Author: Lois | Page 20 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Book Giveaway – Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse

As with all of our giveaways, this is only open to those with a USA mailing address.

The analogy of the maze is a powerful picture of the journey you will go on in this book. In order to reach a point of exploring the features of healthy Christian cultures we must first navigate the difficult experience of spiritual abuse. It may seem strange to spend a considerable time discussing spiritual abuse in a book which also seeks to explore creating healthy Christian cultures. However, we feel that we can’t really explore what is healthy without an investigation of what is unhealthy. If we truly want to build healthier cultures we must enter the maze, look at the dead ends, investigate the loops, explore the multiple routes and ultimately find the exit. – Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys

This is your chance to receive a new copy of Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse: Creating Healthy Christian Cultures by Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys. We previously gave away two copies in our private support group on Facebook. It’s available to order from Amazon for $15.79 for the paperback or $8.49 for the Kindle version. I mentioned this book in a blog about several new books that have been released this year.

We thought it might be useful to include a brief summary of the main features of responding well to a story of spiritual abuse.
1. Actively listen to the story, showing that you are taking it seriously.
2. Ensure the individual telling the story knows that he or she is valued.
3. Do not minimize, judge or defend a person or the church.
4. Be clear about the boundaries to confidentiality.
5. Take care if offering prayer or Scripture as a response- ensure that the individual can make a choice as to whether he or she wants this.
6. Avoid using Matthew 18 as a first principle in responding to a disclosure of spiritual abuse.
7. Do not rush people to a place of forgiveness and reconciliation.
8. Discuss the risk of harm with your safeguarding coordinator/lead and consider next steps carefully.
9. Ensure that there is a policy and procedure including spiritual abuse in your church or denomination and that this is followed. – Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys

This giveaway is a drawing and not a first come, first served giveaway. To enter, just leave a comment to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on Saturday, October 5 at 8pm (eastern time), after which I will draw the winner. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter. Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as they require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers.

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Book Giveaway – Traumatized by Religious Abuse: Courage, Hope and Freedom for Survivors

As with all of our giveaways, this is only open to those with a USA mailing address.

To say that it’s a little bit tough to distill recovery from spiritual abuse into one book is kind of like saying it’s hard to fit an elephant through a keyhole. There are simply so many variables, stories, and experiences that it would be impossible to capture every single piece in one volume. What I’ve done in this treatment is give you a framework and some of the basic tools to start your journey. If you’ve been through any other kind of abuse or trauma recovery, some of this may seem familiar; however, I’ve tailored my approach in this book specifically toward religious abuse recovery. – Connie A. Baker

This is your chance to receive a new copy of Traumatized by Religious Abuse: Courage, Hope and Freedom for Survivors by Connie A. Baker. One copy will be given away here and soon we will be having another giveaway in our private support group on Facebook. These two copies have been generously donated to us by the author. It’s available to order from Amazon for $17.99 for the paperback or $7.99 for the Kindle version. I mentioned this book in a blog about several new books that have been released this year.

However, it is important to recovery that survivors of religious abuse eventually call it ‘abuse’ if that is indeed what happened. If we don’t define it, we can’t recognize it or properly address it, which contributes to an ongoing culture that breeds similar abuse. Survivors tend to minimize their experiences- ‘it wasn’t that bad,’ ‘it wasn’t anything like what that other person went through,’ ‘I probably just over-reacted’- in order to survive them. Minimizing may be helpful at first for survival, but full healing requires an accurate assessment of the experiences. We need to name the behaviors as abuse so that we can heal and protect ourselves in the future.- Connie A. Baker

We always provide these at no charge to our readers.

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A Wisconsin Woman Receives An Anonymous Letter

Sometimes a victim of sexual abuse will be bribed or threatened somehow in order to keep them quiet. It happens for various reasons and doesn’t always come from the perpetrator. If the abuse is somehow related to a church, the pastor or others in leadership may want it kept quiet as they don’t want the church in the news. If the perpetrator is a minister, or a relative of a minister, great pressure can be placed upon the victim to remain silent. Some of those people retain their license or even gain it after assaulting someone because their crime was never reported as it ought to have been, such as in the case of Glen Uselmann and Don Martin, where UPCI District Superintendents endorsed them for their licenses. It is horrible enough when someone is sexually harmed but that harm is compounded when coercion or threats are involved to convince them to remain silent.

