Author: Lois

God’s Perfect Love, or A Dysfunctional Relationship… Choices, Choices…

The following is a guest post by Mark Ducharme, a former member of the United Pentecostal Church. The thought for the article came about during an exchange in the comment area of one of the blog posts on this website.

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In most denominations of Christian religion it is common to hear phrases like, “My relationship with God,” “Make sure you have a relationship with Jesus,” “Work on having a personal relationship with the Spirit..,” etc., and that is a good thing to have – a personal relationship with your Creator. That said, when you look at the many types and qualities of relationships we have with each other and that, the very notion of relationship is an invention of your Creator, it makes sense to conclude that He is the only one who can offer any relationship in its absolute perfection. We have parent to child, sibling to sibling, friend to friend and spouse to spouse and they can all be wonderful but, for a picture of any one of them in perfection, we must look to Him. I am not saying this so we can aspire to “live the impossible dream” by trying to be like God, rather, I believe the accuracy of this observation goes to the way He, your God who is “Jealous for you,” has constructed this life. It is quite apparent, in my opinion, that all of us are designed with a “factory installed” need to be loved and accepted perfectly. It is also apparent that none of us is capable of accommodating those two needs, perfectly, for another individual, which should lead us to conclude that possessing the perfect love & acceptance – offered only by God – is the one opportunity we have for peace and rest in this very chaotic world.

Enter: religion (and I do not mean ‘the cavalry’). Specifically, “Conventional Christianity.” For brevity, after this, it will be referred to as “the yoke.” I have not surveyed all under the yoke but, I believe there is evidence to suggest that very few of its members see their God as anyone like the above described perfect parent, sibling, friend or spouse. There are a lot of questions to be asked regarding that: Why? As in, “Why not?” How? As in, “How did we get here?” Who? As in, “Who made it like this?” or, more to the point, “Who is keeping it like this?” For the why and the how, and even the who, Genesis provides a very good account. But, again for brevity’s sake, I will focus on the who of it (also, answering the Who can often give insights to the Why and How of it). But first, for clarity’s sake, here’s a thumbnail of why I believe God, Himself, is literally love, Itself, and Jesus is the personification of that love:

Once before-a time, before there was any time / thing(s) / or place to put them, God was and there was nothing and no one else, not even the angels. Then, before there was even the notion of something other than Himself, He thought about the idea of creating time, space and matter and – most of all – you. I say it like that because I believe there was great intention in His decision to create. Not for the purposes of manipulation, as in Calvinism, but for the intent of having someone who He made, Himself, with all the problems and complications that entails, with the end goal being that of what He lost in the garden – relationship. And the fact He did it this way is the reason your free will is such a big component. Without it, He’s simply a tyrant. By it, He is your God by choice – His choice Because He made you knowing you could reject Him in spite of this great gift, and yours because you have to want Him to be your God. The amazing thing though: all the risk is His. And then He stepped it up to the absolute heights of perfect Love by becoming (not only like one of us but literally) one of us. That God, who was self-sufficient and in need of nothing, proved His love by first creating what -He certainly knew- would require thousands of years of long suffering and then, at the apex of our religiously inspired rejection of Him, gave His very self for us that we might, finally, drop all the trust in self and institutions, etc. and look at that perfect Love and acceptance and say, “Okay, I trust you Lord. You and you alone. You want me? You have me – and I don’t want anything or any-one else to give me what only you can.” He did all that KNOWING many would never respond like that last sentence. That is God. That is Jesus. That is perfect love. So you see, in His very un-yoke-like plan, Jesus is the “Who” and the “How” and, you are the “Why”.

