsoever is not of faith is sin.

Questions were feared. Push them down. Silence them. Drown them out. They’re just the devil.

In reality, those questions were what saved me. My doubts, my questions, my disbelief were the things that brought me to a point of walking out, finally, from an unhealthy situation. I was taught doubt was bad. I doubted. I doubted the pastor who called himself the Man of God but who flew into rages and rants from the pulpit against women, teens, visitors, members, parents, the elderly… I doubted the church that would believe liars and slanderers, saying “well, they have the Holy Ghost,” when anyone provided facts that should have obliterated the lies, should have revealed the slanderers and gossips for what they were. And in the end, I doubted the god they preached, a god who allowed hatred and pride but condemned skirts with slits and gold colored glasses, who would laugh as he sent people to hell. I doubted, and I’m glad I did.

There is value in disbelief. There is value in doubt. Not all doubt or unbelief is bad. Not all is wrong. There are things that should be doubted. And there are many things that should be questioned. Even things that others tell us we should have faith in. Even God things.

When I left the church, I was scared of questions. I’d stood in church listening to the pastor yell “this time tomorrow!” and talking about how the person who ran the aisles first or shouted the most or believed the hardest would get “their miracle,” and I thought, “yeah, right.” I’d doubted the church that could believe slander, lies, and gossip, while condemning sleeves that slipped above the elbows or a slip that barely showed under a calf length hem. And in the end, I doubted the god that was preached – a god who was angry, who was quick to condemn but slow to save. I doubted the purpose of and supposed answers to hours of prayer and fasting that were required, and I doubted my intentions in praying as I was.

Since leaving, I’ve feared the questions. Am I backslid? I’d never have thought this ten years ago! If I’d known what I’d be thinking now, I wouldn’t have left. I was taught that I should believe without questioning. I shouldn’t need to see reasons or proof for what I was told. And yet… God never told us not to question. Doubt is never listed as a sin. Doubt is not the same as unbelief, but there are even things that we should disbelieve, because some of the things we were told we needed to believe in faith were absolute lies. It doesn’t take faith to believe those things, it takes gullibility. Faith, real faith, doesn’t ignore questions, it responds to them — and it does so not by having pat answers, but by receiving and considering them fully. That is faith.

Real faith doesn’t reject doubt, it accepts it. Faith isn’t afraid to consider alternate views, because real faith, biblical faith, isn’t IN a perspective or opinion. Instead, it rests in an omnipresent, multi-faceted, all knowing yet incomprehensible God. Not one who will give us all the answers or silence our questions, but will encourage them. It’s when we have questions and doubts that we seek answers, that we grow, that we might become willing to step into the unknown. And THAT is faith.

Logical Fallacies

I have difficulty attending many churches. I have trouble in some because of the songs, in many because of the exclusivity, but mainly because of the sermon style. If I go to a church and a leaflet is shoved into my hands, some fill in the blank, follow-along-with-the-pastor handout, I internally groan. Not only are the sermon outlines usually complete fluff:
(Fill in the blank)
Jesus loves ___.
Jesus ___ me.
Jesus wants what’s ___ for me.

Yeah, really. Wow, it’s mind numbing, what can be found on those handouts. I know they’re supposed to be helpful, but they irritate me. I only started realizing why today.

I’ve been confronted with too many logical fallacies in the form of study guides through the years. No room for questions. No room for alternative answers. No time to think. Just false statements and leading questions that make it appear that one of the answers to their multiple choice question must be right, or a fill in the blank that doesn’t feel quite right, but that they give you (force feed you) the answers to as you go through it with them. Not something you can study and fill in on your own, but that you go through, at their pace, together. During their monologue that reinforces how correct they are. They may pose a list of false answers. One of the answers is less false, and they demand that you respond affirmatively to one of them. This is psychological manipulation. It confuses the one who’s supposed to be answering the questions. None of the answers is true, but they say one is, and unless you’re good knowing your own mind and insisting none is correct, you end up confirming their lies… which, once you’ve answered them long enough, leads you to start to believe them. I was always a good student, one who always had the right answers. It’s hard for me to fight the force of their logical fallacies. Especially when they give me a quiz or a fill in the blank or a multiple choice that must be completed:
“Which of the above [our unbiblical assumptions, not facts] is most important? Which is next most important?”
“Which of these (all false statements) is true?”

From the very beginning of my time in the United Pentecostal Church, logical fallacies were used. The pastor gave me an Into His Marvelous Light Bible study, where a few verses were pulled out and used, fill in the blank style. Then he asked questions (directed by the study) which, if answered as people are pressured to answer and according to the 40 verses or so they pull out of context to prove their point. (Forty verses may sound like a lot, but there are over 23,000 verses in the Bible. Forty is less than 0.1%!!!)

