Book Giveaway- We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis

As with all of our giveaways, this is only open to those with a USA mailing address.

But why does sexual abuse happen within our ecclesiastical walls? Shouldn’t the church that represents Jesus Christ- the One who loved children and cursed those who harmed them- do the very best job at protecting others from harm? Shouldn’t the church be a place a survivor could run in order to be protected, heard, and given restorative justice? Sadly, no. Because so often the church has jumped into bed with power and politics and has given preferential treatment to its reputation instead of the broken cries of survivors. – Mary DeMuth

This is your chance to receive a new copy of We Too: How the Church Can Respond Redemptively to the Sexual Abuse Crisis by Mary DeMuth. It’s available to order from Amazon for $11.51 for the paperback or $9.99 for the Kindle version. I mentioned this book in a blog about several new books that have been released this year.

Sexual predators are often charming. They get away with serial predation precisely because they’ve honed their interpersonal skills and practiced how to put people at ease. They know how to befriend and be kind to 98 percent of the population- and at the same time seek out the vulnerable. They tell the vulnerable 2 percent that no one would believe even if they did tell. Why? Because, as I mentioned above, they are typically not people you’d expect to be predatory. The 98 percent is part of their overall plan. In 98 percent of their lives, they’re upstanding, helpful, generous, funny, self-deprecating, ‘honest,’ and engaging. So if or when survivors bring something to light, very few believe them. Why? Because who wants to believe that your amazing friend is actually a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Surely not! Surely the #MeToo movement has gone crazy if it can even accuse this wonderful person of such a heinous crime. – Mary DeMuth

This giveaway is a drawing and not a first come, first served giveaway. To enter, just leave a comment to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on Saturday, October 12 at 8pm (eastern time), after which I will draw the winner. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter. Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as they require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers.

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Book Giveaway – Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse

As with all of our giveaways, this is only open to those with a USA mailing address.

The analogy of the maze is a powerful picture of the journey you will go on in this book. In order to reach a point of exploring the features of healthy Christian cultures we must first navigate the difficult experience of spiritual abuse. It may seem strange to spend a considerable time discussing spiritual abuse in a book which also seeks to explore creating healthy Christian cultures. However, we feel that we can’t really explore what is healthy without an investigation of what is unhealthy. If we truly want to build healthier cultures we must enter the maze, look at the dead ends, investigate the loops, explore the multiple routes and ultimately find the exit. – Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys

This is your chance to receive a new copy of Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse: Creating Healthy Christian Cultures by Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys. We previously gave away two copies in our private support group on Facebook. It’s available to order from Amazon for $15.79 for the paperback or $8.49 for the Kindle version. I mentioned this book in a blog about several new books that have been released this year.

We thought it might be useful to include a brief summary of the main features of responding well to a story of spiritual abuse.
1. Actively listen to the story, showing that you are taking it seriously.
2. Ensure the individual telling the story knows that he or she is valued.
3. Do not minimize, judge or defend a person or the church.
4. Be clear about the boundaries to confidentiality.
5. Take care if offering prayer or Scripture as a response- ensure that the individual can make a choice as to whether he or she wants this.
6. Avoid using Matthew 18 as a first principle in responding to a disclosure of spiritual abuse.
7. Do not rush people to a place of forgiveness and reconciliation.
8. Discuss the risk of harm with your safeguarding coordinator/lead and consider next steps carefully.
9. Ensure that there is a policy and procedure including spiritual abuse in your church or denomination and that this is followed. – Lisa Oakley and Justin Humphreys

This giveaway is a drawing and not a first come, first served giveaway. To enter, just leave a comment to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on Saturday, October 5 at 8pm (eastern time), after which I will draw the winner. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter. Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as they require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers.

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Book Giveaway – Traumatized by Religious Abuse: Courage, Hope and Freedom for Survivors

As with all of our giveaways, this is only open to those with a USA mailing address.

To say that it’s a little bit tough to distill recovery from spiritual abuse into one book is kind of like saying it’s hard to fit an elephant through a keyhole. There are simply so many variables, stories, and experiences that it would be impossible to capture every single piece in one volume. What I’ve done in this treatment is give you a framework and some of the basic tools to start your journey. If you’ve been through any other kind of abuse or trauma recovery, some of this may seem familiar; however, I’ve tailored my approach in this book specifically toward religious abuse recovery. – Connie A. Baker

This is your chance to receive a new copy of Traumatized by Religious Abuse: Courage, Hope and Freedom for Survivors by Connie A. Baker. One copy will be given away here and soon we will be having another giveaway in our private support group on Facebook. These two copies have been generously donated to us by the author. It’s available to order from Amazon for $17.99 for the paperback or $7.99 for the Kindle version. I mentioned this book in a blog about several new books that have been released this year.