Okay, we have perfect Love in the form of our God who came to rescue us from ourselves or, the yoke. God treats you like someone He formed, from His heart, with His own hands. The yoke? It tells you that He has no such love for you. Not only that, the yoke tells you that, without the yoke, He will never love or accept you even a little – let alone perfectly. Never fear, however, the yoke is here to “help” you “get right” with Him. Can you see the perversion? Can you see the absolute abuse? God says, “I made you because I love you and I want to be with you forever, my precious child. Trust in Me and Me alone and I will show you the wonders of My loving heart that beats for all who put their trust in Me.” The yoke says, “Ya better obey and be the best (insert denomination here_______) you can be or He might not let you into His kingdom or even curse you!” Or, in its more sophisticated variants, “Learn the theological depths of these doctrinal dogmas and fill your mind (ego?) with quotes by intellectuals and you will realize all that God has for you.” Or, worse yet, “God cannot be known. He cannot be understood. Follow US and we will show you the way…”

Bottom line: Adam walked with God. Neither one of them had a religious affiliation (i.e. they weren’t “yoked up”). God brought him the animals “to see” what he would name them. God lost that due to a lie, the man believed, which said “Learn this knowledge and be some-one“. And now, He is restoring what He had to those who want to know someone – for sake of being near Him in order to explore (forever) why He went to such great lengths to be with us – for eternity.

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Two 1980s United Pentecostal Sexual Abuse Cases In Texas

My first blog on Colorado sexual abuse cases prompted an email from another survivor of sexual abuse, with the assaults having both occurred in Texas. One of the two cases is yet another instance where a man is currently licensed by the United Pentecostal Church. As with Debbie McNulty’s Wisconsin case, these happened in the 1980s. This is Part 19 of an ongoing series. (Statements in this article are what have been alleged by a survivor. There have been no convictions as the cases mentioned here were not reported to the police and to my knowledge, the alleged perpetrators have not admitted guilt.)

Between the two sets of asterisks below is what one woman remembers from two separate cases of sexual abuse during her time in the United Pentecostal Church. She was a minor, with one happening while she was a student at a UPCI church operated school that was founded by a now deceased UPCI minister. At the church school, students from grades 1 through 12 worked separately in small spaces on self-instructive material and would wave a small American flag when they had a question. To use the rest room, students would wave a white flag with a blue cross in the corner. The children wore red, white and blue uniforms, with the girls wearing plaid skirts, white blouses and blue vests and the boys wearing red shirts, blue pants and a tie. There were no real teachers, only monitors called supervisors. Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) material was the standard and it was considered a “model parochial school” by some. The school was mentioned in old articles by Newsweek and Time magazines.

Going by the description below, adults either knew or suspected wrongdoing by the supervisor/monitor mentioned, but it is unknown if the pastor was ever made aware of what happened. No one at the school ever spoke to or questioned the survivor about it. This man married a woman who had attended the Academy and his parents were members of the church that operated the school. He has three adult daughters, with the first being born after the alleged assaults. It would have been less than a year, to no more than two years, after he was married that the alleged assaults took place. The survivor was eight or nine years old when the abuse started, with the perpetrator being in his mid twenties. It appears he remained with the church after this happened.

After reading her account, I followed up with some questions and the answers are incorporated into what she wrote below. Additional research I did on the pastor she alleges that assaulted her will follow her story.

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The article struck home with me as I was a victim of abuse by a teacher of a United Pentecostal private school that was an extension of a UPCI church. The school is no longer in existence and was named Irvington Christian Academy. I was also a victim of sexual, mental and verbal abuse of a UPC minister of a UPCI church named Pentecostal Lighthouse Church.

First, let me say that I was of elementary age in the 80’s when these events took place. The teacher would sneak me out, luring me with gum into his vehicle. He would show me pornography and sexually assault me. The only thing that saved me was a parent who saw him trying to put me in his vehicle and stopped him. I never saw him again after that day. The terrifying part was the female teacher I was left with mistreated me as though I had done something wrong. I was a child and did not understand that what had happened was wrong. Both people were members of the church associated with this school and could very well be there still. His dismissal was his only punishment and my suffering lasted for years. He started sexually abusing me when I was about 8 or 9 years old. The time frame seemed like forever, so I cannot tell how long it was. There was no explanation that I know of as to his dismissal. The only thing that I knew was that the woman who took his place DID NOT like me. She treated me as though I was something awful. These are the impressions of a little girl. I knew she hated me, but at the time could not figure out why.

