Author: Mary | Page 15 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Punishment v. Discipline

Someone this weekend discussed the scripture Hebrews 12:6 “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.”

There is a difference between discipline and punishment. God wants to discipline us, not punish us, and certainly not abuse us. Discipline teaches a lesson, while punishment demands condemnation for an action or misdeed. Discipline is positive. Punishment is negative. Abuse is an extreme form of punishment, where the punishment exceeds the crime, is unrelated to (or unassociated with) the crime, or where a person is punished without reason or unreasonably (i.e. because the abuser is angry and needs someone to “take it out on”)- abuse is misuse of punishment.

If something bad happens and we start running through our memories to see if we’ve done wrong, that’s not of God. When He disciplines us, He’ll also make sure we know exactly what we have done, and how to do better next time. There won’t be any vague “You’ve been bad. You are very bad,” condemnatory statements. That’s condemnation. Discipline, however, comes with love.

Romans 8:1 [There is] therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

If we are condemned, we fear. God doesn’t want us to be afraid of Him! He’s our Father. He loves us. “The fear of the Lord” in the Bible refers to a healthy respect for God. It means to honor Him- not be terrified of Him.

God wants us to learn from mistakes. He disciplines, because discipline leaves hope, faith, and trust intact, and teaches a specific lesson. He disciplines in love. He isn’t waiting to strike us down for being human- for making a mistake or even for a deliberate “sin.” He loves us.

Church Shopping

Well, I had an interesting experience today- I went to a Pentecostal service in another city. Visited a couple other things on the way, so part of the day went well…

Wow. I had thought since every church is different, I should give another Pentecostal church a chance, at least. Haha. They were actually quite friendly, telling me that they hoped to see me again and then when I hedged, telling me they’d see me their next service, asking where I was from, and announcing where I was from when I specifically said not to!

But they were trying to be nice, and as far as I can tell the pastor and his people are kind. Actually after service there was some work to be done, and the pastor asked if some men could help him with it. He walked off the platform started working, himself, right alongside everyone else. That was the first time I saw that in years.

The service was typical Pentecostal. Very good music. Milder worship than I’m used to, thankfully, just some clapping and singing- no squeals, spinning, dancing, running, leaping or spells.

Sunday School was OK, but the lesson didn’t use many scriptures and was kind of disjointed. The message was a bunch of catch phrases thrown together. I sat there listening, and although it would have been considered a “deep” lesson, and “anointed” preaching, I felt sorry for them. Some study had gone into both, but I realized that it’s no wonder I can’t remember what’s preached in a Pentecostal service- there’s too many bits and pieces splattered all over the place to really pin it down. I wonder sometimes if the preacher remembers the message after he has preached it, it’s so fractured!

No one tried to pray me through, no one pushed worship or tried to up the excitement level. Those things were good. And I enjoy hearing the songs I’m familiar with. But it amazed me how different my perspective on what constitutes a “good” message is now, and how disjointed the messages really are in Pentecostal services I’ve experienced.

So the search continues…

I went to a denominational church earlier this morning that was more liturgical. They sang “Lord prepare me (to be a sanctuary).” I always liked that song. They sang all four lines and stopped dead! And did it again on Kum ba Yah. (Yes, they really did sing it. I couldn’t believe it either!) Once through, and done. After being in a church where a normal chorus must be sung 20 times to start to feel the spirit, it was a shock!

Anyway, so it was a very interesting day.

Guilt Trips

The church I just left taught that everyone needed to pray a specified amount of time each day. I never did follow this teaching since that wasn’t how I was taught by my first pastor. Religious activity just shouldn’t be so forced. And any time I’ve ever been with friends, I didn’t say, OK, I have one hour. We need to spend one hour together. OK, starting… now! And watch the clock for the next hour to make sure I got my time with them in. Absolutely not. So why should I do that to God?

Lately my internal timer has been going off every once in a while… “Mary, you haven’t prayed yet. Mary, pray more! Are you still a Christian? Do you have the Holy Ghost?” Blah. And the annoying thing is that I know it isn’t God doing that- He knows that all He has to do is gently say “hi”- not throw a guilt trip on me- to spend some time with me!

I never did understand that: I was taught that guilt tripping was God. That makes absolutely no sense. If a kid wants to go to the park, you don’t need to say, “Go to the park! If you don’t go to the park, I’ll be angry! I’ll spank you!” Good grief, no! All you have to do is say, “Wanna go?” and you won’t be able to keep up with them, they’ll be moving so fast! So if God has good things for us in prayer or Bible study or going to church or whatever, and we once enjoyed those things and wanted to do them, were eager to do them, why would He start guilt tripping us with those? The answer is He won’t, of course. God knows us well enough to know- He will lead us gently, speak softly, and love us deeply. Sometimes I think maybe He leads so gently that we don’t quite realize we’re being lead, but we are.

OK, now to rambling… I know many people in church that would disagree with the following, and it blows my mind. I’ve seen these people work with their pets, but they don’t think people can be handled with similar compassion. However, when an animal is partly wild or is hurt, a person can approach the animal if he knows enough about it. The animal must be approached a certain way. Most shouldn’t be approached directly. Walk in at an angle, eyes averted, shoulder more toward the animal, and it will feel less threatened. Don’t walk steadily. Walk to a certain distance and stop.

