What Do We Do Now?

I’ve struggled with this question. Evangelical Christianity on the whole is really messed up. But I’ve been to other types of churches… and found they’re pretty messed up, too, though in different ways. Many feel they alone have some special understanding of God or the Bible. Most are cautious around outsiders and unwilling to do anything that helps a visitor navigate their traditions, services, or hierarchy. And there’s only so far I can go in venturing away from the Evangelical, near Fundamentalist religious traditions I’ve known without being left with more confusion and frustration than faith.

You see, I can accept christening. But seeing a 15 year old having water poured on his head, that water making a large splat as it hits the floor… I sit wondering why, and there’s no one to explain. I find it funny, and know others will find my laughter sacrilegious. And I find it completely odd and unmeaningful. I might as well be sitting in a service conducted in Japanese… but at least then I might recognize some of the movements and motions. In that service I found nothing to connect to.

Similarly, I can find some joy in some creeds. But most of them were so adamantly taught against that I’m leery of them. I say them while hearing echoes of warning against the worldly Council of Nicea. There is no church history or tradition to connect me there, either.

The structures of church government are also confusing. Who should I go to if I have questions? The pastor or priest? Or is there a woman that the single women should go to? A lay person who has been designated? I don’t know. And no one tells me. The social club called ‘church’ doesn’t give people any documentation to tell them what to do or who to ask or what is acceptable… they all know but they don’t tell. It reminds me of a bad clique.

So what should I do? There’s a church I’ve been going to. I don’t like everything about it. I think their theology is way off. They’re too pushy with some things. I’m fairly certain they think I’ll burst into flames if I sing along to “Holy, Holy, Holy”… they know what I left. They have a definite “place” for women, and it’s not a place I can fit into very well. But I enjoy the preaching, which doesn’t tend to hit on those things. I don’t think I’ll find fellowship there. I don’t believe anyone will go out of their way to include me or even accept me. But it’s been a place with a bit of healing so far, and that was very needed.

Where will I go from here? Like so many other questions I have, there are no answers. Maybe the questions are enough.

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Author: Through Grace

I was raised in a somewhat unhealthy church group within the Nondenominational Christian Church. After graduating high school, I began attending a United Pentecostal Church (UPC). I've been a member of four UPC churches and visited many others. Of the four of which I was a member, I was "encouraged" not to leave the first and then later sent to the second; attended the second where an usher repeatedly attempted to touch me and the pastor told me I should not care about the standards of the organization and was wrong to do so; ran to a third at that point, which threw me out after a couple years; and walked out of a fourth. For these transfers and because I refused to gossip about my former churches, some called me a "wandering star, a cloud without water" (Jude 1:12). I love the fact that when the blind man was healed, questioned by the Pharisees and temple rulers, and expelled from the temple, Jesus went and sought him out. He very rarely did this once someone was healed, but for this man, he did. I believe God has a special place in his heart for those who are abused, wrongfully accused, or condemned by religious leadership. I believe He loves those who are wronged by churchianity--yes, churchianity, not Christianity, because those who do these wrongs follow a church, not Christ. 1 John 4:7-8 7 Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 9 In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 10 Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.

One thought on “What Do We Do Now?”

  1. I say when all else fails, make a B-line to the cross. Run to Jesus. Read His words and find a church that lines up those words. Ask, is this ministry about them or is it about Him and those who they should be loving in to serve Him as well.

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