Author: Lois | Page 62 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Telling The Real From The False

There are different reactions when one leaves a Pentecostal type church. Some continue to practice what they learned in their church. Others run away from it. Many go somewhere in between.

Not everyone who leaves these type of churches will turn from all things Pentecostal. And some will simply develop a healthy and biblical view of them, which should be everyone’s goal.

When some people leave a Pentecostal church, they won’t even consider a non-Pentecostal one. They’ve had it drilled in them that all others are ‘dead’ or ‘boring’ and that is untrue. They may have become addicted to that emotional fix in a charged service. They may not yet have come to see how we simply cannot rely upon our emotions. (I have an article that addresses emotionalism called The Presence of God.)

Others leave and run as far in the other direction as they can. They find the so-called ‘dead’ and ‘boring’ services to be just what they need during their time of healing. They don’t want a minister to shout the message and don’t want all kinds of emotional displays in services. They don’t want anything that remotely reminds them of their former church. They want peace and quiet.

These are often steps taken by those who leave the UPC (United Pentecostal Church) and similar churches. Until one has had the chance to fully examine the various issues involved, it’s no wonder people react in either manner.

When I first left, I attended a church that broke from the UPC and was two hours away, if traffic allowed. After leaving there, I wouldn’t even consider the ‘dead’ and ‘boring’ churches. They were not in the ‘truth’, you know!

Many years later, I would now prefer a non-Pentecostal church. How I came to this place wasn’t due to my initial knee-jerk reaction. It has come after spending much time looking at the various issues, seeing what the Bible teaches and shows, and coming to what I believe is a biblical conclusion regarding some practices seen in Pentecostal churches today.

So we always need to allow people space in this and be patient as they make their own journey.

Some who leave are triggered by altar calls. In the New Testament church, I don’t see any examples of present day altar calls, but that doesn’t have to translate to meaning they can’t ever be used in a church service. They simply need to be healthy and whatever is done should be based upon the Bible.

Going to the altar in a healthy church isn’t about crying, pleading, begging, getting ‘zapped’, falling down or any such thing. I see it as basically one of three things:

It is an opportunity for a believer to have another pray with them.
It is an opportunity for a believer to pray privately to God.
It is an opportunity for a person to come before the church in a public confession of their newfound faith in God.

Here’s the thing about this- you never have to go to a church altar to pray. As believers, we can pray anywhere at anytime and with anyone. There isn’t some special power that goes with a church altar. God is just as close in your living room and isn’t any less powerful there.

In addition, in a healthy church, you won’t be told you must come up front to pray, nor will you be pushed to do so or made to feel guilty.

Going out of your way to avoid altar calls would be a knee-jerk reaction because of the triggers it causes. However, you may need to do this while you heal and work through your issues. That’s OK. I think you will find that over time you will become comfortable and not run from what would be an altar time in a healthy church.

And what about things like prophecy or tongues or healing?

Some people come to disbelieve anything related to their former church and this is often the result of having been in a toxic environment. These are all mentioned in the Bible, so they are real. The problem is we saw a distorted version of them and when we see these things mentioned, we may equate the distortion with them instead of realizing there is a true biblical aspect.

Here is something that should help should you find yourself in this position. Spend some time reading in the Gospels and Acts and see the supernatural events that are described. Pay attention to how and why things happened. Also notice the absence of examples for what we see in Pentecostalism today. (That’s one thing many of us never stopped to examine and that is if we could find any similar examples of behavior or actions in the Bible.)

In the Bible, people are miraculously healed. Lame people walked and blind people received their sight. A few were brought back from the dead. There were prophecies and even a little speaking in tongues. There were other miracles. See what I mean? These things can be genuine and shouldn’t be discounted because we received a distorted image of them. Get a healthy, biblical view and discard the distortion and see it for what it is.

Hopefully there’s something here that will help those struggling in this area.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Standard Struggles After Leaving

Sometimes I receive an inquiry like this, “I don’t think it’s wrong for a woman to wear pants, but I can’t even bring myself to consider going out in public with them. Why??”

