Author: Lois | Page 53 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Book Giveaway #7

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry and this will be our seventh one via this new blog area. This is your chance to receive one or more free books on various issues.

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of books at no charge to them. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail these books outside of the USA. Canadians with a USA mailing address are welcome to request books.) To respond, just leave a comment for this post. If you are unsure what any book is about, the links will take you to Amazon where you may read their description and reviews.

Up for grabs are several used books and DVDs:

~~One paperback copy of Letters From A Skeptic by Gregory and Edward Boyd~~. TAKEN
One paperback copy of Cruden’s Complete Concordance.
Three paperback copies of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. One copy has numerous pencil markings and another has some highlighting, but both are still very readable.
One paperback copy of Love Is A Choice: Recovery for Codependent Relationships by Hemfelt, Minirth & Meier. Has some underlining.
One hardback copy of How People Grow by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. It has a little highlighting.
One paperback copy of Safe People by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.
Two hardback copies of Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. One has a little highlighting.
One hardback copy of Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman.
Two hardback copies of When God Doesn’t Make Sense by James Dobson.
~~One paperback copy of Wounded Warrior, Wounded Home (PTSD) by Marshele Waddell (signed)~~. TAKEN
One paperback copy of Named By God by Kasey Van Norman.
~~One hardback copy of Nave’s Topical Bible~~. TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of Total Recovery (chronic pain & depression)by Gary Kaplan~~. TAKEN
One hardback copy of Boundaries With Teens by John Townsend.
One hardback copy of Boundaries With Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.
Three paperback copies of Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen.
~~One paperback copy of The Unauthorized Guide to Choosing a Church by Carmen Berry~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Released From Shame by Sandra Wilson~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Captured by Grace by David Jeremiah.~~ TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Grace: More Than We Deserve by Max Lucado~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Understanding and Applying the Bible by J. Robertson McQuilkin~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Simple Faith by Charles Swindoll~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Redeeming Our Treasures: Finding Joy in the Shadows of an Abusive Past by Linda Settles~~. (This is an uncorrected proof & has writing.) TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of When Forgiveness Doesn’t Make Sense by Robert Jeffress~~. TAKEN
One hardback copy of Laugh Again by Charles Swindoll.
One DVD of Holy Bible KJV Complete by Alexander Scourby.
One CD MP3 NIV Audio New Testament Dramatized by Faith Comes By Hearing.
One DVD The Story of Two Kings (plus two on the Bible) by Day of Discovery.
~~One DVD Boundaries With Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend~~. TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of Soul Survivors: A New Beginning for Adults Abused As Children by J. Patrick Gannon~~. TAKEN

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of book(s) at no charge to them. To respond, just leave a comment for this post. Please understand that comments require approval unless you have previously commented. So while it may look like you are first or second, etc. there may be someone ahead of you whose comment is pending. Be sure to use your actual email address when setting up to comment as I will be contacting you through it. Check your spam folder as email sometimes goes there. (For your privacy, do not put the email or address in your actual comment.)

Be sure to mention in your comment which book(s) you would like and you may refer to them by number. There is no limit on how many you may request, though you may only have one copy of any title.

Pastors- Secure Your Continual Leadership

I had to pass this along after coming across it. I shook my head in disbelief upon seeing it. There is a ministry to help pastors “secure your continual leadership role within the local church with Apostolic By-Laws.” You read it right. It takes away all voting rights of members and puts the pastor in complete control. This is biblical, so it is proclaimed. It was ummm…. enlightening skimming the site.

This so-called Apostle’s church affiliation, is some prophetic type of Pentecostalism and he held license with the AOG. The wife, Balinda Deitz, is a so-called prophetess. Steve Deitz will help churches write or re-write their by-laws to make the church a ‘theocracy’ and give the pastor full power- all for a cost of just under $1300 for the full kit. [2023 update: The full kit price has jumped to $1995.] I believe for an additional cost, you can have this self-proclaimed Apostle and his other ministry be the church or pastor’s ‘covering.’ Just what unhealthy churches need- a way to ensure a pastor holds full power and control.

I also found basically the same site, without the apostle and prophetess titles at churchby-laws.com. [2023 note: That website is no longer in operation.] I don’t think by the use of ‘apostolic’ that they mean what Oneness organizations such as the United Pentecostal Church mean.

The link where this by-law kit is found is https://www.apostolicbylaws.com/home. But beware- they do threaten to sue and charge you attorney’s fees should you do a charge-back on your credit card after purchasing. [See here for the archived version where this was noted as it has since been removed from the page.] Oh, and deposits are non-refundable.

