You Might be a Controlling Church/Pastor if…

Adapted from an article by V David Weiss, LPC.

The original article regarded how to know if you were being a controlling spouse.

You Might be a Controlling Church/Pastor if…

… you’ve ever told your members what to wear or how to look because you like certain styles.
… you don’t disclose how offerings are spent.
… you’ve ever said anything similar to “My church, my rules.”
… you believe that arguments are either won or lost and you hate to lose.
… you often have to raise your voice to get your point across.
… your members have to ask your permission before making major decisions.
… you often yell at members for not doing what you want.
… you check up on your members’ personal lives.
… you criticize the way members parent their children.
… you deny being controlling although others often tell you that you are.
… you get angry at members for not following your advice.
… you’ve ever gotten angry at members for visiting other churches.
… you need to know members’ whereabouts at all times.
… you’ve ever checked up on members to confirm that they were where they said they would be or were doing what you think they should.
… you make it difficult for members to have friends or visit family who aren’t a part of your church.
… you’ve ever told members that they need to be more submissive.
… you’ve ever blamed members for mistakes that you made.
… you insist on including “obey” in wedding vows.
… you rarely feel the need to say “I’m sorry” to members.
… you’ve ever withheld affection, attention, or services as punishment.
… you’ve ever denied that a member told you something when you knew that she did.
… you’ve ever said that you were “just joking” after insulting or ridiculing someone.
… you often criticize those who aren’t members… or aren’t your favorite members.
… you’ve ever told members to do something because it was for their own good.
… you often find fault with any decision that a member makes without your input.
… you’ve ever convinced members that they were wrong, knowing that they were right.
… you feel you can do things better than anyone else in the church.
… someone handed this list to you and said, “You need to read this.”

~Taken from David Weiss’s website. [2023 Edit: Website no longer available, so link was removed.]

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