Author: Lois | Page 19 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Free: From Legalism to Grace Breaking Out of the United Pentecostal Church Book Giveaway

As with all of our giveaways, this is only open to those with a USA mailing address.

The true tragedy of this reality is many good people are honestly doing the very best they know how, but are tangled up in this religion. Many people I know are living a life of spiritual bondage with the purest intentions. They feel oppressed, but don’t know why. They are questioning things that maybe don’t feel right to them, dismissing it as their issue. Wanting to ask questions or even leave, but can’t because they fear losing relationships with loved ones or worse, having a reprobate mind and going to hell. This is why I cannot keep my mouth shut. They are the reason I want to share my story. – Jennifer Brewer

This is your chance to receive a new copy of Free: From Legalism to Grace Breaking Out of the United Pentecostal Church by Jennifer Brewer. One copy will be given away. The book was released in August 2019 and is the third memoir from 2019 that deals in part with the United Pentecostal Church. Available in paperback and Kindle, it is 124 pages and sells for $6.99 or $3.99 for the Kindle version. If you purchase the paperback, you can receive the Kindle for only 99 cents. Earlier this year we were able to give away three copies of the first UPCI related memoir from 2019, The Uncomfortable Confessions of a Preacher’s Kid by Ronna Russell, and have a current giveaway in progress for Let’s Go to California: The Story of the Singing Holley Family by Margaret Toedy Duke.

The idea of leaving although appealing was daunting. I was acutely aware of how everyone would think about us. All of the people we knew and loved, including my family, would genuinely be concerned for our souls. They would feel we had left the “truth” and be bound for hell. They would view us as souls to be saved, their personal mission field. …From the beginning, we had wanted nothing more than to reaffirm our childhood beliefs by studying out God’s word. Instead, God guided our studies from the get-go and had shown us in indisputable ways the errors of our current doctrine.

This giveaway is a drawing and not a first come, first served giveaway. To enter, just leave a comment to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on Saturday August 24 at 8pm (eastern time), after which I will draw the winner. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter. Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as they require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers. Two copies of this book were previously given away in our support group on Facebook.

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Let’s Go To California – Singing Holley Family Book Giveaway

As with all of our giveaways, this is only open to those with a USA mailing address.

We were picked on and criticized for the way we looked by some church members. On one occasion back east a preacher cancelled our revival two days before we were to start because one of his members told him that he saw us looking worldly. Marble had a scarf around her neck tied in a pretty flower bow. The man said it was a choker and that was frowned upon in the UPC church. …Another minister cancelled us because my hair ‘looked cut.’ My hair had never been even trimmed. Another church cancelled us because Jerry’s hair was real curly. It seemed everywhere we turned, we were giving our all for something that was giving us nothing in return. – Margaret Toedy Duke

This is your chance to receive a new copy of Let’s Go to California: The Story of the Singing Holley Family by Margaret Toedy Duke. One copy will be given away. The book was released in May 2019 and is another memoir that deals in part with the United Pentecostal Church. Available only in paperback, it is just over 100 pages and sells for under $4.00. Earlier this year we were able to give away three copies of the first UPCI related memoir from 2019, The Uncomfortable Confessions of a Preacher’s Kid by Ronna Russell. There is a vast difference between the quality of these two books, with Ronna’s being by far the best.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers. A copy of this book was previously given away in our support group on Facebook.

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Informational post on speaking in tongues #12: Stammering Lips

This is just a little ‘did you know’ informational post on the subject of speaking in tongues, shared as some food for thought. Often when we were in our former unhealthy churches, we did not stop and see if things we saw, experienced and were taught were found in the Bible. For Pentecostals, this is one of those teachings/experiences.

We saw people with quivering lips during a church service and were taught that this is the ‘stammering lips’ spoken of in Isaiah. Many of us experienced this ourselves. People who had not yet spoken in tongues would be told the Holy Spirit was all over them if their lips started trembling. They were seen as just not letting God’s Spirit inside, through lack of faith, pride or perhaps sin. This is seen as a sign in Pentecostalism.

