My Church Experience After Leaving

This is a brief summary of the first seven years of my church experiences after leaving the United Pentecostal Church. Understand that for several years afterward, I still believed the main salvation teachings of the group.

When I left my former UPC church in late 1993, I’d already been introduced to a church in West Orange, NJ which had not long before voted to pull out of the organization. When I resigned from my church, I would attend as I was able (it was two hours away). There was only one other local UPC in my area. I knew my former pastor still had feelings against that UPC pastor and church. (Before I ever started attending, there had been a split in the church which eventually led to this other one starting in a nearby town.) Even though I would have been accepted at this local church, even in not upholding standards, I knew that to go would be upsetting to my former pastor. During the time I was a member, my pastor would periodically say negative things in sermons about that church, some of the people, and its pastor. This went on for years after the split had taken place. If it upset him to have to stand behind and pray for this man at his UPC ordination (he didn’t like that Wayne Trout, the District Superintendent, had him do this), it wouldn’t have helped the situation had I left our church and joined this one.

Several months after I left, the pastor was told by one of my friends that I’d written some findings on the hair teaching. He called pastors to warn them about me. This isn’t hearsay as I heard it directly from one of the pastors he called, which was the nearby church. I have no idea if he just called the churches in the southern part of the state or if it was more widespread. Because of his actions, other than this local church that had started after a split, there would be no way I could have attended any of the others. While I did meet with the pastor of the nearby church and even gave him a copy of my writings on hair, which he asked to keep, by that time I knew I couldn’t live what I considered a lie. I’d be welcomed there but could never be used other than in giving a testimony, helping clean or raise funds, or something similar. At the time, I knew I’d want to be active anywhere I attended and to do so would necessitate adhering to all the things that I no longer saw as biblical. I simply couldn’t do it.

All this time I was still attending the church two hours away when I could. As the weeks went on, there were others who became upset with things happening at my former church (that had to do with the pastor) and more left. We contacted the pastor from the West Orange church to see about starting a cell group locally as his church had several of these. I started attending more regularly there and some of us attended a class for this type of leadership. However, during this same time there were all kinds of things happening at my former church and they hit me very hard. I had many emotions and feelings I was dealing with, sometimes not very well.

I felt that while I was grappling with all that, I shouldn’t be in a leadership position. I was supposed to help with the cell group (they call them life groups) and another couple would lead them. To be in a leadership position in these home groups, you had to join the church as a member. I didn’t attend a membership explanation meeting and due to the the way the pastor approached me about missing it, it didn’t sit well and I was feeling pressured. He already knew how I was feeling and never shared prior to it that it was necessary for me to attend.

So they started the group and I didn’t join the church. The pastor didn’t attend our home meetings, but made the lessons for them. At the very first local cell gathering, there was something odd introduced there which I’d never heard before and questioned, though I didn’t do so at the meeting.  All of the things combined led me to stop attending. Eventually, everyone from my former church who had gone there left for one reason or another.

As shared at the beginning, at the time I was still very much UPC in doctrine with the exception of standards. Because of this, every Trinitarian church was automatically put out of the picture, sight unseen. There were only a handful of UPC churches in the entire state, so for any smaller Oneness Pentecostal group, there were even fewer, if any at all. I called different places that others would share about and they just didn’t line up with the doctrine in one way or another. Eventually I just gave up looking.

Years later when I saw error in the main teachings, so much time had passed in not attending a church that the thought of doing so brought about a bit of apprehension. I had no idea how other churches operated or what would be expected of me as a member or attender. All I’d known was the UPC. This is why church attendance was a problem for me during this time.

When one exits an unhealthy church, it is important to take the time and effort to examine the teachings. Had I looked into the main salvation teachings then, I wouldn’t have been extremely limited in potential new places of worship.

Part 2.

