Author: Lois

I was a member of the United Pentecostal Church for just under 13 years and was a licensed minister during a short part of that time. I am the owner of the SpiritualAbuse.org website, which was started four years after leaving. I am originally from southern New Jersey.

Focus on Church or Jesus?

We often speak of the difference between following religion and having a relationship with God. Many of us, while in the United Pentecostal Church or similar churches, ended up getting caught up in religion and our focus shifted.

Below is a quote from an article written in The Reporter News (a local weekly paper near the Houston area) on March 15, 2006. A minister by the name of Casey Jones is the author.

…if I had tried to convince some*one to become a Christian, it would have been a matter of my trying to get them to agree with me, rather than wishing for them to meet and experience God.

The above quote says a great deal. Think about it for a bit. How many focus on getting people to their church or at least their organization? How many focus on getting the person into the baptismal tank or to have them speak in tongues?

Compare these things with wanting the person to learn of and have a personal relationship with God. See the enormous difference? Perhaps you have been guilty of the same? I know I have.

Some other believers could go door knocking or send out invitations to their church, but would have been happy if, as a result of their efforts, someone went to another church in the area. While they would have welcomed the person at their church, it wasn’t just about filling up their pews or hurrying up to drag them to their water baptism. For them it was about the people coming to know Jesus.

Do you see the difference?

This brings another thought to mind, and that is how some are in such a hurry to drag people into the baptismal tank and get them to speak in tongues. They will gather around and stay with the new people until both happen and then move on to the next ‘unsaved’ believer. It is all about getting two acts completed so a person is ‘saved’ and often there is little focus on helping them develop their relationship with God.

Something to think about….

Is Your Identity In Your Dress?

You can be known as a “jean skirt girl” – but why would you want your identity wrapped around what you wear? Or your long uncut hair? Or anything similar? As a Christian, shouldn’t we want our identity to be wrapped around Jesus Christ? And to be known by our love, one for another, as was the early church?

Do you not find it interesting that in the New Testament it is never mentioned that believers should be known by these things, nor were any believers ever picked out of the crowd due to their manner of dress or hair? Instead, it was the Pharisees who wanted to stand out among the people.

Have You Spoken Out About Spiritual Abuse?

I have had people share with me over the years that at first they didn’t realize that they had experienced what has been termed as spiritual abuse. It wasn’t until they came across a site such as spiritualabuse.org that they started to see parts of their experience as actual abuse.

Others are very reluctant to state they had been abused in this manner because of being perceived as a ‘victim’ and they don’t want to be portrayed or seen as a victim.

Call it what you want, the wrong does happen and affects many, many people worldwide. How deeply it affects someone varies from person to person and experience to experience.

Some who have experienced spiritual abuse have spoken out about it in various ways. Some, such as myself, started web sites. Some blog about it. Some have written a thesis paper on it. Some have online or in person support groups. Some make themselves available for people locally. Others have gone to college to become counselors/therapists.

If you would like to write about your experience or any aspect of spiritual abuse, consider joining our blog. Read here and then just scroll down to the ‘meta’ section and click on ‘register’. You will receive an email from me with the information you will need to start blogging. We would love to have many more people blogging here.

Have you spoken out about spiritual abuse/unhealthy churches or ministers in some form & if so, how have you done it?

First Book Giveaway of 2017

This giveaway has now ended, March 7, 2017.

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry and this will be our first one via this blog for 2017. This is your chance to receive one or more free books on various issues. After making your request, be sure to respond to my email requesting your mailing address if I do not already have it. The last giveaway we had someone request several books but never responded. This keeps material from others.

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of books at no charge to them. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail these books outside of the USA. Canadians with a USA mailing address are welcome to request books.) To respond, just leave a comment for this post. If you are unsure what any book is about, the links will take you to Amazon where you may read their description and reviews.

Up for grabs are several used books and DVDs.

