What it’s like to leave | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Leaving a church affects us all differently. Some words I’ve used and heard used to describe leaving are: frightening, overwhelming, scary, freeing, confusing, sad, hopeful, and happy. The mix of emotions can be overwhelming, and on top of that there is a struggle to learn what is really OK and what isn’t, what the Bible really says about things (or whether to believe the Bible at all), who we are without the group, how to handle questions or reactions from others, where to go to church or if to go at all, and so forth.

At the same time, we often deal with guilt and shame–and anger at both of these or the reasons for them. We may feel guilty for leaving friends or family in the group, for leaving the group ourselves, and for doing things differently than we were taught. We may feel shame that we believed some of the things we did as well as shame for not believing the same things we once did.

One of the best visuals I’ve ever seen for leaving is from Tangled:

She’s conflicted. She’s thrilled to have left, but she’s worried about what her mother would think and how upset she would be. She’s scared (though that doesn’t show in this clip). She’s excited, but she’s sad too.

When I left, I was relieved, but I was also scared. I told myself I wasn’t leaving THE Truth, just that church. I tried not to question, but the questions were there… and for good reason. I was angry at what had happened and at myself for not having left a bad situation sooner. It would take time before I was comfortable with leaving… (to be continued)

Note from Lois: The first person to comment in reply to this blog and requests it, will receive a used Blu-Ray copy of Tangled.

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Author: Through Grace

I was raised in a somewhat unhealthy church group within the Nondenominational Christian Church. After graduating high school, I began attending a United Pentecostal Church (UPC). I've been a member of four UPC churches and visited many others. Of the four of which I was a member, I was "encouraged" not to leave the first and then later sent to the second; attended the second where an usher repeatedly attempted to touch me and the pastor told me I should not care about the standards of the organization and was wrong to do so; ran to a third at that point, which threw me out after a couple years; and walked out of a fourth. For these transfers and because I refused to gossip about my former churches, some called me a "wandering star, a cloud without water" (Jude 1:12). I love the fact that when the blind man was healed, questioned by the Pharisees and temple rulers, and expelled from the temple, Jesus went and sought him out. He very rarely did this once someone was healed, but for this man, he did. I believe God has a special place in his heart for those who are abused, wrongfully accused, or condemned by religious leadership. I believe He loves those who are wronged by churchianity--yes, churchianity, not Christianity, because those who do these wrongs follow a church, not Christ. 1 John 4:7-8 7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. View all posts by Through Grace

3 thoughts on “What it’s like to leave”

Lori Felzien says:

July 16, 2017 at 2:51 pm

Awesome post!! Thank you!!!
Julie Ellis says:

July 20, 2017 at 2:50 am

Thank you for this post! Having gone through a terrible situation at our former church, I have gone through all kinds of emotions…. P.S. would love a copy of Tangled! 😉
1. Lois says:
  
  July 20, 2017 at 12:31 pm
  
  Check your email, Julie. 🙂

Comments are closed.