Please don’t push yourself in this direction. Part of having the freedom to wear what you feel is permissible, is to not wear it if you don’t want to. One doesn’t have to wear pants simply because they left a UPC (United Pentecostal Church) church. If you wish to continue wearing skirts and dresses, that is perfectly fine.

I cut my hair before anything else. That was less than a month after I’d officially left the church. I had been studying the Bible long enough before then to see their teaching of uncut hair was nowhere to be found. For some time I still pretty much wore the same clothing. I remember wearing sweat pants during a short time I was going to the gym and then eased into it from there. I wore culottes a lot before leaving the church as I was working at the church daycare and continued to use them afterward.

Here is a thought as to why you may be having more difficulty with pants.

With all the UPC standards, which is taught as being an abomination to God?

Is it hair?

Is it make-up?

Is it jewelry?

Is it sleeve or dress length?

No. It is pants on women as they use Deuteronomy 22:5 as a proof text.

This could be why you are encountering more difficulties with pants. While all the others are taught as wrong, this one links you to doing something which is an abomination to God (so they teach). There is more fear involved and you may not want them looking at you in this way.

******

At times a person who leaves will develop an attitude concerning standards and feel they “don’t want to look anything like them anymore!”

I must give a word of caution as this isn’t about striving to not look like people from your former church.

One thing that is important when a person leaves an unhealthy church is that they don’t develop a reverse bad attitude. Some of us learned to judge those who didn’t dress as we’d been taught. We need to be cautious when leaving that we don’t turn and then judge anyone who still dresses that way. There is nothing wrong with someone only wearing skirts or dresses.

When changing our manner of dress or other standards, it should be because we see that the doctrine that was taught is not biblical and it should never be to ‘get back’ at anyone or to flaunt your freedom in their face. In other words, be careful to not replace one bad attitude with another.

One book on outward holiness standards that I have recommended for years is Linda Hopper’s False Holiness Standards. Linda Hopper was a former UPC member and her husband was a licensed by them. The Hoppers are now retired from ministry. The book covers topics such as pants on women, jewelry, make-up, and women’s hair. “This book is a thorough and exhaustive research project that was inspired from Linda’s desire to know the complete truth about what the Bible really says regarding Christian adornment, especially in connection with women’s dress.” You can try watching for a copy on Amazon.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Don’t You Wear That Jewelry

I noticed a woman who appeared to be a sister in the Lord. Preparing to greet her, I stopped short upon catching sight of earrings dangling from her ears. Pierced ears identified her allegiance and revealed the influence that held sway in her life.

– Ruth Harvey in Reflecting The Glory

Many unhealthy churches teach that jewelry is wrong to wear. Some teach that its use brings about vanity and pride, calling attention to the wearer. Ruth Harvey gives it a twist. For those unaware, Ruth is a United Pentecostal Church minister, though she wasn’t licensed when she wrote this book. Perhaps she never looked into her organization’s history to see that some women, such as Ethel Goss, Nell Morgan and Olive Haney, did wear jewelry. Her teaching on the subject has branded them and many others as under the influence of the devil.

Ruth claims that “precious stones were initially created for the express purpose of reflecting God’s glory. When Lucifer was cast as profane from the mountain of God, jewels ceased to be a medium whereby God reflected His glory. After his expulsion from Heaven, satan used jewelry to effect his influence in the earth.” She shares no scripture to lend support to these claims.

Interestingly, Ruth neglects to disclose how God’s people are seen wearing or being given jewelry in the Bible. (This is a good example of why I stress the need to look into what the ‘whole’ or all of the Bible teaches on a matter.) For instance, when Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac, he gave Rebekah and her family jewelry made of gold and silver (Genesis 24). In the book of Exodus, the Israelites are given all manner of silver and gold jewelry and later at least some gave these as a free offering to God, to be used in the construction of the tabernacle and things related to it. There are other references to jewelry that show it was freely used.

Instead she shares about seeing a woman who was talking to herself, dressed in what she considered to be a “bizarre” manner. All her jewelry is mentioned. It is claimed the woman was demon possessed and the impression given is that the jewelry was tied to it. She proclaimed “her captivity was disclosed in the magnitude of jewelry that she wore.” The message is clear. One risks being possessed should they wear jewelry and the more you wear, the more “control of our lives” the devil will have.