This happened in the 80’s as well – I was about 13 or 14 yrs old. I was a victim of sexual, mental and verbal abuse of a UPC minister of a now closed UPCI sanctioned church named Pentecostal Lighthouse Church. This minister had been part of the church that hosted the Academy. He ministered over the Spanish speaking church. Afterward he broke away and created the Pentecostal Lighthouse Church.

No one spoke of it or did anything regarding this. My family claimed they knew nothing of the actions of the minister even when more victims were discovered. The UPC minister had a hold over the congregation that was so strong that they, including my family, were blinded by what was happening. I would later describe it as cult like behavior. He abused many of us even though he was married. The details are horrifying as I would later find out. The elders kept it under wraps and the church was closed. He was not punished for any of this. As a matter of fact, he is still with the UPCI in another city in the US as a UPCI minister. I met other victims years later that would like him to answer for what he did to all of us. However, the shame keeps most silent not wanting to raise old demons. I myself suffered depression and much more. So, I understand the hardships of life after these types of abuses. At the time other victims contacted me, I was afraid and not ready to open that door. I know first hand there were two other girls involved and one married woman that got pregnant. This is from a credible source close to me. This woman had an abortion and then a divorce.

That pastor started sexually abusing me in my mid teens. He did rape me – he sodomized me. I did not tell anyone at the church as I was too afraid. I do not know how the elders found out or when the church closed. When I was 16 years old, I went to live with my father and that was the last time I saw the pastor. The odd part was my family made me go and tell him I was leaving. I could not understand why until I realized it was a cult mindset analyzing this later in life. It was claimed that the pastor left for another state with a girl that was a close friend of his wife. I can attest that they were close friends and she spent a lot of time at their home. Whether she went with him or not I cannot vouch for that. I did see this girl years later and she would not speak to me.

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The minister in question does not appear in the 1975-76 edition of the United Pentecostal Church Directory. The next edition I have is from 1981, where he appears holding a local license and does not show him being a pastor. The next is 1986 where he is seen as ordained and the Pentecostal Lighthouse Church is listed. It has been shared this was a medium size church. It was non-affiliated (meaning he didn’t take the extra optional step of legally affiliating with the org). The same is seen in the 1987 and 1988 editions. I do not have 1989. By the 1990 edition, he and the church were no longer listed. That would be more reflective of no longer holding license in 1989. (The directories were issued in January of each year and compiled in the fall of the prior year.) So without having all the directories from this time period, he could have no longer held license anywhere from 1987 to 1989.

Disappearing from the directories for more than a decade, he next appears in 2005 as an ordained minister in a different state in the south. This means that his license was reinstated in 2004. There was no church listed with him being a pastor and this holds true through the 2017 edition. In 2018 he shows as pastor of a church and the address is the same as an already established UPCI church. My thought is that perhaps he helped this other pastor in the years prior. In 2018 it wasn’t shown as affiliated, but the 2019 UPCI Directory lists it as such, which means he took the extra step to become legally affiliated. This church filed for non-profit status in 2017. According to the United Pentecostal Church, he resigned his license back in the 1980s and “he spent many years in renewing his life in ministry” before being re-licensed in this southern state. According to the UPCI rules on licensing, he never should have been reinstated because if these allegations are true, he disqualified himself in the 1980s.

Article VII, Section 9 Immoral Conduct states, “1. For the purpose of ministerial membership in the United Pentecostal Church International or for ministering in a United Pentecostal Church International church, immoral conduct shall be defined as adultery, fornication, homosexuality, incest, and/or any other sexual acts determined by the District Board to be perverted or immoral (Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:9; I Corinthians 6:9; Romans 1:24-28). 2. Any minister affiliated with our organization proven guilty of adultery or fornication, or committing any other immoral offense, shall forfeit his or her papers immediately. Immoral offense shall include sexual molestation of minors. 3. In the event a minister confesses in writing to immoral conduct and surrenders his or her fellowship card, no trial shall be granted. In either case, such minister shall never be qualified for reinstatement into the ministry of the United Pentecostal Church International.”