Look at the teacher’s instructions:
“Each participating student should have a copy of the study along with a Bible (preferably the King James Version) and a pen or pencil. As each scripture is read, the student is asked to become involved, sometimes by completing a “fill-in-the-blank” or responding to a question. Additional comments and supplementary scripture references (designated throughout the text by small numerals in parenthesis) are provided on page 14 for further in-depth study at a later time. May we also suggest that all participants take a moment to ask the Lord’s help in understanding his Word, as King David once did when he prayed, “Open thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law.” May God bless you as we travel together “into His marvelous light.”

So they have each person look at their own Bible, because they will later say, “But it’s right there in your own Bible!” if you disagree with something. And they use fill in the blanks for each of the verses so you have to fill in something that “proves” their point. And then they ask “logical fallacy” questions. All after having you pray that God will show you something new, reinforcing again that what they are about to share with you is special and is true.

In this particular Bible study, this becomes the logical fallacy:
We have found that the Apostles preached the following salvation message: … The life of Christ and His death, burial and resurrection … Repentance toward God and belief in Jesus Christ as Savior … Baptism in water by immersion in Jesus’ Name … Receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost (which was accompanied by the initial evidence of speaking with other tongues.)

For starters “we” haven’t “found” anything. Someone has just told the listener that this is what they believe. It’s not a “we” thing. And then:

DO YOU BELIEVE the Word of God is true and will judge us?
DO YOU BELIEVE Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior?
DO YOU BELIEVE it is necessary to repent by determining to turn from sin and giving your life to God?
DO YOU BELIEVE water baptism in the name of Jesus Christ is the biblical way to be baptized?
DO YOU BELIEVE the baptism of the Holy Ghost is for you today, and when you receive it you will speak in other tongues, just as they did in the Bible?

Many Christians can easily answer yes to the first three. And if you answer yes to the first three, your brain wants to answer yes to the other two. The sequence makes sense, but the questions may not.
DO YOU BELIEVE water baptism in the name of Jesus Christ is the biblical way to be baptized? Well, maybe and maybe not. I told the pastor I’d have to think about this one. He looked surprised and sad. He moved on to the next.
DO YOU BELIEVE the baptism of the Holy Ghost is for you today, and when you receive it you will speak in other tongues, just as they did in the Bible? Now, the study revolves around this. And the Holy Spirit is for all believers, according to the Bible. So… yes? But there is more to the question, and not every believer is in agreement on the answer.

My answer to the last question ended up being “Not today!” I had been sucked far enough in to know they’d pray with me, that things would be expected of me that I wasn’t sure where I stood on. But the question is really another part of the psychological manipulation, of the logical fallacy. In order to answer affirmatively to the first part, you must answer yes to the second part as well. If you don’t, they’ll review with you. … at least unless your response is “Not today!” They might just have to leave you off the hook in that case, for a little while at least, until they regain their composure.

Don’t call me a “Christian”

I had something come up on my Facebook memories again. Oddly enough, it’s been something I’ve dealt with repeatedly through the years: too may times when I’d done something that someone religious disagreed with, their response has been “you’re backslid,” “you hypocrite,” or “how can you call yourself a Christian.” Recently, I’ve realized that it’s even been used on some very famous people. I’m not alone, though the words are isolating to someone who has always believed, always wanted to believe, always dreamed of doing more for God.

I’m going to be very frank, because I know too many Christians who think nothing of saying things like this. Four years ago someone told me “how can you call yourself a Christian and vote for ____?” What is not important. What IS important, and what Christians should realize before they say things like this, is that this attitude and those questions eventually may lead – did lead – me to four years of on and off saying I’m NOT a Christian. I don’t want to be a Christian if being a Christian means I have to believe in some political figure or ideology, wear certain clothes, or say certain things. If I have to follow others’ rules (which always seem to change). People ask if I’m a Christian, and I remember those words, the exclusivity, the refusal to love a neighbor who might think differently than her (because marking me anathema is not very loving) and I just kind of shrug, or laugh and say “not if you ask most Christians.”

Be careful you don’t tell people if they don’t think like you, agree with every point of doctrine and dogma, dress like you, act like you, sound like you, attend the same church as you, that they must also not be a follower of Jesus. Be careful not to label and judge so quickly. Be careful not to be quick to judge, quick to condemn, and far too quick to voice that condemnation all in the name of religion.

Before you label and judge and exclude others, stop and think. Take a breath and consider those words. Because the people who are reading or hearing your statements may not be like you, but that doesn’t make them bad. And you’ll never win them by threatening them, labeling them, marginalizing them, mocking them, or excluding them. And worse, you may actually push them in the opposite direction.

Don’t call me a Christian if you think I have to be like you. You’ve been very clear that I’m not, and I don’t want to be, anyway.

