Month: October 2016 | Page 10 | Spiritual Abuse Blogs

Where do I go from here?

I don’t ever want to go back to where I was, but I’m not sure how to go forward either. It seems that I’m stuck between worlds, sometimes… not fitting in with groups that are talking about the latest movies, fads, and music, yet not having any desire to go back to the group that I’ve left. And not fitting anywhere else either.

I’m not angry, and I refuse to be angry, at a group at large. Individuals, yes, and even churches that allow abuse. But not an organization as a whole. It seems like a lot of people go hunting a battle to fight. Enough battles have found me; I don’t need to go looking for any.

There are some good people in United Pentecostal and Oneness churches. There are some good teachings. There are also some bad people that manipulate others and encourage the kinds of preaching and teaching that hurt others. But the ones who hurt me repeatedly labelled me as “one of those kind” and I will not do the same to them, as a whole. It’s hard not to, sometimes. But I never want to become like the ones I left because I don’t want to repay hurt for hurt or wound for wound. I don’t want to retaliate, I want to heal.

Most people who read that won’t really understand what I’m saying. But I’m glad for those who do. I get tired of hearing negative talk about others. That kind of talk wears me down, it wears me out. But there are so much better things to talk about and to experience.

I have good memories of the last 20 years. They weren’t wasted years; they were learning years. I don’t want them back, but I won’t throw them away, either.

So sometimes I feel like I’m in limbo… and I ask, ‘Where do I go from here?’

Someone from my former church called me tonight. She started asking how I was and where I was going to church and what I would do in the future. The answer is simply, “I don’t know.” Not back. Not back to the UPC or any Pentecostal church. But at the same time, I’m not sure where, yet. At work, I’ve jokingly told employees that the company doesn’t state all the job requirements up front… and then asked if they have a crystal ball and a 28 hour day. Sometimes I need those things, myself. God is the only one who knows the future. I don’t know where I go from here… just that I’m going forward.

Book Giveaway #7

We have given away books for years as part of the spiritualabuse.org ministry and this will be our seventh one via this new blog area. This is your chance to receive one or more free books on various issues.

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of books at no charge to them. (Unfortunately, it is cost prohibitive to mail these books outside of the USA. Canadians with a USA mailing address are welcome to request books.) To respond, just leave a comment for this post. If you are unsure what any book is about, the links will take you to Amazon where you may read their description and reviews.

Up for grabs are several used books and DVDs:

~~One paperback copy of Letters From A Skeptic by Gregory and Edward Boyd~~. TAKEN
One paperback copy of Cruden’s Complete Concordance.
Three paperback copies of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. One copy has numerous pencil markings and another has some highlighting, but both are still very readable.
One paperback copy of Love Is A Choice: Recovery for Codependent Relationships by Hemfelt, Minirth & Meier. Has some underlining.
One hardback copy of How People Grow by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. It has a little highlighting.
One paperback copy of Safe People by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.
Two hardback copies of Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. One has a little highlighting.
One hardback copy of Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman.
Two hardback copies of When God Doesn’t Make Sense by James Dobson.
~~One paperback copy of Wounded Warrior, Wounded Home (PTSD) by Marshele Waddell (signed)~~. TAKEN
One paperback copy of Named By God by Kasey Van Norman.
~~One hardback copy of Nave’s Topical Bible~~. TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of Total Recovery (chronic pain & depression)by Gary Kaplan~~. TAKEN
One hardback copy of Boundaries With Teens by John Townsend.
One hardback copy of Boundaries With Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.
Three paperback copies of Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen.
~~One paperback copy of The Unauthorized Guide to Choosing a Church by Carmen Berry~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Released From Shame by Sandra Wilson~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Captured by Grace by David Jeremiah.~~ TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Grace: More Than We Deserve by Max Lucado~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Understanding and Applying the Bible by J. Robertson McQuilkin~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Simple Faith by Charles Swindoll~~. TAKEN
~~One paperback copy of Redeeming Our Treasures: Finding Joy in the Shadows of an Abusive Past by Linda Settles~~. (This is an uncorrected proof & has writing.) TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of When Forgiveness Doesn’t Make Sense by Robert Jeffress~~. TAKEN
One hardback copy of Laugh Again by Charles Swindoll.
One DVD of Holy Bible KJV Complete by Alexander Scourby.
One CD MP3 NIV Audio New Testament Dramatized by Faith Comes By Hearing.
One DVD The Story of Two Kings (plus two on the Bible) by Day of Discovery.
~~One DVD Boundaries With Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend~~. TAKEN
~~One hardback copy of Soul Survivors: A New Beginning for Adults Abused As Children by J. Patrick Gannon~~. TAKEN

The first people with a USA mailing address who respond will receive their choice of book(s) at no charge to them. To respond, just leave a comment for this post. Please understand that comments require approval unless you have previously commented. So while it may look like you are first or second, etc. there may be someone ahead of you whose comment is pending. Be sure to use your actual email address when setting up to comment as I will be contacting you through it. Check your spam folder as email sometimes goes there. (For your privacy, do not put the email or address in your actual comment.)