He is not listed as holding any District positions in either state where he has held license. He would have been in his mid 30s at the time of the alleged assaults.

You will find a complete list of articles in this series by clicking here.

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Constance’s United Pentecostal Church Experience

Below is what one woman experienced being raised in an unhealthy church, how it distorted her view of God causing her to become angry and bitter, and how she has been recovering since leaving. I have added some commentary after it that deals with the standards.

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Here are the facts/reasons why I left the United Pentecostal Church organization when I was 19 years old after being brought up from birth in the same church/organization.

I left as an angry and bitter teenager. I left thinking God (if there was one) was far too unobtainable. He appeared to be angry all the time and was looking for ways to keep me out of heaven. No matter what my parents said to me, it was never enough, it would never heal my broken spirit from all the manipulation and control and mean things that the oppressed members expressed towards me. I hated that they were so devoted to a man that always seemed angry and mad. There were so many things that I could not understand as a young person that I just couldn’t stomach it. I would lay in bed and dream of the day I was old enough to leave.

I hated feeling scared to go to church that he (the pastor) just may call me out because he could read my mind. I felt like I was always being preached at because I am sure he could tell that I was growing cold more and more. I just didn’t care about the people, I thought they were all foolish and weak. They couldn’t make decisions on their own. It was a little church that never grew. One person came in, two were leaving. Most didn’t stay. Only the weak would stay. Asking if you could go on vacation or take a job that would cause you to leave the church for another one was not acceptable. You were always told that it was out of the will of God. Just who did they think they were to tell you what the will of God was or was not for your life? Was it for the money? If your family left that would leave a big gap in the financial stream.

I got so tired of being told on to the pastor by one woman in particular if my hairdo was not holy enough or I curled my eyelashes or… the list goes on.

I so wanted to have a normal life as a child. I wanted to be involved with the outside world but I was so fearful because everything was wrong. I finally came to the resolve that I was just a bad person and that God couldn’t love me and stayed in constant fear that God would come and I was certainly going to Hell. I loved bling and beauty and I hated that I had to look like everyone else and think like everyone else and act like everyone else. I didn’t want to look frumpy, I wanted to have my own personality.

Why can they now do the very things that were forbidden when I was a kid? I remember watching TV at the neighbors (some after school program). I was sent home, scolded and had to pray in my room for an hour to ask God to forgive me. I was so fearful because I was told I would have to tell the pastor. Now they can watch TV, go to movies, go to concerts etc. All the things I wanted to experience was forbidden. What happened? God changed his mind? Did he say, “Pastors, it’s okay as long as everyone pays their tithes and all the other offerings”? Hmmmm not sure about that……

My step son went to a concert and on the way home was in a terrible car accident and the pastor told him that God did it to him because he was rebellious. Really? That same pastor years later had tragedy strike his family and I had always wondered what happened. What was God punishing him for? Oh it wasn’t punishment. I believe now that it rains on the just and the unjust. I don’t feel any ill feelings towards this man, I just feel bad for him that he actually felt this way. (I’m not sure what he feels now because people on his board at the church go to movies, concerts etc.) By the way, my step son is an atheist now.

I never really dealt with the pain that this church caused me. The only way I knew how to deal with it was by being angry. That seemed to help me. It wasn’t until eight years ago that I was in a business meeting for leaders when I heard a speaker that was a Christian teaching us about leadership. I would usually get up and walk out. This time, I couldn’t, it was like I had weights in my behind. I just sat there listening. I totally got what he was saying and something changed in my heart.

