I know that some people from my former church would misunderstand some of what I’ve written. Please at least read this entry, if you ever think you’ve found me here.
For everyone else who might read, if you find yourself in a good place, be thankful. If you have been hurt, there is a place you can find strength and healing. You are not alone.
It grieves me that people from my former church would think I ‘backslid.’ There is nothing in my past to go back to, so in leaving, I can’t have ‘backslid.’ It disturbs me that you (former church family) can’t know what happened that required me to leave, but if I were to tell you I would quite possibly hurt you. That isn’t my intent, so I’ve chosen not to discuss what happened.
If anyone from my former church reads these and knows who I am, please understand, I don’t want to put any doubts in your minds. These blogs are to help put faith back in my mind, not to put doubt in yours. So if any of you from my former church are reading, please understand that I love you and I love God. I didn’t want to leave your church, but I didn’t have another option that would allow me to keep my integrity.
I wrote a farewell letter but never sent it to some of my closest friends in church. If any of you happen to read this and think you know who I am, please read it and consider what I’ve said:
There isn’t an easy way to say this, but I have to say goodbye. I’ve wept to consider leaving good people like you. I wanted to say goodbye personally, but doing that could cause conflict for you. I can’t say why I’m leaving, but please understand- I didn’t feel there was any other choice.
Your kindness, thoughtfulness, smiles, and encouragement have meant a lot to me. Thank you. I’ve been told several times that my only reasons for staying were carnal ones. That’s not true. I stayed here because of my faith in God, and because of a few good friends like you. Just because I stop coming to a certain building doesn’t mean the end of our friendship in my eyes.
Please understand that whether we can talk and visit or not, I am grateful for the good memories we share. I know leaving will cause you conflict and heartache- I know, because it has caused me conflict and heartache too. I wish I could have stayed, but I want you to know that my line and door are always open. I still consider you friends, I will always remember you with love.
~Mary