What can we conclude? Though Ruth speaks against the use of any jewelry, she was unable to share even one passage stating God is against its use. Instead of not greeting the woman who was wearing earrings, she judged her as being influenced by the devil, and never tried talking to her to discover who she really was.

Ruth’s teaching is one of the more far-fetched I have seen in the attempts by some to persuade people to not wear jewelry. No matter how hard one searches, they will find no prohibition of jewelry in the Bible. No, not even 1 Peter 3:3 or 1 Timothy 2:9. And if it is wrong to use jewelry because it brings attention to the person, then wouldn’t wearing feathers, scarves and bows do the same (things Ruth herself has worn)?

Those who have had this prohibition ingrained in them can break free from the fear and erroneous teaching. I suggest using a concordance to look up everywhere that jewelry is mentioned in scripture. You will discover passages which show it being used and nothing stating God forbids it.

Some who discover the truth about the teaching may never wear any jewelry and that is perfectly fine. Others have had fun trying different pieces and learning their likes and dislikes.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Better Safe Than Sorry? Let Galatians Help! Pt. 2

Please see Part One.

Note how Paul explains in Galatians that the law is no longer needed and why this is true.

In chapter three, Paul shares how God went straight to Abraham with the promise (and believers are children of Abraham through faith). He goes on to say the law was given to Moses, who then was the mediator between God and the people. He contrasts this with God going directly to Abraham concerning the promise. The law was to remain only until the Messiah came. It did not make void the promise to Abraham, nor did it conflict with it.

We cannot be made righteous by keeping the law and we cannot receive God’s promise by obeying the law. The only way to receive the promise is to believe in Jesus Christ.

Get this next part- verse 23 (NLT): “Until faith in Christ was shown to us as the way of becoming right with God, we were guarded by the law. We were kept in protective custody, so to speak, until we could put our faith in the coming Savior.”

So, if the law was only to act as a guardian until Jesus came, why would we now need any other set of laws to ‘protect’ us or act as a fence to keep us safe?

Paul expounds in the next few verses: “Let me put it another way. The law was our guardian and teacher to lead us until Christ came. So now, through faith in Christ, we are made right with God. But now that faith in Christ has come, we no longer need the law as our guardian. So you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus.”

See it? Through faith. Through faith. Through faith. It is all through faith.

Remember where the Bible says that God will write his laws in our hearts? This ties in. That is why there is no need of a written set of laws. No church needs to add laws to act as a fence. There is no need of a fence. Gods ways are now written directly upon our hearts.

Think about it. Written laws do not change the person. The law did not make the people right with God by obeying it. It didn’t change them inside. No list of rules is going to change us, either. But when God places His ways in our hearts, they become part of us. We are no longer just following a set of laws or rules. We do the things we do because God’s Spirit is living inside us and directing us. He has become a part of us, leading and guiding us.

So when we decide to revert to trusting in and following a list of rules to make us right before God, are we not actually rejecting what God has already done for us and given us? Are we not saying to His Spirit that His ways being written on our hearts is not enough? Are we not saying that we are better off taking charge ourselves and we will make sure we are right before Him through our works? Isn’t this why Paul feared in chapter four that his work with the Galatians could be in vain?

A performance oriented church will say it’s not about rules, but they do teach rules. And they teach fear, whether they realize it or not. I have probably said it hundreds of times that fear permeates the teachings. There is always something more, something else, some other way we come up short. And that will always happen when we are pulled into performance based living.

This thing about works- when God’s Spirit comes into our hearts, we will want to do the things of God. So when we read in the Bible where we are told to be water baptized, for example, we will want to be baptized. Not because it is a law; not because we think we’ll be lost if we don’t. We do it because it has been placed in our heart. It is God’s will. He writes those things in our hearts. We do works because we love the Lord. We show our faith through our works (actions). Yet we are not saved through those things and we do not keep ourselves in right standing with God by doing them.

On the cross Jesus said it was finished. Either it is finished or it is not. Either He paid the full price for our sins or we still owe something. Either we have His righteousness by faith or we try and earn it by our works (which cannot be done- thus the continual frustration!).

“So now, through faith in Christ, we are made right with God.”

