Author: Lois

I was a member of the United Pentecostal Church for just under 13 years and was a licensed minister during a short part of that time. I am the owner of the SpiritualAbuse.org website, which was started four years after leaving. I am originally from southern New Jersey.

Signs, Signs, Everywhere A Sign

“Signs, signs, everywhere a sign….” Remember this old song? (I took the liberty of adding an s.) In some churches it is all about signs. Seeking signs. Desiring signs. Disappointed if there are no signs. It’s not a good service if there are no signs. What is the next sign going to be? I want something more!

This mindset is not good. Jesus and the apostles warn us against desiring and following after signs. Yet despite these warnings, what do we see in some churches but people flocking after the next big sign.

You can hear the circus barker, “Step right up, folks! See the spectacular! The unbelievable! Watch jewels suddenly appear before your eyes! Gold dust fills the air! People fall at the wave of a hand! Come on in and marvel at the sight!”

Gold. It came in the form of dust, fillings and entire teeth. Angel feathers. Jewels. Laughter. Falling out. Oil. Spiritual drunkenness. Slain. The list goes on as people line up and get carried away by every wind.

People are drawn to the spectacular. We want to see amazing things. Why would the people in Jesus’ days be reprimanded for seeking signs? This is why we have so many problems in the churches which focus on emotionalism. We want gold fillings. Then gold dust. Then we want to see pulpits broken in half or people shaking uncontrollably in and out of services. There’s always a search for more and more, bigger and better.

Who is getting all the attention in these things? Does the focus come on a person or people, the pastor, the church? If God is going to do something miraculous, HE would be getting the glory and the attention, with the result of people turning to Him. In the New Testament, miracles happened to confirm the Gospel being preached and the apostles didn’t run after or focus on them.

Oftentimes things like these help fill up someone’s wallet, be that the pastor’s, evangelist’s and/or the church fund. The love of money causes many to do things which they ought not do.

What happens at the places where these things occur? Is all the talk and emphasis now on the “move”? Do they lose a focus of preaching the Gospel? How is their teaching being distorted by these signs? Does the emphasis become that of experiences trumping Scripture? (It has to be true or of God because it happened in church and look how many are at the church! Because it makes me excited and I feel good! I know that isn’t in the Bible, but God can do anything, can’t He?) The dismissal of Scripture is a serious thing in these “moves.” Experience is placed above it and the Bible gets interpreted through the experiences and not the other way around.

What’s the fruit of it all? Why would God perform such acts? What does gold teeth or gold dust mean to Him? Does He really focus on these material things? Would he really leave jewels laying around at a church? Really? Where do we see anything similar happening in the biblical accounts of the early Church?

Stop and think about it. Why would God go around indiscriminately distributing gold teeth in people’s mouths? It makes no sense. People need emotional healing, physical healing, but hey- they got a gold tooth instead.

Top October Posts

I thought that some might be interested in seeing the top ten read posts from October 2016. I may or may not do this on a regular basis. 🙂

The blog section of the spiritual abuse website had 5,673 visits, with 2109 being unique. I anticipate these numbers will climb as we continue to get the word out about the blog. At present, most of the referrals have come from Facebook, Twitter and search engines. If some who have similar blogs or websites would be so kind as to link to us, it would help increase our exposure.

Below are the top ten read posts for the month, after removing the last giveaway post from the list. Thanks so much to all our readers and authors!

Leaving An Unhealthy Church #9: Some Must Return To Remember Why They Left – author Lois.

Substituting Church For Jesus: Where Is Your Identity Found – author Lois.

Church Secrets, Part 1 – author Elizabeth.

Breaking Pentecostal – author Susan.

Why I Left Part 1 – author Rosemi.

Modern Day Witch Hunts – author Mary.

Examining Teachings #1: Drunk in the Spirit? – author Lois.

Self-Injury: A Worldview – author Eleanor.

Why I Left Part Two – author Rosemi.

Examining Teachings #2: Jezebel And Shamefaced – author Lois.

Handling Adversity: Are You An Egg, Coffee or a Carrot?

A former boss sent me this awhile back and I thought it might help some people. I think it applies to those who have been exposed to unhealthy churches and spiritual abuse. Some become hardened to God and Christianity when they have been hurt in a church. We’ve seen people who, often for just a time, go out into the world and fall into various sins due to a reaction to their experience. We could take our past and turn it around, not allowing it to pull us under.

Think about it.

***********

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity – boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, It releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

It’s easier to build a child than repair an adult.

May we all be COFFEE!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iObc293g8wo

Book Giveaway #8

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry and this will be our eighth one via this new blog area. This is your chance to receive one or more free books on various issues.

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of books at no charge to them. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail these books outside of the USA. Canadians with a USA mailing address are welcome to request books.) To respond, just leave a comment for this post. If you are unsure what any book is about, the links will take you to Amazon where you may read their description and reviews.

Up for grabs are several used books and DVDs. Some of these were previously offered and will be available for the last time.

