This is the continuation of thoughts about spiritual abuse based upon Becca Anderson’s and Jennifer Redcay’s book, Pushing Back the Darkness.
The forth point the authors make is as follows:
| Listen to the Holy Spirit inside you. Jennifer’s initial reaction to the group leader was negative. Only when he began telling her things that fed her ego did she soften toward him. Listen to the warning voice inside you when it tells you to pull back, and think things through. If you are a Christian, you have the Holy Spirit of God living inside you, and can ask for wisdom and guidance. You won’t hear an audible voice but will often feel a pull in one direction or another. James 1:5 says, “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” If something you hear or are taught makes you uncomfortable, ask God to reveal the truth to you. Then give Him time and quiet to do so, reading the Word. |
Many who have been involved in an unhealthy church can look back and realize there were warning signs in the beginning and/or along the way. In the beginning, we sometimes overrode those due to the excitement found at the church or because we did begin our relationship with God there. Sometimes they are pushed aside as we didn’t know much about the Bible, churches or God and considered the leadership in the church to be more knowledgeable. Then, as in the case of Jennifer, some were told things about themselves that felt good and built them up and thus the initial uneasy feelings were overridden.
As time went on, warning signs could be rationalized away. We had been pulled into the system and mindset. We fell into the thoughts that the pastor was to be obeyed, even if something wasn’t in the Bible, and that questioning what happened or was taught was akin to questioning God and being rebellious. And since rebellion was as the sin of witchcraft and we knew witches were not saved, well….we learned to suppress questions and any thoughts of something not being right.
While sometimes warning signs can be our own fears and insecurities, they are often something in which we need to pay attention. They should cause us to pause, take a step back, and objectively evaluate what is happening. If many of us would have done this, we never would have joined our unhealthy church or would have left sooner than we did.
If you are having feelings of uneasiness regarding your church, take heed. If you find it was just you and perhaps you misunderstood something, there is no harm done. If you find that there is something amiss, you may have saved yourself a great deal of harm and anguish. It never hurts to pause and reevaluate a situation.
The fifth and final point the authors make is:
| Look at the fruit. Jesus said we could judge the soundness of a tree by the kind of fruit it produced: “For there is no good tree which produces bad fruit, nor, on the other hand, a bad tree which produces good fruit” (Luke 6:43). What fruit does the life of the person you are listening to exhibit? The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). If the doctrines you are hearing do not lead to this kind of fruit, don’t consume them. In Jennifer’s case, the doctrines she was taught led to fear, self-loathing, exhaustion, inferiority and depression. The leader himself exhibited pride, control (over others, not himself), anger, violence, and an attraction to ungodly things. If the fruit is bad, the tree it comes from should be avoided. |
The fruit in a person’s life is their actions, attitudes & character. It shows what is in the heart. It involves how a person is all the time and not simply during church activities.
Jesus spent time speaking of the Pharisees and his harshest words were directed toward them. While they tried to put on a good show outwardly, so all would look up to and revere them, Jesus told us that inside they were full of dead men’s bones. They praised God with their lips, but their hearts were far from him. They were hypocrites and yet they were the religious leaders of the Jews.
Unhealthy ministers and pastors will show their true fruit and you have a right to inspect that fruit and determine if it is good or bad. Bad fruit is involved when they teach things that benefit themselves, such as in persuading people to give more money or do favors or chores for the ministry. They may preach against certain things but not truly believe them and may be found breaking those rules. They may have one set of rules for the members and another for their family. If the ministry acts like they stand in God’s place and can pronounce all kinds of judgments against you, that is bad fruit.
Take some time and return to the Gospels and read about the problems Jesus had with the Pharisees. See how they were infuriated because Jesus healed someone on the Sabbath. See how they tried to trap him in conversations, were jealous of Jesus and wanted the best seats as they felt deserving of them. Consider how they prayed and looked down on the publican while praising themselves. Look at how they did things to be seen and praised of men. Do you see any of these same traits in the pastor?
If you or others are being treated harshly in a church, take a good long look at the fruit the pastor displays. Is it good or bad fruit? Is it what Jesus taught? Do they have the heart of a servant….or the ego of a personal kingdom builder?
The Darkness of Spiritual Abuse Part 1
The Darkness of Spiritual Abuse Part 2
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