However, it is important to recovery that survivors of religious abuse eventually call it ‘abuse’ if that is indeed what happened. If we don’t define it, we can’t recognize it or properly address it, which contributes to an ongoing culture that breeds similar abuse. Survivors tend to minimize their experiences- ‘it wasn’t that bad,’ ‘it wasn’t anything like what that other person went through,’ ‘I probably just over-reacted’- in order to survive them. Minimizing may be helpful at first for survival, but full healing requires an accurate assessment of the experiences. We need to name the behaviors as abuse so that we can heal and protect ourselves in the future.- Connie A. Baker

This giveaway is a drawing and not a first come, first served giveaway. To enter, just leave a comment to show you wish to be included. The drawing will close on Saturday, October 5 at 8pm (eastern time), after which I will draw the winner. You will then need to email me your mailing address if I do not already have it. There is absolutely no cost to enter. Don’t be alarmed if your comment does not immediately show as they require approval when you are commenting for the first time.

We always provide these at no charge to our readers.

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Top September 2019 Posts

In September 2019, the blog section of the spiritual abuse website had 10,490 visits, with 6004 being unique. There was an average of just over five pages per visit. Below you will find the top eleven read posts. All but three of these ended up pertaining to our series on sexual abuse and the United Pentecostal Church. I included eleven in this post as the Jamaica article periodically has a high viewership.

We are always looking for new people to join our group of bloggers, so please consider registering and watch your email for additional information. Be sure to check your spam folder. How frequently you post is up to you and no one needs to be a professional writer. Have you shared your experience in an unhealthy church? Do you have helpful thoughts on recovery? Are you interested in tackling some erroneous teachings? Let your voice be heard and help others recover. Read here.

Woman ‘in the Spirit’ on a Jamaican Flight – author Lois (accessed 1329 times) This fake news story from 2017 is getting passed along once again by hundreds of people who won’t take a couple minutes to fact check.

United Pentecostal Pastor Roy Grant And A Funeral – author Lois (accessed 774 times) This is a disturbing story where a pastor tried to raise the dead at a recent funeral.

United Pentecostal Minister Michael Rodney Jones: Caught Capturing Nude Images of A Minister’s Wife & Daughter – author Lois (accessed 524 times)

A Pastor Who Should Not Have Been Part 1 – author Lois (accessed 504 times)

The United Pentecostal Church and Sexual Abuse – author Lois (accessed 346 times)

United Pentecostal Pastor Howard Geck & Dexter Lee Hensley – author Lois (accessed 329 times)

United Pentecostal Minister Tony Wayne Sasnett: Sexual Abuse Conviction – author Lois (accessed 283 times)

United Pentecostal Youth Pastor Darrel Wayne Coffman: Sexual Misconduct With A Minor – author Lois (accessed 282 times)

A Day Of Reckoning For Calvary Gospel Church – author Lois (accessed 252 times)

A Wisconsin Woman Receives An Anonymous Letter – author Lois (accessed 241 times)

PTCS -Post Traumatic Church Syndrome – author Nana5 (accessed 226 times)

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A Wisconsin Woman Receives An Anonymous Letter

Sometimes a victim of sexual abuse will be bribed or threatened somehow in order to keep them quiet. It happens for various reasons and doesn’t always come from the perpetrator. If the abuse is somehow related to a church, the pastor or others in leadership may want it kept quiet as they don’t want the church in the news. If the perpetrator is a minister, or a relative of a minister, great pressure can be placed upon the victim to remain silent. Some of those people retain their license or even gain it after assaulting someone because their crime was never reported as it ought to have been, such as in the case of Glen Uselmann and Don Martin, where UPCI District Superintendents endorsed them for their licenses. It is horrible enough when someone is sexually harmed but that harm is compounded when coercion or threats are involved to convince them to remain silent.

