Author: Lois | Page 42 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Return to the Body of Christ?

Every so often I check Amazon to see if they have new material related to spiritual abuse for sale. I did so this week and became irritated when I saw the write up for the book, Spiritual Abuse in the Church, by Angela R. Williams.

This book was written to invite all who have left a church or an abusive Christian group to return to the body of Christ. Stop blaming God for what people did. You can then share the freedom experience with others through testimonies of forgiveness, grace, and love provided by the Savior; as you move forward in your walk with Christ.

Did you catch that? Leaving an unhealthy church does not mean we left the body of Christ. Since the Holy Spirit has placed believers into one body, leaving any church or religious group does not change our place in the body of Christ. We have been born from above and not by any church or group. One can never set foot inside a church building and still be in the body of Christ. While there are those who leave and are afraid that they are lost (due to the fear permeated teachings of their former churches), this has no bearing on whether or not they are in the body.

Second, not everyone who leaves blames God for what people did. Yes, some have difficulty separating the two, especially at first. However, not all who exit spiritually abusive churches go through this. I am one who did not. Those who do experience this need time to sort through their experience and the teachings. Telling them to just stop blaming God does not accomplish this.

I have to say I wasn’t surprised when I looked into the author of this book and discovered they are a pastor in a Pentecostal type church and believe in coverings (another church is their alleged covering). Too many of these churches place the blame on you when things happen (or don’t happen). Too many of these stress the thought that not attending their church services is “forsaking the assembling” of believers.

We don’t need books on spiritual abuse which pressure people to become involved in another church or equate their leaving an unhealthy one to leaving the body of Christ. People need time to start healing and recovering and sort through the myriad of issues involved. If they jump right into another church, before getting to a certain place in their recovery, they may find themselves in another unhealthy group.

There may be some helpful things in this book but I won’t be discovering them due to the paragraph quoted, which is from the back cover. It doesn’t cause me to be hopeful that it would be very helpful.

When A Pastor Morally Fails

A pastor/minister morally fails. People are devastated, hurt, confused, angry, sad and their faith is shaken. The church is thrown into turmoil. This appears to be happening more frequently in our present time.

Are there signs we can watch for, that something is seriously wrong in the life of a minister? We continually see headlines of ministers and church leaders committing sex crimes as well as other criminal activity. They involve various groups across denominational boundaries.

For instance, it was reported that this is what Edwin Young, a Oneness Pentecostal minister, did for years and years. If similar things happened in a healthy church, the pastor’s wrong behavior would have been addressed when it happened or soon after. But at this church, it wasn’t. It was tolerated, allowed, and even thought to be proper conduct. Many ‘amened’ and cheered him on when he did these things. It isn’t proper behavior. It is far, far from how a minister is to act.

This is a huge problem in unhealthy churches and is often a gradual process. When it gets to this point, the people have been conditioned through previous teachings and incidents, to accept what is happening. The pastor is ‘the man of God.’ You don’t ‘touch God’s anointed.’ The pastor ‘watches for your soul and has to give account of you.’ The pastor knows more than you and what is best. If the pastor is wrong, all we can do is ‘pray about it and let God correct him.’ So when people have this type of mindset, it opens the door for abuse and other wrong actions.

Learn how a pastor is supposed to be. Go to your Bible and search this out. A main characteristic of a minister is they are not to be lords over people, but rather they are to have the heart of a servant. A servant doesn’t call the women in the church heifers. A servant doesn’t point people out in service and berate them and tear them to shreds. A servant doesn’t make up lies and call people who leave the church homosexuals or fornicators or drug addicts. This is NOT what a real minister does. This is NOT what one who is acting through love does.

It is no surprise to me when pastors such as the one referenced have fallen. Too often those who teach and do things without love as the motivating factor, have something in their life that they are hiding. It is interesting that when they are caught and exposed, they don’t want the same treatment they gave many others who did far less than themselves.

Oneness Pentecostal Snake Handlers

I didn’t know about it until several years ago, but there is even a Oneness Pentecostal snake handling book. To my knowledge, it has only been Pentecostal type churches who have incorporated this practice.

The book is Handling Serpents by Jimmy Morrow and Ralph Hood, Jr. It is very poorly edited. Jimmy Morrow is a native Appalachian.

Questioning Teachings: Is There Any Biblical Precedence?

In unhealthy churches, people are often told things and given no biblical support to back them up. For instance, I recall being told by a United Pentecostal Church pastor about either having non-confessed sin in my life or a lack of faith as to the reason I hadn’t spoken in tongues while ‘tarrying’ during a visit to his church for a special service. He shared nothing from the Bible to support his claims.

Let’s lay aside the basic question of speaking in tongues and instead simply examine whether the Bible gives support to things many of us have seen or heard taught. The same could be applied to other church practices and teachings.

