Unhealthy churches often place a focus on what we do, or rather, what we fail to do. There is usually a list of rules by which one is expected to abide. Sometimes these may change, making them more difficult to follow, and sometimes there are hidden, unwritten rules that one doesn’t discover until they break them. They regularly remind you that you are falling short and displeasing God. Will you ever live like is expected?
This mindset that such an environment produces, causes people to believe that God only loves them when they are keeping all the rules. His love becomes conditional upon their performance. This thinking throws faith out the window. It is no longer about what the death of Jesus means to believers, but about what we must do to please God and remain in his favor.
Some reach a breaking point. They believe they cannot meet all these standards and rules that they believe God has demanded. They feel like a failure. Since nothing they do seems to be enough for God, they give up. If you feel you are lost anyway, what difference does it make how you live? If all you do is mess up and fall short, even though you have some success, then what is the point? You may as well just live it up and do all the sinful things you want (real or imagined). And so some do go and live a “wild” life, at least for a season.
Those yet within may hear about those that do this and it will reinforce in their minds all the fear filled messages they have heard about people who leave the church/group. See what happens when you leave? You start down a “slippery slope” and end up in the gutter. What those within fail to see about these people is that they may be living this way, not because they didn’t desire to follow God, but because they felt they were a hopeless cause, not being able to live up to all the demands and expectations. They feel that God stopped loving them because they could not consistently measure up. They didn’t want this type of life, they wanted God, but they were misled to believe God’s love was conditional upon them making and keeping themselves righteous.
Thankfully, everyone doesn’t remain in this mindset, but some do- forever believing the distorted image of God that they obtained from the unhealthy church, thinking that he has rejected them. This is a very real and sad result of a spiritually abusive church.
I would hate to be in the shoes of these ministers who load heavy burdens upon people, like the Pharisees in the days of Jesus did. Jesus said that his yoke is easy and his burden is light.
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