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Early Interracial Oneness Pentecostalism Giveaway

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry. This is your chance to receive a used copy of Early Interracial Oneness Pentecostalism by Talmadge L. French.  It is mainly about G.T. Haywood and the Pentecostal Assemblies Of The World from 1901 to 1931. We have two copies of this to give away. This sells for more than $30 new and was taken from his thesis. Both copies have bent covers and damage to some outer page edges but the insides are good and have no markings. This is only open to those with a USA mailing address. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail books outside of the USA. Canadians with a USA mailing address are welcome to enter.)

This giveaway is a different from our large giveaways as it is a drawing and not a first come, first served event. To enter, just leave a comment on this post to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on August 20 at 9pm (eastern time), after which I will draw two winners. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter.

Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as comments require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers. We want people to be helped and to heal. So far this year we have spent several hundred dollars on providing material free of charge to our readers.

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On The Other Side

On the other side
The sun will shine
On the other side
Everything is fine
On the other side
We’ll learn to be content
I know where the grass is green
We’ll step ashore and the air is clean
So weep no more
Leave your troubles far behind
On the other side (The Seekers)

While being on the ‘other side’ of an unhealthy church experience won’t mean everything will be OK with total contentment and no crying or trouble, one can truly get to a much better place than was experienced.

On the ‘other side’ of all the yucky parts of dealing with the negative aspects of our experiences, there is a good place. There can be a happy ending to your story. And you know what, you’ll appreciate it to a greater degree than others. Why? Because you’ve experienced the ‘wrong side’ of religion. And when you’ve experience the ‘wrong side’ of religion, you thoroughly love and appreciate the ‘other side.’

You’ve heard certain teachings over and over and over and not much of any meat. You’ve experienced the image of an uncaring God, just ready to bust you over the head should you dare step out of line. You’ve experienced a minister who does not have the heart of a servant. You’ve experienced a works related salvation. You’ve experienced a place where the love is most often dependent upon you keeping the rules. You experienced a time where your initial joy at coming to know the Lord was slowly squeezed from your being, to where you may have even become a judgmental person.

BUT…on the ‘other side’, you can experience the REAL thing. God loves you simply because he loves you. You can’t do a thing to make him love you any more or any less….but you may find your love for him growing as you break free from the faulty teachings and untrue image of God. You’ll find there is no whip or baseball bat in his hand, ready to pound you at the least infraction of a rule. He is a patient, long suffering God. You may find that the Bible will open to you anew—-and you will look forward to reading it because of all that God is revealing to you. You read it before but missed so many wonderful truths because it was twisted and used to manipulate you. You might develop and use your gifts and talents so you may help others; many had them squashed in their former churches. It’s kind of like being a kid all over again and getting to go to that place you just couldn’t wait to get to!

Will things like these happen right away? I wish I could say that they would. It takes time and patience while you work through all the issues involved in leaving an unhealthy church. It may be difficult at first to not view God as a harsh taskmaster or to be able to read the Bible without past sermons screaming in your mind. As you discover who you are in Christ and learn of God’s grace and start to experience it, things will change. It is a much better place than the one you left. It isn’t a place of striving to obtain favor with God, it is one of knowing you already are accepted by him. It isn’t a place of trying hard to measure up, but one of resting in the completed work of Jesus Christ. It isn’t a place of being shamed, humiliated or degraded, but a place of love, joy and peace.

Our prayer is that all who have been subjected to spiritual abuse and unhealthy churches will come to a place of healing and be able to break free from the tangled mess of deception and lies of their former churches.

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Top July 2017 Posts

In July 2017, the blog section of the spiritual abuse website had 8516 visits, with 5093 being unique.

We are always looking for new people to join our group of bloggers, so please consider registering and watch your email for more information. How frequently you post is up to you.

Commenting directly on the blog is an encouragement to our authors as they often cannot see all the places where these are shared and discussed on social media.

Below are the top ten read posts for July. Thanks so much to all our readers and authors!