No Easy Answers

I stood in Goodwill tonight once again amazed at the number of self-help books at the resale store. Books on weight loss and financial freedom, how to live well over 40, how to be your best you now, how to win friends, how to negotiate, how to choose a career, how to change career paths, how to train your dog… self help on everything imaginable. And interspersed among those shelves of books were a number of Christian self help books. No, they aren’t called that. Christian marketing is different. These weren’t “self help”. They were “inspirational”. How to read the Bible, how to get more out of Bible reading, how to pray, what to do when bad things happen, how to process grief, how to find a good church, how to become a better church, how to govern your thoughts, how to be yourself, how to be a better person, how to accept you as you… Books, and books, and books.

Anymore, I briefly scan them, cringe at a few titles and move on to the other books, but one particularly caught my eye. The book was written by a man who had been injured and was in a wheelchair, and it was about what to do or how to think when bad things happen. Nice thoughts, but the first thing I thought was, “There are no easy answers.” I walked around the store for a bit and worked through this. Because really, it’s more than that. There are no easy answers, true. But sometimes it’s not that there are no easy answers. It’s not even that there are no good answers. It’s that sometimes there ARE NO ANSWERS AT ALL. There are things I will NEVER have answers to.

And then I kept thinking about all those books. Books that seemed to give all the answers. There must be a reason they’re sitting on resale shelves collecting dust. I’m sure the solutions they hold must work for some people, but they obviously didn’t work for everyone. Otherwise they wouldn’t be selling for a quarter or a dollar at Goodwill. If they’d worked, either the reader would have kept them or given them to friends who needed the same answers. But those books on resale shelves tell another story too, of people who want answers, who hope they can obtain those answers for $12 or $25. Those books represent disappointments… disappointments in the books and disappointments in ourselves because the books didn’t work. Because, wow, if that author said it worked and others bought it, it must work But it didn’t. And there is a race to the bookstore for the next new idea, the next book, the next answer in 500 pages or less.

We haven’t failed if 5000 self help books haven’t helped us. There are no easy answers, and sometimes there are no answers at all, and sometimes the only thing that needs fixing is the fact that we are so sure we need fixed.

The Remnant Church Fallacy

Growing up in the Christian Church — Non Denominational, which is closely associated with the Disciples of Christ and Churches of Christ – Instrumental and Noninstrumental, I was taught that God has always had a “remnant”, that throughout the centuries there has always been at least a small group of people who were true believers, who believed exactly right. Others might have parts of the Truth, but they didn’t know everything.

In that church it wasn’t taught that anyone who didn’t believe what my church taught would be lost, just that we had to be careful what we believed with all of the teachings out there… and that our church was the one that could trace back through the centuries, whose beliefs had always been miraculously protected because there’d always been a remnant. It wasn’t emphasized there, but when I heard it again in the United Pentecostal Church, it made sense. Surely with all the various doctrines, there would be one church that had the WHOLE truth. And the United Pentecostal Church claimed to have just that. They even have a book about this called After the Way Called Heresy, and also claim that people who’ve upheld “the one true faith” have been martyred through the centuries but God always maintained his Church (meaning of course in their perspective Oneness Pentecostals). I treasured that book. I even did an independent study course in my secular college based on one of the martyrs listed in it.

Recently I’ve learned that Nondenominational Christian and United Pentecostal churches were not the only ones who make those claims. Independent Fundamental Baptist groups have similar claims, though using completely different groups throughout history to make their remnant claims. Of course, the Catholic Church does as well, though somewhat differently, claiming to have Peter, who received the keys to the kingdom, as their first pope, and believing that each pope since has been the head of the true church.

And so I googled. Seventh Day Adventists and Latter Day Saints both have their own remnant teachings. There are other groups that teach this as well. There are entire websites that talk about how only those in a “remnant church” will be saved, and then itemizing their own ideas of what the teachings of that “remnant” will consist of. Interestingly, the lists generally include lots of rules. What do none that I read through include? Surprisingly, faith in Jesus!

In both Revelation and Romans there are a few verses that mention a remnant of believers. But which believers? Are God’s people limited to a few buildings or a denomination, or is a remnant those who believe, no matter where they are or where they go? The passages in Romans and Revelations relate to the Israelite concept of remnants — in Romans 11, the surrounding text is about the 7000 that hadn’t “bowed their knee to Baal” in the story of Elijah. These were not 7000 that attended the same church. There is no mention of church at all. They were believers – believers Elijah didn’t even know about, apparently. It stands to reason that the remnant mentioned in the New Testament isn’t about a denomination, then, but about believers. Not people who believe in speaking in tongues or a certain mode of baptism or a certain Bible translation, but who believe in Jesus.

So yes, there will be a remnant. That remnant will not be found in a building or denomination. We do not need to hunt for a church that is part of the remnant. And we do not need to fear not being a part of it. Jesus’ followers are the remnant, no matter who or where they are.