Yet here is where we didn’t realize that there wasn’t anywhere in the entire New Testament that spoke of or showed that the lips of a believer were trembling. There is no teaching in any of the epistles that would lead us to believe that this is a sign that the Holy Spirit is all around someone and wants the person to speak in tongues (another language for those not acquainted with Pentecostalism). There are no examples of Peter grabbing anyone’s chin and shaking it upon seeing their lips tremble, saying something like, “It’s right here! He’s all over you! Let your tongue go!” There is no mention of Jesus ever sharing that a sign to look for is when the lips of a person tremble. In none of the three places in Acts where we see it mentioned that people spoke in tongues, do we read that their lips were quivering. And yet, in spite of all this, many accepted, perpetuated and practiced a teaching that is non-existent in our Bibles.

In the KJV, ‘stammering’ is seen only twice and it is in the Old Testament: Isaiah 28:11, which says stammering lips, and Isaiah 33:19, which speaks of a stammering tongue. Each comes from a different Hebrew word. (There is also Isaiah 32:4 : “The heart also of the rash shall understand knowledge, and the tongue of the stammerers shall be ready to speak plainly.” Stammerers in this instance, illeg, only occurs one time and the word means speaking inarticulately and to stutter.)

Isaiah 28:11-12 states, “For with stammering lips and another tongue will he speak to this people. To whom he said, This is the rest wherewith ye may cause the weary to rest; and this is the refreshing: yet they would not hear.” You may not realize this, but Paul references this passage in 1 Corinthians 14 when he shares in verse 21, “In the law it is written, With men of other tongues and other lips will I speak unto this people; and yet for all that will they not hear me, saith the Lord.” Do you see the difference in the wording and that Paul never mentions stammering lips?

The verse is translated various ways in different versions of the Bible. The NIV records it as “In the law it is written, With men of other tongues and other lips will I speak unto this people; and yet for all that will they not hear me, saith the Lord” and the NLT states “So now God will have to speak to his people through foreign oppressors who speak a strange language!” The ESV translates it as “For by people of strange lips and with a foreign tongue the LORD will speak to this people,” while the ISV writes “Very well, then, through the mouths of foreigners and foreign languages the LORD will speak to this people.” None of these translations show anything even remotely resembling a teaching about quivering lips.

So how did this one mention of ‘stammering lips’ in Isaiah (KJV) come to mean what is taught and seen in many Pentecostal type churches today? If we go to the original word meaning, it doesn’t come from there, either. It means mocking. The word has nothing to do with quivering or trembling lips. Spend some time in Strong’s, various lexicons and Bible commentaries and see the actual meaning and don’t accept the distorted meaning that some groups and churches use today.

You may also be interested in watching Aurelio Lessey’s video on stammering tongues.

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New Books On Spiritual And Sexual Abuse

This has been a busy year with new books revolving around spiritual abuse and sexual abuse, as well as a three memoirs from former United Pentecostal Church members. This is not an exhaustive list of new books. I previously shared about Ronna Russell’s UPC related memoir that came out in April, The Uncomfortable Confessions of a Preacher’s Kid, so let’s start with the next memoir that was just released this month. I have provided links that will take you directly to Amazon so that you may read more about these books, as well as place any orders. Some may also wish to check out the more extensive book and DVD lists that we have had available on our website for years.

Free: From Legalism to Grace Breaking Out of the United Pentecostal Church by Jennifer Brewer is available in Kindle and paperback. Like Ronna Russell, it is her first book. Here is a quote: “So, here it is; my journey out of the United Pentecostal Church organization. The church that claims they have the ‘whole gospel’ and unique revelations given to them from God himself. The organization that has had its hold on way too many of my loved ones for far too long. . . Here is how I overcame the fear of leaving, the fear of hell and the severe oppression I felt as a girl growing into a woman living out this religion’s strict standards. This is my story of overcoming the feelings of inadequacy, and ugliness.”