Sometimes those who expose these abuses get threatened or intimidated and that brings me to the reason for this article. There is a woman, who I will call Kate, who has experience in the Wisconsin District of the United Pentecostal Church. She has been sharing on her Facebook profile recent news reports which have partially exposed decades of unreported child sexual abuse at Calvary Gospel Church in Madison. Kate shared, “My intent on posting was to make people aware in their churches. Ask questions and do some digging regardless of what church leadership says. If churches are ‘families,’ families share heartaches as well as victories. Justice needs to be done. Not coverups.” She further shared that in response she received private messages and that some “brought up many instances of deviant behavior in a couple churches here in Wisconsin.”

This past week, on September 25, 2019, Kate received an anonymous typed letter from someone who mailed it in the Milwaukee area (or at least that is where the postmark originated). The envelope did not include her street address but was marked ‘general delivery’ and there was no return address. She believes the communication was either to intimidate her into not posting anymore about sexual abuse in the United Pentecostal Church, or to remind her of what happened many years ago with a relative. It was three short sentences as follows (with a name redacted as they were a minor at the time and his records were sealed). [screenshot of the letter]

[redacted] victims have not forgotten.
Think of those that have committed suicide because of the abuse.
[redacted] has received a lot of mercy,

I have been in contact with the woman who received this letter and, with their permission, I am sharing the background of what happened. I don’t like when people are threatened or intimidated to keep quiet and while whoever wrote this may or may not have intended for it to be taken that way, it is exactly how the receiver felt when they read it. Kate is coming forward publicly, though anonymously because this involves her son, in an effort to be open and to remove whatever power this person might think they have over her. I know it wasn’t easy for Kate to share about what happened and I appreciate her honesty and openness in sharing what was a painful and difficult time for everyone involved.

I believe it was a bullying tactic to remind me. What right did I have of posting coverups in the church? Look at you and the incident that happened years ago. . . .Whoever sent it wants to make it a comparison. Look at you… and you’re posting this content from Grant’s church.

Let me take you back to the late 1980s, where a sexual assault occurred in an ACE school restroom at a United Pentecostal Church in Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin. The assault referenced in the anonymous letter was regarding Kate’s son when he was 15 years old and a male victim about two years younger. The supervisor of the classroom would often leave the students unattended for long periods of time. Besides Kate’s son, it is alleged that this supervisor assaulted at least one student, though it was never reported to authorities. He was married at the time and had four young children.

Kate’s son was reported to police. He went through professional counseling for 1.5 years. It wasn’t covered up and his parents worked with the victim’s mother. Letters were written to the parents. Kate stated that the victim’s mother “never held any animosity toward us. We prayed together and worked through the whole ordeal. She is a good person. She had every right to be angry with us.” She went on to share, “We were totally broken when this happened. But we knew it all had to come out in order for everyone to heal. In no way do we condone this deviancy. We didn’t cover it up. And apologies were made- sincere heartfelt apologies. We called NO ONE A liar. Because curiosity in children is as old as time. Children have to learn to keep in their own space and never touch anyone or be touched inappropriately. Parental guidance is a must.” The records for Kate’s son were ordered sealed. The church school was later shut down.

Tragically, later as an adult, his victim committed suicide via an overdose. It may have been around ten years later. It isn’t really known whether this was related to the assault, something else, or a combination of things, but some people blamed Kate’s son. Though the letter mentions suicides in relation to the assault, this was the only one.

I pressed Kate for additional information as the letter referenced more than one victim as it was plural. She shared that her son also assaulted her niece and that this information was not publicly known. Kate stated, “My sister, her daughters and I remain close after all these years.” Two United Pentecostal pastors in Wisconsin know about this other assault and Kate wonders if the wife of one of them sent the anonymous letter. That pastor’s wife has a son, who is alleged to have assaulted more than one girl. To my knowledge, he was never reported, but later went on to receive a license in the UPCI, though he no longer is licensed.

The reports coming out of the Wisconsin District of the United Pentecostal Church are many and new ones keep coming to the surface. Though I have written much about Calvary Gospel Church in the past, as you can see from the two other churches mentioned, they aren’t the only UPCI church in Wisconsin that has these secrets, though they may be the worst. I imagine you will be reading new reports here, and elsewhere, in the future. Meanwhile, if this anonymous letter was meant to intimidate or threaten, this article should put an end to that thought. Kate is determined to continue speaking out about the various abuses in UPCI churches.

You will find a complete list of articles in this series by clicking here.

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