Fake Trump Tweet to the NAYC – author Lois. (accessed 2009 times)

A Conversation with a Pastor, Part 2 – author Through Grace. (accessed 1141 times)

UPC Unpardonable – author Susan. (accessed 508 times)

My story pt. 1 – author Beth. (accessed 278 times)

UPC Unpardonable Part 2 – author Susan.

Five Different Experiences….One Result Pt 2 – author Nana5.

Under The Influence Of An Unhealthy Group – author Lois.

Leaving (pt 2) – author Through Grace.

The outward appearance – author Through Grace.

What it’s like to leave – author Through Grace.

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The Shattering II Giveaway

Sexual abuse is something which should never happen. To be assaulted or raped often devastates the person; they are violated in a most personal manner. When the perpetrator is a minister, it can have a profound effect spiritually. That also holds true when a church member assaults another member and the church tells the individual to keep quiet and allow leadership to handle it. The reputation of the church is more important than them. Many have watched as the priest/minister was allowed to retain their position as if nothing happened.

In all the years I have operated the spiritual abuse website, I have seen how difficult it is for people to open up and share. It is often the deepest, darkest secret they keep, buried under great pain, sorrow, hurt and tears. Some tried to share in the past and were disbelieved, even by parents and siblings. Others were threatened should they dare to speak. Some were falsely accused of doing something which caused their abuse.

While some try hard to bury what happened to them, it still lurks in the shadows. The past comes back to mind as things happen which trigger the memories and emotions. This happened with a dear friend of mine from my former United Pentecostal Church.

Julie liked it that way. After all, what would it benefit to go back to the past? Didn’t everyone just say forget about the past, get a life, or just plain get over it. Even Christians seemed to have the cliche of saying “That’s all under the blood.” It seemed that we were to just let it all go. But how do we do this? Julie wondered.

Julie tried hard and she had done a good job of it, too, of shoving it so far down within her, to a place where she thought it wouldn’t bother her anymore. If it would have just worked and stayed there it would have been fine. But it didn’t.

The past always resurfaced. And when it did, it would catch Julie so off-guard, that she could never be sure of how to handle it.

Julie began to ponder within her heart and search her Bible to try to understand more of how God would want her to deal with the past, a past that always seemed to rise up and haunt her- now even more so, with the recurring dreams that she continued to have.

…Julie continued to have the recurring dreams. Each dream that she had would only stir up all of the issues of her past and bring them soaring to the present. …The door part way open. …The villain in the house. She would awake full of terror, often unable to go back to sleep.

I’ve known Marty Barth for years, but never knew that her father had molested her as a child. That is until I heard about her first book, The Shattering, where she begins her story. I never knew the deep pain and hurt she held inside. She has chosen to openly share about her past in an effort to help others who have been harmed sexually. She now speaks at various functions across America and visits those in prison. Marty is a sweet, loving woman and though we have not seen each other since the year I made the decision to leave the United Pentecostal Church, I am glad to call her friend.

In the sequel to her first book, The Shattering II: Breaking the Silence shares some of the more recent events in Marty’s life, including finally opening up to her brothers and sharing what happened, her father becoming ill and her bold confrontation with him as he was dying. Her story shares how she fought to begin healing the deep wounds from her past. While her story has many sad and heartbreaking aspects, it is also one of hope and encouragement.

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry. This is your chance to receive a new copy of The Shattering II: Breaking the Silence. You need not have read the first as this book stands by itself. We have two copies of this to give away. This is only open to those with a USA mailing address. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail books outside of the USA. Canadians with a USA mailing address are welcome to enter.)

This giveaway is a different from our large giveaways as it is a drawing and not a first come, first served event. To enter, just leave a comment on this post to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on August 2 at 9pm (eastern time), after which I will draw two winners. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter.

Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as comments require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers. We want people to be helped and to heal. So far this year we have spent several hundred dollars on providing material free of charge to our readers.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

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