Let’s Go to California: The Story of the Singing Holley Family by Margaret Toedy Duke came out in May and is another memoir that deals in part with the United Pentecostal Church. Available only in paperback and just over 100 pages, this book is in dire need of an editor. Still, for those who want little bits of UPC related commentary, the price is under $4.00. Here is an excerpt that mentions the UPC: “We were picked on and criticized for the way we looked by some church members. On one occasion back east a preacher cancelled our revival two days before we were to start because one of his members told him that he saw us looking worldly. Marble had a scarf around her neck tied in a pretty flower bow. The man said it was a choker and that was frowned upon in the UPC church. …Another minister cancelled us because my hair ‘looked cut.’ My hair had never been even trimmed. Another church cancelled us because Jerry’s hair was real curly. It seemed everywhere we turned, we were giving our all for something that was giving us nothing in return.”

Traumatized by Religious Abuse: Courage, Hope and Freedom for Survivors by Connie A. Baker was released in June in both formats. The author “covers in depth how religious ideas are often used to manipulate followers and how fear, shame, guilt, and superstition can be leveraged for control. She points out that spiritual and religious abuse is not confined to any one type of religion or cult. This dynamic of abusive behavior can be found in many types of spiritual communities. She writes from the perspective of a professional therapist who teaches and counsels survivors, and from her own perspective from being a survivor of religious abuse.”

Becoming a Church that Cares Well for the Abused edited by Brad Hambrick, was also released in June and has several contributors, such as Rachael Denhollander and Diane Langberg. This offering is unique in that the book is available for free in PDF as well as ebook formats and there are twelve accompanying videos available for free. The paperback is only $4.99. “Is your church prepared to care for individuals who have experienced various forms of abuse? As we continue to learn of more individuals experiencing sexual abuse, domestic violence, and other forms of abuse, it’s clear that resources are needed to help ministries and leaders care for these individuals with love, support, and in cooperation with civil authorities. This handbook seeks to help the church take a significant step forward in its care for those who have been abused.”

Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse: Creating Healthy Christian Cultures by Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys was released August 12 after being released in the U.K. earlier this year. It is available in both paperback and Kindle formats. A lengthy preview of this book is available on Google. “Drawing on a combination of extensive research, individual testimonies, and years of hands-on experience, Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys describe clearly the nature of spiritual abuse, and the best ways of countering it. Recovery is possible. But – how do we prevent spiritual abuse in the first place? What can leaders do to create safer places? Is there a link between theological ideas and harmful behaviors? How can leaders create opportunities for spiritual and emotional flourishing?”

We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis by Mary DeMuth was released August 13 in paperback and Kindle. “In the throes of the #MeToo movement, our response as Christians is vital. God beckons us to be good Samaritans to those facing trauma and brokenness in the aftermath of abuse and provide safe spaces to heal. DeMuth advocates for a culture of honesty and listening and calls on the church to enter the places where people are hurting. In the circle of that kind of empathetic #WeToo community, the church must become what it’s meant to be—a place of justice and healing for everyone.”

There are two books due to be released September 10th and both are authored by Rachael Denhollander.

What Is a Girl Worth?: My Story of Breaking the Silence and Exposing the Truth about Larry Nassar and USA Gymnastics will be available in both hardcover and Kindle formats and may be pre-ordered. It “is the inspiring true story of Rachael’s journey from an idealistic young gymnast to a strong and determined woman who found the courage to raise her voice against evil, even when she thought the world might not listen. This deeply personal and compelling narrative shines a spotlight on the physical and emotional impact of abuse, why so many survivors are reluctant to speak out, what it means to be believed, the extraordinary power of faith and forgiveness, and how we can learn to do what’s right in the moments that matter most.” #WhatIsAGirlWorth

How Much Is a Little Girl Worth? will be available in hardcover. This children’s book “is Rachael Denhollander’s tender-hearted anthem to little girls everywhere, teaching them that they have immeasurable worth because they are made in the image of God. Armed with this understanding, girls will develop confidence in their own value and blossom into women who can face any challenge life puts in their path.” Below are my thoughts on it, looking at it through the eyes of what many United Pentecostal churches instill in children.