Sometimes those who expose these abuses get threatened or intimidated and that brings me to the reason for this article. There is a woman, who I will call Kate, who has experience in the Wisconsin District of the United Pentecostal Church. She has been sharing on her Facebook profile recent news reports which have partially exposed decades of unreported child sexual abuse at Calvary Gospel Church in Madison. Kate shared, “My intent on posting was to make people aware in their churches. Ask questions and do some digging regardless of what church leadership says. If churches are ‘families,’ families share heartaches as well as victories. Justice needs to be done. Not coverups.” She further shared that in response she received private messages and that some “brought up many instances of deviant behavior in a couple churches here in Wisconsin.”

This past week, on September 25, 2019, Kate received an anonymous typed letter from someone who mailed it in the Milwaukee area (or at least that is where the postmark originated). The envelope did not include her street address but was marked ‘general delivery’ and there was no return address. She believes the communication was either to intimidate her into not posting anymore about sexual abuse in the United Pentecostal Church, or to remind her of what happened many years ago with a relative. It was three short sentences as follows (with a name redacted as they were a minor at the time and his records were sealed). [screenshot of the letter]

[redacted] victims have not forgotten.
Think of those that have committed suicide because of the abuse.
[redacted] has received a lot of mercy,

I have been in contact with the woman who received this letter and, with their permission, I am sharing the background of what happened. I don’t like when people are threatened or intimidated to keep quiet and while whoever wrote this may or may not have intended for it to be taken that way, it is exactly how the receiver felt when they read it. Kate is coming forward publicly, though anonymously because this involves her son, in an effort to be open and to remove whatever power this person might think they have over her. I know it wasn’t easy for Kate to share about what happened and I appreciate her honesty and openness in sharing what was a painful and difficult time for everyone involved.

I believe it was a bullying tactic to remind me. What right did I have of posting coverups in the church? Look at you and the incident that happened years ago. . . .Whoever sent it wants to make it a comparison. Look at you… and you’re posting this content from Grant’s church.

Let me take you back to the late 1980s, where a sexual assault occurred in an ACE school restroom at a United Pentecostal Church in Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin. The assault referenced in the anonymous letter was regarding Kate’s son when he was 15 years old and a male victim about two years younger. The supervisor of the classroom would often leave the students unattended for long periods of time. Besides Kate’s son, it is alleged that this supervisor assaulted at least one student, though it was never reported to authorities. He was married at the time and had four young children.

Kate’s son was reported to police. He went through professional counseling for 1.5 years. It wasn’t covered up and his parents worked with the victim’s mother. Letters were written to the parents. Kate stated that the victim’s mother “never held any animosity toward us. We prayed together and worked through the whole ordeal. She is a good person. She had every right to be angry with us.” She went on to share, “We were totally broken when this happened. But we knew it all had to come out in order for everyone to heal. In no way do we condone this deviancy. We didn’t cover it up. And apologies were made- sincere heartfelt apologies. We called NO ONE A liar. Because curiosity in children is as old as time. Children have to learn to keep in their own space and never touch anyone or be touched inappropriately. Parental guidance is a must.” The records for Kate’s son were ordered sealed. The church school was later shut down.

Tragically, later as an adult, his victim committed suicide via an overdose. It may have been around ten years later. It isn’t really known whether this was related to the assault, something else, or a combination of things, but some people blamed Kate’s son. Though the letter mentions suicides in relation to the assault, this was the only one.

I pressed Kate for additional information as the letter referenced more than one victim as it was plural. She shared that her son also assaulted her niece and that this information was not publicly known. Kate stated, “My sister, her daughters and I remain close after all these years.” Two United Pentecostal pastors in Wisconsin know about this other assault and Kate wonders if the wife of one of them sent the anonymous letter. That pastor’s wife has a son, who is alleged to have assaulted more than one girl. To my knowledge, he was never reported, but later went on to receive a license in the UPCI, though he no longer is licensed.

The reports coming out of the Wisconsin District of the United Pentecostal Church are many and new ones keep coming to the surface. Though I have written much about Calvary Gospel Church in the past, as you can see from the two other churches mentioned, they aren’t the only UPCI church in Wisconsin that has these secrets, though they may be the worst. I imagine you will be reading new reports here, and elsewhere, in the future. Meanwhile, if this anonymous letter was meant to intimidate or threaten, this article should put an end to that thought. Kate is determined to continue speaking out about the various abuses in UPCI churches.

You will find a complete list of articles in this series by clicking here.

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United Pentecostal Pastor Roy Grant And A Funeral

Last night I heard about a funeral conducted at Calvary Gospel Church of Madison, Wisconsin during their normal evening service time on September 25, 2019. While there was a pop-up announcement on their website and a mention on their church Facebook page, it has been shared there was no sign seen at the church to warn any possible visitors that service was cancelled and a funeral was being held.

