Remember how happy you were when you first started attending your unhealthy group? Were you afraid of hell, either before or after your conversion? I mean, not just because you were saved, but all surrounding that time, both before and after your conversion?
When I first attended a Pentecostal church, I was happy. I was happy that I’d found a place to belong, people to talk about God with, and a church to worship with. I was not for one second afraid of hell. It didn’t figure into my attending and it didn’t figure into my conversion at all. For months after joining I had no thought of going to hell. I didn’t start going to church to avoid hell, and I didn’t stay to keep from going there. Hell was actually pretty far off my radar when I started attending church. I went to get closer to God, not to avoid hell. And so I wasn’t afraid of hell at first. The fear crept in slowly.
For me, I think the fear may have started with end times discussions. “Be careful, or you’ll be left behind!” That and prayers for “lost loved ones.” Then some friends that had started going with me suddenly stopped going. I still wasn’t afraid they’d go to hell, but I was VERY concerned that I’d ‘lose out,’ that I’d ‘backslide‘ and stop attending church. I loved it so much, I was terrified of leaving. The thought of leaving made me very insecure. The church, I thought, was there to protect me, to help me, to lead me. And in my mind at that time, these things were good. I had a group of people I could identify and trust, whether I knew them specifically or not. They were Pentecostal. They had the Holy Ghost. So they were good. And I wanted that safety desperately as a young adult on her own for the first time. Still, at that moment, nine months after I’d started attending, I don’t remember being afraid I’d go to hell.
In time, I was exposed more and more to teachings on hell, and my fear of hell grew as I heard those. I moved to a different church when I was in my late 20s. The church I started attending was a very different kind of church than what I’d been in for the first seven years. In the new church, there were not only sermons about hell, but people seemed to enjoy giving graphic descriptions of what hell might be like (and the rapture, and leaving, and many, many other things). The sermons there left me with less and less hope. They sapped my joy. And while I thought at the time that I was getting closer to God by being driven to stay through fear, I had never been in danger of leaving even without the fear. And so the fear sapped my joy and my faith. Over time of hearing these things repeatedly, I began to see God as judge rather than Father. I no longer wanted to pray or study. I felt I had to, but I didn’t want to. Fear ended up pushing me away from God, even though I trusted the pastor who told me it would drive me closer to him.
I don’t believe teachings on hell are used very well in Pentecost. After all, as we grow in God, should we have more and more faith, peace, love and joy… or more fear? I ended up with more fear. How about you?
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Thank you for sharing your experience as it could almost word for word match mine. I had so much joy in the beginning of my Pentecostal experience and was in such a state of fear and anxiety by the time I left, I was fearful of most everything, even sleeping because what if I didn’t pray enough that day to get me in Heaven if I died at night? This website has been extremely healing for me. Thanks again~
Thank you for sharing. I told my sister yesterday that we were raised being taught how to perform, dress and act to earn and keep our salvation, however, we were never taught how to be overcomers and have joy, peace and a life free from fear. Sure, there were sermons at times preached about the things I mentioned, however, obedience to the Pastor and obeying the rules set before us took priority. Law and Grace can never be mixed because the letter kills but His Spirit gives life. Many services I left with the life drained out of me. I am no longer a member of the UPC church that I was raised in and the break from it was very painful but necessary. With time, I have come to realize that I knew a religion but I didn’t really know Jesus. I see Grace and the Cross like I never have before. I use to be fretful and fearful until I found that perfect love….Jesus! Perfect love casts out all fear. I am no longer a slave to fear because each day I rest in His perfect love. It actually happened gradually. One day my husband and I were riding in his truck and he told me that he noticed I no longer seemed to fear and fret over things like I use to. I felt a peace flood me as realization hit me that those chains of fear had been broken. It wasn’t even something I prayed for. It just came naturally once I put my trust in Jesus and his Grace to carry me each and every day. Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus and not a religion! Thanks again!