For me, the book is worth obtaining simply for the author’s letter to readers. Be sure to not pass that by when reading it. Here is a partial quote: “There are many voices competing to tell our daughters what they are worth, and most of them would teach our girls to define their value by something outside of themselves. By what they can do or what they wear or how they look or who their friends are.”

I was once part of an unhealthy abusive church. They had numerous rules for females. Forbidden to wear make-up and jewelry, they also were never to cut their hair or wear pants. For school settings, children were not to wear gym clothing or attend dances. Their value and identity was tied in with how well they followed the rules and those who were caught breaking them might be reprimanded, shamed, removed from activities/positions, and even shunned. They caused some to not be able to participate in or pursue certain interests or careers. While some developed a prideful attitude because they could be picked out of a crowd due to these outward differences, others hated that they looked different.

The voices from this church group were instilling in young impressionable children that their value was intricately tied to following these mandates and that it fell upon them to keep males from lusting after them…even adult men. As one person recently shared regarding their childhood sexual abuse, her church leadership “made me take responsibility as if I was the one at fault.” This book speaks out against such harmful messages to children and lets them know that their worth and value never rests upon such things. Indeed, a girl is “worth more than . . . protecting a name” or, I might add, a church/denomination.

The illustrations I found to be very pleasing and even soothing to the eyes. The pages are filled with color and illustrations of little girls in various settings. The messages contained therein are positive. Every child should feel and know that they are “worth fighting for” and that “nothing can make [them] worth less.” #HowMuchIsAGirlWorth

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A Day Of Reckoning For Calvary Gospel Church

This is Part 23 of an ongoing series of articles pertaining to sexual abuse and the United Pentecostal Church. It is the eighth article addressing Calvary Gospel Church in Madison, Wisconsin and Steven J. Dahl of the Pentecostal Lighthouse Church in Oconto. As you read this article, keep in mind that I must call what I am sharing to be allegations because no one has [yet] been arrested, charged or convicted of a crime. It’s what happens when people fail to report child sexual abuse to police or CPS. It doesn’t mean I do not believe the reports of these survivors, of which there are many. I do believe them, stand firmly with them, and support them.

Just as the church has authority to examine and approve ministerial candidates, so it has authority to remove someone from a ministerial position if he no longer meets God’s requirements. Actually the person disqualifies himself by his actions, and the church simply recognizes this fact. Solomon permanently removed Abiathar from the high priesthood, a hereditary role explicitly ordained by God, because of his rebellion (I Kings 2:26-27). – David Bernard, January-March 1988 Forward

Today is a day of reckoning, a time for light to shine into the darkness found within Calvary Gospel Church. No more can certain alleged crimes, sins and the mishandling of child sexual abuse be kept from its members. While the leadership of John Wesley Grant and his son, Roy Grant, have controlled what information has been shared with members, they cannot control what is happening today because it has reached outside their walls and gone public for the world to see. While they may be able to manipulate and pull the wool over the heads of some who enter their church doors, they will not be able to do so as the public learns of decades of horror that some members have suffered.

They have had more than a year to come clean, to admit they failed to protect children and to report crimes against them, but instead of reaching out in humility to those harmed, they have attempted to create an us versus them mentality among its members, crying out how they are not a cult, and going so far as to read Scriptures just last Wednesday and proclaim that the survivors who have come forward have brought damnation upon themselves. More than a year ago their response was similar when they further victimized survivors by claiming this was a spiritual attack, saying they [the survivors] needed to ask themselves what part they played in why their sexual abuse happened (as if young children play a role in their sexual assault), and have claimed that they always report these cases to the police and that parents didn’t want to report them when police were contacted. This is simply not true. When Debbie McNulty, one of the survivors, went to report her case last year, she discovered that the church had not reported any cases of sexual abuse to police.

