Top October 2017 Posts

In October 2017, the blog section of the spiritual abuse website had 10,448 visits, with 5496 being unique.

We are always looking for new people to join our group of bloggers, so please consider registering and watch your email for more information. How frequently you post is up to you. Let your voice be heard and help others recover. You may find healing for yourself as well.

Commenting directly on the blog is an encouragement to our authors as they often cannot see all the places where these are shared and discussed on social media.

Below are the top ten read posts for October from seven different authors.

22 Similarities In Christian Cults – author D.M. & posted by Lois. (accessed 708 times)

‘God Is Against You’ He Shouted! – author Lois. (accessed 316 times)

The Rapture Doctrine – Fear mongering at its highest – author ThereIsLife (accessed 310 times)

Struggles In Starting Over – author anonymous plus Lois. (accessed 305 times)

Leaving an Unhealthy Church #11: Confusion & Not Knowing Who or What to Believe – author Lois.

Growing Up as a PK – author Grace.

Telling The Real From The False – author Lois.

Earliest Spiritual Abuse – author Grace.

Visions And Revelations – author GladToBeOut.

If The Truth Fits – author shattered sheep.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

22 Similarities In Christian Cults

One of our readers, D.M., submitted this article and they wish to remain anonymous.

*******************

With the “me too” campaign being highlighted on social media recently, I decided it’s time to stop the code of silence on this issue.

I just finished reading Daughter of Gloriavale and I was reminded that Christian cults are similar once you examine their conduct and core values:

(I speak from experience)

1. They have been exclusively chosen by God for a very important purpose.

2. They have more insight / revelation than other churches.

3. They have a strong leader who is to be obeyed and honoured and never to be questioned.

4. The leader claims to hear from God on behalf of the group.

5. Adherents are told to be “under the covering” or “submissive” to the leaders.

6. People who are seen to be “rebellious” or “independent” are disciplined, shunned or expelled.

7. There is a “group think” mentality and individual opinions are seen as causing disunity.

8. Any one opposing them is opposing God himself and are doing damage to the church.

9. People are categorised according to the level of commitment and money giving.

10. No such thing as confidentiality. Personal information is shared and interwoven into sermons.

11. People dobb other people to the leadership.

12. Leadership controls the relationships and tell people who that can and cannot associate with.

13. Sermons (or more like brainwashing sessions) and ministry sessions are designed to make people codependent on their leaders.

14. People are constantly told through the preaching that they are flawed. No one is ever good enough (except the leaders of course).

15. There’s little understanding of Gods grace and Christian values of love and compassion etc.

16. They have their own language and use terms and phrases exclusive to their group.

17. They do not utilise services outside their own flock (counsellors, psychologists etc.)

18. The leaders say horrible things about people who have left (eg: they are going to hell, or they have mental health issues etc.)

19. They take single Bible verses and use them out of context and create rules around them.

20. Leaving is traumatic because the people had become like an extended family. Suddenly they become aloof and a smear campaign is launched to tarnish that persons reputation.

21. Discipline and rebuke are widely practiced often during sessions where the leader acts in an intimidating manner.

22. There are codes of conduct and unwritten rules that you need to adhere to in order to become in the “in group.”

And that’s just the beginning.

There’s brainwashing, love-bombing, the judging, manipulation, control, and so many meetings and expectations to be heavily involved in programs, outreach and serving.

But just like other forms of abuse, we need to address it! Gone are the days when we brush this abuse under the carpet. We must talk about it!

Best advice I ever got was “head for the hills and don’t look back.”

There are other options. There are safe Christian groups and people to interact with who hold the Christian faith dear to their hearts without all the soul destroying practices of these cults. And there is also the option of having a break from the whole church scene altogether. Getting to know God for oneself without a mediator is very freeing. Remember it’s your life. Make choices that bring peace, joy and happiness.

I encourage the essence of the true Christian faith, and the values which Jesus Christ demonstrated when he came to earth. He mixed with the lowly, had compassion on the poor, had meals with some interesting people- but most of all He loved.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Struggles In Starting Over

Someone had posted their thoughts elsewhere and I obtained permission to share them here with our readers. It is our hope that it will be encouraging to people. Directly below is the post and afterward I will add a few comments.

*****All these memes and movies about how great starting over is really frustrate me. I woke up to a song about starting over running through my head. Just need to vent.

There are countless reasons why I didn’t leave my unhealthy, toxic environment. But here are a few.

1. When I complained or sought redress, I felt heard (some narcissists are good at doing this), but then nothing would change, and I would figure, it would take time.

2. I didn’t want to leave and START ALL OVER. I don’t make friends easily, never have. I have a hard time initiating communication and spending time with people. Because of rejection from my siblings and their friends, and neglect and feeling unwanted by my folks (at times-though my dad probably was never comfortable with me) I always feel like a burden to ASK for people’s time. I also worried that if I went to another church all my efforts and contributions (unrecognized and unappreciated) would have been for nothing.

3. I constantly asked God for permission to leave. I either heard NO or I heard nothing. I see now that opportunities were placed in my path, but hearing a ‘yes’ would really have made a huge difference. Why I felt I heard NO, I have no idea, but silence…is one of the reasons I’m still so incredibly angry at him. I finally left because I just didn’t give a shit whether he said yes or no. I literally couldn’t do it anymore. I also was realizing over time that we as Christians have gotten entirely too hung up on ‘THE WILL OF GOD’. It’s a very nice excuse too, we pray and pray and pray seeking the Will of God as though it were a 4th member of the trinity (not my idea, but true). God gave us a will and we’re allowed to use it. I think he even wants us to use it. I sure could have used that information about a decade earlier, but we certainly didn’t believe that at my church. I finally exercised my will, just a little too late. And again, it was more about being too exhausted to stay than choosing to go somewhere else – which I have not and will not for some time to come.