Be sure to mention in your comment which book(s) you would like and you may refer to them by number. There is no limit on how many you may request, though you may only have one copy of any title.

Pastors- Secure Your Continual Leadership

I had to pass this along after coming across it. I shook my head in disbelief upon seeing it. There is a ministry to help pastors “secure your continual leadership role within the local church with Apostolic By-Laws.” You read it right. It takes away all voting rights of members and puts the pastor in complete control. This is biblical, so it is proclaimed. It was ummm…. enlightening skimming the site.

This so-called Apostle’s church affiliation, is some prophetic type of Pentecostalism and he held license with the AOG. The wife, Balinda Deitz, is a so-called prophetess. Steve Deitz will help churches write or re-write their by-laws to make the church a ‘theocracy’ and give the pastor full power- all for a cost of just under $1300 for the full kit. [2023 update: The full kit price has jumped to $1995.] I believe for an additional cost, you can have this self-proclaimed Apostle and his other ministry be the church or pastor’s ‘covering.’ Just what unhealthy churches need- a way to ensure a pastor holds full power and control.

I also found basically the same site, without the apostle and prophetess titles at churchby-laws.com. [2023 note: That website is no longer in operation.] I don’t think by the use of ‘apostolic’ that they mean what Oneness organizations such as the United Pentecostal Church mean.

The link where this by-law kit is found is https://www.apostolicbylaws.com/home. But beware- they do threaten to sue and charge you attorney’s fees should you do a charge-back on your credit card after purchasing. [See here for the archived version where this was noted as it has since been removed from the page.] Oh, and deposits are non-refundable.

Foundations, again

I wrote about foundations once before, but I keep thinking about them lately. What is your foundation? Is it doctrine or Jesus… or self?

I thought for a long time that my foundation was Jesus. I went to church several times a week. Taught Sunday School, was in the choir, was active in the youth group… I volunteered for a lot of things around church and was there almost every time the doors were open. I was a Christian, and even better I was an Apostolic. And I loved Jesus, or I wouldn’t have been doing all that, right? I was praised by the pastor for my involvement and my dedication, and was even known by district officials. But where was Jesus in all of that, really? I was involved in those things because I enjoyed them and was praised for them. I wasn’t dedicated to God, I was dedicated to church… and church became my god. But it wasn’t God.

I feel like since leaving my whole foundation has changed, but I think it was just buried under so much wood, hay, and stubble of activities and self that I didn’t recognize it when all the junk I’d put on it was gone. Jesus is our foundation. And my foundation has stayed sure. But it isn’t the foundation I thought it was. It’s way better than that.

Substituting Church For Jesus: Where Is Your Identity Found?

Have you substituted church for Jesus? Are you so caught up in church activities that you have forgotten what being a Christian is about?

Many times these things happen to those who have become involved in unhealthy churches. They may start off well, but slowly lose their focus. Where are you today? Has your life become all about church and programs and pleasing the pastor/leadership?

I remember how it was different for me in the beginning of my time in the United Pentecostal Church. I remember feeling good and soaking things in and having a joy. I started my walk with God before I ever set foot in one of their churches. I had started to read the Bible at home and repented, saw my need to be water baptized, and that is how I started my time in that organization.

After awhile things changed. My main focus, which should have been on Jesus, changed. It became about church, the multiple activities there, the fellowship there, in doing things for the church, etc. It didn’t happen overnight and I didn’t notice that a shift was taking place. There were all the regular services (three a week), prayer meetings, the Ladies Auxiliary meetings, other committee meetings, making crafts or baking goods to sell for fundraisers, time spent on other fundraisers, door knocking, eating out after services, cleaning the church, doing things to help the pastor….the list is long.

I don’t believe there are too many who go this route, knowing what is happening, and charge ahead anyway. It is a slow process and often while we are yet involved, we don’t realize what is happening to our focus.

I came to view doing things for the church as doing things for the Lord. But that wasn’t always how it actually was. Life now revolved around church, not Church (there is a difference). Not necessarily God, but the building and all that went on inside and with special services elsewhere. You got so busy doing and going, that your life revolved around it all.

This thought made me think about all the writings (as well as sermons) I have seen and heard through the years, where people speak of Pentecost. It is Pentecost this and Pentecost that. Pentecost birthed them. I know this happens in other denominations. It becomes about the group to which one is joined. Jesus is still mentioned, but the focus turns to other things, like your Apostolic Identity, for instance. As believers, our identity is to lie in Jesus Christ, and in Him alone- not in Pentecostalism, Methodism, Lutheranism or anything else.