We know that Calvary Gospel Church and its leadership have been aware of the articles and blogs written about them. They shut down the review section of their church Facebook Page last year after some former members started leaving negative reviews there. They have deleted comments that some have left on their posts. The same happened with Steven Dahl and he even removed the Facebook Page for his church, changed what was written on his profile, and made it so only friends could comment. The website for his church disappeared as well. He also did not reach out to his alleged victim, Debbie McNulty. He has previously claimed that this was a spiritual attack on him and that he was praying that God “Avenge me of my adversaries.” [scroll down for this comment] He periodically posts about people needing to forgive others, as early as yesterday.

It has come to the place where Katelyn Ferral, a reporter from Capital Newspapers, has heard the voices of the survivors crying out, saying there is something very wrong at this church. She initiated an investigation and her article was released today. Police Chief Mike Koval is now involved in this situation as well. Later today at 11:15 am, at the State Capitol, Senate Parlor, “Wisconsin Senator Lena Taylor, Representatives Chris Taylor and Melissa Sargent will be joined by survivors of childhood sexual assault, the Wisconsin Coalition Against Sexual Assault, (WCASA), the Wisconsin Chapter of The National Association of Social Workers (WI-NASW), and the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests (SNAP) to introduce two major victim rights and child protection bills.” [link] These bills “would significantly reform Wisconsin’s mandated reporting law on child sex abuse and eliminate the civil statute of limitations on child sex crimes.” One would close the current loophole that allows clergy to claim clergy privilege and not report cases of child sexual abuse. The bills need your support and they need to be passed. Debbie McNulty and Rebecca Martin Byrd spoke boldly at this event and afterward they were interviewed by more than one news source. This is just the beginning.

I have been up all night in anticipation of today’s events. My heart goes out to all the courageous people who have stepped forward to shine a light where darkness has prevailed for far too long. May your voices prevail and be heard and may the lies of others be exposed.

I call on David Bernard, the General Superintendent of the United Pentecostal Church, as well as James D. Booker, the Wisconsin District Superintendent, to fully investigate this church and its leadership. Let’s see actions to go along with what you wrote in the 1988 Forward article. I also call on David Bernard to review how United Pentecostal Churches are handling, and mishandling, sexual abuse cases. Introduce a resolution for the organization to take a strong stand against sexual abuse, take action against ministers who fail to report or who cover up these crimes and revoke their ministerial license, and create a policy that clearly states that all your licensed ministers are required to report any suspected case of child sexual abuse regardless of what the law in their state stipulates. There is nothing in your Manual that addresses the need of your ministers and pastors to report abuse.

Jon Eckenrod, a former ordained minister in the UPCI and former associate pastor at Calvary Gospel Church, now says he was aware of instances where older men pursued young girls while he taught at the church and school. He heard rumors of other sexual improprieties with members, but said he always deferred to [John] Grant on how best to handle them and never sought details. – From the article, Stolen childhoods: Women allege they were sexually abused as kids at Calvary Gospel Church in Madison

Katelyn Ferral later released an article about the statute of limitations in Wisconsin, with a picture of Calvary Gospel Church and the notation, “Calvary Gospel Church at 5301 Commercial Ave. in Madison. Numerous former members have said they were abused there as children. They say finances are the only thing holding them back from filing a civil suit against the church and would pursue that route if it is within the state’s statute of limitations for such cases.”

On August 15, a second article was released where another survivor has come forward to tell her story: Another woman comes forward to allege sexual abuse at Madison’s Calvary Gospel Church

“What I didn’t realize is that in addition, they were going to tell all my friends … never to speak to me,” she said. “I don’t even know how to put it into words. We were never allowed to have friends outside of the church or associate with people outside of the church and all of a sudden all of my friends are gone.” – Lisa Kum, child sexual assault survivor, from the article: Another woman comes forward to allege sexual abuse at Madison’s Calvary Gospel Church

On August 19, 2019, Dee from The Wartburg Watch started blogging about this church and the survivors. The second article posted on August 21.

Since this article was released, Calvary Gospel Church has removed their Twitter account. They had previously blocked me some time back when they discovered I was tagging them in some tweets. But on August 8, I discovered after tagging them in things related to this story, that their account is no longer available. It was @CGCMadison.

Note: I have updated this article as events transpired through August 31.

You will find a complete list of articles in this series by clicking here.

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