  1. Three paperback copies of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. (One has some highlighting.) ONE TAKEN
  2. One paperback copy of Love Is A Choice: Recovery for Codependent Relationships by Hemfelt, Minirth & Meier. (Has some underlining.) TAKEN
  3. One hardback copy of How People Grow by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. (It has a little highlighting.) TAKEN
  4. One paperback copy of Safe People by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. TAKEN
  5. One hardback copy of Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. (Has a little highlighting.) TAKEN
  6. One paperback copy of Boundaries In Marriage by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. TAKEN
  7. One paperback copy of Cults In Our Midst by Margaret Singer. (Has highlighting and in a little rough condition.)
  8. One paperback copy of The Co-Dependent Parent by Barbara Becnel.
  9. One hardback copy of I Am Malala by Malala Yousafzai. TAKEN
  10. One paperback copy of The Search For Freedom by Robert S. McGee. TAKEN
  11. One paperback copy of Stolen Innocence by Elissa Wall. (polygamy)
  12. One hardback copy of Who’s Pushing Your Buttons: Handling the Difficult People in Your Life by John Townsend. TAKEN
  13. One DVD of Holy Bible KJV Complete by Alexander Scourby. TAKEN
  14. One CD MP3 NIV Audio New Testament Dramatized by Faith Comes By Hearing.
  15. One paperback copy of New Testament Amplified Bible Pocket Thin. TAKEN
  16. One hardback copy of The Church Awakening by Charles Swindoll. TAKEN
  17. Two hardback copies of The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey. ONE TAKEN
  18. One bonded leather copy of The NIV Study Bible by Zondervan. (The cover is in poor condition and there is some writing/underlining, but the inside is mostly good.) TAKEN
  19. One paperback copy of Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody.
  20. One hardback copy of Does This Church Make Me Look Fat by Rhoda Janzen. (Mennonite related) TAKEN
  21. One hardback copy of My Utmost for His Highest Daily Devotional Journal by Oswald Chambers.
  22. One paperback copy of Jesus Land: A Memoir by Julia Sheeres. TAKEN
  23. One hardback copy of The Year of Living Like Jesus by Ed Dobson. TAKEN
  24. One bonded leather copy of Nelson’s NJKV Bible with Concordance. (pocket size- cover is in poor condition)
  25. Three paperback copies of The Shack by Wm. Paul Young.
  26. One paperback copy of The Unauthorized Guide To Choosing a Church by Carmen Renee Berry.
  27. One paperback copy of New Testament Amplified Bible Pocket Thin.
  28. One paperback copy of Testament The Bible Odyssey.
  29. One hardback copy of The Grace Awakening by Charles Swindoll. TAKEN
  30. One hardback copy of Secrets of Your Family Tree Forgiving Our Parents Forgiving Ourselves by David Stoop & James Masteller. TAKEN
  31. One hardback copy of We Are Driven (Compulsive Behaviors) by Hemfelt, Minirth & Meier. TAKEN
  32. One hardback copy of Overcomers Outreach A Bridge To Recovery by Bob & Pauline Bartosch.
  33. One hardback copy of Unstoppable by Nick Vujicic. TAKEN
  34. One hardback copy of Naves Topical Bible.
  35. One hardback copy of The New Strong’s Concordance of the Bible Concise Edition. (Only the concordance.) TAKEN
  36. Three hardback copies of Authority Abusers by G.G. Bloomer. TWO TAKEN
  37. One hardback copy of Holy Bible New Revised Standard Version.
  38. One paperback copy of Holy Bible KJV Reference Edition edited by C.I. Scofield. (Has some water damage at the bottom through part of the Old Testament. Still very usable.)
  39. One paperback copy of The Art of Forgiving by Lewes Smedes. TAKEN
  40. One paperback copy of From Forgiven To Forgiving by Jay Adams. TAKEN
  41. One paperback copy of More Jesus, Less Religion by Stephen Arterburn & Jack Felton. TAKEN
  42. One paperback copy of The Kingdom Of The Cults Limited Edition by Walter Martin.
  43. One paperback copy of Since Nobody’s Perfect…How Good Is Good Enough by Any Stanley. TAKEN
  44. Two paperback copies of Neo-Phariseeism by David Wasmundt (former UPC minister)
  45. Two paperback copies of The Rapture of Canaan by Sheri Reynolds. ONE TAKEN
  46. One paperback copy of Out Of The Salt Shaker & Into The World by Rebecca Pippert. TAKEN
  47. One paperback copy of The Pursuit of God With Study Guide by A.W. Tozer. (Has writing/highlighting & underlining.) TAKEN
  48. One paperback copy of Finding The Real Jesus by Lee Strobel.
  49. One paperback copy of 2009 United Pentecostal Church Manual.
  50. One DVD of Divergent. (Has parallels with spiritual abuse.) TAKEN
  51. One DVD of Paradise Recovered (new- on spiritual abuse/unhealthy churches). TAKEN

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of book(s) at no charge to them. To respond, just leave a comment on this post. Please understand that comments require approval unless you have previously commented. So while it may look like you are first or second, etc. there may be someone ahead of you whose comment is pending. Be sure to use your actual email address when setting up to comment as I will be contacting you through it. Check your spam folder as email sometimes goes there. (For your privacy, do not put the email or address in your actual comment.)

Be sure to mention in your comment which book(s) you would like and you may refer to them by number instead of the title. There is no limit on how many you may request, though you may only have one copy of any title.

Top February Posts

This is for those interested in seeing the top ten read blogs from February 2017.

We are always looking for new people to join our group of bloggers, so please register and watch your email for more information. You are under no obligation to make a certain number of posts. Commenting directly on the blog is an encouragement to our authors as they often cannot see all the places where these are shared and discussed on social media.

Below are the top ten read posts for the month. Thanks so much to all our readers and authors! It is our hope that many more will be helped and encouraged by our blogs in 2017.

Is Your Pastor Ruinous To Your Spiritual Life? – author Lois. (accessed 497 times)

When A Pastor Morally Fails – author Lois. (accessed 467 times)

Stumbling block: a little about what happened to me – author Mary. (accessed 233 times)

Questioning Teachings: Is There Any Biblical Precedence? – author Lois. (accessed 230 times)

Correction In The Church – author Lois.

Lessons Learned: The Light Came On – author Random Thoughts.

Gary Chapman- The Five Love Languages – author Mary.

Return to the Body of Christ? – author Lois.

Love Without Fear – author Grace.

Veiled Threats In Sermons – author Lois.

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