  1. One paperback copy of The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. TAKEN
  2. One paperback copy of Cruden’s Complete Concordance. NO LONGER AVAILABLE
  3. Three paperback copies of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. One copy has numerous pencil markings and another has some highlighting, but both are still very readable. TWO TAKEN
  4. One paperback copy of Love Is A Choice: Recovery for Codependent Relationships by Hemfelt, Minirth & Meier. Has some underlining.
  5. One hardback copy of How People Grow by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. It has a little highlighting.
  6. Two paperback copies of Safe People by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. ONE TAKEN
  7. Two hardback copies of Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. One has a little highlighting. ONE TAKEN
  8. One hardback copy of Streams in the Desert  by L.B. Cowman. NO LONGER AVAILABLE
  9. Two hardback copies of When God Doesn’t Make Sense by James Dobson. NO LONGER AVAILABLE
  10. One paperback copy of Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out by Patricia Evans. TAKEN
  11. One paperback copy of Named By God by Kasey Van Norman. NO LONGER AVAILABLE
  12. One hardback copy of Secrets of Your Family Tree/Forgiving Our Parents by multiple authors. TAKEN
  13. One hardback copy of We Are Driven (Compulsive Behaviors) by multiple authors. NO LONGER AVAILABLE
  14. One hardback copy of Boundaries With Teens by John Townsend. TAKEN
  15. One hardback copy of Boundaries With Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. TAKEN
  16. Three paperback copies of Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen. TAKEN
  17. One hardback copy of An Expository Dictionary of New Testament Words by W.E. Vine
  18. One hardback copy of The New Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible (older and smaller). TAKEN
  19. One hardback copy of All The Women of the Bible by Herbert Lockyer. TAKEN
  20. One hardback copy of When God Becomes A Drug by Leo Booth.
  21. One paperback copy of Grace: An Invitation To A Way Of Life by multiple authors.
  22. One paperback copy of The Kingdom of the Cults by Walter Martin. TAKEN
  23. One paperback copy of Where Is God When It Hurts by Philip Yancey. NO LONGER AVAILABLE
  24. One paperback copy of The Co-Dependent Parent by Barbara Becnel. TAKEN
  25. One hardback copy of Laugh Again by Charles Swindoll. NO LONGER AVAILABLE
  26. One DVD of Holy Bible KJV Complete by Alexander Scourby.
  27. One CD MP3 NIV Audio New Testament Dramatized by Faith Comes By Hearing.
  28. One DVD The Story of Two Kings (plus two on the Bible) by Day of Discovery.
  29. One hardback copy of Churches That Abuse by Ron Enroth (signed). TAKEN
  30. One hardback copy of What’s So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yancey.
  31. One paperback copy of Who Stole My Church by Gordon MacDonald. TAKEN
  32. One paperback copy of The Feminine Soul: Surprising Ways the Bible Speaks to Women by Janet Davis. NO LONGER AVAILABLE
  33. One paperback copy of Shell Song (mental illness) by Ellen Whitehead. NO LONGER AVAILABLE
  34. One bonded leather copy of The NIV Study Bible by Zondervan. (The cover is in poor condition and there is some writing/underlining, but the inside is mostly good.)
  35. One paperback copy of False Holiness Standards by Linda Hopper. (UPC related) TAKEN
  36. One paperback copy of Pigs In The Pulpit by J. Michael Wittman. (UPC related) TAKEN
  37. One paperback copy of Under The Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer. (Mormon related)
  38. One paperback copy of The Post-Church Christian by J. Paul and Carson Nyquist. TAKEN
  39. One paperback copy of Healing of Memories by David Seamands.
  40. One paperback copy of The Language of Letting Go (codependency) by Melody Beattie. NO LONGER AVAILABLE
  41. One hardback copy of Secret Ceremonies by Deborah Laake. (Mormon related) TAKEN
  42. One hardback copy of The Bible Jesus Read by Philip Yancey. TAKEN
  43. One hardback copy of The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs. TAKEN
  44. Three hardback copies of Get Out of That Pit by Beth Moore. TAKEN
  45. One new DVD of Paradise Recovered. (spiritual abuse related)
  46. One set of 15 CDs (missing #2) of Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey. TAKEN

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of book(s) at no charge to them. To respond, just leave a comment for this post. Please understand that comments require approval unless you have previously commented. So while it may look like you are first or second, etc. there may be someone ahead of you whose comment is pending. Be sure to use your actual email address when setting up to comment as I will be contacting you through it. Check your spam folder as email sometimes goes there. (For your privacy, do not put the email or address in your actual comment.)

Be sure to mention in your comment which book(s) you would like and you may refer to them by number. There is no limit on how many you may request, though you may only have one copy of any title.

The Butterfly Circus

The Butterfly Circus, released in August 2009, is an inspiring 22.5 minute short film that is supposed to be made into a full-length motion picture, though I haven’t heard anything about their progress in years. People who have been hurt in unhealthy churches should be able to take home something from this film that will lift their spirits.

“At the height of the Great Depression, the showman of a renowned circus discovers a man without limbs being exploited at a carnival sideshow, but after an intriguing encounter with the showman he becomes driven to hope against everything he has ever believed.”

You may watch the entire film for free on Vimeo.

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