Especially with a small animal, sit on the ground there, and assess the animal’s reaction. Maybe walk backward a little rather than directly to it after this pause. Let it know you aren’t going to hurt it. Reflect its body language if non-threatening- blink slowly if it’s a cat, nod if it’s a horse. No sudden moves, just walk slowly and gently, patiently. Speak softly, in a low, gentle voice. Think calm.

It can take hours or weeks, but the time spent is essential, and if we do it right, eventually that animal will learn to trust. Sometimes I think God does the same thing with us. Not pushing, not forcing, not requiring certain actions from us at specific times, just being calm and letting us adjust to Him.

Image credit

Unaskable Questions

Where I’m from, we weren’t allowed to ask questions about certain things. We were expected to ask the pastor who we should marry or at least if we could marry this person or that one. But we couldn’t ask basic questions about things that happened at church. So I’ve decided to list a few here. I reverence God and the things of God. These are a few questions I’ve had through the years. No offense meant to anyone… Just a few rather unorthodox thoughts.

If praise and worship are action verbs, why do we so often pray and say, “Jesus, I praise you. Oh, God, I worship you.” Why not just do it?
Why do we call dancing and leaping “shouting?” A shout requires a vocal response, preferably intelligible…
What is the screaming and squealing for in church? I scream when I’m afraid, not when I’m happy.
Does the quality of the sound system and the decibels it is cranked to really have anything to do with God’s anointing?
Why do we work so hard to “create an atmosphere where people can get the Holy Ghost” if God loves us and the Holy Ghost is His free gift?
Why, after working so hard to “create an atmosphere,” do all the kids at camp seem to pray through when we blow the circuits and the lights go out?
Why are we told to seek the free gift of the Holy Ghost? Most gifts I’ve ever been given were placed in front of me or into my hands by the giver. Rarely have I had to go hunt one down!
Why do camps and conferences seem so much more electrified and charged than weekly services in our home churches? God is the same everywhere, after all.
Why do some people think it is wrong to drink or smoke because we shouldn’t destroy the temple of the Holy Ghost, yet claim that God tells them to do things in worship that could damage the church property or could cause an accident that could hurt other people or themselves?

Witnessing: telling others about Jesus.
Testifying: telling others what Jesus has done for you.
Door-knocking: knocking on door after door and giving people an invitation to church.
Then why do we say we are going “witnessing” when we are just handing a card to people that open their doors?

Why does it take ten minutes to take prayer requests, and only a minute to pray for them all?

How many people who say they’ll be praying for a situation only mention it to God in passing once?

If we really have faith, should we pray for something for days or weeks, or should we just pray once and trust God for the answer? Why, when I have a need, is the first more comforting than the second? Do I think God will forget they prayed, or do I just enjoy the fact that people are thinking of me?

If God is our friend and Father, why do we talk to him so differently than we would a… well… friend or father?

If someone regularly came to me and said they could talk to me for the next 30 minutes, and then watched the clock the entire time… if they talked for the whole 30 minutes but never really said anything, if they yelled at me and made strange faces… I’d begin to think they were pretty rude fairly quickly.

What is wrong with doubt? John the Baptist doubted as he sat in prison. Peter doubted when he stepped out of the boat. Thomas doubted that Jesus had risen. What is wrong with admitting our doubts?

And last but not least, why are these questions unaskable? What is so intimidating about them? The fact that there are questions, or the answers to them?

Some new favorite quotes

I loved Rich Mullins’ music. Tonight I found one of his old concert videos on YouTube. Some of the the things he said really floored me. So tonight I’m quoting:

I know vengeance is mine saith the Lord. I just want to be about the Lord’s business. …Proof-texting is a very dangerous thing. I think if we were given the scriptures, it was not so we could prove that we’re right about everything. If we were given the scriptures, it was to humble us into realizing that God is right and the rest of us are just guessing.

He went on to say that one of his favorite verses is “whatever you’ve done to the least of these my brethren, you’ve done to me.” He said he believed God has a special place in His heart for the poor, the weak, the oppressed, the small and the insignificant.

https://www.youtube.com/vQnFU5JvuWY

Well, I’ve posted the link… (the link is no longer available) I can’t do it justice. He was killed in a car accident within about a year of this video, and he was one of my favorite artists.

The rest of this is just me talking for the fun of it…

I finally got some songs uploaded to MP3 today. Mary has finally caught up to within a decade of current technology! Almost, anyway. Guess I need to find a TV and DVD to be really caught up, but a computer has all I really want for technology.

I’m guessing most people at church now know, either through gossip or pulpit, that I’ve left. Not one call. And I’m OK with that now. And finding myself less cautious online with letting people know where and who I am… which I haven’t totally decided is a good thing or not, so I’m trying to be less cautious but still careful. Life’s just too good to live intimidated and scared of every shadow or possible situation that could happen. I’d rather rejoice.