Do we read where Peter or Paul, or anyone else, admonishing people that they didn’t speak in tongues because they had non-confessed sin in their life or anything else which gets stated in Pentecostal/Apostolic churches? Do we see people ‘tarrying’ for God’s Spirit- day after day, week after week, month after month- like happens at some churches today?

Do we see other believers crowding around new believers, trying to ‘help’ them receive God’s Spirit? Do we see believers grabbing people’s mouths or chins, trying to shake their tongues loose? Do we see them telling people to “hang on” or “let go?” Do we see believers being forced to hold their hands up in the air for long periods of time? Do we see anyone being told to keep saying “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” or “Hallelujah?” The list could go on…

Here is where many do not stop to fully look into these matters. We didn’t check the practices we were introduced to with scripture, to see if we found them or anything similar there. Instead, we went by what we saw and were taught and thought it must be the way it should be. Many of us simply repeated what we witnessed others do in services because it was all new to us.

Take some time to really think about this. Why are people being taught and encouraged to do such things when we can find no similar practices in scripture?

Correction In The Church

There are those who feel a minister has the authority to confront and correct you about any and all aspects of your life, even things quite personal. Others feel they have no right to correct anyone about anything. Many of us have heard stories that we cannot correct those in leadership, particularly ministers, but must leave any correction to God. ‘Touch not mine anointed‘ is used to place fear in people regarding the latter.

There is also the aspect of how correction should be made. Are we to openly rebuke people in front of the church for any and all matters? Do you have a right to face your accusers? Should someone in leadership just accept the word of one person? Do we have any recourse if we feel the correction is unwarranted or carried out in an inappropriate manner?

The Bible does give believers some guidelines concerning this. But how does it compare to what we were taught and what we may have personally experienced in an unhealthy church? This article is shared not to be an in depth look at all the issues, but rather an overall look at leadership.

Many of us were on the receiving end or at least witnessed it. Let’s look at how the Bible describes how leadership is to conduct themselves and not allow ourselves to be put in that position again.

I recall my former pastor telling of an incident which happened in his church prior to my becoming a member. He felt there was division and he sat at the front of the church and had each member parade by him and say whether or not they’d been speaking negatively about him. (He based this on an Old Testament incident.)

I have it recorded on tape where he brought it up in a sermon (during my time there he mentioned this event several times). He ‘corrected’ the people in front of all. After this incident, the church experienced a split. I wonder why?

Ministers are not to police people. The Bible teaches against this. Remember when the disciples were discussing among themselves which of them would be the greatest? Jesus told them that the greatest must be the last of all, and a servant of all. (Mark 9:35)

In Matthew 20 it describes how the mother of John and James went to Jesus with a request that each of her sons sit at the side of Jesus in his kingdom. Of course, this didn’t sit well with the other 10 apostles. But Jesus called them together and explained in verses 25- 28 (emphasis mine):

…Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. BUT IT SHALL NOT BE SO AMONG YOU: but whosoever will be great among you, LET HIM BE YOUR MINISTER. And whosoever will be chief among you, LET HIM BE YOUR SERVANT: Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.

If a pastor does not have the heart of a servant and a minister, then they should step down. I Peter 5:2-3 shows this: “FEED the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly: not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind: NEITHER AS BEING LORDS over God’s heritage, but BEING ENSAMPLES to the flock.” (One of my KJV Bibles notes that ‘lords’ means ‘overruling’.)

Ministers should teach by example. Time and time again this is taught in the scriptures. Be an example, lead by example. Follow me as I follow Christ. They are to bring the things of God to our remembrance (I Timothy 4:6, II Timothy 2:14).

They are to:

..not strive, BUT BE GENTLE unto all men, apt to teach, PATIENT, IN MEEKNESS instructing those that oppose themselves…” II Timothy 2:24-25 “Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke (Note: as in Titus 2:15), exhort WITH ALL LONGSUFFERING and doctrine. II Timothy 4:2

These are just a handful of the verses which teach how someone in leadership in the church is to conduct themselves. Just from these, it is clear that actions such as many of us experienced are not biblically based. They were not acting out of love or with gentleness, nor were they long-suffering.

ANY correction, whether in front of all or one on one, should always be done in love. Without love, we are nothing, only a sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal (I Cor. 13:1-2). All is to be done to edify, build up, strengthen, and encourage. Not to tear down.

Let’s compare what we have seen in unhealthy churches to how God corrects us for OUR benefit. It is always to build us up, to strengthen us, to help us, to edify us. It always is a positive thing. However, man’s correction is often not for our benefit, but THEIRS.

Look at Hebrews chapter 12. Verses 9-11 says:

Furthermore, we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave then reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily chastened us AFTER THEIR OWN PLEASURE; but he for OUR PROFIT, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.

Much of God’s correction of believers today is one on one (with God, that is). Correction from God is for OUR benefit and any correction that is not benefiting us, but rather tearing us down, is from man and not inspired by God.