After years or even decades of languishing in a highly controlling religious group, ex-cult survivors are finally able to express themselves freely and investigate whatever they choose.
This can also mean that they can be fairly fiery. They say what’s on their mind and don’t hold back. If they see that something is wrong, unjust, unfair or unethical, they want to speak out.
I include myself in this group. Sometimes, it does also mean that we can be unintentionally hurtful or even rude. After repressing our true thoughts and feelings for such a long time, they occasionally all come tumbling out uncontrollably… We don’t intend to be rude trolls, and most of us aren’t, but at times the anger, resentment and hurt that has built up inside us spill out when we are triggered, and we say things we shouldn’t.
When my husband and I came out of the Watchtower, we remained extremely critical of the Institutional Church. However, our faith in Jesus grew exponentially. If you leave a cult and then read the Gospel of John, you will see that Jesus was also AGAINST the institutionalized injustices of the religion of his day. He spoke out bravely against the cruel and hypocritical Pharisees, and as a result, he was silenced, tortured and hung up to die. He could have done his good deeds quietly or not chosen to heal people on the Sabbath; he could have been a people pleaser, afraid of their reaction and their power. But He was not!!!
Sometimes, we want to be brave and outspoken like Jesus, but we lack the wisdom or compassion that He had. We don’t always know exactly what to say, or who to say it to. And people can see us as a threat.
Coming out of any spiritually abusive environment is bound to affect our identity. We are not tied to our past, but to a certain extent, it does shape our outlook on the world. I am also convinced that experiencing such suffering, rejection and loss has widened our hearts, and made us more compassionate people. We cannot sit in judgment on others like the Pharisees and cult leaders, because we know how much that hurts, and we could never shun another human being.
It has also made us hyper-vigilant when it comes to identifying hypocrisy and manipulative behaviours in others. We avoid those people like the plague, and make no attempt to influence or “change” them, as we know it is fruitless. We can love them from a distance, and keep out of the line of fire.
Although my husband and I do attend a church now, we are still hungry for real, honest and sincere fellowship. At this point in time in my life, I am profoundly grateful for the precious friendships I’ve made online. People could say that an online contact isn’t a “real” friend, but I have experienced the exact opposite. At the click of a button, I can communicate with others, either in voice or video calls, via chat or in a group setting, and speak with other human beings who know what I’m going through. I thank God for this precious gift of modern technology, which despite all its downsides, has made it much easier to come out of a cult and find true friendship. If you haven’t done so already, I invite you to join our online community: Faith after Deception Fellowship. [Group is no longer in operation and was not affiliated with spiritualabuse.org.]
If you’ve never been in a cult and haven’t experienced spiritual abuse, be prepared for the fire when you meet those who have. The fire is bright, it is hot, it can burn, but it can also kindle some of the most sincere and genuine friendships you will ever have. Don’t be afraid of us… we don’t bite!!!
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Thank you for your honest blog. I have found the support group associated with spiritualabuse.org to be a constant source of friendship and love. It has become, in many ways, my church family to some extent. I can identify with what you describe. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you! That really means a lot 🙂 🙂