You see, when I was little I tried to be a perfect little girl for Jesus. I loved him, I wrote to him in my diary, I wrote songs to him. Then I realized that he was demanding and wanted to see me go to Hell and that is when everything changed. I knew I could never be good enough, I could never please him. I felt when I was created God must have made a mistake. I just couldn’t be like everyone else. I was told that I was rebellious etc. I was so tired of being told that I was bad, not good enough. I think back, I was a pretty good kid that had a little OCD and just wanted to be perfect and excel in everything.

When I got married to my husband we made a vow that we would never go to church except for funerals and weddings. He, too, was a former UPC survivor. We made that vow and all was going great. Then here we were at a weekend event for leaders and we are now listening to this man speak and our hearts actually opened to receive what he had to say. Long story short, we both wound up receiving Christ into our lives in a new, fresh and beautiful way. It changed us on every level. No, we did not do anything like we were taught in the UPC ways and yet God transformed our hearts.

What I have noticed is that even though life is good, there is still residue from my old life in the UPC. I don’t really care what others say or feel about me, but I did care what God felt towards me. I am sorry to say that I had felt that God hated me because I was different from them. I wanted more, I didn’t want to be judgmental, I didn’t want to be like them in any way. When I am with my family I stick out I am sure, but that’s okay. The hard part is, they try so hard to include me but I feel at times that they don’t know what to think. They see I have a walk with God but it’s not anything like what I was taught. I am sure this is confusing to them and that makes my heart sad at times.

What I have learned is this, what matters is what God thinks of me and He is pretty crazy in love with me. Do I have battle scars? Yes. Am I still recovering from a brainwashed life of manipulation and control by man? YES. Will I ever be free from it? YES, not sure if it will be in this life… but I know one thing, I don’t want to be old and bitter so things better change soon because time keeps ticking by…lol. Seriously, not bitter but still dealing with being wounded. My advice, don’t cram it down and pretend it never happened, deal with it and move on.

That’s all for now. My heart tells me that God has something very special for those that have been thrown out for being a rebel, misfit and uncontrollable by religion. Jesus is the same Jesus that walked the earth and He was quite the rebel in the Pharisee’s eyes. He came to give us Life and give it more abundantly. He didn’t come to judge but to love us. If we can only grasp what that truly looks like.

Thank you for listening/reading….

Be Blessed,

Constance

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There are some in the United Pentecostal Church who erroneously believe that the organization now allows the viewing of Hollywood made movies and television programs. This misunderstanding arose when they removed the ban on ministers owning a television set in 2013 and also dropped two position papers (video restrictions and technology) and added a new one on the use of media. I have heard that some ministers almost immediately went and purchased a television set after this change, though some had already been using it for years.

While some individuals and even licensed ministers have taken these changes to mean that things previously prohibited are now permitted, the UPCI has NOT changed their stand against them. The Articles of Faith still state what they have for years: “We wholeheartedly disapprove of our people indulging in any activities which are not conducive to good Christianity and godly living, such as theaters, dances, mixed bathing or swimming, women cutting their hair, make-up, any apparel that immodestly exposes the body, all worldly sports and amusements, and unwholesome radio programs and music. Furthermore, because of the display of all these evils on television, we disapprove of any of our people having television sets in their homes. We admonish all of our people to refrain from any of these practices in the interest of spiritual progress and the soon coming of the Lord for His church.”

In the UPCI Manual, it is made clear what ministers may and may not view when it comes to the use of media. Article VII, Section 7 and 29 states, “The use of all media technology must strictly be limited to educational, religious, inspirational, and family content that is consistent with wholesome Christian principles. No minister shall use television or other media technology for the purpose of viewing worldly, carnal and unwholesome media; endeavouring to maintain a Godly atmosphere and influence in their lives.”

So while some ministers, churches and church members have let down on these standards, the United Pentecostal Church still states that they are against such things.

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God’s Perfect Love, or A Dysfunctional Relationship… Choices, Choices…

Two 1980s United Pentecostal Sexual Abuse Cases In Texas

Top January 2019 Posts

Top December 2018 Posts

Constance’s United Pentecostal Church Experience