I highly encourage everyone who has been in an unhealthy church to read and meditate upon the book of Galatians. It will help you to break free from the performance trap and the thinking that it is better to be safe than sorry. Aren’t you tired of all the striving and worrying and periodically feeling unsure of your salvation?

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.

Better Safe Than Sorry? Let Galatians Help! Pt. 1

For those who may yet be struggling with all the rules which are often passed off as representative of holiness, I want to share and encourage you to sit down and read through the book of Galatians. Perhaps do this several times and with different Bible versions. In another writing, Does Salvation Come And Go, this line of thinking was mentioned.

How these rules are taught varies greatly from church to church. What really distresses me is when I see people write on various forums that “it’s better to be safe than sorry” in regard to outward standards or other church rules.

What this says is that they don’t know for sure if the teachings are necessary in order to remain saved, so they will abide to be on the safe side. For them, it would be better to follow and find they were not mandated by God, than to not follow them and find they were necessary in order to make it to heaven. What is one more rule when you believe your eternal destination is at stake? For many, there is no long lasting sense of security when living in this manner. Most will slip up and break a rule here and there in a weak moment.

That mindset is so sad. People are believing that perhaps God may be hiding something pertaining to salvation and so they better play it safe and do what is taught, even though they obviously don’t see [whatever the teaching is] as biblical. It has been instilled in them to obey the pastor. Perhaps there may somehow be ‘fine print’ in the Bible that they don’t see, like what some businesses attempt to hide in contracts.

I mention reading Galatians because Paul addresses the problem of them starting out their walk with God by faith and then later becoming entangled with works. The Galatians believers were now trusting in those works to make them right before God. He brought to their remembrance how Abraham believed God, and that was credited to him as righteousness.

I want you to think about what I am going to share and let it sink in. This is what some do who elevate what is often termed holiness standards. Consider the following scenario.

How would you feel if you found out your child (or sibling, or anyone else you loved) was doing certain things because they felt that by doing so they would gain your favor and love? They feel they must perform just right in order to have your love. By cleaning their room, taking out the trash or doing well at school (or put just about anything in here), they think these things could bring them in right standing with you and you’d love them or would love them more. They feel if they fail to perform, you might cause them harm, even kill them, or kick them out of your life. Would you not be mortified to discover your child viewed you in this manner?

They don’t understand they have your love already- with or without doing these things. These acts don’t cause you to love your child more. While you may be glad, or thankful that they obeyed you or excelled at something, your love for them doesn’t hinge on these things.

Now tie this same thought to our walk with God. How it must pain the Lord to see His children trying to earn His love and favor. He *already* loves them and *already* accepts them. He has already given them His Spirit as a pledge of their inheritance. Think about it. Was the atoning sacrifice of Jesus so that he could give us another set of laws like in the Old Testament- taste not and touch not?

Many in unhealthy churches feel that by doing certain things it will keep them in God’s favor- or at least cause Him to not harm them. Do you have a false image of God holding a baseball bat, ready and eager to whop you at the first hint of anything done wrong? That is what being in an unhealthy church will do to you.

If while we did not know God- if while we were enemies and not following God- if while we were without God, He cared for us so much that Jesus took all our sins upon Himself and then offered His righteousness to us in exchange….why do we get this idea that somehow through certain actions we can cause ourselves to be righteous before God? Or cause Him to love and accept us?

What happens in many performance oriented churches is that our faith lets go of Christ and starts to hope and trust in our works. This is what the Galatians did. They had received the Spirit by faith, but now felt they must do things to be made right in God’s sight. They were trying to find favor with God by what they did or didn’t do. They were trying to become perfect by their own human effort. It doesn’t work.

I want to share how the New Living Translation puts this passage in Galatians 6:12 & 13. “Those who are trying to force you to be circumcised are doing it for just one reason. They don’t want to be persecuted for teaching that the cross of Christ alone can save. And even those who advocate circumcision don’t really keep the whole law. They only want you to be circumcised so they can brag about it and claim you as their disciples.“

Read that a few times and see if you don’t see similarities with a performance based church.

See Part Two.

********
Shop at our Amazon store! As an Amazon Influencer, this website earns from qualifying purchases.