Why I still want to go to church

church pews

Yeah, church is a mess. There are things that I simply can’t deal with and things that turn my stomach about church. I don’t think American concepts of church are biblical, and I think in many cases they go against what was established in the New Testament. Church today is a lot more like synagogues in the Old Testament than anything–many tend to be Pharisaical, hypocritical, and full of useless traditions and rules that place burdens on those it is meant to serve. Church too often ignores the hurting and wounded, the poor, orphans and widows. They build doctrines that are inaccurate and unbiblical and ignore the beautiful simplicity that Jesus established. They argue, dividing over the smallest things.

Why would I want to be a part of that?

  1. Participating in church is the easiest way to connect with other believers in a face to face setting.
  2. It can be a good place to learn or discuss or at least consider other ways of viewing Bible passages.
  3. It is part of my faith tradition–it is something that I’ve participated in for a very long time, and I sometimes find comfort in and sometimes simply long for some of the traditions there.

It’s not a very long list.

For months I visited churches. Finally I found a decent one where I could grow. There were good things to learn and I had begun to see the Bible as safe for the first time in a long time. I even began to pray. There was always a feeling that there was a glass between me and them, that I was fully visible and could fully see them but couldn’t touch them… like they held me at arm’s length, but the other was enough.

And then the safety was gone. The sermon was wrong, the scriptures were wrong, there was no safety and only the bad memories. Where they had always been so careful to tread lightly on scriptures that might be triggering, they suddenly were the opposite. I have no idea why, and I’m tired of asking. I want the feeling of safety back, but not if it’s just a facade–it must be a truly safe place, not just a place that feels safe for a bit until it’s true nature is revealed.

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Author: Through Grace

I was raised in a somewhat unhealthy church group within the Nondenominational Christian Church. After graduating high school, I began attending a United Pentecostal Church (UPC). I've been a member of four UPC churches and visited many others. Of the four of which I was a member, I was "encouraged" not to leave the first and then later sent to the second; attended the second where an usher repeatedly attempted to touch me and the pastor told me I should not care about the standards of the organization and was wrong to do so; ran to a third at that point, which threw me out after a couple years; and walked out of a fourth. For these transfers and because I refused to gossip about my former churches, some called me a "wandering star, a cloud without water" (Jude 1:12). I love the fact that when the blind man was healed, questioned by the Pharisees and temple rulers, and expelled from the temple, Jesus went and sought him out. He very rarely did this once someone was healed, but for this man, he did. I believe God has a special place in his heart for those who are abused, wrongfully accused, or condemned by religious leadership. I believe He loves those who are wronged by churchianity--yes, churchianity, not Christianity, because those who do these wrongs follow a church, not Christ. 1 John 4:7-8 7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.

One thought on “Why I still want to go to church”

  1. What changed? Why did they preach twisted scripture? That’s what bothers me how ministry forget the are to serve the people not add more burdens. And they are not suppose to add or take away from scripture or the gospel.

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