But I realize I do have to start over. I’m isolated, and I self-medicate with TV and video games because it’s easier than starting over, rebuilding takes a lot of energy. Being social takes a lot of emotional energy for me. Putting myself out there is the same. I do it for my business because I have to, and it brings dividends, but stepping out further and putting me personally out there is even more vulnerable.

And part of me worries that I’ll end up doing all this over again. Build up years worth of ‘friendships’ only to see them betray me too.

But I’m further along than I was before, and the fact that I’m even thinking about starting over is a good sign. And frankly, I run into unbelievers and other believers who see more value in me than anyone ever did in my old church (it was my business networking group that first helped me see that people who barely knew me were valuing/seeing me for who I was more than the folks who were my ‘friends’). So progress is there, it’s just not exactly fun or exciting or glamorous. Starting over sucks. But I know I’m better off, I just wish I had gotten a clue sooner, before my faith and hope were trashed.*****

My brief thoughts:

#1: There have been pastors who have told people that things will change, while they drag the person along and there is no change or very little of it or it’s not the type of change the person wanted to see. Unhealthy churches don’t often change to a solid healthy one. But encouraging the person to remain with empty promises continues the cash flow, the free help, and the keeps the church numbers up.

#3: I’d like to know where the notion of being required to pray and hear from God about remaining at a church started. I don’t see anything of this nature in the New Testament. I believe the ‘no’ answer one thinks they feel often comes from all the messages people have heard over the years- that this church has something special/are the only ones with truth/you must stay where you were planted/you must obey the pastor/you must have a covering and on and on.

We wouldn’t do this in many other circumstances. For instance, if you saw someone being injured, you wouldn’t pray first about whether or not you should help somehow, like calling 911. If your boss was mistreating and lying to you, you most likely wouldn’t seek God’s permission to look for a new job. If a company ripped you off in work they did, would you seek God’s permission to file a BBB complaint, file a suit in small claims court, hire a lawyer, or confront the company and demand they make it right? So why do we hold to this notion that we must obtain God’s permission, or somehow hear from him directly, before making a decision to leave an unhealthy, abusive church?

I really like how this person ended after the numbered items. We need hope and encouragement in our journey of recovery and healing. He did just that for himself and for others. I truly wish that I could tell people that it will take x amount of time and everything will be fine. I wish I could tell people, do this, this and that and it will all be over. But when, even though you are hurting and wrestling with various emotions and feelings, you can see light at the end of the tunnel and make progress- that is a good focus and something for you to hold on to for any future times when you may become discouraged.

Some people make light of the experiences of those who have exited bad churches. They think people are whining and need to get over it and move on. They haven’t a clue how complex recovery can be. When one is taught things which distort their perception of God, when they are taught twisted and legalistic doctrines, when one’s self-worth has been beaten down and shattered time and again, you do not just ‘move on’. It takes time and a lot of work to heal and recover. And despite what this man has been through, and though he is battling deep emotions and anger, he is making steps of progress and sees some light ahead.

May he be healed in his innermost being and may all who have suffered in spiritually abusive churches receive healing and deliverance.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Top September 2017 Posts

In September 2017, the blog section of the spiritual abuse website had 7570 visits, with 4303 being unique.

We are always looking for new people to join our group of bloggers, so please consider registering and watch your email for more information. How frequently you post is up to you. Let your voice be heard and help others recover.

Commenting directly on the blog is an encouragement to our authors as they often cannot see all the places where these are shared and discussed on social media.

Below are the top ten read posts for September from seven different authors.

Veiled Threats In Sermons – author Lois. (accessed 517 times)

Three Steps Part 5: The Second Step – author CrabbyLioness. (accessed 446 times)

Religion or Christ? – author Nancy. (accessed 223 times)

What Happened To Being Nice? – author ThroughGrace. (accessed 223 times)

Fake Trump Tweet to the NAYC – author Lois.

Freedom from Abuse – author FaithAfterDeception.

YOU Are The Problem! – author Lois.

Getting Out the Old Books: The Literal Word by M.D. Treece – author Lynne.

Is Your Church a Safe Zone or a Red Flag? – author AJ.

What If They Are Right? – author Lois.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Top August 2017 Posts

In August 2017, the blog section of the spiritual abuse website had 6317 visits, with 3417 being unique.

We are always looking for new people to join our group of bloggers, so please consider registering and watch your email for more information. How frequently you post is up to you.

Commenting directly on the blog is an encouragement to our authors as they often cannot see all the places where these are shared and discussed on social media.

This month the list is being downsized as most of our bloggers took breaks. We had eleven posts and two were giveaways and another was the top posts of the previous month. So, below are the top five read posts for August, not including the giveaways.

Fake Trump Tweet to the NAYC – author Lois. (accessed 357 times)

My Church Experience After Leaving – author Lois. (accessed 164 times)

My Church Experience After Leaving Part 2 –  author Lois. (accessed 127 times)

Getting Out the Old Books: Larry L. Booker – author Lynne (accessed 124 times)

On The Other Side – author Lois.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Click to access the login or register cheese
YouTube
YouTube
Set Youtube Channel ID
x  Powerful Protection for WordPress, from Shield Security
This Site Is Protected By
ShieldPRO