I have written extensively about this United Pentecostal Church and the sexual abuse that has occurred there for decades. John Grant and his son, Roy Grant, are the pastors. There is so much more concerning them and this church that will be covered in the future, by myself as well as others. For this article I will mostly let the event speak for itself and share minimal commentary.

I’ve never in my entire life seen or heard something so insane!

A woman who attended the funeral left very angry and upset at what she witnessed from Roy Grant. I am sharing, with her permission, a portion of what she wrote. It is sad and disturbing that someone would do this at a funeral and equally bothersome that no one attempted to stop it, but instead most in attendance appeared to be supportive. I guess that shouldn’t surprise me as I watched John Grant receive a standing ovation from members after a local reporter covered some of the cases of child sexual abuse which occurred during his time as pastor and went unreported by him. Below are the woman’s thoughts on what happened.

“I am so pissed! I just came from a friend’s funeral at my former church. What started out as a lovely memorial service for a wonderful person took a sharp left turn down weird street when the pastor tried to raise him from the dead! I kid you not. You can’t make this stuff up! He asked God to show that he is sovereign by having my friend ‘pass back over into the land of the living.’ Then he paused and said ‘I told God I’d give him a minute’. Then there was a moment of silence. Near the end he said ‘or just knock.’ . . . The atmosphere was super weird and uncomfortable. To make matters worse, some guy spoke up and said ‘when 2 or more agree…I agree with you, pastor.’ Soon other people from around the standing-room only sanctuary were saying ‘I agree.’ Finally the pastor said ‘Whoever agrees, please stand.’ Everyone except a handful of people stood up. . . Then he closed the service like nothing happened!”

This man was brought back to life once before (thru medical intervention-not like at a prayer service or anything). But it was kind of like they expected him to be brought back again and couldn’t just let him Rest In Peace.

I went to the website where they stream the services live to see if they had done this for the funeral and they had. Anyone may go there to watch for themselves, though the September 25, 2019 broadcast will only be temporarily available. This portion of the service starts around the 1:02:35 mark and ends at 1:09:24. Below is my transcription of what Roy Grant said and in the brackets are what was happening.

“So here today, in front of all of these witnesses, on the behalf of a promise made to a friend. Somewhere between the line of insanity and faith, I don’t know. But I humbly call out before God, with faith believing, make this most humble request. In the name of our precious Lord and Jesus, Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I ask for Jeff [last name omitted], a mighty man of valor, to arise from the state that he is in and cross back over that barrier into the land of the living. [Short period of silence] I promised the Lord I would go a minute of silence. And since we can’t see our brother, just knock bro. All you gotta do is knock. [longer period of silence]

“I believe God is trying to say something to us here tonight. [brief silence] As I said earlier, that God is a sovereign God. I neither give life and it’s not my job to take a life. But I no less believe today, now, than I did at 5 o’clock, 6 o’clock, a week ago, a month ago. I’ve never done anything like this before in my life. It’s been a long week since Brother Jeff passed. I’m sure it’s been long for the family. I don’t mean to embarrass anyone. I don’t mean to make light of anything. I still b… [he cuts off his word and then there is brief silence]

“Let’s just do this. If you agree, let’s just stand and lift our hands toward heaven. [people stand and raise their hands] You see, this isn’t putting me on the spot. I’m not the one being put on the spot, it’s God. Lord, I pray that your hand would be upon us this day. God, we are exercising our faith, we’ve never experienced anything ever like this. I’ve never done anything like this. I’ve never been here before. We’ve got your word says where two or three agree. Praise God, praise God, praise God. [walks down to casket that is in front of the pulpit] Even now Lord Jesus, God, I pray God over this casket. God I pray, Lord I don’t know how all this works [he laughs], but I know you’ve done it before. I know you’ve done it before. In Jesus name we pray, Lord Jesus. Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus. Praise God, praise God. Praise God. [walks back to pulpit]

“I’m not going to belabor, we’re not going to beg, we’re not going to plead. I did write two alternate sermons. I chose the first one because it required faith. Required laying it all out there. And I wrote two endings. You could say, well why did you write two endings? Because I wanted to give God an opportunity if he chose to be sovereign. You see, the Scripture tells us we shall not all sleep. We sang the song, ‘when we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that would be.'” [he then goes back to talking about the deceased]

Audio only version – Since the video will only be available a short time, I have added a link to the audio only version, which was edited by them as it is shorter than what was live broadcast. The time stamp is different for this as it starts at the 46:22 mark and ends at the 53:09 mark.

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