When one is contemplating leaving an unhealthy church and/or is questioning teachings or events, they can lose their focus if they are not careful. They can also be influenced in a wrong way by those who have left Christianity or have deep unresolved issues.
I want to give a word of advice in this area. It is important to use caution in where one gets advice and even where they may hang out, not necessarily seeking advice. Some things can pull on those of us who have been (or are in) an unhealthy church, but will play a part in our losing our focus.
Let me give an example regarding my focus comment by using another subject so that you won’t have to try and guess at what I mean. I’ve participated on several online discussion type groups through the years, going back to before I started the spiritual abuse web site. Through my experiences, I’ve learned that it doesn’t pay to go round and round with certain type people. Some people, while at first glance appear to want to discuss an issue or ask questions, only want to pull people into their little web where they end up wearing out and frustrating the other person. They really don’t listen to and consider what is shared. They love the attention they get, too.
So what happens to the unsuspecting soul who gets entangled in the web? They lose their focus and they waste their time. Perhaps their objective was to teach people about a certain matter. But by becoming caught up in their web, they find themselves having less and less time for what they purposed to do because the round and round in posting has gotten them distracted. It can be addictive, too. Then at some point, they come to themselves and realize that the other poster doesn’t really want to learn about whatever the subject is and have taken them on a wild goose chase.
I know about losing my focus as it has happened to me in the past. Some situation will arise that you get pulled into more and more. Before you know it, you’ve gotten off the trail and find yourself beating through the wild growth in front of you. Yet when you realize what happened, it usually doesn’t take long to refocus.
In addition to the focus issue, some who are in this place become involved with people or groups that are not a healthy place for someone who is in a vulnerable position. That doesn’t always mean that the person or group itself is bad or whatever, but just that it may not be good for someone while they are in a vulnerable position.
Let me also try to give an example. There are some people out there who have as their goal to help people who are leaving and/or have left churches. But the way in which they help is unhealthy. They may encourage bitterness or acts against people, or may belittle Christianity or tear down the Bible. While one may receive some form of help in a place like that, it’s also an environment for all kinds of bad seeds to be planted in your mind. If the seeds take root and grow, you may find yourself walking further from God than you ever expected to be.
Another example would be becoming involved in a group that was Christian, but also gave freedom for all kinds of false teachings to be introduced and encouraged. Sad as it is, some people go from one unhealthy church into another. Someone is always ready to offer you “more” than what you had before- more excitement, more seemingly spiritual happenings, more money, etc.
I just felt to share a word of warning to those who are yet in the midst of questioning teachings or things that happened to you or if you are yet contemplating leaving your unhealthy church group. Be careful who you get encouragement from and what kind of advice and counsel you receive. Take care to not become involved in groups that promote every wind of doctrine that blows down the road. And, in what may not be seen or recognized as a bad place to be, take care to not lose your focus. Keep your focus on God. Keep your focus on seeking out the answers to your questions. Don’t be pulled into things that will take you from getting what you want and need for your recovery. Use your time and energy wisely.
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This is the BEST post and advice given. I attended UPCI, ALJC, WPF, etc. for over 20 yrs and my experience was similar as to the ones written here. Outside of the church walls I strive to have a relationship with the Lord. That is key. Spiritual abuse is surreal but so is our King of Kings. Healing is here for us all.