Substituting Church For Jesus: Where Is Your Identity Found?

Have you substituted church for Jesus? Are you so caught up in church activities that you have forgotten what being a Christian is about?

Many times these things happen to those who have become involved in unhealthy churches. They may start off well, but slowly lose their focus. Where are you today? Has your life become all about church and programs and pleasing the pastor/leadership?

I remember how it was different for me in the beginning of my time in the United Pentecostal Church. I remember feeling good and soaking things in and having a joy. I started my walk with God before I ever set foot in one of their churches. I had started to read the Bible at home and repented, saw my need to be water baptized, and that is how I started my time in that organization.

After awhile things changed. My main focus, which should have been on Jesus, changed. It became about church, the multiple activities there, the fellowship there, in doing things for the church, etc. It didn’t happen overnight and I didn’t notice that a shift was taking place. There were all the regular services (three a week), prayer meetings, the Ladies Auxiliary meetings, other committee meetings, making crafts or baking goods to sell for fundraisers, time spent on other fundraisers, door knocking, eating out after services, cleaning the church, doing things to help the pastor….the list is long.

I don’t believe there are too many who go this route, knowing what is happening, and charge ahead anyway. It is a slow process and often while we are yet involved, we don’t realize what is happening to our focus.

I came to view doing things for the church as doing things for the Lord. But that wasn’t always how it actually was. Life now revolved around church, not Church (there is a difference). Not necessarily God, but the building and all that went on inside and with special services elsewhere. You got so busy doing and going, that your life revolved around it all.

This thought made me think about all the writings (as well as sermons) I have seen and heard through the years, where people speak of Pentecost. It is Pentecost this and Pentecost that. Pentecost birthed them. I know this happens in other denominations. It becomes about the group to which one is joined. Jesus is still mentioned, but the focus turns to other things, like your Apostolic Identity, for instance. As believers, our identity is to lie in Jesus Christ, and in Him alone- not in Pentecostalism, Methodism, Lutheranism or anything else.

Everyone? A Little Humor

I know some will find this amusing.

On a local Yahoo Group I belong to, someone posted an email about Christmas, doing things differently and supporting local businesses. They had some nice ideas. But I had to chuckle at the following part near the beginning: “It’s time to think outside the box, people. Who says a gift needs to fit in a shirt box, wrapped in Chinese produced wrapping paper? Everyone — yes EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates from your local American hair salon or barber?”

Everyone? They don’t know about Apostolic teachings and how they forbid women to ever cut their hair. I would have written a reply, but we aren’t supposed to get into religion there.

Leaving an Unhealthy Church #9: Some Must Return To Remember Why They Left

“If you really believe that, then you should go back to the United Pentecostal Church.” Did I say that? Yes, I really said that to a friend. There was a time I wouldn’t have considered it.

Earlier on, after leaving my former church, there would be times that a friend, or someone I knew online, would return to their former unhealthy group. It used to upset and puzzle me, but that changed after awhile as I gained more knowledge. Being upset was replaced with the realization that some people need to return for a period of time, in order to remember why they left in the first place.

This even happened to one lady, who during her time back in the UPC, wrote a book about returning to them. It was an attempt to help bring in the ‘backsliders.’ She worked in her then-husband’s ministry to get people to return. Then she left again, with no intention of ever returning. We were able to get together once after she left.

There are different reasons people return to an unhealthy church. They may have left before being fully persuaded in their own mind that it was abusive, unhealthy and/or that error was being taught. They may return due to fear. Sometimes the pull from family/friends and the desire for their acceptance is overwhelming. In this post I wish to concentrate on one aspect.

My focus today is what can happen when some time has gone by after exiting. The one who left may start having nostalgic feelings or may be craving the fellowship and excitement they had in their former church. They may not have gained many new friendships since their exit or they may not have found a new church to attend. During this time, they sometimes temporarily forget why they left, or may downplay the reasons, or the other feelings seem so strong that they convince themselves things will be different this time. They may even be fighting the ‘what if they are right’ thoughts.

During a time like this, it isn’t good to make decisions based on emotions or longings for the past. But sometimes it happens and the person finds themselves back at their former church or another in the same organization. They receive lots of attention, hugs, welcome backs and invitations of fellowship. Things feel sooo good! But as time goes on, and the initial love bombing subsides, they start to see once again why they left in the first place…and at times even see and experience worse things. They walk away once more.

If someone you know returns to an unhealthy church or group, pray for them. Sometimes they simply need to be reminded of why they left. God is more than able to keep them and see them through this time in their life.